ATTACK OF THE 90s MOMS!

They were strong. They were independent. They were bad, they were bold, they were wiser. Bitch, lover, child, mother. More specifically, not really very good mothers at all. With their dated fashions and cute haircuts and powder blue minivans, the snooty matriarchs of 90s Cinema were often the secret antagonists - against their dopey husbands, sure, but also their precocious kids. Time and time again I remember thinking, "I'm glad my mom's not like that", but of course I was too young to realize that my mother wasn't merely a plot function of my story. In a lotta cases these women mean well and they're not all failures, but we can still giggle at their high-waisted jeans and naive sensibilities. Sadly, not every mom could be Morticia Addams. 

- Paul

Miranda Hillard

Mrs. Doubtfire

When I was a kid, she just came across as the horrible woman who tore apart her family and made Robin Williams cry. As a rational adult, that's still how I view it. Apparently a little House of Pain was just too invasive to carry on any longer and now her despondency is everyone's problem. 

Helen Knable

Stay Tuned

Underwritten character, or accurate portrayal of self-absorbed career gal? Her husband was grossly inattentive to her in every way, but she could've recognized his addiction as the escapism and suffering that it truly was. 

Irene Madigan

Last Action Hero

She does her damnedest trying to hold the reigns on a kid who can't even stay in his own dimension let alone navigate the perils of New York City. But c'mon Mom, are you so detached from your child's interests (and that unhip to Film) that you don't recognize Jack Slater? 

Jessica Tanaka-Douglas

3 Ninjas

Everyone wants a mom who encourages us to learn ninjutsu from our wily grampa and run off and get in adventures, but what is this mom's real motivation? There isn't much to be said of either parental figure in this franchise because they're never the fuck around! 

Kate McCallister

Home Alone/Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

It was never about forgetfulness, it was about negligence and apathy. The Mother and Child reunion in both movies is heartwarming, but every other exchange they have over the course of the two films is full of resentment and hostility and empty of love. 

Alice Mitchell

Dennis the Menace

Thus is the lore of the Menace that is Dennis - no grownup alive can tame him. Though this iteration ups the ante, depicting both parents as young urban professionals. Very progressive, though it does allow young Dennis to get kidnapped by a greasy derelict. John Hughes, you've struck again!

Mrs. Crandell

Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

It's one thing to sorta accidentally leave your kid home alone, but this is just structured, intellectualized abandonment. Separating from your immediate family for an entire season would typically be something mandated by a court of law, but no, Mom just needs alone time - at the cost of leaving her children with an abusive stranger in poor health. To her credit, she's raised five likable, mostly intelligent kids. 

Susan Evans/Laura Miller

The Good Son/The Santa Clause

Wendy Crewson playing two women who have absolutely no idea what's going on with her children (though still maintaining a fire fashion sense). Or maybe it's denial. In all fairness, between a murderous Macauley and the magic of Christmas, she's got some very tough pills to swallow, and she fully redeems her misjudgments in both cases. (I'm sure an elaborate fan theory connecting these two movies would be good for a chuckle.)