10 Very Happy Mascots

Come to think of it, nearly all mascots are happy - except for Fred the Baker from Dunkin' Donuts who clearly wasn't a morning person, and also the Maytag Repair Man who was always one eviction notice away from taking his own life. But otherwise, it's the smile that sells. So do these particular 10 give it the extra gusto that allows them to be singled out in their own list? Maybe. Or maybe I just needed an excuse to explore more mascots. Follow me, I'll let you be the judge. 

 

- Paul

 

 

 The Laughing Cow

...as pictured on Laughing Cow dairy products. When I was growing up I spent a lotta time hiking in the woods with my father - sometimes spending a whole Saturday climbing a mountain. Amongst the many joys of this activity was packing various snacks for the inevitable resting point: water, sliced bread, fun size candy bars, and tiny individual cubes of soft cheese wrapped in foil bearing an overjoyed bovine. I can't look at her face without recalling sitting on some rock, taking in the sights and sounds of nature. 

The Rapping Rhino

Kellogg's Froot Loops

Apparently Toucan Sam was no longer cool enough for the early 1990s - after all if you couldn't bust some phat rhymes your ass was nothin'. Bring in a new jungle animal, blinged to the teeth and hungry for breakfast. Froot Loops had recently introduced green rings into their repertoire, but that really seems unrelated - I think the Rhino's brief existence was to bring the Hip Hop vibes, then peace out gracefully. 

The Great Rolupo

Fruit Roll-Ups

If your mascot is a magician you've already won my heart, I don't care if it's rat poison. Fruit Roll-Ups were/are incredibly tasty, but you'd have to be willing to endure the equivalent of trying to chew and swallow sugared cellophane. With the arrival of their new spokes-magician in the early 90s, they introduced Peel-Out Shapes that allowed you to punch out little pictures from each roll. First you'd eat the peel-out, then you'd eat the scraps. It psychologically made it much less of a chore. 

Crunch Berries

Cap'n Crunch with Crunch Berries

The Cap'n incorporated the little red berries for the first time in the 1960s, and to promote that he was joined by a manic buffoon called The Crunchberry Beast. Flash forward to the 1990s when the berries themselves are little individual beings, each with different faces and accessories. As pets I would prefer them over McNuggets any day - and I don't say that lightly at all.

ICEE Bear

First and foremost I'm a fan of the product -- you can keep your Slurpees and Slushies, for me it's ICEE or die. The polar bear will always be synonymous with that, so there's already adoration by association. But beyond that, he is enviable because of how chill he is - particularly in this 1970s iteration (which is the one I'm most familiar with). Heck he might be where "chill" as a slang came from. Then he became too "radical" and "extreme" circa the Michelangelo/Bart Simpson era when he donned sunglasses and a surfing iceberg (surfberg?). 

Mr. Bubble

There's an inviting warmth in Mr. Bubble's exuberance - there's an innocence in those eyes that depicts a sort of kindness; he's excited and excitable, but only for pure reasons. The only troubling thing surrounding this product isn't his fault (not directly): everything about it looks delicious. It was one thing when Fred & Barney were shilling cigarettes for Winston, but this toxic toddler soap in the bubblegum bottle with the Wonka Nerd on the label is so needlessly appetizing -- I'd take a spoonful right now!

Fruit Pie The Magician

Hostess Fruit Pies

Huzzah, another sorcerer trying to make a sale. The Hostess Gang (yes that's what they were called) was sprawling, featuring the likes of Captain Cupcake and Twinkie the Kid, while each character was usually just the anthropomorphic incarnation of their namesake. But the thing about Hostess Fruit Pies is that they're sorta formless, so the Magician is hardly more than a brown blob with a cape and top hat. Oh and a wand - that's the best magician accessory of all. 

Mr. Sparkle

The Simpsons

He may look perpetually delighted, but this brave corporate logo has no time for loafers and also promises to banish dirt to the land of wind and ghosts. Regardless of the fish/lightbulb hybrid, his joyful exterior doesn't exactly match the energy of Scrubbing Bubbles or Mr. Clean - your options are to join him or die. Can you do any less? 

