Bennett Media's SUMMER JOB

You want a piece of my heart?

You better start from the start

You wanna be in the show?

Come on baby, let's go!

Hey, guess what? Grades are up and it looks like you passed! That means no Summer School for you... But don't think for a second that you're just gonna lie around here for the next three months, playing Battletoads and watching One Life to Live. You are gonna get out there and earn your keep, because these videotapes and Doritos aren't gonna pay for themselves!

Settle in, slackers, because we're gettin' up at the buttcrack of dawn for Bennett Media's SUMMER JOB - an entire season of slingin' hash and earnin' cash to pay for all this rad shit. And if you think that sounds like a boring theme for the best part of the year, that's because it is. Seriously, we're swamped with various chores, tasks, undertakings, responsibilities, and (don't laugh) duties. (Okay, you can laugh.) All that means is we can't fully commit to a proper motif here on the site, and could also mean a more scattered output. But just because we're a slave to the grind doesn't mean we won't be sweatin' to the oldies every chance we get. I mean we gotta be in bed by 9, but we'll be sure to take extra special advantage of every I-don't-have-to-run-day we get.

 

 

Spring dies

Spring dies with blue skies

Break free from your arousal

Birds and bees and lions and lambs

Not everything turned out

Arbitrary standards for what is and isn't important

Spring remembers Winter and dances forward

It's ok to let go when it hurts to hold on

To hold the light through every season

To hold a candle for what could've been

The glow hides but never fades

It's bright beneath the rain clouds

Forsythia lines the path into the dark green furnace

There's nothing waiting in there except for whatever comes next

Alone

Misery loves company but she has no luck with love

Kinship is kismet only if you believe it

The yellow bells turn to leaves and the light is consumed by shade

Summer thrives when Spring dies

- P

FRENCH FRIES and FULL MOON FEATURES part VIII: "Doctor Mordrid" and Ore-Ida Zesty Twirls

Charles Band's father, Albert Band, had an equally long and colorful career producing cheap genre movies, starting with Spaghetti Westerns and Hercules movies in the 50s and 60s, and eventually (and inevitably) producing pictures for Empire (Troll, TerrorVision) and then Full Moon (Remote, Castle Freak). He even managed to lend a hand on Honey I Blew Up the Kid (which was either a cause or effect of Stuart Gordon's involvement in the franchise). And, like his son Charles, he sometimes directed a feature. 

Doctor Mordrid (1992) was codirected by the father and son team of Albert and Charlie. Like just about every Full Moon Feature, it's "based on an idea by Charles Band", but it's been long believed (and contended) that it began its life as a direct screen adaptation of Marvel's Doctor Strange, but then underwent some "modifications" when the publishing rights expired. At any rate, what little we at Bennett Media know about Doctor Strange (psychic guy wears a cape over his Banana Republic threads) made it seem like there was some truth to that. Right off the bat, it feels like good casting: Jeffery Combs as an eccentric scientist/philosopher/historian/clairvoyant who communes with some interdimensional celestial god to get his work itinerary. But then gradually throughout the otherwise very confusing movie, a sorta romance begins to blossom between the Doctor and his neighbor Samantha (Yvette Nipar); we adore Jeffrey, but watching him balance flirtatious and mysterious without the armor of irony is actually really uncomfortable. Brian Thompson, on the other hand, is a reliably menacing and showy bad guy and maybe the best part of this whole Highlander/He-Man/Buffy mashup. The climax employs a good amount of stop motion animation that more firmly secures it into the Full Moon aesthetic. 

Why yes, these are Zesty Twirls -- not to be confused with Crispy Twirls, Golden Twirls, Zesty Curly, Bold & Crispy Zesty Twirls, or Bold & Crispy Zesty Seasoned Curly Fries: all courtesy of Ore-Ida. We're not sure if this is just a rebranding journey or if all these options are happening at the same time, but we do feel validated by the reiteration that "curly fries" have an incorrigible personality: three or four really long, voluptuous, tightly curled fries, and then a pile of burnt toenail clippings. Yum. And though that may sound like a complaint, there is a sorta mild entertainment in navigating your potato pile for the best ones / playing with your food. We can't really nail down what constitutes "zest" though - synonyms of "bold" and "seasoned" no doubt, but whatever modifier they use, it almost always guarantees an absence of blandness. Not as good as the Arby's ones, but good. 

The Movie: C

The Fries: B+

NAME THAT MOVIE!

Welcome back to the only game in town where the contestants don't plow into each other with dogmatic gatekeeping and political discourse. Seriously, it's no fun logging onto the Net anymore, so we value your patronage despite the hassle of a long commute. 

Last round turned into a real shindig with everyone contributing while remaining courteous and receptive to courtesy. (We're not Dead Poet's Society fans either. Is anybody?) Soon approaching is this year's Summer Theme, so before we paddle on down to Aintry to get the cars and go home, we wanna squeeze in one more round to hold your attention. Now you get to play the game. 

EASY

FAIR

DIFFICULT

GROOVE APPROVED