Disagreements and Misunderstandings in a Public Bathroom

Take ten seconds and try to think of as many bathroom scenes in movies as you can... If you came up with less than a thousand you need to watch more films. Now try to narrow it down to scenes specifically in public restrooms... still in the hundreds no doubt. Even further still, public restroom scenes that depict some kinda human interaction - maybe on the passionate side. Point is, there are too many to list so I listed the first 10 that came to my mind. 

- Paul

True Lies

Starting off big with maybe the best bathroom brawl of all - the one where Arnold gets to use the really cool secret spy camera they foreshadowed minutes before and ends up saving him a bullet to the head. What follows is a mix of hand-to-hand combat and automatic gunfire, turning the whole set into a slow-motion slip 'n slide that looks a commercial for the greatest water park that never was. (The movie's a Fox property so there's no reason to not have "The Harry Tasker Splash Adventure" at Disney World.)

Starman

Ah the classic men's room mixup, usually involving dick jokes or gay panic (there are several examples on this short list). This whole movie is full of lines I've been quoting since I was 4, but this exchange stands out as being both funny and informative as it taught me the meanings of "take it easy" and "up yours", accompanied by the appropriate hand gestures. My son also learned these customs from this film; circle of life and all that. 

The Shining

The whole movie starts with a well crafted scene of exposition, and then halfway through we find ourselves here and we learn what's really going on. Sorta. Kubirck loves his lavatories (there are several pivotal ones just in this movie), usually as a symbol of privacy or vulnerability, with a heavy lean on the latter here as Jack is manipulated, not by one ghost, but by all the entities who've always been here. 

High Anxiety

While navigating an extremely "dramatic airport", Mel Brooks is instructed by Robert Ridgely to follow him into the men's room, where he's treated to a full frontal trench coat peepshow and some classic bad taste Ridgely humor. It's notable that whenever Robert Ridgely's playing it straight he's consistently believable - almost suspensefully so here, to Hitchcockian heights. 

Halloween

Love it, hate it, or mostly meh on it, Michael's acquisition of his "Michael Myers costume" is RZ's remake seems to be the most memorable moment for all -- due almost entirely to Ken Foree's sassy-but-menacing delivery of every single line. "I'm Joe Grizzly, bitch!"

Innerspace

Throughout the movie, Martin Short speaks out loud to the miniaturized Dennis Quaid inside his body, causing much confusion to those around him. One such instance occurs at the urinal, causing Joe Dante regular Kenneth Tobey to impart his wisdom: "Play with it, pal, but don't talk to it." That sentiment confused me when I was 5, and even still I don't think I've fully grasped its value. 

Crocodile Dundee II

Mick Dundee threatens Stephen Root's manhood with his unquestionably large knife to get information regarding this movie's sorta tedious drug lord plot. It's hard to appreciate in hindsight but any appearance of the iconic knife in the sequel was the equivalent of seeing lightsabers in The Phantom Menace. You had to be there. 

Quick Change

More toilet shenanigans that supposedly hint at male homosexuality - or perhaps something insidious, I was never really sure. Bill Murray and Randy Quaid remain unseen in the bathroom stall as Bill removes stacks of stolen cash duct taped to Randy's body, resulting in a lotta tearing and groaning sounds and causing the other remaining patron to recoil in horror and exclaim, "You people can keep this city!" This guy must've been imagining something along the lines of Cenobite role-play. 

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Raoul Duke spills LSD on his red woolen shirt, and hippie Flea proceeds to suck it off. No big deal -- except some straight-laced square (who's attending a Jefferson Airplane performance at a psychedelic night club for some reason) catches them in the act, ruining his life "forever". Honestly, my biggest takeaway from this moment is the decades-long desire to match Johnny's exact fit of stripes and plaid. 