Reese's Pieces Alien 

Even if you were only a casual comic book fan during the late 20th Century then you know this bluish gray creature. Granted it appeared in live action TV commercials as well but I'm most familiar with these Reese's ads that ran in comics throughout the 1980s. The E.T. references are pretty bold, but this alien was bubblier and more extroverted - more like Mork from Ork, complete with its own language, like "Glubgrafutz" which means "I save the orange ones till last".

Little Caesar

Another rocksteady example of unwavering chillness. There were later versions, usually in puppet form, that depicted him as wide-eyed and manic -- leave that shit to The Noid. This is the mood we want - a mood that says "Once upon a time, I made the best pizza on the market." Maintain your arrogant pride you little Roman cartoon. 

STATIC SHOTS

ROGER CORMAN and CHEESE part IX: "The Bees" and Tony's Meat-Trio Pizza

The majority of Roger Corman productions made money - that's due largely to the fact that he rarely spent money, and when it shows, it shows. But even beyond ticket sales, these movies managed to make a profit in other ways. 

In the case of 1978's The Bees, Roger supposedly took a sizable check from Warner Bros. providing he would delay the release of the film until their own bee movie, The Swarm, had its run in theaters. Regardless of whether or not that was a good deal, the quality of The Bees wouldn't have helped its chances; it's basically the boring 1950s SciFi snoozer updated for the "Natural Horror" trend of the 1970s. An extremely plot-heavy story cuts back and forth between bureaucratic jargon and pseudo science stuff, but sometimes there's a break and we get to watch John Saxon and Angel Tompkins flirt their way through actual swarms of bees, often creating a confusing mood throughout the picture. When the fake bees show up and attack unsuspecting character actors and bell-bottomed extras it gets amusing but not enough to sustain all 83 minutes. It could have been much shorter considering there's enough stock footage in here to make an entirely separate movie consisting only of fighter planes and Eisenhower-era civilians running through city streets.

 

While it was entirely free of graphic violence and nudity, it was still very much the stereotypical Roger Corman production - it was just more Atomic Age than Disco Age. The same can be said of Tony's frozen pizzas which have been around as long as we can remember (though most folks will tell you the recipe has changed over time). The reason it's sustained for so many decades is because it lives up to the very idea of what a frozen pizza should be; it meets expectations in a psychologically pleasing way. We're not seeking gourmet cuisine, we know it's just a circular ice cube of processed cheese and sauce but that's still a standard, and despite any changes in its elements, Tony's still meets that standard: flavorful, crispy, consistent, cheap. The generic "meat-trio" of toppings actually didn't add or take away much but that's only because all the basic ingredients were on-point. You get what you expect -- sometimes that's a good thing, sometimes not. Case in point:

The Movie: D+

The Pizza: B+

 

I SAW IT ON TAPE - Making The Shining

I was gonna be presumptuous and declare that 'everybody remembers the first time they saw The Shining' but there are plenty of reasons as to why that may not be the case - largely because it's so famous and so beloved (while also being so divisive) that it basically permeates the culture in a way that may make it difficult to nail down that 'first time'. I speak from experience - as I gave an overly detailed account a few years back, regarding how the film's mood manages to seep in more than any of the other qualities (especially if you're still technically a toddler). I remember it existing because I remember those creepy feelings, and it's hard to remember a time without them. Like they've always been there (in sinister Philip Stone delivery).

Flash forward to 1999 when I'm in full metal Kubrick mode as the release of his next (and final) film looms large and I'm trying to amass his entire filmography on Home Video. Thankfully (though I'm sure not accidentally) Warner Bros. rereleased each of his titles under The Stanley Kubrick Collection, which, for the most part, meant a restoration of the transfers - and for VHS, they looked really damn good. Also, within the video boxes they included a postcard-size repro of the original theatrical poster of whichever movie it was packaged with. Collect 'em all! But as exciting as a Cracker Jack prize with a cassette was, the most immense special feature was literally a "special feature" before that became a household phrase. 

