FRENCH FRIES and FULL MOON FEATURES part IV: "Meridian" and Grown in Idaho Super Crispy Tots

From 1983 to 1988, Charles Band was the head of Empire International Pictures - which, for all intents and purposes, was just the Full Moon Entertainment of the 80s. During that time, Charles used much of the Ghoulies earnings to purchase a castle in Rome, Italy, specifically for the purpose of securing a "home base" for future European productions. This blueprint proved to play a heavy part in the overall atmosphere of what would become Full Moon. 

Meridian (sometimes paired with the subtitle Kiss of the Beast) was released in 1990 and was Full Moon's second production after the first Puppet Master. The film follows Catherine and Gina, two friends played by Sherilyn Fenn and Charlie Spradling (or simply "Charlie" as she's billed here) who have come to Italy(!) to discuss the details of Catherine's father's death and what's to become of his estate (including, predictably, his castle). Catherine and Gina attend some sorta sideshow performance with jugglers and freaks and magicians - all of whom Gina invites back to the castle. From here, the plot begins to ravel and unravel in erratic ways, involving rape and seduction and twins and curses and candles and boobs and slow motion and hairy monsters. It sounds rich with ambience and detail, but it's all terribly dull. This is the major fallacy of most (but not necessarily all) Full Moon European productions: they have real castles and authentic locations to play with, and then they populate it with rubber monsters and bad lighting, and the built-in production value plummets before our very eyes. The presence of Hilary Mason and a Pino Donaggio music score create a thin veneer of class while also accentuating the dreariness. It's a Beauty and the Beast fable without enough of either. But who needs engrossing story and interesting set pieces when you've got ample nudity... 

...and tater tots! Seriously, how bad or boring can anything be when it's accompanied by crispy potato puffs? Actually, that very fact is what posed a challenge in finding ways to be critical of these specific tots: Grown in Idaho Super Crispy Tots. Tater tots already have a base of B/B+: you'd have to have dimness in your brain or darkness in your heart to mess up a tater tot experience. Typically we prefer them a little burnt on the bottom -- but that's where the Grown in Idaho brand seems to really shine. There was no need for any deviation from the baking instructions as the end result came with an allover goodness. Crispy on the outside, soft on the inside - simplicity in its most exquisite form. 

The Movie: D+

The Fries: A

STATIC SHOTS

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1989)

Disagreements and Misunderstandings in a Public Bathroom

Take ten seconds and try to think of as many bathroom scenes in movies as you can... If you came up with less than a thousand you need to watch more films. Now try to narrow it down to scenes specifically in public restrooms... still in the hundreds no doubt. Even further still, public restroom scenes that depict some kinda human interaction - maybe on the passionate side. Point is, there are too many to list so I listed the first 10 that came to my mind. 

- Paul

True Lies

Starting off big with maybe the best bathroom brawl of all - the one where Arnold gets to use the really cool secret spy camera they foreshadowed minutes before and ends up saving him a bullet to the head. What follows is a mix of hand-to-hand combat and automatic gunfire, turning the whole set into a slow-motion slip 'n slide that looks a commercial for the greatest water park that never was. (The movie's a Fox property so there's no reason to not have "The Harry Tasker Splash Adventure" at Disney World.)

Starman

Ah the classic men's room mixup, usually involving dick jokes or gay panic (there are several examples on this short list). This whole movie is full of lines I've been quoting since I was 4, but this exchange stands out as being both funny and informative as it taught me the meanings of "take it easy" and "up yours", accompanied by the appropriate hand gestures. My son also learned these customs from this film; circle of life and all that. 

The Shining

The whole movie starts with a well crafted scene of exposition, and then halfway through we find ourselves here and we learn what's really going on. Sorta. Kubirck loves his lavatories (there are several pivotal ones just in this movie), usually as a symbol of privacy or vulnerability, with a heavy lean on the latter here as Jack is manipulated, not by one ghost, but by all the entities who've always been here. 

High Anxiety

While navigating an extremely "dramatic airport", Mel Brooks is instructed by Robert Ridgely to follow him into the men's room, where he's treated to a full frontal trench coat peepshow and some classic bad taste Ridgely humor. It's notable that whenever Robert Ridgely's playing it straight he's consistently believable - almost suspensefully so here, to Hitchcockian heights. 

Halloween

Love it, hate it, or mostly meh on it, Michael's acquisition of his "Michael Myers costume" is RZ's remake seems to be the most memorable moment for all -- due almost entirely to Ken Foree's sassy-but-menacing delivery of every single line. "I'm Joe Grizzly, bitch!"

Innerspace

Throughout the movie, Martin Short speaks out load to the miniaturized Dennis Quaid inside his body, causing much confusion to those around him. One such instance occurs at the urinal, causing Joe Dante regular Kenneth Tobey to impart his wisdom: "Play with it, pal, but don't talk to it." That sentiment confused me when I was 5, and even still I don't think I've fully grasped its value. 

Crocodile Dundee II

Mick Dundee threatens Stephen Root's manhood with his unquestionably large knife to get information regarding this movie's sorta tedious drug lord plot. It's hard to appreciate in hindsight but any appearance of the iconic knife in the sequel was the equivalent of seeing lightsabers in The Phantom Menace. You had to be there. 

Quick Change

More toilet shenanigans that supposedly hint at male homosexuality - or perhaps something insidious, I was never really sure. Bill Murray and Randy Quaid remain unseen in the bathroom stall as Bill removes stacks of stolen cash duct taped to Randy's body, resulting in a lotta tearing and groaning sounds and causing the other remaining patron to recoil in horror and exclaim, "You people can keep this city!" This guy must've been imagining something along the lines of Cenobite role-play. 

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Raoul Duke spills LSD on his red woolen shirt, and hippie Flea proceeds to suck it off. No big deal -- except some straight-laced square (who's attending a Jefferson Airplane performance at a psychedelic night club for some reason) catches them in the act, ruining his life "forever". Honestly, my biggest takeaway from this moment is the decades-long desire to match Johnny's exact fit of stripes and plaid. 

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Nothing too subtle going on here. The sounds of struggle emanate from Austin's bathroom stall as he fends off an assailant, leaving cowboy Tom Arnold confused, then concerned, then impressed (this is the first time I'd ever heard of the concept of a "courtesy flush" but I've held onto it). Two things I believe but can't be sure of: Mike Myers named a character "Number 2" just to use it as a punchline for this scene. And you can't make a bathroom movie list without at least two Tom Arnold movies. 

NAME THAT MOVIE!

Halloween is over, and apart from peanut butter and Fanta, we are empty inside. While we continually like to point out that November has gradually become a favorite month, it can't ever fully match the mood and the mania of the Morbid Holiday Season. R.I.P.

When all is said and done, the toughest adjustment is in what to watch - the options are a lot more narrow in October, and it's slightly too early for the next big engagement, and so this is that period where we're just trying to dig up movies that feature bare trees at some point. In the meantime let's get back into this. It took a village to bring down the last set, with a whole helluva lotta persistence (and movie knowledge) - good things happen when we work together to achieve a common goal. Thank you, sensei! 

EASY

FAIR

DIFFICULT

GROOVE APPROVED