THE TOP 100 : I saw boys, toys, electric irons, and TVs

Medication time, gentlemen...

When I started this list back around '94, I'd hafta revise it after nearly every theater visit or video rental. Since the dawn of the new millennium, I apply a mild touch-up every 5 years. And with each new approach I reassess myself as much as the flicks I file.

I've seen very few new releases that have dazzled me since my last proclamation, which is par for the course in this sour stretch of time in which I find myself. And so once again, the less I've stirred the drink, the more the cream has risen to the top. But this most recent quinquennial period was a lot less ordinary, wasn't it...? Heightened political and social awareness, conflict between the tired trailblazers and the thickheaded theme parks, the almost-instantaneous availability and popularity of Video on Demand, and the inevitable mercy killing of The Movie Theater. Ambitious, complex stories became Miniseries, and Miniseries became "Limited Series Events." Hollywood sex scandals went from sensual and alluring to dark and depressing. Nostalgia reigns, originality wanes.

That's the big picture; a broad scope of negatives. My own hot take of how dumb everything is. But all of that is out there - objective, beyond my control, beneath my interests. I've stopped caring that they're serving bread & water day-in and day-out, because I got a pantry full of snacks. My five year story is richer and warmer. Contemporary Cinema became "content" - a white noise I could ignore, and give better focus to all that I have: a vast, growing library of physical media (and, admittedly, access to several streaming services to fill in anything I consider to be a gap). And incidentally, as DVD and BluRay rapidly fell from "basic household item" to "niche collectible," the media itself has moved away from the mainstream and more towards the underground. Disney's not gonna spend ten cents on a Home Video release when everyone's already watching it at home. But the stuff we haven't seen (genre films, foreign films, adult films, MIA gems from the drive-in and video store) continue to be consistently available in a tangible form, and they're packaged and promoted with an intense respect that reinvigorates my lust for the medium. Criterion no longer sets the standard - every film is an important film, and the current state of video distribution is validating that fact. Much as I intend to do.

Five years spent at home, watching the STAR WARS and Batman I remember, while the bastards are out there desperately reheating these institutions and trying to sell them back to me. I'm not in the market for nostalgia, I'm in it for great film, and I've already paid my money. I have a son now who loves Gizmo and Gozer - not because he grew up with them, but because he's growing up with them. I'm seeing things with fresh eyes, unaccompanied by a lotta the baggage I would otherwise bring to them, and I've found that all these movies have "held up" or "aged well" or whatever other weak phrase people use to vindicate a piece of the past that may or may not meet their current standards of social mores. More importantly (and pertinently) I've aged well - and this is a compilation of the ultimate "All About Me."

It's pretty simple, and I've been advocating its simplicity ever since I brought you here... What do I wanna watch right now? What I am in the mood for? How much time goes by before I wanna watch it again? How often do I think about it? Quote it? Is it casual viewing or is it an event? Does it feel fresh or is the relationship stale? At a glance, the narrow-minded will exclaim, "You think this is better than that?" as they pee in their pants. Ah, to be so young. But the royal we are done with those days; the order is calculated by an impulsive "would you rather" scenario. There's a whole mean/median/mode thing here that involves a bit of science, but that's not the simple part. The simple part is determining what movies I like and how honest I can be about it - with you and with myself. It can never be perfected, it can never be final, and that's what the bootlickers don't get - it's alive (for however long I am). Were I to die tomorrow, this list would be an accurate eulogy.

One might even point out that I've simply nestled into a rut of "comfort movies" and that I'm simply not capable of connecting to newer stuff due to age or some other preset criteria that's preventing me from being moved by modern stuff. Of course, if someone were to say that, then they've clearly skipped over this preamble - as well as every other thing I've written ever. You have no frame of reference, Donnie. 

No video, no posters, no pageantry to get in the way of the plot - just a fat, double-spaced list of hot fudge and extra cheese. I've always maintained the subjective approach; that these are my favorites. Stick it in your ear - these are the greatest movies of all time. For now.

- Paul

1. Magnolia (1999)

2. GoodFellas (1990)

3. Dog Day Afternoon (1975)

4. Pulp Fiction (1994)

5. A Clockwork Orange (1972)

6. The Fisher King (1991)

7. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

8. The Insider (1999)

9. No Country For Old Men (2007)

10. The Conversation (1974)

11. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

12. Forrest Gump (1994)

13. JFK (1991)

14. The Exorcist (1973)

15. Eraserhead (1977)

16. The Wizard of Oz (1939)

17. Glory (1989)

18. The Right Stuff (1983)

19. Ghostbusters (1984)

20. Midnight Run (1988)

21. Manhunter (1986)

22. The Paper (1994)

23. Boogie Nights (1997)

24. The In-Laws (1979)

25. Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)