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Nothing too subtle going on here. The sounds of struggle emanate from Austin's bathroom stall as he fends off an assailant, leaving cowboy Tom Arnold confused, then concerned, then impressed (this is the first time I'd ever heard of the concept of a "courtesy flush" but I've held onto it). Two things I believe but can't be sure of: Mike Myers named a character "Number 2" just to use it as a punchline for this scene. And you can't make a bathroom movie list without at least two Tom Arnold movies. 

STATIC SHOTS

STATIC SHOTS

2003: It seems like yesterday, but it was long ago

We needn't always be a product of the culture around us; we always have the option to take the reins of our own environment. I'm just speaking from experience but I feel like there's a changeover at some point when your interests are no longer dictated by current fashions. It's when you become notably "out of touch" or "unhip" but really I think it's more about settling into your own path. The reason young people dig contemporary trends is because they're all aimed at them and they don't know any better - that's not a criticism, I ate up all the junk they fed me until I started to peek over the fence.

I was 20. I was drifting through my second year of college with a casual abandon that would ultimately wreak havoc on my conscience in harmful ways. At the beginning of the year I left home for the first time and moved in with my sister and her family while they were housesitting a split-level home on Overlook Drive - a fitting location as we still refer to it as our time at "The Overlook." I occupied the basement level which included a bedroom, living room, bathroom, and a legitimate bar. Objectively some kinda paradise for someone in my situation at the time, and I assure you the perks were not lost on me. But those perks began to betray me as I started to sacrifice sleep and academia as I found myself in some dissociative fugue state. I lost myself in an existential Rubik's Cube that was compounded by one of the most brutally crippling Winters in my memory. Everyone in the house fell victim to various (and mysterious) health afflictions as well as varying degrees of financial ruin. I'd lie awake in the darkness every night as I heard my brother-in-law venture out into dangerous temperatures and mountains of snow to deliver newspapers under the cover of darkness. It was an unspoken race to see which of us could fully transform into Jack Torrance first. The furnace was unreliable: when it did work it covered the walls and furniture in black soot, and when it didn't the blankets would gather ice crystals as I slept. I stopped taking care of myself in conventional ways and ventured into various areas of self destruction. I'd been left unattended and the toxic mixture of bizarre circumstance and freedom of choice left me in a bad place. 

I wasn't going to the movies much - I wasn't going much of anywhere, including school. I'd acquired a Korean bootleg of Eraserhead, and upon watching it for the very first time, it felt entirely like Nonfiction to me. I alternated between Zeppelin's In Through The Out Door and Joni Mitchell's Blue. My Power Songs were "Take It Easy" by The Eagles and "Against The Wind" by Bob Seger. I read On The Road. I wrote a feature length screenplay about kidnapping and divorce. I saturated myself in a dark and angsty sphere of moody media and it wasn't even intentional. (It also wasn't even March.) As the season began to show some mercy, the reality of my situation began to manifest into tangible problems with horns I could grab onto and tame. 

Apart from hitting uncomfortably close to home, Eraserhead was a truly monumental turning point for me at that time -- suddenly my career as a film student was something to be taken much more seriously. Shortly thereafter I'd gotten my hands on a VHS of Paul Thomas Anderson's Cigarettes and Coffee which only furthered my lust and ambition to create. Also it was around this time when I consciously decided to catch up on the major Horror Movie Series of my youth; through the cheapness and convenience of DVD, I consumed all of Elm Street, Friday the 13th, Texas Chainsaw, and Hellraiser in the Spring of that year. (It was entirely and joyously incidental that Freddy and Jason would square off a few months later.) The White Stripes released Elephant in April and it became a Summer soundtrack. The year started to take shape in ways that weren't entirely rooted in misery and confusion. 

