EASTER TREATS!

More than Summer, more than Christmas, more than Valentine's Day, even more than Halloween, Easter Candy is King of Kings. The whole pastel aesthetic is such a delight and an exciting indication of Spring's arrival, but equal to (or perhaps greater than) that is the quality and inventiveness of the candy itself. I mean an egg is a beautiful shape: you can make them out of anything you want, fill them with anything you want, color them however you want; it's just a rainbow medley of perfect ovals filled with divine flavors and their remarkable abundance creates a pronounced facelift for any retail outlet. It's no easy feat disguising a CVS as a world of pure fucking imagination, but that's the power of Christ (and Cadbury) and we should give prayer and thanks to whomever for brightening our world for these coupla months. 

I have plenty of favorites and go-tos but I wanted to share with you some oddities and newcomers that may or may not be worth your time (and mine). 

Walk, don't run, rabbit. 

- Paul

Marshmallow Crispy Treat M&Ms

It's a startling revelation to finally realize that I'm not an M&M guy - they're just sort of daunting and aimless. So when these novelty ones come out my hope is for a little excitement, and I get some of that before the inevitable boredom. As suggested by the non binary character on the package these probably work best when baked into a larger confection - they're ridiculously small and the colors are drab. But on their own a good handful does create the impression of a Rice Krispie Treat.

Froot Loops Jelly Beans

I went into these with a confident skepticism: I'm sure these taste exactly like jelly beans. I shit you not, dear reader, these taste exactly like Froot Loops! Green, purple, yellow, all have different flavors and all taste like they're part of a complete breakfast. How'd they do that?? Now, I love jelly beans, and I love Froot Loops... but this is a troubling adventure of curious mouth feels; I'm eating them out of sheer amazement but it's not satisfying any snack cravings. 

Jelly Belly Sparkling Water

I always fall for sparkling water - with every sip I'm expecting to taste something like soda and then I'm like "what the fuck is this, where's the beef?" But somehow I thought Juicy Pear would be the right amount of blandness to compliment an already dull experience - and boy was I right: it's a good time if you're looking for a sense of a delicious beverage in your mouth that slightly burns your tongue. 

Fruit Punch Peeps

Peeps are like oil paintings: beautiful to look at but taste just awful. I've had marshmallows, they're not supposed to taste like this. But these offered the possibility of maybe a different sensation: better flavor = better Peeps? The result was like snorting Kool-Aid powder while simultaneously pouring Hawaiian Punch into your eyes. Stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream. Again, another promise of a specific flavor fulfilled, but the decadence is so overwhelming that it feels almost criminal. 

Peeps Pepsi

Apart from their aesthetic beauty, Peeps have a soft, pleasing texture. You take away both of these elements and we might have a problem. Credited as "Marshmallow Flavored Cola" it's not too dissimilar from all the Mystery Flavors Coke has been putting out -- that is to say it's exceptionally sweet to the point of palate disorientation beyond any truly discernible seasoning. It tastes better than the candy (though I was good after 1/3 of the bottle) but I wouldn't replace it with the true symbol of the season.