Come to think of it, nearly all mascots are happy - except for Fred the Baker from Dunkin' Donuts who clearly wasn't a morning person, and also the Maytag Repair Man who was always one eviction notice away from taking his own life. But otherwise, it's the smile that sells. So do these particular 10 give it the extra gusto that allows them to be singled out in their own list? Maybe. Or maybe I just needed an excuse to explore more mascots. Follow me, I'll let you be the judge.
- Paul
The Laughing Cow
...as pictured on Laughing Cow dairy products. When I was growing up I spent a lotta time hiking in the woods with my father - sometimes spending a whole Saturday climbing a mountain. Amongst the many joys of this activity was packing various snacks for the inevitable resting point: water, sliced bread, fun size candy bars, and tiny individual cubes of soft cheese wrapped in foil bearing an overjoyed bovine. I can't look at her face without recalling sitting on some rock, taking in the sights and sounds of nature.
The Rapping Rhino
Kellogg's Froot Loops
Apparently Toucan Sam was no longer cool enough for the early 1990s - after all if you couldn't bust some phat rhymes your ass was nothin'. Bring in a new jungle animal, blinged to the teeth and hungry for breakfast. Froot Loops had recently introduced green rings into their repertoire, but that really seems unrelated - I think the Rhino's brief existence was to bring the Hip Hop vibes, then peace out gracefully.
The Great Rolupo
Fruit Roll-Ups
If your mascot is a magician you've already won my heart, I don't care if it's rat poison. Fruit Roll-Ups were/are incredibly tasty, but you'd have to be willing to endure the equivalent of trying to chew and swallow sugared cellophane. With the arrival of their new spokes-magician in the early 90s, they introduced Peel-Out Shapes that allowed you to punch out little pictures from each roll. First you'd eat the peel-out, then you'd eat the scraps. It psychologically made it much less of a chore.
Crunch Berries
Cap'n Crunch with Crunch Berries
The Cap'n incorporated the little red berries for the first time in the 1960s, and to promote that he was joined by a manic buffoon called The Crunchberry Beast. Flash forward to the 1990s when the berries themselves are little individual beings, each with different faces and accessories. As pets I would prefer them over McNuggets any day - and I don't say that lightly at all.
ICEE Bear
First and foremost I'm a fan of the product -- you can keep your Slurpees and Slushies, for me it's ICEE or die. The polar bear will always be synonymous with that, so there's already adoration by association. But beyond that, he is enviable because of how chill he is - particularly in this 1970s iteration (which is the one I'm most familiar with). Heck he might be where "chill" as a slang came from. Then he became too "radical" and "extreme" circa the Michelangelo/Bart Simpson era when he donned sunglasses and a surfing iceberg (surfberg?).
Mr. Bubble
There's an inviting warmth in Mr. Bubble's exuberance - there's an innocence in those eyes that depicts a sort of kindness; he's excited and excitable, but only for pure reasons. The only troubling thing surrounding this product isn't his fault (not directly): everything about it looks delicious. It was one thing when Fred & Barney were shilling cigarettes for Winston, but this toxic toddler soap in the bubblegum bottle with the Wonka Nerd on the label is so needlessly appetizing -- I'd take a spoonful right now!
Fruit Pie The Magician
Hostess Fruit Pies
Huzzah, another sorcerer trying to make a sale. The Hostess Gang (yes that's what they were called) was sprawling, featuring the likes of Captain Cupcake and Twinkie the Kid, while each character was usually just the anthropomorphic incarnation of their namesake. But the thing about Hostess Fruit Pies is that they're sorta formless, so the Magician is hardly more than a brown blob with a cape and top hat. Oh and a wand - that's the best magician accessory of all.
Mr. Sparkle
The Simpsons
He may look perpetually delighted, but this brave corporate logo has no time for loafers and also promises to banish dirt to the land of wind and ghosts. Regardless of the fish/lightbulb hybrid, his joyful exterior doesn't exactly match the energy of Scrubbing Bubbles or Mr. Clean - your options are to join him or die. Can you do any less?
Reese's Pieces Alien
Even if you were only a casual comic book fan during the late 20th Century then you know this bluish gray creature. Granted it appeared in live action TV commercials as well but I'm most familiar with these Reese's ads that ran in comics throughout the 1980s. The E.T. references are pretty bold, but this alien was bubblier and more extroverted - more like Mork from Ork, complete with its own language, like "Glubgrafutz" which means "I save the orange ones till last".
Little Caesar
Another rocksteady example of unwavering chillness. There were later versions, usually in puppet form, that depicted him as wide-eyed and manic -- leave that shit to The Noid. This is the mood we want - a mood that says "Once upon a time, I made the best pizza on the market." Maintain your arrogant pride you little Roman cartoon.