11.15.2018

MY POSTER PAST :: part 4


After however many years of paying homage to film & television, I suddenly had a strong (and somewhat pointless) craving for variety. That added to the fact that they simply weren't making easily available posters for all the movies I wanted to celebrate. So, with this equation, I kept a sharp eye for works of art that were worthy of my sacred walls, and it often proved to hang somewhere between an agonizing struggle and mild complacency; sometimes I found stuff that fit in with my interests, and sometimes I just needed posters - and they qualified.

- Paul

The Scream

No angsty preteen doesn't love "The Scream" - and the print I bought had its own appropriately somber history. Apart from inexplicably being manufactured in black and white, it sat rolled, unopened, and neglected in a corner for some time - long enough for one edge to be chewed on by my dog, which created a fascinating recurring pattern of teeth marks along one side.
This was a tough one to love.

The Alchemist

I was into fantasy stuff for a minute: wizards, dragons, castles - but more for the treasure, skulls, and fire. I even had an extensive collection of pewter figurines depicting such - it was an aesthetic of gothic busyness that appealed to me, and this poster captured a bit of that.
Oddly, my interest in this stuff didn't derive from any film or literature, and to this day I've yet to come across any movies or books that've captured the look that once sparked an interest.

Religious Views of Life

I wasn't raised with any religion in my house, so I was always a bit ignorant to the mechanics and origin stories and rituals. Fortunately, I stumbled upon this ancient scroll that not only summed up the details, but also fit in with the medieval motif I was steering into.
That & it had a buncha swear words on it.

1960 Corvette

For a while there, this particular year/make/model machine kept popping up on my radar (particularly Animal House and True Lies), and while I wasn't particularly into cars at that age (especially not sports cars), I found this particular sports car to be very sexy.
Lo and behold, this ended up being the auto pinup of the mid 90s (and I contributed to that achievement).

Jenny McCarthy

I wasn't entirely aware of Jenny when I bought this masterpiece; I don't know too many 11-year-old boys who gave a shit about Singled Out. But an argument against a naked blonde with pink satin sheets and a smile is an argument you will lose.
Objectification at its purest.

11.10.2018

11.03.2018

NAME THAT MOVIE!

After yet another battle royale against our favorite federal institution - The United States Postal Service - we're ready to kick the tires and light the fires and find out once again who's got amazing skills.
Our girl Leticia with the Rain Man brain and the Stanley Spector game is currently 2-0, putting all you cinematic philistines to shame.

Moving forward, there'll be a few adjustments made to the format - which may or may not affect the level of fun.
All comments will be published as they're received - in turn, you may end up helping each other out in the naming the full set, so don't feel hesitant to leave blanks. And if you have a competition in you and don't want anyone else to succeed, an incorrect entry can sometimes throw everyone off.

But more importantly (and sadly) is that no tangible prizes will be given henceforth, due largely to the consistent inconsistency of mail delivery and the likely unlikeliness that you'd receive your trophy.
We'll announce the winner by name along with a link to your blog, social media profile, Amazon wishlist, Pornhub playlist, or whatever you wanna direct traffic to as a result of your talents - just let us know how to spread your victory.

Also, when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.

EASY





FAIR





DIFFICULT





11.01.2018

IMPURE MOODS: Mondo Gecko


Imagine a world where time drifts slowly...
A world where music carries you away.

Experience IMPURE MOODS - the perfect soundtrack for your way of life.

Lighten up on a chocolate cloud with Ltd.

Take in the comforts of home entertainment with Blue Raspberry 

Explore your late nite fantasies with CABLEVISION

Test the limits of your endurance with Mondo Gecko

And many more to come...
 Bennett Media presents: IMPURE MOODS

10.28.2018

A Nightmare at Country Club Estates


Halloween has always been the best day of the year for me. I eat candy, watch horror movies, and as an 'adult,' eat burritos and drink sangria. Each and every Halloween of my life has been memorable, but one stands out for how truly terrifying it was - a real night of horror that has stayed with me for nearly 30 years.

In 1989, my mom and I lived in the shittiest apartment complex; you know, the kind that had mushrooms growing on the carpets and no screens on the windows so there were always big spiders and stray cats in our house. All of our neighbors were constantly getting broken into and the kids down the hall would literally shit in front of our living room windows for fun.

On Halloween of that first year it was cold and pouring buckets. My mom decided it was a great idea to drive me up to each building and send me in, alone, to get my candy. It was the end of the 80s and I don't think parents were scared to let their kids out of their sights yet. Plus, my mom was super shitty.

At the end of the night, when we reached the last building, I ran in to avoid getting wet. I was greeted inside the doorway by a young hispanic man who looked like Willie Lopez from Ghost.
He says to me, "Hi pretty girl - I love your costume! My friends and all of their little girls are at a party in my apartment the third floor. You can just come in."

