THE TOP 100! ...again...?

Ok, it's been almost five years - time for me to reassess every movie I've ever seen and decide which ones I like the most, and then bravely share it to The Internet. 

Back in the 90s, this list would only exist on a physical piece of paper, and I'd only ever show it to anyone who'd ask to see it. People rarely did (mostly because I didn't really advertise it), but that just resulted in a wholly honest list; I wasn't trying to impress anyone with my choices, nor was I courting controversy with any supposed "provocative" titles. It was just the stuff I liked, and I think I can say with a confident pride that every iteration of this list has only ever been that - despite the sobering experiences of stuff like Film School and Social Media. But, as I point out whenever I make my opinions public, any "pushback" I've ever received regarding my taste has invariably forced me into thinking more critically about why I like the things I like -- thereby sharpening my defenses against potential haters, but also providing me the opportunity to only fall more deeply in love with some of these films. 

This current list is certainly no exception to any of these regulations or hesitations. Very little change has occurred since the last one, but there are definitely some inclusions that would appear "questionable" or even downright antagonistic to someone who doesn't know me or this site. To the rest of you beautiful and enlightened readers, this will be business as usual.

I'm not sure how much I learned from this revision, but it is becoming apparent that my Top 50 is becoming less malleable over the years. Sad that nothing new (from the present or the past) has swooped in and dramatically shuffled the deck, but also comforting to have a reliable lineup of movies that so specifically and accurately represent my individuality and belief in personal freedom. But beyond the dependable "comfort" of longtime favorites, there's always a handful of exciting obscurities that have a freshness that's more exciting than some stale dependables that I know well enough that I can just watch them in my head. One consistent criterion I keep for these lists is "What am I excited to watch right now?" Today, these check that box.

- Paul

Full list on Letterboxd

Summer Starter Pack 2026

 

It might be brash to make any big (or even medium sized) plans for the season, given our time-consuming, spirit-crushing employment status. But if we do get a chance to come up for air, we don't wanna waste a second on trying to decide what to do -- when leisure strikes, you gotta be ready (which is why the Starter Pack exists in the first place).

For the newbies, let's do the damn preamble: at the beginning of each Summer we compile a list of stuff we wanna do/eat/experience over the course of the next couple months. Some are big commitments, some might kill an afternoon. Some might be forgettable endeavors, some might forever define The Summer of '26 in our memory. Ultimately the reason we share it with you is that we hope you'll join in - either with the same activities or with your own agenda. Whatever you choose to do, just remember: if it takes longer than 15 minutes it counts as a break, so be sure to punch out. 

- Paul

The Sensual World of Black Emanuelle

This year's Starter Pack is all about "chill", though this could be a little more on the stimulating side. Back in 2023 Severin released a 24 film box set of the "Black Emanuelle" sub-sub-subgenre of movies, and I've just been sleeping on it, keeping it warm, waiting for it to hatch. If I was to embark on a two dozen Eurosex movie marathon, the circumstances had to be just right. 

I'd always been aware of a Black Emanuelle "spinoff" (bold quotation marks) but I had no idea of the expanse of this very specific franchise, as well as the talents involved; Joe D'Amato is behind the camera much of the time, and the set also comes with some soundtrack compilation CDs, featuring my boy Nico Zombie Holocaust Fidenco(!). It will no doubt be a strange, erotic journey. 

And then, all at once, there's Maude!

Most Summers we try to pick some old show (either contained in a flimsy box of discs or streaming somewhere for some finite amount of time) and try to stick to it -- binge it over the course of the season. Sometimes that works, sometimes that falls apart after one or two episodes - usually due entirely to an oversaturated market of content. But these? These leave us nowhere else to go...

Found at a sorta indoor flea market / consignment warehouse, mixed in with all the usual One True Things and Air Force Ones was a taped-offa-TV VHS of episodes of the 1970s sitcom Maude. After some more digging there was another. Then another. Clearly these were all meticulously recorded by some mega Maude fan, and since I can't imagine anyone with this much dedication just selling these cassettes off to strangers, I can only fear the worst. I only bought them in the hopes of seeing some old commercials, but now I have a quest to carry on this anonymous person's fandom (at least for the duration of my down time this Summer). 

Cinema Sewer

If I've never made it obvious, I'll plainly state that I've never been huge into comic books. I used to collect them for the art and the ads contained within, but the writing and the stories didn't interest me. But when you add the modifier of "Underground" to "Comic Books" then you might have something. Case in point: Robin Bougie's Cinema Sewer, "The Only Guide to History's Sickest and Sexiest Movies".

Published from 1997 to 2021, the comics were nearly entirely Film Theory and Film Criticism, with topics ranging from "The Best of Cannon Films", to a retrospective on Lisa De Leeuw, to a rundown of "Best Parking Garage Scenes", to the merits of Fart Porn. It's filthy, it's funny, it's sincere, and it's completely compatible to Bennett Media's interests and standards. FAB Press has compiled the best bits of every issue and consolidated them into 8 dense volumes of grimy musings and dirty drawings; I'm currently somewhere in the midst of Volume 3, and given the weight of every single page, it definitely qualifies as a voyage. 