I left The Overlook in July and moved back home, which felt both like a failure and a reward. A lot of permanent damage had been left in the wake of this experiment, enough to disqualify it as a learning experience, but certainly enough trauma and scar tissue to call it an experience. I realigned back into my old self (with new baggage): I went to school, I went on dates, and I went to the movies -- predictably nothing left as much of an impression on me as those first six months of this abominable year. And where is the surprise there -- we were 3 years in and I was already soured on 21st Century Cinema and finding thrills and inspiration in older oddities. For me there wasn't anything inherently 2003 about that year; I wasn't immersed in the commercialized moment the way I was when I was a kid, and I think that's the jumping off point into some kinda maturity: yes I'd chosen art to continue to nurture my spirit, but it was gonna be on my own terms. I'd stood at the bottom of the well looking up and managed to climb out with the help of pirated movies and 80s Slasher Flicks and Classic Rock - because that's what was right for me at that time. That's really how it should always work: we have centuries of culture on our shoulders and yet we scramble to consume whatever Netflix, Twitter, and The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences feeds us this week. I became a man as I accidentally looked beyond the stage and saw the horizon and god knows I wanted to break free. 

We were buried in sequels more than ever before (LOTR 3, Terminator 3, Fast and Furious 2, Matrix 2 and 3, Bad Boys 2, Final Destination 2, X-Men 2, Legally Blonde 2). Notice how low these numbers are and how that coincides with the beginning of the decade... Nauseatingly ominous. And Pirates had just set sail! Even still, we had outings from Woody, Altman, Bertolucci, Friedkin, Jane Campion, The Coens, Jan de Bont, Martin Brest, Joe Dante, John Woo, Richard Linklater, David Zucker, Ron Howard, Norman Jewison, The Farrellys, and Richard Donner. I didn't care, I still don't - I saw next to none of these tepid attempts and what I did see left me feeling unsatisfied and/or ashamed. But it worked out splendidly - it was a garbage movie year and I was too busy to get all pissed off or even care. But yes, there were a few I liked quite a bit - a couple I loved even. Nevertheless I've generously inflated my Best Of List to the numerically pleasing "20" for your skimming pleasure - a daunting task that should allow you to see me at my most masochistic. 

- Paul

1. Kill Bill Vol.1

It had been roughly 6 years since we'd heard from Quentin, and I was ignorantly underwhelmed here -- where's the introspective tone and sparkling dialogue? Stupid me it was always there in plain sight, as well as a whole lotta other brilliant stuff. Admittedly some of its weight and grandeur came into focus with the help of Vol. 2, but still, on its own, it remains to be one of the best Action flicks of this century.

2. Lost in Translation

This whole approach and mood felt so fresh at the time (at least for American films), and in a lotta ways is still is; regardless of its pace, this fast & loose spirit infused with seemingly calculated cinematography was clearly influential but rarely duplicated with such finesse (not even by Sofia).

3. Bad Santa

There was no way to market this movie in a way that accurately got the subtlety (or crudity) across. And so I stayed away for some time, eventually seeing it accidentally and realizing what we all know now. Terry Zwigoff furthered his track record of offbeat humor, but the best surprise was Billy Bob's special brand of comic timing.

4. 21 Grams

One of the first few times this decade that I was excited about a new filmmaker (and even rarer that they continued to keep up and follow through). It wasn't that it was experimental, but it was competent and precise and challenging in a way that movies (and movies like this) hadn't been in a while. 

5. Freddy vs. Jason

I can't pretend to discuss this movie objectively (or any movie for that matter). It's ugly to look at with its misplaced CGI and artificial cinematography, but in terms of story and performance and all around fan service, they got my order right and I got the toy I wanted. 

6. House of 1000 Corpses

It took nearly the past 2 decades for me to come around as much as I have on this odious opus. As a straightforward movie it's obnoxious, but as the indulgent overblown circus of overacting and exaggerated camp that it is, it works as one of the better intentional comedies of the year. 

7. The Room

Intentional Comedy? It doesn't matter, it's entirely and endlessly watchable and rewatchable, either to laugh at it, with it, or simply sit in stunned awe. And no defense or apologies - more has been written about this film than any other on this list, so there's your prestige. 

