Summer Starter Pack 2026

 

It might be brash to make any big (or even medium sized) plans for the season, given our time-consuming, spirit-crushing employment status. But if we do get a chance to come up for air, we don't wanna waste a second on trying to decide what to do -- when leisure strikes, you gotta be ready (which is why the Starter Pack exists in the first place).

For the newbies, let's do the damn preamble: at the beginning of each Summer we compile a list of stuff we wanna do/eat/experience over the course of the next couple months. Some are big commitments, some might kill an afternoon. Some might be forgettable endeavors, some might forever define The Summer of '26 in our memory. Ultimately the reason we share it with you is that we hope you'll join in - either with the same activities or with your own agenda. Whatever you choose to do, just remember: if it takes longer than 15 minutes it counts as a break, so be sure to punch out. 

- Paul

The Sensual World of Black Emanuelle

This year's Starter Pack is all about "chill", though this could be a little more on the stimulating side. Back in 2023 Severin released a 24 film box set of the "Black Emanuelle" sub-sub-subgenre of movies, and I've just been sleeping on it, keeping it warm, waiting for it to hatch. If I was to embark on a two dozen Eurosex movie marathon, the circumstances had to be just right. 

I'd always been aware of a Black Emanuelle "spinoff" (bold quotation marks) but I had no idea of the expanse of this very specific franchise, as well as the talents involved; Joe D'Amato is behind the camera much of the time, and the set also comes with some soundtrack compilation CDs, featuring my boy Nico Zombie Holocaust Fidenco(!). It will no doubt be a strange, erotic journey. 

And then, all at once, there's Maude!

Most Summers we try to pick some old show (either contained in a flimsy box of discs or streaming somewhere for some finite amount of time) and try to stick to it -- binge it over the course of the season. Sometimes that works, sometimes that falls apart after one or two episodes - usually due entirely to an oversaturated market of content. But these? These leave us nowhere else to go...

Found at a sorta indoor flea market / consignment warehouse, mixed in with all the usual One True Things and Air Force Ones was a taped-offa-TV VHS of episodes of the 1970s sitcom Maude. After some more digging there was another. Then another. Clearly these were all meticulously recorded by some mega Maude fan, and since I can't imagine anyone with this much dedication just selling these cassettes off to strangers, I can only fear the worst. I only bought them in the hopes of seeing some old commercials, but now I have a quest to carry on this anonymous person's fandom (at least for the duration of my down time this Summer). 

Cinema Sewer

If I've never made it obvious, I'll plainly state that I've never been huge into comic books. I used to collect them for the art and the ads contained within, but the writing and the stories didn't interest me. But when you add the modifier of "Underground" to "Comic Books" then you might have something. Case in point: Robin Bougie's Cinema Sewer, "The Only Guide to History's Sickest and Sexiest Movies".

Published from 1997 to 2021, the comics were nearly entirely Film Theory and Film Criticism, with topics ranging from "The Best of Cannon Films", to a retrospective on Lisa De Leeuw, to a rundown of "Best Parking Garage Scenes", to the merits of Fart Porn. It's filthy, it's funny, it's sincere, and it's completely compatible to Bennett Media's interests and standards. FAB Press has compiled the best bits of every issue and consolidated them into 8 dense volumes of grimy musings and dirty drawings; I'm currently somewhere in the midst of Volume 3, and given the weight of every single page, it definitely qualifies as a voyage. 

Relaxo Music

Work can be stressful. So can cars, bills, health, relationships, identity theft, the gathering darkness, etc. Point is, it doesn't all stop for sunny weather, and a lotta the time we may be too tired, or too bitchy, or even too frightened to rock 'n roll all night -- most of the time it's important for us to keep calm, so that we may indeed carry on. One way to do that would be to have no auditory distractions at all, but that goes against our celebratory instincts (and also could come across as ominous). No, we need something cheerful, soothing, optimistic, comforting, and maybe even a little flirty. Luckily, Smooth Electronic Jazz from the 1990s checks all of these boxes. 