Relaxo Music

Work can be stressful. So can cars, bills, health, relationships, identity theft, the gathering darkness, etc. Point is, it doesn't all stop for sunny weather, and a lotta the time we may be too tired, or too bitchy, or even too frightened to rock 'n roll all night -- most of the time it's important for us to keep calm, so that we may indeed carry on. One way to do that would be to have no auditory distractions at all, but that goes against our celebratory instincts (and also could come across as ominous). No, we need something cheerful, soothing, optimistic, comforting, and maybe even a little flirty. Luckily, Smooth Electronic Jazz from the 1990s checks all of these boxes. 

Most years we'll commit to an album or band or even a genre to be the soundtrack of That Summer, and most years we stray from that commitment. Not This Year. Honestly I turn to this music often, particularly when I need a gentle reminder that everything will be alright if I allow it to be. I've dug around for years trying to amass my own curated collection of this very specific vibe, and for those of you wanting to play along, go out and obtain (or at least sample) the works of Davol, Trammell Starks, and especially Fowler & Branca. I'm pretty sure all of them contributed to the sounds of The Weather Channel (if that gives you some frame of reference) but these moody melodies inspire a lot of imagery: a desert road trip, a short lived sitcom, a romantic daydream, a quiet neighborhood, a childhood memory -- just an abstract nostalgia for idealized visions of life. It's addictive. 

Bennett Media's SUMMER JOB

You want a piece of my heart?

You better start from the start

You wanna be in the show?

Come on baby, let's go!

Hey, guess what? Grades are up and it looks like you passed! That means no Summer School for you... But don't think for a second that you're just gonna lie around here for the next three months, playing Battletoads and watching One Life to Live. You are gonna get out there and earn your keep, because these videotapes and Doritos aren't gonna pay for themselves!

Settle in, slackers, because we're gettin' up at the buttcrack of dawn for Bennett Media's SUMMER JOB - an entire season of slingin' hash and earnin' cash to pay for all this rad shit. And if you think that sounds like a boring theme for the best part of the year, that's because it is. Seriously, we're swamped with various chores, tasks, undertakings, responsibilities, and (don't laugh) duties. (Okay, you can laugh.) All that means is we can't fully commit to a proper motif here on the site, and could also mean a more scattered output. But just because we're a slave to the grind doesn't mean we won't be sweatin' to the oldies every chance we get. I mean we gotta be in bed by 9, but we'll be sure to take extra special advantage of every I-don't-have-to-run-day we get.

 

 

EASTER TREATS!

Cutting it kinda close this year - we've been busy with projects and things leaving us nary a second to celebrate the resurrection. Honestly though, it's during the times when you need to force it in that make it matter most; rainbow eggs and Spring things are happening all around us and if we don't make a special point to stop and touch grass (and eat chocolate) then we might as well be dead when the rain comes. Here are 5 fun holiday snacks to aid us in observing rejuvenation, rebirth, and all that crap. 

- Paul

Reese's Tie-Dye Eggs

I typically wouldn't reach for something so middle-of-the-road; if I'm taking a chance on Reese's they'd better be offering a lot more than chocolate and peanut butter. But it's definitely typical of me to buy something just for the wrapping, which is what I've done here; if you've got an adequate candy dish then something like this double duties as sustenance as well as style. Though frankly I'm a little disappointed: for some reason I thought the foil would be more shimmery or glittery, or at the very least shiny, but really it's more of a matte finish (which is literally another word for "dull"). Whatever, they're colored eggs made of sugar, let's rejoice. 

Jif Peanut Butter Filled Eggs

Very recently, the grandson of the founder of Reese's has claimed that Hershey's no longer uses actual peanut butter in their products. I'm sure that's not surprising; when you try a Reese's right alongside one of these bad boys it presents a startling reminder of what peanut butter is actually supposed to be. Wrapped in a mercifully thin shell of Frankford chocolate, they're rich and they're big - there are only six individually wrapped eggs in here, but each one is a small meal, and each one is like staring into the eyes of a true champion. 

Rice Krispies Treats Chocolate Bunny

I don't know the real name of this but the graphics tell the story well enough. I was mostly anticipating a general Krackel or Crunch Bar experience, which it sorta is but not really; it's mostly solid (Frankford) chocolate through & through with an occasional Krispie here and there, so it's not exactly a textural adventure, but the flavor is a miracle of modern science - the chocolate itself tastes like Rice Krispie Treats. At least once during these roundups I have to ask: How'd they do that?

Albanese Cottontail Gummies

These are those non translucent gummies that don't look like little jewels, but instead look like little toys. The flavors are incredibly potent, though a little odd: Blue Raspberry, Grape, Mango, Pineapple, and Orange (for your tropical Easter Festivities). Though not as odd as the shapes: a carrot, a bunny head, and what I finally determined to be a "cottontail", which in reality is just a rabbit's hindquarters. Does this seem kinda suggestive to anyone else, or am I just weird? 

