TRADING CARDS :: 1993! (duh)

By 1993, trading cards (along with posters, magazines, and other ephemera) had almost entirely taken the place of traditional toys as a focal point of pleasure in my life. I'd done the baseball card thing for several years but by this time it was all about the Non-Sport; every popular movie and TV show had become a numbered collectible to the point that it just became mandatory: see the movie, collect the cards. It wasn't even considered a particularly nerdy thing to do - they were just another toy that probably got replaced by video games; a throwaway reminder of the moment, doomed to be bent and smothered at the bottom of your underwear drawer. Me, I preserved them - like a prehistoric mosquito if you will (or to a lesser extent, a Demolition Man), waiting till the day I could put them on the internet for you and say, "Here. Here's what it was like." 

- Paul

THE SIMPSONS (#1) "Homer J. Simpson" -- SkyBox

The show would've been it its fourth or fifth season around this time, but like all the other merchandise the cards captured the crudity of the earliest seasons - in the look and in the humor. Even then I'd already felt sorta defensive of its true quality: No really, Bart is a lot funnier than just relying on words like "hell" and "cow" and "shorts." Not dissimilar to Homer, the schlubby dad with low intelligence who bowls and eats donuts. Hilarious. 

TALES FROM THE CRYPT (#12) "Heads Will Rock 'N Roll Dude" -- CARDZ

The kinda interesting/kinda disappointing theme of this set is that it was focused entirely on the Crypt Keeper -- disregarding the predictable approach of featuring publicity stills from the show. At the same time having the Keeper in various states of silly dress does make for a more enjoyable collecting approach, even if it was monotonous. 

THE REN & STIMPY SHOW (#46) "Log!" -- Topps

It's hard to tell from this scan but this set was all printed as spectra prism cards that gave them a reflective shine which sorta fit in with the gaudy flamboyance of the show. Just the fact that they existed as trading cards felt like a further homage to the midcentury Americana that they continuously satirized. 

BENCH WARMERS (1 of 4) "Deirdre Imershein" -- Bench Warmer, Inc.

There was no shortage of explicit nudie cards in the early 90s, but waayy more abundant were the more modest model/bikini/pinup sets, and the leader in that subgenre was probably Bench Warmer - a woman in skimpy clothes doing athletic things. Even for non nudes I found them pretty exciting, but my even geekier side found it just as exciting to have this NOT FOR SALE promo card that I got god-knows-where. That's what makes it naughty. 

JURASSIC PARK (#29) "Gerry Harding" -- Topps

Who didn't love Gerry despite his lack of confidence regarding toxic berries? Gerry Harding was played by the film's producer, Gerald Molen, and his wobbly acting skills always made it seem as though he was an actual Jurassic Park employee who they allowed to be in the movie and even have a few lines, just to create a sense of authenticity. I hope he made it out alive.