Wendy's Frosty Fusions

On Monday May 12 Wendy's unleashed their latest creation: a concoction of various chunks and sauces mixed into their traditional ice cream menu item to create The Frosty Fusion - and I was there for the premiere!

Apparently they started experimenting with freak Frostys (Frosties?) back in April with "Frosty Swirls". I missed that one (I mean, technically they're still available) but they look similar to these, just without the "pieces". Well I'm here to tell you that I'm here for the pieces - and not just some, but all. 

First day menu drop caught the cashier off guard a bit - he wasn't too sure how to ring them up, or how to make them. That's fine, we're all on this adventure together - bit it did result in an extra long wait time for three half-filled cups of melted ice cream (which is typically a better outcome that what McDonald's dysfunctional equipment has to offer). 

First up was the Oreo Brownie because I knew it'd be the least surprising: Oreos mixed into ice cream creates a wide enough target that it's nearly impossible to fuck it up. Honestly the addition of the specific Frosty ice cream that's unique to Wendy's actually improved on this thing that was already perfect. 

Secondly was the Caramel Crunch. Truthfully I'm very middle-of-the-road when it comes to caramel; I find it quite delightful but it'll never be my first choice as a topping. Either way the caramel component was extremely subtle, to the point I was wondering if they just forgot it. That left the toffee bits which were minuscule enough that this one just ended up feeling like a plain Vanilla Frosty.

I purposefully saved what I thought would be the best for last, and I was correct: the Pop-Tarts Strawberry. Objectively, I was just turned on by the idea of Pop-Tarts in ice cream, and what happens is it results in an actual Pop-Tart-flavored Frosty. Apparently they use "Pop-Tarts Crunchy Poppers" in the mix which I've never had on their own before, but the legitimate crunch they bring makes it seem as though the Pop-Tarts came straight outta the toaster. I was content with a raw Pop-Tart experience and then they spring this serious gourmet shit on us. You may turn a blind eye to my crude photography because I assure you those crispy breakfast pastries are in there. 

I only ever consume a Frosty with a straw - I guess because I like the challenge, but also because I like my milkshakes thicc. This new development will obviously put the kibosh on that habit but these treats don't really perform well as a beverage - more like a side (though when you get three of them at once, they're definitely the main course). Wendy's isn't the first place to offer "ice cream with stuff in it" (in fact they're probably the last) but in an age when the Fast Food environment has atrophied into a sterile blandness, any little jolt of cookie crumbs is enough to keep me mildly interested. 

- Paul