Colonel's Favorite Jellybeans

While it's usually exciting to ask "How'd they do that?" it's never really fun to ask "Why'd they do that?". Every year I try to throw in at least one misfit treat (usually from the Peeps family) and once I saw the Colonel's smug face I didn't put in any extra thought regarding the future I was facing (I shoulda went with the Peeps). The second the bag was punctured the smell permeated my personal space and it filled me with sadness and fear. The "Sweet Corn" flavor was almost tolerable, but that required a lot of lying to myself. Next was the "Gravy" one that cornered me into thinking about more pleasant things to distract me from the horror. I chewed the "Fried Chicken" jellybean and then spit it out, back into the bag with the rest of the wrongdoings. I know "gross jellybeans" are a thing and I try not to be dramatic about these products, but these just about obliterated the fun "haha" novelty of their existence and nearly put me off Kentucky Fried Chicken for life. At least I now have a sense of the agony on the cross (perhaps that was the point). 

February is PTA Month!

Ready to Go Go Go?! Our boy has been at the forefront of entertainment news and social media squabbling ever since his most recent movie has generated the most raves (and revenue) of his career. Now with the awards buzz mounting into actual awards, we're seriously wondering, "Could this be his year?" It also raises other questions like "Where does One Battle rank amongst our favorites?" and "Which of his movies have gained or lost supremacy with us over time?". Obviously the best way to drill these areas is by revisiting the features, the shorts, the features that inspired the features, and maybe even the music videos too, and finding fun ways to share the experience with you here on the site. Cash to tokens, Pynchon to pudding, join us as we celebrate the ranks of the freaks in need of salvation (and a few small beers). Here we go.

How BENNETT MEDIA Stole Christmas!

The citizens of Bennett Land and all those who took part

Knew what Christmas truly meant deep down in their heart

It wasn't a wish or a dream or tidings of good cheer

It wasn't the warm embrace of loved ones most dear

It wasn't a kiss under the mistletoe whenever you're near it

It was not the kindness of giving or a generous spirit

The joy of Christmas isn't magical, mysterious, or abstract

Oh, no, the best parts of Christmas are the parts that come wrapped

iPhones! And gift cards to Amazon Prime!

A BB gun with a compass and this thing which tells time!

Blu-rays! And Fleshlights with extra strong grip!

A yearlong enrollment in a jelly membership!

Presents and colas and tangible things!

Everything from the store, plus whatever Santa brings!

Maybe Christmas, we thought, should not be such a sentimental snore

Maybe Christmas this year, we thought, could be a whole lot more

7Roulette :: October 2025

When we're not binge watching seasons of scary shows, we're hunting for scary Made-For-TV features. (Obviously, in either case, it's just something to watch while we eat more junk!) And in our hunting and gathering we've decided to set aside 7 of these epics with modest budgets and limited commercial interruption. Some of these we're familiar with and pulled right off our own shelves, some we just stumbled upon, and some we had to really dig deep to find. It's been a minute since we've done one of these so here's a refresher: we're watching one movie a night starting October 19, and on October 20 we'll begin publishing our thoughts. Feel free to join in if you can or want to, but don't be late - these broadcasts are once-in-a-lifetime Television Events! Stay tuned!

• October 19th The Tommyknockers (1993)
• October 20th Cast a Deadly Spell (1991)
• October 21st Body Bags (1993)
• October 22nd Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes (1989)
• October 23rd The Midnight Hour (1985)
• October 24th Nightmare on the 13th Floor (1990)
• October 25th Full Eclipse (1993)

Bennett Media's FRIGHT TV

Lock the doors. Check the kids. Call the pizza dude. For the duration of the 2025 Scary Season we're hunkering down and digging in as we make the couch our home for Bennett Media's FRIGHT TV -- six weeks of the made-for-television terrors and creepy cable series that have long made this holiday period what it is. We'll obviously be binging all kindsa Tales and Limits and Files etc. as well as a buncha small screen features that carried their measly budgets to the summit of our imagination. Surely this will inspire us to discuss and critique as we do, and we implore you to join us in this theme and share your own pumpkin-spiced escapades - either here or on the socials. Now let's tear open some Twinkies and pull up Season 3 of Unsolved Mysteries, and if you hit "Skip Intro" then we'll make sure Robert Stack will be investigating the whereabouts of your dumb ass. 

 

Bennett Media's VIOLENT FANTASIES

The sun goes down. The night rolls in. Summer is on the horizon and it's time to act cool. This season it's all about danger and desire. Cold steel and hot pursuit. Crime scenes and sex scenes. Synth and sax. Neon pinks and baby blues. Angels with switchblades and outlaws with 8 balls. All cops are bad, all criminals are bad. Call it Vaporwave, call it Outrun, call it Retrofuturism - we call it Bennett Media's VIOLENT FANTASIES; three months of drug lords, cyborgs, and ladies of the night, set to electronic beats and keytar solos. It's this aesthetic that will inform most of our film/TV/music consumption for the duration, and hopefully inspire some suitable projects that keep with the vibe. Feel free to join in, but if you're in it for love, you ain't gonna get too far.  