Preceding the Feature Presentation of The Shining was Vivian Kubrick's Making the Shining - a 35 minute documentary that she shot and produced in 1980 and aired as a TV special that same year. After that I don't know what happened to it, I'd never even heard of such a thing until I was watching it on my new Shining tape. Also I'm not entirely sure that I knew it was part of the video beforehand - there's a good chance I didn't read the back of the box before I popped it in and suddenly this Holy Grail of Stanley Kubrick fandom unfolds before my eyes. This wasn't like some episode of HBO First Look where they show you how all the special effects are done and then you go see the movie two weeks later. This is a behind-the-scenes account of a film that most people know inside and out and suddenly the curtain is pulled back and we witness a fourth dimension where Jack is polite and Wendy is grouchy and Danny is happy and everything feels a lot less like Colorado and lot more like England. 

It's always fascinating to watch the process of moviemaking (it's why they make these kindsa things) but to get a glimpse of a Cinematic Classic coming to life is like witnessing History. And all of that stuff is "cool" I suppose, but the real reward of this footage is seeing Stanley - directing, interacting, creating. For so long I'd only had still photographs and print interviews, but this, this was more than I could ever hope for; this wasn't some stilted Q&A either, this was motion picture documentation of my hero doing the very thing for which I heroized him. It was truly miraculous, and at the time all I could do to express my joy over this was to watch it over and over again; I felt as though this was a gift to me personally that no one else could ever appreciate as much as I. Then, over the next couple decades, I began to get the sense that maybe other people had recognized just how important this was, beyond the "behind the scenes" novelty. Kubrick was of course Mr. Recluse so I had to remind myself that this was sorta revelatory to just about everybody who saw it. He also wasn't exactly some avant-garde amateur with a small cult following - this was a giant in the world of the most popular artistic medium of the 20th Century. No one seems to talk about this 'making-of' much and I think we all take it for granted now but it's remarkable that this documentary exists, and it was, and continues to be, A Big Deal. 

- Paul

PB & Gluttony: A Reese's Piece

For some reason Reese's is going really hard this season; it seemed like once a year they'd find something new to mix with peanut butter and it would be like an event, but lately they're just raiding the pantry and throwing anything they find into the pot. I'm not complaining I'm just tryna keep up -- besides, there's nothing truly bizarre on this forthcoming list that I'm about to throw at you. 

There's a lotta Reese's crap out there right now and I've decided to try some - I actually had to whittle down to 5 products, mostly for my wallet but also my health. (I'll have enough leftovers to hand out to trick-or-treaters 6 months from now.) There are no objective failures here but some definitely aren't for me. Let's get nuts!

- Paul

PB & J Grape/Strawberry

I don't like grape-flavored anything (except for actual grapes) so grape jelly isn't even an option in my world. But, I was happy to be fair and try both flavors here - I figured under a mountain of chocolate and peanut butter the jelly should come across as subtle, maybe even pleasant(?). Clearly Reese's had the same thought I had because biting into one gave me flashbacks of being held down by my guardians as they squirted grape Dimetapp into my mouth -- it's that intense. They definitely doubled down to make sure you know the grape jelly is there, which is weird because I found the strawberry to be much less overwhelming (probably because I actually like strawberry jelly). In both cases the peanut butter is way creamier than their normal consistency which was a nice change of pace - they just need to mix it with something better. 

Reese's Pieces Bark

This really doesn't deserve the bright orange bag or the Reese's label - this is, first and foremost, a Hershey's chocolate product. It says it right there: Mini Reese's Pieces -- there's barely a palatal indication that peanut butter is part of this ride, and with the addition of regular peanuts it's not always easy to identify what you're crunching. So as part of the Reese's universe it's a failure, but the fact that it's technically a bag of Mr. Goodbar chunks turns it into an unintentional winner. 

Peanut Butter Pie

The number one hands down most notable thing about these is the aroma - just driving home from the store with a sealed bag on the passenger seat made my whole car smell like "peanut butter pie". I don't know if something that strong makes it less safe to eat, but we really don't have those kindsa concerns here at Bennett Media. The smell (and sorta the flavor) can be best descried as "spicy peanut butter" which isn't too, too bad, I just wouldn't seek it out as a regular thing. But while the fragrance is the most prominent thing, the best part for me is the bits of graham cracker in each mini cup. My method is to suck on one until all the chocolate and peanut butter melts away and I'm just left with the crunchy insides. I can't be the only one who does this, but if I am I'm not even embarrassed. 

