"Binge" is a key word when it comes to assessing the experience - particularly with the F13 movies. Watching them all that closely together (up to Part 9 which was the newest disc available to me at the time) made for a pretty pleasant and cohesive venture (despite the bizarre continuity hiccups from film to film). It's not exactly one big story arc as much as it is a cute lil' bump in the road; my big takeaway to this day is I don't know how anyone endured the dullness of each individual movie as they were being released without the safety net of being able to jump right into the next one. The anticipation of something interesting happening is what got me through, and that really only paid off in stale breadcrumbs along the way.
So, when I say I "revisit" them on an annual basis that means I "throw them on" for approximately 12 nights in a row and engage in other activities, set to Harry Manfredini's sputtering score, occasionally glancing up to see a tree or a boob or a machete - basically paying as much attention as a Crystal Lake Camp Counselor back in '58. After all, I know them all as well as I'm ever going to know them - which is to say sorta peripherally. I just finished up my most recent return to Camp Blood and I did try to invest a little more focus into each film, hoping for some kinda epiphany regarding their cumulative awesomeness. Did I experience an "aha! moment"? Let's review...
- Paul
Friday the 13th (1980)
It pulls most of its strength from its whodunnit premise, but the motivations are so abstract that it's hard to get invested. (Obviously after the first viewing it has more meaning.) It also suffers from the same paradox as most of the movies: they force us to hang out with these characters for 80 minutes while they do nothing but exchange dialogue and we still manage to not care or know anything about them. Truly some existential wizardry right there. But I suppose I didn't come here for consistent storytelling or David Mamet discourse -- I'm out for blood, skinny dipping, and maybe some origin/mythology crap to create a mild sense of immersion for what's to come. It delivers on roughly 60% of those elements, and so...
Grade: D
This is certainly one "original" in a franchise that completely folds under the weight of all that came after. Even as a "Violent Slasher Flick" it has almost nothing to offer; you definitely can't call it "tame by today's standards" either, because it played right alongside The Shining, The Fog, Dressed to Kill, Nightmare City, Inferno, Zombie Holocaust, Cannibal Apocalypse, and Cannibal Fucking Holocaust. How a heavily edited split second of Kevin Bacon taking an arrow to the throat shocked audiences in 1980 is beyond me.
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
The first 10 minutes suggest something a little different (even if 5 of those minutes are just flashbacks from Part One) and it's kinda refreshing and actually suspenseful. Then it literally becomes the same movie as last time - but with a few improvements. Again we don't know who the killer is but now that question mark has a lot more weight to it: maybe it has something to do with the angry mom in Part One? Then of course we quickly learn it's Jason who didn't die(?) when he was a child, now seeking revenge for his mother's death(?). Again, who cares, I'm just here for more gore and a bigger body count. And again, who cares, the final product is missing so many of its makeup effects that the only real massacre we see is the one executed by the MPAA.
Grade: D+
Some legitimately clever shots, stronger performances, and a couple likable characters help to differentiate all the white noise it borrows from the first one. All of its climaxes (it has a few) are mostly effective, and the reveal of grownup Jason is truly satisfying.
Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
Finally, some meat on these bones. It's the same setup, same locations, same structure, it's the same goddamn weekend! We're up to like Monday the 16th or something! But now we got Disco music, and biker gangs, and middle-aged stoners, and clumsy 3-D choreography that's awkward with or without paper glasses. Approaching this with fresh eyes, my leading questions would be: Why does Jason look dramatically different overnight, and why does he continue to wear that hockey mask long after the gag has played out?
Grade: C+
For the first time I start to get a hint of it not taking itself so seriously; there's clearly a lot more intentional comedy being integrated into a lotta scenes - up to & including the final jump scare, which feels like it's mocking the previous films.
Friday the 13th - The Final Chapter (1984)
What do you get when you add Corey Feldman, Crispin Glover, more nudity, a faster pace, and the return of Tom Savini? More of the same actually. Despite having strong actors in this or any of the previous ones, they're still condemned to play boring characters in a boring movie with a boring story and a boring villain. Again, the kills are compromised for the sake of an R rating, and while those are truly the film's greatest technical achievements, there are really very few merits to fall back on.
Grade: C-
For most Friday the 13th fans, this truly is "the final chapter" - not only because it's the one where Jason actually dies, but also because of how aesthetically similar it is to the first three movies. Personally I think these first four films could've been condensed into one lean 2 hour Thriller (or should be after the fact).
Friday the 13th - A New Beginning (1985)
Here's where the sequels start to kick in and take advantage of the chance to do something different. Of course, it's not that different but the efforts are obvious: a new mystery, less camping, more comedy, more drama(!), and an Altmanesque ensemble of unique characters that don't all blend into one indiscernible swatch of plaid flannel.
Grade: B
I compiled a cohesive list once of my favorite things about this movie, but in this context I wanna reiterate how these movies never got the "camping" vibe right for me, and so it was all the more stimulating to watch them lean into the troubled teen Elm Street mood a bit.
Friday the 13th Part VI - Jason Lives (1986)
For the first time, they truly stopped trying (and failing) to be scary. Exciting, suspenseful, clever, fun - yes to all. And funny! Save for the last 10 minutes I don't think there's a set piece that doesn't end with a punchline. Even the silent, faceless Jason has a personality for the first time.