Welcome Back to NIGHT FLIGHT

If there's one useful contribution the Millennial Generation can make to modern culture, it's relaying firsthand accounts of what life was like before The Internet. But not just "life" in a generalized way, but "growing up" - their youth was the last youth spent inside the bubble of the world immediately around them, and "word of mouth" meant literally that. The other thing about Millennials is that they won't ever shut up about this stuff, about "how it was", and I certainly don't wanna perpetuate that stereotype but I gotta give you some history for contextual reasons, so bear with me -- you definitely need to know about this.

 

 

Beginning in 1981 (alongside MTV) and lasting throughout the decade, the USA Network would turn into Night Flight at 11pm on Friday and Saturday nights; it wasn't exactly a 'show' but more in the way Nickelodeon turns into Nick at Nite. It was a four hour block of programming that consisted mostly of music videos - initially leaning mostly into Punk and Hardcore but eventually panning out into mainstream stuff. Additionally they would air documentaries, public domain movies, Science Fiction serials, and experimental short films. If MTV was a glossy coffee table book, Night Flight was a stapled-together fanzine; when the coolest stuff wasn't cool enough for you, they had the other thing. I'm sure you get the idea; there are a million documentaries detailing the same kinda record stores and movie theaters and pirate radio stations that were all someone's "key to discovering themselves" or whatever. The point is, I don't have to overexplain this because you're already aware of it or you've seen the ads or maybe you're already balls deep into it, but Night Flight is back, in streaming form - and guys, I'm here to tell you, this is the one. 

 

I became a subscriber during the Fall of 2024 after probably years of seeing ads for it on social media - ads that I would eventually begin to seek out when they didn't pop up on their own because they were that good. And then they dropped some sale that made it like $30 and change to get the channel for a year - which is typically the kinda stuff I don't gamble on but based on what I'd seen so far I figured I could get some use out of it. But alas, it was no fluke - I'm almost happy I didn't learn too much about it before I pulled the trigger because the surprise packed that much of a punch. But I intend to ruin the surprise a bit for you because I've sat on this grenade long enough and I can no longer in good conscience keep it to myself. 

 

First of all, their entire library of what they aired in the 80s is viewable on demand - and I mean the entire program blocks, complete with 1980s commercials. (Reread it to believe it.) So, you could watch an hour-long special on The Thompson Twins broken up by ads for Ghostbusters and Juicy Fruit, followed by a stretch of all the "latest" Heavy Metal videos with 1-900 phone sex commercials in between, and then an uninterrupted experimental short that you've never heard of but now your mind is blown and you're filled with inspiration but now we've moved onto creepy cartoons from the 1930s followed by a Talking Heads marathon. 

 

Their backlog isn't infinite but at a glance it can appear that way, and setting yourself up on a diet of these old programs really allows you to immerse yourself in that era in a way that's comparable to time travel. For me, that's more than worth the price of admission, but that's not even the half of it because this isn't actually the 1980s, it's the Goddamn 21st Century and this isn't cable, it's streaming, and this isn't just Night Flight, it's Night Flight Plus. And what all of that means is that they have a vast library of "content" like any modern day streaming service, except that this content was made for you and me. 

 

There's an innumerable amount of music docs from every period and every genre, and you can sorta tell that's their bread & butter. But their other big push is "Cult and Horror" and for most other streamers that typically means Beetlejuice and The Conjuring Universe. But this, please, cannot be that. This is the real deal Holyfield, pulling from the libraries of Blue Underground, Arrow, Vinegar Syndrome, Severin, Grindhouse Releasing, Something Weird, Criterion, Synapse, and Scream Factory - enough that each of these boutique labels has their own playlist. And those are just the name brands; there's even weirder stuff from god-knows-where doing god-knows-what but given the quality of the company they keep you really can't go wrong. Or maybe you can! That's largely the point of this channel (for me at least): every streaming service allows room for discovery, but so rarely am I in the mood to commit to some Limited Series Event that's been trending for a whole 72 hours. I'm usually pretty up to speed with physical media and Night Flight is on that exact same wavelength, and so they continually make it possible for me to see things without having to dedicate my dwindling shelf space to a buncha 'blind buys' at $49 a pop. 

 

But in the age of doom scrolling it's still that much harder to discover. They've got that covered too: Night Flight has three 'live streams' going 24/7 - one for all their old music video stuff, another (predictably) for Cult & Horror Movies, and as of February 2025 a new third channel dedicated to "Independent & Art House". And it has been largely through this method that I have, in fact, discovered stuff that was new to me -- particularly on the music side: stuff I'd forgotten about along with stuff I've never heard of before. In either case it's been a long time since my old ass has gotten excited about a song, let alone a new (as is old) band. 