8. Master and Commander: The Far Side of The World

The best nautical swashbuckling adventure of the year - this is the one that deserved 4 or 5 sequels and it's totally telling that we were rooked. I can't think of many movies around this time that had me so aware and invested in props, costumes, and set design. 

9. Coffee and Cigarettes

I'd been aware of the shorts of which it's comprised and this was my chance to actually see them. I'm not really a Jarmusch guy but the content and the concept is certainly my speed (at least at the time) and the pace is way more manageable than usual. 

10. Finding Nemo

It took forever for me to recognize the otherwise obvious difference between Disney and Pixar -- and that Pixar films were and are exceptionally and consistently better. This one is still too juvenile for my taste but I always found the underwater animation to be entirely hypnotic. 

11. Matchstick Men

I say I'm not a fan of Ridley but I always seem to dig the Crime Drama stuff. I also really like grifting gags, but more than anything this movie just further perpetuated my love and lust for Sam Rockwell.

12. Mystic River

Lotta criminal activity in Boston around this time it seems, and it was Award and Box Office gold. In spite of that transparency I'm more than happy when Hollywood decides to champion gangsters and thugs over superheroes. And this is easily one of the better Beantown bum outs. 

13. Grand Theft Parsons

A few dollars shy of an adequate budget that would've made this movie noticeably better and more popular. Proof that Johnny Knoxville can be a straight actor no problem, and also the first time I witnessed Michael Shannon carry more than a single scene. 

14. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

I went to see this not knowing or expecting much and was very pleasantly surprised. In the sphere of Indiana Jones/Cartoon Action Adventure (which entertains me but doesn't excite me) this is about as good as it gets.

15. Elf

Will Ferrell's most likable role (and movie) and it's a tone I wished he'd revisited more often. Not that he should always play some kinda man child but so few modern Comedies are saturated in this much innocence without being totally defective.

16. A Mighty Wind

I think it's on the level that my standards with this crew were pretty high by this point - I just found the laughs to be a little sparse here. Fred Willard steals it again, Catherine and Eugene are the most likable again, and of course the music is brilliant.

17. Jeepers Creepers 2

Equal parts bigger and more intimate - good or bad that's exactly how a sequel in any genre should be handled: same tone, new rules, different structure, lots more bad guy. (And what a bad guy!)

18. Once Upon a Time in Mexico

The Army of Darkness or Beyond Thunderdome of this Action Comedy franchise is full of dumb jokes and empty ideas that connect to nothing and lead nowhere. Imagine a multiverse where the MCU were that clever or brave - we'd be drenched in Grindhouse Cinema. 

19. Hulk

"Wow, an Incredible Hulk movie, great idea!" Ok so the actual Hulk effect wasn't as cool as the old TV show I grew up with, but the story and performances and overall comic book vibe was so much more attractive to me than the Spider-Man movies at that time, and easily the coolest looking movie Hulk to date. 

20. The Cooler

It's a shame that after 80+ years the gambling genre seemed to taper off - ironically around the time of the poker boom. What I took from this is that I don't buy Alec Baldwin in serious roles, and it's still unfair how rarely I get to see Maria Bello. 

It Came From FANGORIA ep. 6

Babes's TOP 20 HORROR MOVIE CRUSHES

   Everyone is attractive. And horror movie actors(tresses) are no exception to this rule. Sometimes they can even elevate or distract me from a horrible feature. I'll even forget, and remember the movie fondly only to revisit it later, and be reminded that it was only those perfect breasts that kept me engaged. At heart, I'm still just a horny teenager. And my lizard brain is overactive with big eyes for all of those Hollywood cutouts. Same as you. 

- Babes

Kenny

Ernest Scared Stupid

I have always loved the Ernest movies because Jim Varney is a funny motherfucker. It should come as no surprise that his spooky-themed one is the nearest and dearest to my heart. And this little boy, with his very early nineties haircut, blue flannel shirt, and super pouty lips stole my heart. He was one of my earliest pretend boyfriends. And I deeply fantasized. 