Most years we'll commit to an album or band or even a genre to be the soundtrack of That Summer, and most years we stray from that commitment. Not This Year. Honestly I turn to this music often, particularly when I need a gentle reminder that everything will be alright if I allow it to be. I've dug around for years trying to amass my own curated collection of this very specific vibe, and for those of you wanting to play along, go out and obtain (or at least sample) the works of Davol, Trammell Starks, and especially Fowler & Branca. I'm pretty sure all of them contributed to the sounds of The Weather Channel (if that gives you some frame of reference) but these moody melodies inspire a lot of imagery: a desert road trip, a short lived sitcom, a romantic daydream, a quiet neighborhood, a childhood memory -- just an abstract nostalgia for idealized visions of life. It's addictive. 

WHAP! THWACK! SPLAT! Cum On Feel My COMIC BOOKS

My relationship with comic books is an emblematic reversal of the poles; I'll buy a comic if it's based on a movie, show, or some other previously published piece of pop. It was just part of the package: buy the poster, buy the soundtrack, buy the trading cards, buy the action figures, buy the video game, buy the t-shirt, buy the Happy Meal, buy the comic book. To me, Batman was a movie, Wonder Woman was a TV show, and Tank Girl was Lori Petty in a bra and shorts; these crude little pamphlets from which they derived were merely charming keepsakes to commemorate a larger, more interesting spectacle. That's just a pretentious way of me waggling my dick at ephemeral souvenirs; I wouldn't seek them out and keep them were I not to appreciate their sentimental value. I cherish any visual or reading additives to whatever I'm into at any given time (which is just an inventory of all the same stuff at all times) and through turmoil and tragedy, I've lost many comics, so I cherish even deeper. Here are nine (9) that need little explanation because, as noted, we already know what they're about. 

- Paul

James Bond Jr.

Does anyone remember this show except for me? It even had its own shitty SNES game and crude action figures, but I might be the only person who was familiar with the Son of 007 before I'd ever even heard of 007. When Goldeneye came out I thought it was a clever live action spinoff.

But it must've been popular enough: Hasbro and Nintendo aside, they don't give a Marvel Comic Book to just anyone - I don't care who their father is.

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

For however much Elvira "stuff" there was at the height of her popularity, there wasn't nearly enough. Max Headroom had more merch and he wasn't nearly as cool or sexy. Knowing this, if you find anything pre-21st century, grab and squeeze with both hands. 

Even the quality of this isn't really cutting any mustard. I can pretend these crude underground sketches kinda match the spooky punk charisma she brings, but really she deserves more.

Labyrinth

You know how 2D cartoon characters look weird when they're 3 dimensional? I'm the same with the other way around - particularly Muppets; flat, illustrated Muppets look anatomically obscure to me.

My weird hangups aside, I have to say that, unlike nowadays, this movie version is infinitely more visually compelling than this comic book. Plus no songs. 

Bram Stoker's Dracula

Now here's a movie with merchandise! Amongst the bounty of treasures they released to promote this flick, there was a concurrent trading card and comic series released by Topps - and they were, in fact, tops.

Glossy pages of unique artwork that doesn't necessarily reflect the look of the film but compliments it in such a way that suggests "this is what the comic book version would look like."

True Stories of Adult Film Stars: Jeanna Fine

Firstly I adore the Carnal Comics logo - mostly because I love brand parody, but also because no one ever seems to dare to satirize Marvel. But this book is uninhibited in that way - in every way really.

This pulpy smut rag is cowritten by Jeanna as a sorta autobiography detailing her rise to fame - without the boring parts. It also offers me dozens of tattoo ideas.

The California Raisins 3D

To my absolute delight, they had a comic (sorta)! There was a very short series of these 3D adventures involving Big Burger and his fast food henchman causing chaos throughout Raisinville.