Reese's Filled Pretzels

Have you ever had peanut butter filled pretzels? Ok, now imagine those... There, you're done. Though I found that if you look directly at the bag while you're eating them your brain will convince you that the peanut butter filling is definitely Reese's Peanut Butter and not just one of the other leading brands. But I'm not mad. I wasn't expecting any extra magic beyond that of regular peanut butter filled pretzels (which tbh is a magic you can't improve on). 

Mrs. Freshley's Deluxe Reese's Peanut Butter Cupcakes

I need to go on record and say this typically isn't my kinda thing - I don't particularly like frosting, thence I particularly don't like cupcakes. But the prospect of peanut butter frosting had me feeling a little more adventurous. Alas, I was unable to identify any strong sense of PB in this excessively sugary punch. So with the second one I did what I've done since Kindergarten: I turned it over and only ate the "cake" part -- because there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's. 

STATIC SHOTS

Easter 2025

Villains IV

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

 

9 Magazine Covers From 1990

They say you can't judge a book by its cover -- but you can definitely judge a year by its magazine covers, because those are the rules I've just made up. But you don't have to take my word for it; come with me on this journey as I throw nine 35-year-old magazine covers on the scanner to create a nostalgic pastiche of yesteryear. And no, I didn't go the extra mile and scan the contents of any of these - partly because, as you may remember, I hate fuckin' scanning, but more than that I found that these covers on their own are striking and informative enough to fuel this time machine to get us back to good ol' 1990. Let's kick it!

- Paul

Nintendo Power 

At this point (Spring 1990) the Ninja Turtles had the #1 movie and the #1 Nintendo game. Neither would last, as evidenced here by the fanfare surrounding the very recent release of what would go on to be their best-selling video game and what is often hailed as simply the best video game of all time: Super Mario Bros. 3. To us youngsters this was like our North Star in the 90s - after the big tease from The Wizard at the end of '89, the star of the biggest toy of the 1980s had flown right into the next decade with the waggle of a raccoon tail. Like most of the things on this list, it defined a generation, and that generation has carried it with them to this day and is desperately trying to recreate it. 

Action Films '90

It's amazing how quickly the Turtles phenomenon got lost in the shuffle; with an immensely popular cartoon, toy line, video game, and now blockbuster movie, 1990 just had too much to offer. But through this particular lens their real competition was apparently Steven Seagal and Rutger Hauer and their respectively awesome new releases, Hard to Kill and Blind Fury (apparently Blind Fury didn't make it to the US until 7 months after its August '89 release in Germany). But the real food for thought here is the article titled "Jean Claude Van Damme, A Hero for the 90s" - I wouldn't say that exactly panned out, but it got me to thinking as to who exactly was the leading 90s Action Star. Obviously this led me down a mental rabbit hole comparing 80s and 90s Cinema, so I'll just leave you to ponder that answer for yourself. If you come up with any ideas lemme know! 

DuckTales Magazine

Scrooge and his grandnephews have been around since the 1950s but the TV show from which this magazine derives began in '87 and would eventually become a part of "The Disney Afternoon" which launched in September of 1990. Honestly that's probably around the time I started watching it - DuckTales was specifically an after-school show and always bookended some other cartoons I had no interest in. For the longest time this was the only Disney property that I truly adored, and even that was largely due to its connection to the Dickens character (and also my love of cartoon treasure). I will go on record and say Chip 'n Dale maybe possibly had the slightly better theme song. Don't put that on my tombstone. 

GoreZone

Get in the Zone! Surprisingly (or maybe predictably, I'm not sure) 1990 was a spectacular year for Horror: Jacob's Ladder, Misery, Troll 2, Texas Chainsaw 3, Demon Wind, and also the two headliners in this magazine, Tales From the Darkside: The Movie and Night of the Living Dead. Like a lotta the years that end in "0" the fashions of two decades blend into a collision of all flavors, and scary movies were always a great barometer for that. Here we were rebooting older properties and had they been in the 80s, I feel like they would've been gorier, dumber, and duller. Instead, Tales From the Darkside is perhaps the most flawless Horror Anthology film ever made, while it's no secret that I find Savini's Living Dead remake to be better than any Zombie movie Romero ever made. You don't have be on board with any of that, but what is irrefutable is that 90s Horror certainly began on time. 