Grade: B+
Let's face it, they were never gonna be Halloween. Other movies of this era like The Burning and Sleepaway Camp caught on a lot earlier on how to cut up campers with style. And still, this movie manages to be better than both of those.
Friday the 13th Part VII - The New Blood (1988)
Still my favorite of the series - that's partly because of that predictable affection that occurs when we choose a "favorite" something, but also for the reasons for which I initially made that choice. Once more, they borrow big from the Nightmare on Elm Street library, and it doesn't feel at all out of place; seven movies in, this franchise earned the right to advance from "campers vs. killer" to "Carrie vs. Zombie".
Grade: B+
Frankly, what could've been a hokey twist turns out to be a Supernatural Action escapade that manages to mute the fact that we're stuck with some of the least interesting characters thus far (as well as the most egregious examples of "edited for content" in the whole franchise).
Friday the 13th Part VIII - Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Hey, have you heard? Most of this movie takes place on a boat! And some of it's in Vancouver! Once you've managed to calm down and change your diaper then you'll be able to see that it's just a plain ol' Friday the 13th movie with censored violence, pretty girls, and a buncha plot points that come from nowhere and lead nowhere. If that's good enough in those stupid woods, then it's good enough on the high seas.
Grade: C+
Kane Hodder continues to give a notably inspired performance as the masked monster, finally giving him the gravitas shared by his fellow movie maniacs. However, this entry attempts to expand on his backstory a bit, and on that front it fails 100%.
Jason Goes to Hell - The Final Friday (1993)
Instead of annoying fake teens, we get a wild cast of annoying grownups as adults - some of them forced to do their best Jason Voorhees impersonation. Regular Jason is barely present and it's barely noticeable -- the more popular Unrated Version gives us the gore like never before. Who needs a hockey mask when we got zombie heart munching and gooey body melting?
Grade: B-
While it's blessed with a blissfully bonkers story, it often trembles under its heaviness -- especially when it makes us pay attention to boring expository mysticism about demons and magic daggers. That makes it weaker than the others.
Jason X (2002)
Every F13 movie is shamelessly indicative of the time of its release, and there is no stronger piece of Y2K nostalgia than Jason X. Probably the most obnoxious lineup of victims assembled in nearly any Horror Movie, but added to that, the Jason pre-cyborg human look comes in last place in the series. (Though Über Jason is admittedly kinda neat.)
P. S. If you thought the depiction of New York was too Canadian, you're gonna hate Outer Space.
Grade: D-
Jason escaped Hell for this? Honestly, "Sassy Space Crew" Aliens ripoff is like my least favorite genre of Film, and so this is understandably my least favorite Friday the 13th movie.
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
As a Freddy fan first I mostly disregarded Jason's presence in this - and justifiably so: in an attempt to create a better contrast between the two killers, Jason's presented as a slow, dull, Frankenstein's Monster dimwit. Despite his most nuanced and well crafted backstory to date, this is as one dimensional as he's ever been.
Grade: B
As an Elm Street movie it's Robert Englund's swan song, and it gives him ample room to play the best Freddy Krueger the 21st Century has to offer. Jason was just a name on the poster to fulfill the competition that we'd all been waiting for.
Friday the 13th (2009)
They spent nearly 30 years trying to find different ways to make this monster hip and interesting, but apparently his entire identity was only ever tied to a piece of protective headgear. Nevertheless, this fast paced, highly inventive, and mostly funny reboot is especially outstanding because The Original (and most of the others) are none of those things.
Grade: B-
Obviously it couldn't help but be cynical and self aware (and that joke wears thin fast) but its biggest accomplishment is the Jason upgrade we truly needed; far removed from his Michael Myers influence and now in the age of running zombies, lifelong Friday fan Derek Mears doesn't try to recreate any past performances with his Jason, but instead brings a new, vicious, almost scary(!) slasher to the screen. That's definitely a new approach.
My favorite Nightmare on Elm Street movie is an A+. Same for my favorite Texas Chain Saw Massacre movie, same for my favorite Halloween movie. The highest I can go in this series is a B+, with the entire franchise averaging out at a B-/C+. The whole thing's a pop song with a comfortable amount of radio play. It's a lite snack that you can eat with no commitment, standing in front of the open cupboard. The sorta contradiction is that, on their own, each movie is a bit of a drag (some way draggier than others), so you get a better sense of momentum when you watch them all together, one right after another - except that approach makes all the inconsistencies feel that much more inconsistent. Not that it bothers me too much, I enjoy witnessing the bizarre evolution of the timeline and the "mythology" as different productions bring in different ideas. Frankly I can't imagine how contemporary audiences deal with watching these movies today: how does an MCU fan or especially a STAR WARS fan not lose their goddamn mind over the sheer depth of all these "plot holes"? For me, I think those very contradictions and variables are what give these movies any personality (because it sure ain't the story); every installment is like a reboot of the previous one - a copy of a copy of a copy until it's so abstract that it becomes something original. That's kinda what happened here, and for that they're kind of interesting (or 'entertaining') on another level. But I'm sure of two things: One is I'm probably going to continue watching these without any kind of change in my approach or attitude regarding these films, and Two is that I doubt I'll ever get this cerebral about Friday the 13th ever again.
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