I SAW IT ON TAPE - Sidekicks

When I was a kid, we moved around a lot, all within the parameters of eastern southern New Hampshire. When my Mom met my step Dad, the goal for them was to get out of small city apartment living and graduate to home ownership in the deep woods. In the summer between 6th and 7th grade, he achieved his desired financial readiness, and off to east bumfuck we were.

  We were just far enough away from where we were living that it was a permanent goodbye to my old friends and mild popularity. School had just ended, and with trees the only thing to talk to, I was getting lonely fast. The street we moved onto was 7 miles long so I jumped onto my bike and headed out in search of prepubescent civilization. 

  There was a whole lotta nothing and it was burning hot, so I was about to turn around when I saw, a girl! She appeared to be my shape and size which was fine by me. She did, however, have a basketball, and seemed sporty in style. My mom made me do basketball in 6th grade so while I wasn't the greatest player in the world, I could hold my own. I approached cautiously but optimistically. Her name was Nicole and she was just as glad to find a friend in the neighborhood as I was. She wanted to take me on a bike ride to show me the town. 

   Downtown consisted of her church, a store the size of small bathroom, and a public library that was only open two days a week. We had no street lights, no malls, no restaurants, no fun whatsoever. But she seemed nice and I was happy to have her. Our eagerness to keep our newly found friendship going extended to a sleepover invite. She informed me that she had a large family with a lot of kids, which sounded like medicine to my pathetic soul. 

  When I walked in, I was less greeted and more clobbered by her 16(!) brothers and sisters - two of which were pregnant with their own offspring. Her Father was feeding a baby and her Mother was, well, maintaining sanity with a cigarette in her hand. Some of her siblings were adopted and some had a range of mild to severe disabilities. They pitched in and took care of each other. 

  Walking me through their worn house I was brought to her room, which even though it was an interior room without any windows, she informed that it was a luxury space that she had all to herself. It was teeny and had just enough space for a set of bunk beds and an end table with a lamp without a shade. I was to have the bottom bunk which did not have a sheet on it or a blanket. Trying out my bed, I was greeted by a very angry spring that was going to burrow its way into my back that night.

  Then she lead me through the house to a large living room with several tattered couches with varying stains, holes, and thread bare blankets. Kids of all ages were climbing on me and wrestling me to the floor. All of them yelling or whispering my name like I was some kind of celebrity. It was loud and chaotic, and may be the first time I felt true anxiety. 

  The Matriarch of the family entered and a great hush fell upon the room. It was time for her to prepare dinner, which meant "movie time." The silence became a chorus of children chanting "Sidekicks! Sidekicks! Sidekicks!" I was peripherally aware of the Jonathan Brandis movie, but hadn't seen it. I found a place on a sofa and watched the mob of dirty kids crowd around me as she put in the tape.

  At first I was amazed at how engrossed they all were. Staring at the small old tv like they were watching the moon landing. In actuality they were looking at Chuck Norris's karate moves, which to be honest, is just as awe inspiring. At first I found the character of Barry to be relatable, in that he uses his imagination to make Chuck Norris his friend, filling a deep void. I did the same when I was 6 with Beetlejuice, even going as far as buckling his action figure up beside me in the car to ensure he wouldn't get hurt in any potential car crashes. Now that I'm an adult though, I'm more convinced that Barry is suffering from delusions, considering his more advanced teen age.

  I could see how the film would resonate with this family. It's action-packed and can distract long enough for a Mom to make food for a zillion people, while it remains vanilla in its violence. This being a deeply spiritual Christian family, that would be important to them. And while the climax is silly, they defeat what can be perceived as the evil doers. 

  After the movie we were all ushered into the kitchen which had large wooden picnic tables. We were all portioned a cup of spaghetti and a glass of water. Everyone was promptly sent to bed at 7:30. Lying there wide aware with the bedspring happy in its play, I made it another half hour before calling my mom, and faking an illness to go home. I couldn't hack it. Every family is different and not without its own absurdity. 

- Babes