6 Snack Ideas From MARRIED... WITH CHILDREN

I'm not a picky eater - I'll try just about anything. I also hate wasting food, so even if I don't like it I'll hold out to the bitter end. This also means I effortlessly take my chances with stuff from around the kitchen that's well passed its expiration date. So, taking all this into consideration it should come as no surprise that the parade of gross food punchlines that popped up throughout the entire Married... With Children TV series only ever seemed interesting (and sometimes appealing) to me. Here are six that I have the least shame about my willingness to eat. 

- Paul 

Toothpaste sandwich

(Season 3, episode 13)

Just as Al is about to "eat and fight cavities" he pauses to reflect on a memory of his mother once telling him that one day he could be The President of the United States - a position of prestige that's a stark contrast to the uncultured cuisine that is a swirl of toothpaste between two pieces of white bread. I do like Junior Mints - how far off can this be? 

Mom's Mystery Pack

(Season 6, episode 19)

We're made aware of it in one of the previous seasons, but here we get to see it in action when Anthrax (as in the band) are just Metal enough to consume the consumable that Al wouldn't even touch. It's basically a creamy paste wrapped in tin foil that may or may not be alive (it moves and bites) and defies the laws of nature ("If it came outta the fridge why's it hot?"). It's notable (probably only to me) that no one ever says it tastes bad. 

Fried M&M

(Season 5, episode 18)

This is easily the least challenging food in terms of edibility -- in fact I defy anyone to turn their noses up at this concept: Al heats a singular Peanut M&M over the stove, making the peanut inside "all warm and toasty". Though despite his humility ("Oh Lord, bless this M&M, and the mighty cockroach I slain in battle to get it") Peg carelessly steals it off his plate and eats it. 

Waist-Away Diet Shakes

(Season 9, episode 14)

First of all, what a great name for a weight loss drink! It comes in a variety of flavors but according to Kelly even the mainstream ones aren't great (she mistakes "Cherry" for "Cowpie"), but it's a downward spiral from there, following with "Kiwi", "Cabbage", "Salmon", and a flavor so vile that she can't even utter the words, but instead vomits. I've gone to extremes to lose weight, I don't think I'd mind some cabbage sludge. 

Beer on bread

(Season 4, episode 4)

Al has a toothache, so to avoid eating solid food or drinking cold liquids, he saturates a slice of bread with beer. Definitely not a combo I'd actively seek out (the weight watcher in me can't conceive of that many carbs at once) but a yeast-on-yeast concoction really isn't that crazy. It actually sounds kinda hearty in a wholesome way. 

Leftovers from Town Cafe

(Season 7, episode 8)

Kelly gets a job as a waitress and has apparently been coerced by Al and Bud to bring home the table scraps left behind by the restaurant's patrons. They gleefully end up with greasy bags full of half-eaten hamburgers, mashed potatoes wth cigarette butts in them, and curly fries that may or may not be deep fried mouse parts. Either way it all looks good to me.