20 Fake Boobs

Tits. Jugs. Knockers. Hooters. Magumbos. Snack Trays. And about 50 million more. As much a I'd like to compile a list of favorite Topless Scenes in Cinema, this felt more challenging (and also less vulgar): miscellaneous moments when some breasts were used for laughs, for shock, or for set design - and they've all been augmented to be not quite what they seem. (No Big Naturals here, folks!) It's not difficult to understand but those who skipped this intro are gonna be confused. They deserve what they get. 

9 scenes. 20 breasts. Do the math. 

- Paul

Being John Malkovich

The script only describes her as "the woman across the table" but the slow tilt up to the seductive Malkovich smile is only further punctuated by his amazing rack. 

F/X 2

In order to catch a serial killer, Officer Mike Brandon must stand in for a potential next victim by posing as a vulnerable-but-busty shower babe. Bonus: you can use the nipples to call for backup. 

Bachelor Party

Tom Hanks battles various voices of reason while trying to not be overwhelmed by Monique Gabrielle's most noticeable assets.

The NeverEnding Story

This is when Family Films had balls (and boobs). Nevermind the bloodthirsty wolf or dead horse or the total annihilation of Fantasia - the most confrontational element of this movie are the big firm breasts of the Southern Oracle. We were all taken with them, though we never said it out loud. 

Fight Club

"Guys with boobs" as a gag is pretty flat (no pun), but Meat Loaf as a supporting character in a Gen X cautionary tale of consumerism and nihilism sporting giant fake bosoms is frankly the kinda Cinema we don't do much of anymore. 

Night of the Demons

Speaking of Groundbreaking Film -- a possessed Linnea Quigley applies a lipstick heart over her entire face and then inserts the lipstick tube into her left breast via the nipple. Audiences today couldn't comprehend this level of brilliance.  

Dumb and Dumber

While moments away from a head-on traffic collision, Lloyd becomes a deer in Mary Swanson's headlights. There are several puns happening at once, but it's also possible Lloyd has never seen real breasts outside of Rhode Island Slut. 

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask

Kaiju mammaries! Actually juts one singular massive natural courtesy of mad scientist John Carradine satirizing the genre he helped build -- with boobs. 

Total Recall

I'll admit it: I've only ever had trouble getting past the phoniness of it, and the idea of the deformity itself was slightly too odd to be sexy. But I'm an ass man so what do I know?