Brian Stevenson

Little Monsters

I was always a Winnie Cooper kid. But then I saw this underrated masterpiece and Fred was my new prince. What tips the scales is definitely when he dons the leather vest at the end. Super hunk.

Richie Tozier

IT

Everyone was adorable in this. But little nerdy, glasses-adorning Seth Green was the very best. And a fetish was born. 

Lucy Westenra

Bram Stoker's Dracula

Watching Lucy writhe around, groping and touching her half naked self in the rain, did things to me on a chemical and physical level that I cannot even describe. 

Tatum Riley

Scream

I pretended I liked this movie so that I could see it three more times in the theater, and buy a VHS copy, just so I could ogle this goddess some more. 

Terri

Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth

These movies are not scary, but more so completely disgusting. They for real churn my stomach, and I have to be in the right mood to allow that queasiness. As for this sequel, it takes this very special kind of hottie to distract me from my upchuck feeling, and turn me on. 

Donnie Darko

Donnie Darko 

This was a new release blind rental. Apart from being blown away by its originality and amazing soundtrack/score, I was getting all the feels from the handsome doe-eyed lead actor. And I knew that he was going places. Boy was I right. 

Seth Brundle

The Fly

Jeff just oozes sexuality as much as he does literal goo. 

Carole

Repulsion 

To those of you who need to know this, it's not the crazy ones that you need to be wary of, they're bound to be the most adventurous in the ways you want them to be, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. And she is so goddamn pretty that it hurts. 

Herman Salvadore

The Lords of Salem

Honestly, in certain light, this guy looks like my sexy husband. So that helps. And he's cool as fuck. I should know, I've met him.

Jay Height

It Follows

This film photographs her unusual beauty well, highlighting her gigantic eyes, and making her skin look delicious. 

Hedy Carlson

Single White Female

How do you make her look hotter? Try making her try to look like Bridget Fonda? Winner winner chicken dinner.

Allie Jones

Single White Female

She has always been list-worthy, but this look reigns with that adorable red pixie cut.

Slack

Land of the Dead

Her dark and brooding look caught my attention in this otherwise bag of shit that I had to sit through in the theater. And upon further investigation, she's weird, which makes her even better.

Shaun

Shaun of the Dead

Fewer films have made me laugh harder than this one. And humor is seductive as hell. 

Sarah Roberts

The Hunger

She never makes any scream queen lists, but why not? She's was more alluring than anyone else on them! Especially with blood dripping down her face and body.

Kate Beringer

Gremlins

While I agree with Paul - while this is the worst wardrobe in the history of film, it doesn't take away from all that is her. 

Crawford Tillinghast

From Beyond

Skittish, bookish nerd, in librarian-esque sweater is provocative to me the way naked is to others.

Ginger and Brigitte Fitzgerald

Ginger Snaps

This film was described to me as a "lesbian werewolf movie". While it's not, I can still pretend, and I very much like to...

Sukie Ridgemont 

The Witches of Eastwick

It's worth noting that her character is extremely fertile, and has many children, which means she really likes fucking. And sluts rock.    

Paul's TOP 20 HORROR MOVIE CRUSHES

Scream Queens. Final Girls. Whether they're a casualty or a crusader doesn't really play a part in what piques my interest; I look at this list of women and I find I'm unable to compartmentalize what they bring to this otherwise rudimentary genre. In other words, most of them are too complex (or their situation is such) to assign them one of these antiquated story functions; these are characters that managed to exist beyond the "plot" in one way or another - enough to believe that maybe, I dunno, we could hang out maybe(?). If you survive, I mean... 

- Paul

Lisa Webber

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

It's one thing to accept the terms of being "just friends," but to embrace that to the point of braving the depths of hell and fighting the devil himself to preserve that friendship is a relationship goal everyone should strive for. 