 

You'd think they were an official sponsor of Bennett Media the way I'm hawking it, but really I just wanted to express my excitement over the idea of "streaming apps" actually pulling their weight for once - though really it's just the fact that I found one that wasn't so damn boring, and I figured you'd wanna be a part of it. I mean don't take my word for it, you make your own choices, but while you hesitate you're missing the last 45 minutes of Supervixens, but if you hurry you can be here for the start of the Rifftrax version of Birdemic: Shock and Terror!

- Paul

EASTER TREATS!

It's that time of year again - time to sample the best and brightest junk food that retail outlets have to offer. Sure, I would say that's a year-round activity but Easter time always brings the booty in a prettier package, while also thriving in an ever-expanding diversity of options; Easter continues to be the most creative when it comes to experimental snacks. Whether good or gross it's never not fun and always puts me in the mind of Spring. 

- Paul

Dunkin' Refreshers Jelly Beans

It was no surprise they sidestepped the donut theme, though I'm mildly shocked that they also ignored the more-obvious coffee motif. Instead they went with their secret third thing: fruity iced beverages. Personally my only relationship to this drive-thru chain is literally dunking donuts so I have no frame of reference regarding "Refreshers" -- I can tell you the jelly beans are fantastic though! After the standalone Lemonade flavor the rest are crossbreeds: Peach Passion Fruit, Strawberry Dragonfruit, and Raspberry Watermelon. So if you take two at a time you're liable to get 3-4 flavors at once; I haven't determined my favorite combination yet but I'm having fun experimenting. 

Vanilla Kit Kat

Supposedly this came out last year but I've only just become aware of it -- packaging aside the concept feels kinda Springy and that's good enough for me. The reason it probably flew under my radar is because of its immediate visual similarity to the White Chocolate Kit Kats, but once you've tasted both of them... Honestly I can't tell the difference. To be fair I've not tried them side by side but either way I'm not mad - I like white chocolate, I like vanilla, just enjoy the ride. 

Red Bull Spring Edition Grapefruit & Blossom

One thing I don't particularly like is energy drinks -- I don't like the taste, I don't like the energy. But I'm always jealous because there's such a variety of names and flavors and colors that it feels like a shame to not explore, but ultimately I can't handle the inevitable jitters. So it is this very rare occasion that I've chosen to sample the devil's jet fuel - in its sleek lilac can with the word SPRING branded across it I was practically rendered helpless. And even though 'sugar-free' was the store's only option I still went for it, but I think that's what messed it up; the hint of grapefruit is there, but "blossom"? What is even that? Honestly the absence of sugar created a sense that I was consuming freshly picked flowers -- and I guess you can't get more Springtime than that so whatever.

Reese's Spring Sprinkles

I've enjoyed the volume with which they've fucked with Reese's - pretzels, potato chips, chocolate sauce, other Reese's products, sure throw it all in there, I'll try it. This "Sprinkles" one is definitely one of their least impressive outings - under a blob of chocolate and chalky peanut butter the addition barely adds any flavor, just upsetting little surprises of cement pebbles that make it impossible to regulate your chewing rhythms. I'm sure the colors are pretty, but again, they're buried in the cup so who can say? 

Peeps Rice Krispies Treats

Time for my annual tradition of buying a box of Peeps, trying one, and throwing the rest away. I suffer for my art. I'm also gonna go way out on a limb and say that one of the most identifiable (and appealing) parts of a Rice Krispie Treat is the mouthfeel. When I opened the package I immediately got the smell of the famous Kellogg's cereal squares (how'd they do that??) but the actual act of eating them is reminiscent of nothing other than some regular old Peeps. Granted they share the marshmallow component but without the label I would've never guessed that Rice Krispies were involved in this experience. I suppose I could keep the rest handy for the pleasing aroma. 

VALENTINE'S SNACKS!

Keeping with my attempt to make this February a little brighter than it's been in I-don't-know-how-long, I decided to go on a tasty trek of treats (say it out loud, it's fun). For a holiday that's firmly rooted in chocolate, Valentine's Day consistently offers some of the lamest novelty foods out of the whole year; sure they can make things strawberry-flavored and raspberry-flavored and heart-shaped, but they're not doing it hard enough, nor on a big enough scale. And it's such a pretty holiday too - I mean they all are, but living in a temperate zone during wintertime really makes those reds and pinks stand out, so mostly I just wanna see more of that. But instead I had to go a-roving for these snacks, and then further had to separate the treasure from the trash. Or so I'd hoped. 

- Paul

Lindt Raspberry Cheesecake Truffles

Lindt doesn't hop on a lotta holidays, but they're already kinda tailor-made to V-Day with their foil wrappers and creamy centers. And on that front, it certainly checks every box of eroticism - especially the implied flavor. I've had Lindt chocolates on these kindsa lists before and I haven't found a stark difference between any of them as yet - but honestly I don't think I've ever had actual cheesecake (I know, weird right?) so I'm not exactly equipped to compare. These are exceptionally heavy though so they'll probably last me 'till Halloween.