I will forever thank the universe for two things: Chinese food and being precocious at a very young age. I went door to door collecting my candy and I quietly approached the man's apartment and listened at the door. It was silent.


I never knocked and I never went in. I will never know if this man was simply going to jump out and scare me or grab me, rape me, and kill me. It will forever remains a mystery. I've always said I have nine lives, and I definitely think that was one of them.

This very well could have destroyed my lifelong love affair with this holiday if not for the following Halloween. In 1990 I was going to be a Dalmatian. I have to admit I was a little nervous about the trick-or-treating experience for fear of being snatched off into oblivion. I didn't know if it was my apprehension or if I caught a belly bug, but I woke up on Halloween day with my head in the toilet. There would be no tricking or treating this year.

Even though I was scared about the experience, I was still very much bummed. We were supposed to go with a group of kids and their parents from our building. I heard my mom telling one of the other moms that we had to cancel and I buried my head in my pillow.

That evening I tried to make the best of the situation and fell asleep on the couch watching scary movies. I woke up early to knocking on my front door. To my surprise, there stood the little boy from the end of the hall with a pumpkin pail full of candy for me. He explained that they all felt so bad that I wasn't well that at each house they stopped at they took an extra piece for me.

This one simple act renewed my faith in humanity and restored my love of Halloween for life.

- Jess

10.22.2018

A Halloween Invitation


Halloween has changed -- not just over the course of history (which is its own fun story). I mean it's changed in my lifetime -- and not just because of global warming, peanut allergies, designated 'trick-or-treat' locations, etc. (which is not a fun story). I'm talking about my own experience with the day itself and how activities and attitudes change at each stage of my (or anyone's) life. The other big holidays - Thanksgiving, Christmas, Independence Day - have maintained a pretty consistent framework for as long as I can remember (and leave very little room for deviation), but for Halloween, the rules change as time goes by, and what was once a structured event coordinated by people older than I, slowly begins to present new options - a freedom of choice begins to emerge.


I won't bore you with an arbitrary list of all my past costumes, but I will make the observation that the trick-or-treat years are the pertinent years, and whichever aspects of the holiday you embrace during that time will determine how you process Halloween once society deems you 'too old' to participate.


So, what's on my awesome mix tape...

  • The soft resistance of a pencil tip on the flesh of a fresh pumpkin.
  • Increasingly shorter says provide an appropriately atmospheric cold darkness.
  • Cardboard wall decorations that will haunt the daydreams of your adulthood without even trying.
  • Learning more about your peers than you'd ever known based on their choice of costume.
  • Trying to decide on your own costume, committing to it, and assembling it to perfection.
  • The smell of cream makeup paired with the sound and vision of edited-for-tv Exorcist and American Werewolf.
  • Marching through crispy dead leaves that stick to your cape, et al.


My last journey as a trick-or-treater was at age 13. I felt too old for this - its appeal had been waining for some time. Additionally, I was dressed as Alex from Clockwork Orange, and there wasn't one person who didn't mistake me for Charlie Chaplin.
"Where's your mustache?" they'd ask. That alone was symbolic of how this particular activity and my own interests were parting ways.

Throughout my teens I did little more than quietly embrace the changing of the season - that was to be my own private Halloween celebration. It was also during this time that cable channels began to reformat & it started to become harder and harder to find any horror cinema on as many channels. Coincidentally, home video was also reformatting - into the more-affordable DVD, which allowed me to start revisiting old favorites in a larger capacity, as well as discovering a buncha new stuff. It would be this outlet that would accompany my already-hectic existential schedule of merely 'feeling the day.'

In my pretentious 20s I'd spin Goblin's Suspiria soundtrack with a gallon of Carlo Rossi Sangria and stare into the abyss.


For the past five or six years, Jess and I consume decadently-sized burritos from a local sub shop and marathon (time-permitting) those "Halloween Day-Only" movies:
Halloween (1978)
The Fog (1980)
Halloween II (2009)
The Exorcist (1973)
The Lords of Salem (2012)

This sorta domestic bliss is about to lap itself as we enter a new, mutated version of what once was, and all that came before will be relived through the looking glass as our son starts the journey from the beginning. Once again, costumes will be coordinated, doorbells will be rung, candy will be obtained.
Or, will it be different? How will our boy absorb the festivities under the influence of two fanatics? At any rate, the routine is about to change yet again - and for a long time.


And so, to you, childless sinners and worshipers of the dark arts - how do you spend All Hallows' Eve? Is it as good as it used to be or do you struggle to care? Are you only in it for the pumpkin spice, or do you fill your McDonald's pumpkin pail with candy corn?
We wanna know what the season means to you: best memories, milestones, candy, decor, movies, music, makeup. Got pics, videos, links to your past? Talk about it here or on our fb page - and be graphic, cuz it's Halloween and you can be anything you want. And don't forget to wear your masks... It's almost time!

- Paul
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