More Trouble in the Public Toilet

I have to go to the bathroom again. I'm sorry. My last roundup of public restroom rough and tumbles was so rushed that I felt like I didn't get everything out, and I've experienced a little congestion ever since. So, it's time to go back, because it's the potty humor that keeps Bennett Media afloat. 

- Paul

The Professional

There's no shortage of unhinged wildcard villains in the 1990s, and Gary Oldman's Agent Stansfield would easily be on the Mt. Rushmore of that very specific category. In fact, Gary's overacting shines most brightly in this movie because of just how unpredictable and grotesque it makes him; we as an audience have zero doubt that he's only every moments away from shooting Natalie Portman in the face. 

The French Connection

"Where do you want it?" Doyle hustles his faithful informant into the bathroom like he's gonna kick the shit out of him, but that's just for show; it's a much more amiable relationship. However, for the sake of continuity, Popeye does have to leave some kinda mark to substantiate their charade. 

Camp Nowhere

Not sure if French Connection was the first to do it, but this scene isn't subtle with its homage: main protagonist Mud is happy to help sorta-friend Zack maintain his tough guy status in exchange for protection from the real bullies. It's a cute moment but it's definitely a strong example of the Boomer interpretation of teenagers that dominated this decade. 

Stripes

Virtuoso wiseass John Winger gets taught a lesson in humility (or some character trait like that) when he takes one to the gut in the company latrine. Easily the only dramatic moment in the movie, which is probably why it scared me a bit as a child; it was very upsetting to see Pete Venkman get beat up in a non humorous way. 

Wolf

Most people know this moment because it was in the trailer - when Jack pees all over the workplace bathroom (including onto James Spader's "suede shoes") because he's "marking [his] territory". In the climate of this Werewolf Movie, this actually counts as a set piece, and I feel like I was one of the few viewers who appreciated it as such. 

Teen Wolf

In modern society, it's clearly more polite to take your lycanthropy business into the can, and so we end up with bathroom scenes - like this one where Michael J. Fox begins to transform in the middle of a school day (?) and has to find a bathroom on the other end of the building and still gets caught. No one would ever call this a Horror Comedy - except for me of course, and it's because of the creepy suspense brought on by scenes like this. 

976-EVIL

Actually we could do a whole separate set on Bathroom Bullies because of how many there are (and rightly so, it's very true of life). For now I'm singling out this scene because ooh I hate these motherfuckers; I think I've rewatched this movie so many damn times because the comeuppances are so satisfying. 

Witness

Perhaps the most pivotal bathroom scene of all time in terms of its relevance to the story: it's this moment Lucas Haas becomes the titular witness. I don't know how many movies began with this plot device before this movie, but afterwards I feel like they all did. What do I always say -- don't witness things!  

Night of the Creeps

After the shower, I feel like we're most vulnerable on the toilet, which feels that much more escalated for poor J. C. who doesn't really have the use of his legs while he's fending off speedy space slugs. Never has that gap between the door and the floor felt more distressing. 

Dumb & Dumber

Probably one of the more famous instances of this scenario (from its respective decade at least) and it's probably not even the most famous toilet scene in the movie! To this day, I'm still not sure if Seabass was actually looking to dispense "manly love" or if the graffiti was just a coincidence. Either way, ::chef's kiss::