Haribo Berry Hearts

I've been on a wicked gummy kick lately - my body must be craving "modified corn starch" or something. I wasn't totally psyched that these were the "sugar-frosted" kinda gummies but that doesn't really get in the way too badly. There are three flavors: Strawberry, Wildberry (which just means even their tasters couldn't figure it the fuck out), and Blueberry(!). Not "Blue Raspberry" or "Malibu Punch" or some other sneaky side entrance to avoid the true blue flavor I'm always looking for: goddamn Blueberry. Do these taste like blueberries? No. Whatever, they still tried. 

Dunkin' Chocolates

Lemme just say, right off the bat, how proud I am of Dunkin' to not fold under the tremendous weight of the dumbass coffee culture they themselves helped to build, and instead took the route of the antiquated "donut". This is the company that literally dropped "Donuts" from their name, so rejoice in the absurdity! The three flavors are Boston Kreme, Red Velvet, and Brownie Batter, which are a perfectly appropriate boxed-chocolate variety, so they didn't exactly reinvent the wheel here. I don't know about tasting anything like donuts, but as chocolates they're ok. 

Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate Lava Cake Hearts

Candy ain't nothin' 'less it tastes like other sweets: donuts, cake, ice cream, candy corn, candy canes - these all somehow became flavors of things they are not. "Lava Cake" will always be exciting to me because that just means it's gonna have a gooey chocolate center, and boy howdy they sure do. But they're frustratingly small so it's a very conservative portion of goo - best to pound like four of them at once. 

Little Debbie Valentine Cakes

Look, I don't know what to tell you, I'm not a fan of Little Debbie's seasonal cakes. Actually I find most of her output to be dry and tasteless and her quality can't even get close to the likes of Drake's and Hostess. (Sorry, Deb, that vacant smile will only get you so far.) Mostly I was hoping these would at least be pretty to look at, but no, these grey blobs look how they taste. Whatever, my kid loves 'em (but his favorite foods are Club Crackers and skim milk so who're you gonna believe?). 

Froot Loops Sweethearts 

Valentine's Day cereal?! Oh you are big time!! Honestly there might be something like this every year and I'm just noticing now -- and how could I not? A big teal box of Froot Loops is enough to get anyone's attention (or maybe that's just me and I'm projecting), but then upon closer inspection I realize we're observing a holiday here (and a mostly marginalized one at that) with the "Spread Love Edition" (which sounds playfully dirty and comically sterile at the same time). And like anytime a brand changes a shape or color or package, it comes with a disclaimer similar to the one on this box: "Classic Froot Loops Flavor". Typically I'd make fun of such a square warning, but there was no chance in hell I would've bought these if I thought they tasted like the Sweethearts candy. It's like going to the movies in the 21st Century: "I want exactly what I'm used to but in a different box." Sold American! 

Now it's dark

We all see life, the world, the cosmos in our own unique way. It is perhaps possible that some have a better understanding of these things, of it all. So rare we get to meet such individuals. And if such people exist, imagine that they have the talent and desire to share these secrets with the rest of us, to illustrate what they see in a way that we can see. 

Why we love January!

Said no one ever. I legitimately wanted to make it a "5 reasons why..." if for no better reason than to force me into overanalyzing the circumstances and perhaps fool me into looking at the month in a different light. But there is no light - only darkness; 31 days full of foreboding, and empty of purpose. Not that I'm so malleable that I need calendar holidays to give me a sense of purpose, but after 3 solid months of festivities (5 if you start getting spooky in August), the bleak reminder of existential monotony is like a brick wall: back to school, back to life, keep runnin' up that hill. So alas, I could not think of a Top 5 -- I struggled to think of one that wasn't just some abstract optimism about how quickly the month seems to fly by and how we'll all "get through it" - that's no way to live. So instead we're left with some observational meanderings that may or may not be as pointless as January itself. 

Honestly I'm only ever waiting for Summer, and Autumn is packed with enough organized cheer to distract from the reality that it's over and not coming back for the longest possible time. Now it's Winter and there's nothing -- nothing but movies: cold, bleak movies that have no other affiliation apart from their seasonal setting. That's a lengthy and predictable list that I've published on Letterboxd - mostly Crime Dramas and Thrillers but all appropriately chilly, and like January itself they can last you all the way to Spring. There's also a weird mental list I keep of home videos I received as Christmas gifts over the years and now I just associate with Winter months; M*A*S*H, Lost in Translation, and Apocalypse Now Redux may not put many in a frigid frame of mind but I typically save a rewatch for around now. At any rate, the point is to stay home; avoid the elements and feed into that cabin fever - there are no more stores and the theaters are filled with the garbage that the studios couldn't wait to dump. Even society knows that nothing good can come from this flavorless popsicle. 