Playboy

Here's another solid bridge between the two eras, featuring Miss July herself, Erika Eleniak, costar of 90s hallmark Baywatch. This magazine is always a reliable source when you're trying to revisit a specific time period - especially if you wanna know about trends in technology (Sanyo had a record player/CD changer combo for $349) or men's fashion (they tried to convince us the fedora/trench coat ensemble was coming back à la Dick Tracy). But the biggest peek into the decade ahead is an interview with Jerry Seinfeld, whose gradual rise in standup comedy fame has gotten the attention of NBC who're hoping to expand their pilot The Seinfeld Chronicles into a sitcom. Good luck, Jerry. 

Starlog

Really this is just my way at giving a standing ovation to Starlog for making the Vegetable Gremlin a star - even if it was only for a brief cycle through the newsstands. As noted here there were a handful of Science Fiction properties in 1990: Back to the Future III, Robocop 2, Quantam Leap, Star Trek Next Generation. But also mentions of Batman, Dick Tracy, and The Little Mermaid, which indicates two things: Starlog slowly but surely made it their mission to pander to the entire pantheon of geekdom regardless of genre labels, and there were some properties of pop culture that were too big to even pretend to ignore; no nerd magazine is gonna do a 1990 "Yearbook" without mentioning Tracy. 

TV Guide

Even the world's leading Television magazine had Dick Tracy front & center, along with Batman (which was 18 months old at this point) and John Wesley Shipp as The Flash from the new big budget CBS show based on the comic (it was cancelled 5 months later). To be fair this was also to push the Home Video market which even at this point was still growing in popularity. So between this stuff alongside the Ninja Turtles video release it was obvious that comic books were finally ready for the screen. The imminent Rocketeer couldn't miss! 

Modern Screen

Here's where all the TV news is hiding -- 1990 summed up in one little collage. Will the snarky Simpsons reach more viewers than the clean Cosbys? Is Arsenio bigger than Carson? Will we find out who killed Laura Palmer? Also odd to think that Uncle Buck and Ferris Bueller both had their own TV shows at this time (as well as Parenthood, followed by the Look Who's Talking spinoff Baby Talk). Tiny Toons premiered this year, along with 90210, Fresh Prince, In Living Color, and the detestable America's Funniest People which was just an even more irritating and self aware version of Funniest Videos. It lasted all the way to '94 but eventually just turned into YouTube. 

Entertainment Weekly

It's safe to say we saw a lot of Madonna that year. Even before every curve of the planet was saturated in Dick Tracy symbolism, the song (and video) of the Spring was "Vogue". Then there was this grainy black & white aesthetic that became synonymous with her Blonde Ambition tour and was also used to great effect in the "Justify My Love" video (as well as in most fashion and fragrance advertising). But really the most notable thing about this cover (and the actual contents) is the deep dive into Edward Scissorhands which only occupied the last two weeks of the year but for me it was the cultural event of 1990 -- more than Dick Tracy or Turtles or Mario; everything else faded into the background for the foreseeable future and suddenly the movie with no stickers or t-shirts or acton figures to offer became my biggest intellectual hobby. I came into this year as a child and left as a man (which surprisingly had nothing to do with Madonna). 

NAME THAT MOVIE!

You may've noticed a higher volume of posts here as of late -- or maybe you haven't, we don't don't know how well you pay attention. But this is us telling you there has been more stuff here to look at and hopefully we'll continue that pace for the foreseeable future. The point is there may be less of the movie game thing for a minute as we continue to hurl bonafide content at you. Apologies to those who hate reading about pizza and toys. 

The last set was a joyous group effort from Sara, Tony Kim, and Ostrich Riding Cowboy. It was maybe a bit more of an obscure batch -- though this next one might not be too different. Let's see if you bastards can do 90. 

 

 EASY

FAIR

DIFFICULT