Sounds like the most spectacular piece of illustrated literature ever published - only to be balked by the banal gimmick of off center red and blue outlines. No maroon, no bueno. 

The Ren & Stimpy Show

All the 'toons of my youth (Beavis and Butt-head, Animaniacs, The Simpsons) got the comic treatment and I consumed them like fries. I always shopped for trading cards (R&S had them too) but if a familiar image graced the cover of a comic, I snatched it. And that was the thing with cartoons: these covers looked exactly how they looked. 

I don't digest comics well - they don't read fluidly to me. That added to the absence of the voice actors and writing that doesn't live up to the source material equals a lotta disappointment. 

The Joker

What's this?! The Jester of Genocide has his own comic?! I know, I'm sure sure there's been a million of them at this point (and a movie), but imagine my initial discovery of finding pages of just Joker without all the Batman/Bruce Wayne melodrama. 

The joy of this is the now-vintage illustrations that makes each page and incarnation look like officially licensed apparel from 1975. 

Little Monsters

These are precious - to me and in general. Outside of the pocket-sized novelization was this collection of six issues not-entirely-based on the original plot per se, but rather took us on further escapades with Brain and Maurice.

As a concept, it's just more Little Monsters, and in my mind that feels like a movie franchise or TV series, but apparently this is just how comic books work. Now if they'd just make movies out of 'em...

Ads from THE SENSATIONAL SPIDER-MAN Vol.1 No.2 March 1996

Gonna try something different here. I mean like really different - we're gonna dive into Marvel Comics! (And by "dive" I mean sit by the pool and drink and maybe fall asleep until lunch.)

Newsflash for you: I'm not a comic book guy. I suppose I'm "Team DC" because I like Batman and the old Wonder Woman TV show, but most everything else (particularly Marvel) falls way outside my circle of interests (Howard The Duck notwithstanding). One of the greater upsides to this is that my colossal apathy regarding this hulking pop culture conglomerate has kept me free & clear from any educated debate or confrontation; I've no opinion on it. What I do have an opinion on are comic book ads; it might actually be more of a kink if I'm being totally honest. And there's nothing too cerebral going on here: they're just colorful artworks depicting snacks and toys - which is pretty par for the course, but I chose this particular comic because I was so tickled by the way they managed to sling every single Spidey spinoff available at the time.

Just a shade away from "Spider-Man The Flamethrower!" am I right? I haven't been too in the market for Fruit Roll-Ups or Chef Boyardee as of late, but that Little Caesar's Batman Pizza was the first and last thing in a long-ass while that really felt worthwhile in terms of tie-ins. I'm sure if I flipped through a comic that wasn't a quarter century old I'd have a better idea of what's out there. But that's not all: The Mask (who apparently had a successful enough cartoon to get a home video release) and X-Men have shit they want you to buy too!

This was a good time for cereal; they started adding faux "berries" to the mix over the infinite trend of godawful chalky marshmallows. Mercifully, the berries were round and "berry-colored" but typically tasted like the rest of the cereal - so they're more of an aesthetic upgrade. But the biggest push of this era was from the Cap'n. 

Crunch Berries had actually been around for decades, but they were given new life ca. the Clinton years, when Red Dye was going stronger than Nike Air and colors seemed to have relevance to our way of life. But I digress... I've not read the comic book - though if I had to pick I'd say Spidey is my favorite Marvel hero (Howard The Duck notwithstanding) - but it doesn't matter, because the greatest literature in this rag is depicted here in this short anecdote involving a youth trying to make new friends and enlisting the help of Cap'n Crunch w/ Crunch Berries to summon the courage and stamina to shed his inhibitions and dance his "brains out." A more cynical reader would analogize this entire story to hard drug use, but us more enlightened folk understand and appreciate the power of Quaker Oates breakfast cereals.

Thank you, Marvel Comics! That was a helluva theme park ride!

- Paul