They make it so damn easy to take the pessimistic approach and admittedly I fall for it more often than not. Though to be fair a lotta bad luck floats my way during these winter months -- and frankly I wouldn't have it any other way; no one wants to go to a funeral in Summer or let some car trouble ruin their Halloween. If we're all pinned down in this purgatory, I say sweep the floor while we're here, it can't get any more tedious. And I could make the argument that that's an optimistic take: utilize this pointless period of time to wash your sins and clean your closet because you're not missing a damn thing. 

But I can go harder than that. Since this month offers no structured (or even causal) causes for celebration, a more confident person could approach this gloom as a glob of clay, ready to be molded into whatever they like. I don't know if it's a subconscious attitude to combat post-Christmas letdown, but I always welcome the refreshing freedom of not being shackled to the rigid rituals of some Holiday Season; "You mean I can watch any movie and listen to any music I want?" But perhaps therein lies the point of this month - this month that begins a new year; maybe the point is to shed the routines and the comforts of familiarity. Maybe, once in a while, we should break free from our roots and create new experiences, new memories, new traditions, new nostalgia. So while there's nothing else going on, maybe now's the best time for that. 

- Paul

Bennett Media DECKS YOUR HALLS

And the Lord regretted that He had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart

- Genesis 6:6

There's no peace on Earth tonight. Not any night. No one wants that - we wouldn't know what to do if we got it. We'd be bored, that's what - and when we're bored we become even more dangerous. So, for this particular holiday stretch we'll be on a steady drip of bile and bellyaches as Bennett Media DECKS YOUR HALLS: an assemblage of agitation and conflict to angry up the blood and stimulate the senses. Mostly what that means is we've got some thoughts we plan to share without fear of reprisal. Or, bring the reprisal, whatever, we've grown tired of neutral and polite and we don't feel like hiding anymore. There may also be holiday-related material.

Ramadan Mubarak!

Bennett Media's TOTALLY DISGUSTING HALLOWEEN PUKE PARTY!

Hey sickos! Who's ready to barf?! Do you like eyeballs and guts and bloody veins and pus? How about cannibalism, sexual perversions, and unnecessary surgeries? Whatever grosses you out is our bread & better this season as we celebrate Bennett Media's TOTALLY DISGUSTING HALLOWEEN PUKE PARTY! We might be revisiting some of the sick flicks we never really wanted to see again, and we might even look at some of the stuff we never really wanted to witness in the first place. And to add chaos to the carnage, there will be snacks - lots o' funky food and beverage intake because what's the fun of nausea on an empty stomach? So look forward to throw up. And entrails and boogers and toxic waste and frothy yellow discharge and ectoplasmic residue. It's gonna get wet.

Bennett Media's JIVE-ASS SUMMERTIME

Say, my man! What's crackin'? What it is? Are you down for a funkadelic season of party-hardy porking out and boogie woogie boob tube? You're goddamn right!

We've gone as far as we can with the 80s and 90s nostalgia, or at least long enough to take a little break to roll out Bennett Media's Jive-ass Summertime - three heavy months of a stone groove gas exploring the pop culture keystones of the decade that was The 1970s and giving you the lowdown on what's hip and what's lame. For those of us who weren't there the first time it will be a journey of discovery and appreciation as we look at the movies, the music, the fashion and the fads, as Bennett Media keeps on... truckin'. 

So long, Cinema World

The movie theater, my movie theater for the past 27 years, sadly and somewhat unexpectedly closed its doors for good on March 31st. I say "somewhat" because the current condition of brick-and-mortar anything is in constant jeopardy, particularly the movie theaters. That + the location of this particular movie theater existed in the heart of a decomposing strip mall amongst a city block of other decomposing strip malls populated with empty, long-dead stores and intellectually I knew this cancer would spread to the only living breathing reason left to venture into this post-apocalyptic wasteland. 

The theater opened in 1996 on John Fitch Highway - a once bustling retail hub in the 1960s and the location of the first McDonald's in Fitchburg, Massachusetts, but by the time Cinema World opened it had become a sprawl of parking lot hangouts for hooligans. By 2010 the Pizza Hut became a used car dealership, the Wendy's became a dentist's office for fugitives from the law. Most stores remain empty as the infrastructure crumbles and sinks. Every other attraction that had made this mile of road a destination was gone by 2015, except the movie theater. But it was worth it. 

I began going there in December of 1997, inaugurating it with Jackie Brown because the sole draw of this theater was that they allowed admittance to R-rated features to minors as long as an adult was present at the ticket window to give express verbal consent. And so it was, and there I went, and until I obtained laminated proof of adulthood I would go to Cinema World to witness the Graphic Violence and Sexual Situations that my parents nor any other grownups seemed interested in. 

The theater itself, while a 10-screen multiplex, felt dark and intimate and private, which was extremely attractive to me at a time when I was deathly uncomfortable being in public places. It was also a new business so most of the crowds remained faithful to the previous local theater I'd been attending up till that point - that point when new movies were actually more important than some precious nostalgia. They were also more important than the popcorn, candy, and soda, which I bypassed to avoid any unnecessary human interaction. Though in the years to come those poles would be so tragically reversed that it shouldn't have mattered what theater I was sitting in as I watch a sequel to Beetlejuice - I'm just here for the snacks. 

