30 years since the divine marketing of Batman Returns to which I repetitiously refer. And with every subsequent movie, I've tried to recapture that hype and bottle it for my own continual consumption: from my Jim Carrey/Tommy Lee Jones t-shirt to my Heath Ledger bobblehead, I've taken what they've given in a desperate attempt to feel the fun again - the way it was. But toys & posters & apparel aside, there were the fast food tie-ins - which largely consisted of various kinds of cups (though I think Burger King might've had a Dark Knight Burger). So what does a company do that's not primarily known for dispensing beverages? They make the whole damn meal the thing.
Like the rest of 'em, the quality of Little Caesars has plummeted in every possible way over the years. But once upon a time, they made what I considered to be the most quality 'za of all the chains. (Cut to 30 years later and no one wins.) But this? Everything about this was appealing to me: the concept, the fact that it was approved, the choice of restaurant, the ridiculous name, even the cuisine itself was all calling me in a unique way. But what turned me on most was that I wasn't really getting a "novelty pizza" vibe from this film's advertising campaign. It all felt like a delicious parody.
This franchise always runs the risk of taking itself too seriously. This melted cheesy symbol in a box assured me that perhaps it hasn't... Or maybe it had, and this was just an inappropriate contrast of mood. Both scenarios work for me and I already feel mostly satisfied, but I went ahead and immersed my senses into this small but vivid bubble of Bat Mania in a single day of decadent desires.
Growing up in the era of Aliens action figures and Bram Stoker's Dracula for NES makes comic book junk food sound pretty tame. But the truth is that this out & out Thriller deserved a much larger-scale promotion - at the very least some sorta "Catch The Riddler" peel-off game from McD's. Because here's the thing: if The Dark Knight stylistically mirrored Heat, then The Batman's counterpart is Manhunter (with shades of Se7en, Saw, and every other serial killer yarn of the past 30 years). And I'm being comparative not just because it's similar subject matter -- at times (most times) it was entirely as creative and competent and ghoulish as anything by Mann or Fincher; the typical sleuthing scenarios felt comfortably familiar, but this very specific atmosphere feels fresh for The Caped Crusader.
But then, in between the bloody crime scenes and police procedurals, it seamlessly reminds us that this is indeed a Batman movie with grappling hooks and bulletproof armor and crooked cops and dirty politicians and a mild romance and a Batmobile that's a fucking '68 Charger. They didn't reinvent the wheel here, and that's a good thing; the sequences when it actually does embrace its roots as a superhero movie are as radical and exciting as Burton and Nolan. It never really gets full-blown experimental, but as safe as it is, it's on par with the best.
Kinda the opposite can be said of The Calzony: big risk, little reward. I mean, the calzone head & tail were pretty effective balls of melted cheese, but they still gotta go up against that crust that's probably been in a freezer since the film's original release date of June 2021. Granted, all the pizza chains are simply in the business of "thawing," but Caesars' fall from grace is most notable - not just because they used to be the best, but because they're now the worst. But you know what? It's still a pizza. And it was still a Batman pizza that I bought down the street from where I'd just seen a Batman movie. Watching a Summer Blockbuster during the ragged epilogue of the Winter months feels claustrophobic and frustrating, but with the help of pepperoni and an otherwise outstanding picture, we made it fun.
- Paul
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