Kimberly

Brainscan

Sometimes you need to ease off the Fangos and serial killing and simply notice the literal girl next door who's clearly showing interest and concern for your whole deal. Fucking gamers. 

Harley David

Halloween II

Never mind the white horse and psychic powers and the unkillable giant - the least believable thing in the movie is that anyone could ever be as ridiculously cool (and hot) as she. 

Mary

Cannibal Apocalypse 

Whenever you're overwhelmed with suppressing the cannibalistic urges you contracted as a POW in Vietnam, try to find someone who looks at you the way Cinzia De Carolis looks at John Saxon.  

The Demon

The Unholy

I'm not saying she makes the entire movie, but were it not bookended by this sinister seductress of Satan I don't think I'd revisit it quite as much. 

Jezzie

Jacob's Ladder

I'm gonna have a crush on Elizabeth Peña in anything, but Jezzie works so hard at maintaining compassion in the face of madness that anyone with that kind of staying power must be a figment of your drug-fueled imagination. 

Gretel

Gretel & Hansel 

The thing with this is that Hansel reminds me of my son, so anytime I watch it there's this anxiety regarding his safety, and because his big sister is his hero, she intuitively becomes my hero.

Mary Shelley

The Bride of Frankenstein

As "The Bride" she has a dedicated following, and I get that - I'm big on the whole goth thing too. But she clearly never needed the whole getup; some chicks are prettier pre-reanimation. 

Helen Foley

Twilight Zone: The Movie

The most intriguing thing about this version of the story is her character; she seemingly kills the monster with kindness, but then it's strongly implied through dialogue and performance that there's some weird naughtiness to her that suggests an even more interesting continuation. 

Sarah Bailey

The Craft

It's kinda like picking a favorite Beatle - and your choice could potentially reveal something about who you are; because yeah, when I was younger I could've been more of a Fairuza man, but with maturity you tend to gravitate more towards sanity and security. 

Jaime

Little Witches

Of course, there are some days when we want a little slutty madness in our naughty necromancers.

Heather Donahue

The Blair Witch Project

The "High School me" still echoes that passion for the potty-mouthed extroverted film student who's clearly down for whatever life (or death) throws at her.

Jean

American Psycho

Despite her passiveness, gullibility, and ignorance of famous serial killers, she has a sweet innocence that could easily be nurtured by someone who isn't quite so misogynistic.

Yara

It Follows

I always tend to pay more attention to "the friend" than the lead, but that's not really any surprise here - in a very short amount of screen time the movie begs us to notice her, and I'm very happy to oblige.

Allison

Vamp

It's hard to find a ray of sunshine anywhere in this genre, and so few characters are as brave and optimistic in the face of vampires and albino street toughs as Dedee Pfeiffer. 

Meg Penny

The Blob

A cheerleader-turned-urban commando setup could easily be played for laughs, but Shawnee sells it hard enough to be totally convincing as an (under appreciated) Action Hero.

Catherine Martin

The Silence of the Lambs

Maybe it's my hero complex kicking in, but even though she's clearly smart enough and strong enough to turn the tables, that initial lotion scene sends me fantasies of jumping in there and bringing her home to her mom.

Lisa Snipes

Curse II: The Bite

How to pick a single Jill Schoelen role? Hot, sweaty desert locale, literal animalistic urges, lotsa biting and phallic snake imagery, an actual mud wrestling climax. This'll do.

Tina

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

Sorry to be so pre-diddly-ictable but she belongs nowhere else if not here. Jason's dead, and this lady just wants to fuck her boyfriend for days without any fear of reprisal (or gardening shears). That makes her the most relatable character in all of Cinema.

The Women of Tenebrae

It's just the Italian Seasoning version of the Spice Girls - I defy you to pick just one. But why bother - I didn't. Apparently Rome is tougher than Twin Peaks when it comes to singling out your favorite Signora.