But therein lies one of the greater tragedies here: Cinema World offered a self-serve liquid butter dispenser and salt shaker, and as the new century pressed on and the quality of the movies became noticeably stagnant, the true draw of the theater experience became the hot liquid gold and the sodium. My routine was to fill the tub like a cereal bowl until the popped kernels were just about floating and then coat it in enough crystals that the yellow was no longer visible. Any other theater I've been to the cashier will ask if I'd like them to put butter on my popcorn, to which I psychically reply, "Yes, but you don't know what you're goddamn doing." 

It was cheaper, cleaner, and often acquired some "limited release" movies, but my initial preference for Cinema World was incidental. Eventually I came to appreciate it for exactly what it was... A typical multiplex is an overpowering spectacle of arcades and nachos and touchscreens and gift cards and outrageous prices and twenty thousand commercials, all to distract you from your feature presentation. Conversely, the arthouses with their organic popcorn and IPAs and worn out chairs and dysfunctional heating system and bad sound and small screens and gift certificates and outrageous prices all distract you from your feature presentation. Meat & potatoes & movies. And butter. That's all I wanted and that's all Cinema World had. 

It's the same when anything dies: your memories of that thing become bronzed and mounted and safe from modification; your grief glazes the good times as well as the bad with the same shade of sentimentality and they take on a preciousness that would be immediately absent from any new experiences. But the thing about this barebones cinema is that the most prominent memories it leaves me with are the movies themselves: Bringing Out the Dead, Blair Witch Project, Eyes Wide Shut, Ocean's 11, Memento, Shrek, O Brother, Where Art Thou, American Psycho, Unbreakable, Royal Tenenbaums, Revenge of the Sith, Catch Me If You Can, In The Bedroom, About Schmidt, Devil's Rejects, There Will Be Blood, Dark Knight Rises, Django Unchained, Prisoners, It Follows, The Revenant, The Witch, Pearl, The Holdovers - and that's just a few of the more notable ones. I even remember the unmemorable ones like 8mm, Blair Witch 2, Bless the Child, Simone, Timeline, Gothika, Troy, Suicide Squad, Jigsaw, Solo, and three David Gordon Green Halloweens that all made the concessions that much more sweet and salty. 

Some local rink-a-dink movie theater shutting down is probably only pertinent to those within its geographical proximity - namely me. And the memories and experiences it gave are only really worth a damn to those who lived them - specifically me. But what is universal (particularly to someone who would be reading this) is the magical act of moviegoing, and if you cherish and idealize that experience as I do then you appreciate where it took place. Something as emotionally exhilarating as seeing a great movie, one that changes you and you'll rewatch and always remember the first time you saw it, is sure to leave your Metaphysical Footprint in the space where it happened. Think of the seat you sat in, the screen you stared at, the print that was projected, the speakers you heard - these elements and the air around them are filled with the vibes of you and others like you, and no matter what becomes of that building those vibes will remain. 

I assume in an attempt to cut even the costs of closing, the theater held a "yard sale" of sorts in which they put a price tag on every imaginable object that was ever part of the building: cash registers, excess toilet paper rolls, 3D glasses, the fountain drink machine, a box of posters for movies I never heard of, and various oversized signage including the giant metal Cinema World logo that hung above the entrance. 

I went there on a rainy Thursday morning. Inside I was greeted by a large old man sitting in a big upholstered recliner (which was also for sale). I was granted access to the main lobby - the hallways and theaters and bathrooms were taped off. They weren't wasting any money on lighting and heating (they never really did) so I navigated the cold dim cathedral of broken dreams, pretending to show interest in cordless phones and debit readers, but really I was just reminiscing. I felt like old Rose witnessing the Titanic wreckage, but I didn't recall specific memories, I just indulged in the accumulated history I felt around me, as though I could still smell the fresh popcorn. I fixated on the carpet and the architecture and the concession counter, particularly on the self-serve Butter Station that I loved so dearly. 

I'm pretty certain there was a Child World toy store in this location when I was very little. But that brings me to the main point: this structure housed some of my most prized nostalgia, but from a more objective angle, this is about yet another movie theater closing. That's something that consistently affects all of us, but from my own standpoint, I anticipate seeing a lot less new feature films now that the main attractions of sentimentality and caloric intake are no longer part of the deal. Sure my original childhood Cinema - the one I went to before Cinema World, the one where I saw Roger Rabbit, Edward Scissorhands, Dracula, Wayne's World, Forrest Gump, and a hundred others - is still operational (and geographically closer to me), but the reminiscence only takes me as far as my seat. Once the mediocre remake hits the screen and the blandness of my popcorn matches the movie I'm watching, I'm gonna want my $35 back.

- Paul