10 Wacky Vehicles

In compiling a list of 10 Cool Cars I managed to think of a ton of not-quite-cars -- like so many that they needed to go somewhere; I've made it my job to justify the existence of such things, and so now I bring you a list of the more abstract idea that is "vehicles". Let the wackiness commence. 

- Paul

Ecto-2

The Real Ghostbusters

It made more sense than trying to navigate Manhattan traffic in a giant car when you're attempting to bust free floating apparitions. I called it a helicopter but I guess technically it's an "autogyro". This one presents a weird situation: I can't remember if I had the toy or I just remember the kids in the commercial playing with it. Either way I had a great time. 

The Cart of Death

Married... With Children

A shopping cart refurbished by Al as a means to win the Foodie's One Millionth Customer Shopping Spree. Apart from looking like Super Mario's Bullet Bill, it featured several "antipersonnel" gadgets like shooting arrows and spring-loaded boxing gloves. As much as I love things that are secretly weapons, the big draw is really the Bullet Bill comparison. 

Dracula's Coach

Bram Stoker's Dracula

For an endlessly spooky movie this just may be one of the scariest bits. Nevermind the weird ghost horses pulling you towards what is ultimately Hell on Earth, but that crumbling cliff ride is no joke. Oh and the demonic Coachman (also played by Gary Oldman) gave me a nightmare when I was 9 that I still remember. 

Trimaxion Drone Ship

Flight of the Navigator

Were this a ranked list of Coolest Spaceships, this would probably place first. As a child I was a sucker for shiny things and that attitude hasn't really waned, so while it may be able to change shape, travel through space and time, and talk like Pee-wee, I'm really just here for the sexy silver curves. 

Transport Module

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I love cozy compact conveyances - stuff that's only being enough for me and maybe a friend and some snacks. Claustrophobia doesn't kick in when there's a forward momentum - especially one strong enough to bust through the Earth's crust. 

Neptune 2000

Get a Life

In an episode of this short-lived show from the early 90s, Chris Elliot sends away for a DIY submarine called The Neptune 2000. Twenty years later it arrives in the mail, and after assembling it he and his father merely sit in it, in the bathtub, and become trapped. Even still, I find it cozy. 

The Golden Condor

The Mysterious Cities of Gold

There were three things that kept me coming back to this show: the abstract promise that there will be gold, the truly epic theme song, and this giant fucking bird/plane thing that's intimidating enough to scare away foes and allies alike. 

The Wonkavator

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

He had many concoctions and contraptions and modes of transportation (all with the prefix "Wonka") but this is the one that literally breaks away from the surrealistic dread of the factory and leaves us on the highest note. Really, though, I just wanna press that awesome-looking button. 

Queen's Flying Car

"Radio Ga Ga"

In the music video for their 1984 single, the band sorta kinda superimposes themselves into scenes from Fritz Lang's Metropolis, portions of which depict them flying over the titular city in a futuristic sports car steered with a microphone. Judging by its homemade look and how it glides I always felt as though it'd handle like a really pleasant amusement park ride. 

Arwing

Star Fox

Back in '93 the big selling point of this game was that it contained the Super FX Graphics Chip. Not really sure what that did but it certainly was a neat looking game - particularly the fighter planes flown by Fox McCloud and his crew; honestly these sleek silvery angles only ever made me think of Flight of the Navigator, so clearly I'm a slave to my preferred aesthetics.