26. The Wizard (1989)

27. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

28. Se7en (1995)

29. Back to the Future (1985)

30. The 'Burbs (1989)

31. Plains, Trains, and Automobiles (1987)

32. Running Scared (1986)

33. And the Band Played On (1993)

34. Executive Decision (1996)

35. Nashville (1975)

36. Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead (1991)

37. Hard Eight (1996)

38. The Thing (1982)

39. Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)

40. Arthur (1981)

41. Midnight Cowboy (1969)

42. The Money Pit (1986)

43. Little Monsters (1989)

44. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)

45. All the President's Men (1976)

46. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

47. It's A Wonderful Life (1946)

48. Ed Wood (1994)

49. The Revenant (2015)

50. Dick Tracy (1990)

51. Beetlejuice (1988)

52. Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)

53. The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

54. Phantom Thread (2017)

55. Sneakers (1992)

56. The Fog (1980)

57. Edward Scissorhands (1990)

58. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

59. Easy Rider (1969)

60. Falling Down (1993)

61. Suspiria (1977)

62. Schindler's List (1993)

63. The Graduate (1967)

64. Hurlyburly (1998)

65. STAR WARS Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

66. Cobra (1986)

67. What About Bob? (1991)

68. My Cousin Vinny (1992)

69. Play it Again, Sam (1972)

70. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

71. Narrow Margin (1990)

72. The Godfather (1972)

73. Easy Money (1983)

74. The Age of Innocence (1993)

75. Duel (1971)

76. Starman (1984)

77. Point Break (1991)

78. The Last of the Mohicans (1992)

79. The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (2007)

80. Barton Fink (1991)

81. I Love You to Death (1990)

82. INLAND EMPIRE (2006)

83. The Time Machine (1960)

84. Vibes (1988)

85. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)

86. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

87. The Neon Demon (2016)

88. Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

89. Casino (1995)

90. Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

91. Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990)

92. Three O'Clock High (1987)

93. Memoirs of an Invisible Man (1992)

94. Bound (1996)

95. Halloween II (2009)

96. After Hours (1985)

97. The French Connection (1971)

98. Deliverance (1972)

99. City of the Living Dead (1980)

100. ...And Justice For All (1979)

STATIC SHOTS

BENNETT INVENTORY : That Moment (Christmas Stocking Edition!)

 Christmas is a complicated time. I have difficulty feeling childhood nostalgia too deeply, because it's thickly coated in so many varicose veins, that my brain gets saggy and old. So the day itself, that nearly every person alive has the most feelings about, I neglect the most. At least for most of my past. They didn't really start to become great and memorable until I met Paul. And a lot of that goodness came from making me revisit old holiday movie favorites, exposing me to ones that I wished I had always known, and then the endless list that we viewed together for the first time. Movies with an underlining message of Noel immediately takes me to that warm and fuzzy annual morning of waking up at dawn with my favorite person. Now it's people. These feelings are good and make me think more about the art itself, and how it can profoundly reach something inside of you that may be laying dormant. These are several instances in this specific genre that always do the trick for me.

- Babes

10. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

   For some reason, Daniel Stern getting electrocuted until he turns into a skeleton, made me laugh so hard when I was a kid, that I peed my pants for the first time ever. I never even did this as a potty training toddler. As an adult, I am aware of the foolishness of the feature, and the ridiculousness that this scene presents, but goddammit if I don't snicker, and share this anecdote with my husband every single year. 

9. Prancer

   I'm not made of stone. And not everything can be blamed on female hormones. But when that little girl tries to save Santa's reindeer out of extreme personal loss and kinship for the animal, I weep like a baby without a mama. And in this great world founded on love of Claus, his reindeer would spoon a wounded child, to keep her warm from dying of hypothermia. Santa is real, and sends us messages of hope, but only when we really need it the most. After all, we're all doing a lot better than we think we are, and don't really need his gifts at all. 

8. Bad Santa

   When I saw this in the theater, I was the only person laughing from beginning to end. And I didn't hide it. I was a regular Max Cady. It was a perfectly harmonious cartoon duo, featuring the over the top demoralized bum, and his super sweet and mentally challenged sidekick. And their first scene together is one of the greatest comedy scenes in cinema. 

7. Scrooged

   As an ultra precocious child, I was always aware of any supernatural elements in cinema. And I found it all very fascinating. Bill Murray beginning to experience his gift from Jacob Marley, is one of the more trippy scenes I had seen. Realities begin to slowly bleed together, causing visual disturbances, that only he can see. As a small child it made me wonder if this was what other dimensions may be like. I still look fondly at the upsetting closeup of John Glover's mouth and think that it may have contributed to my surrealistic approach to art.

6. A Christmas Story

   I never saw this growing up like all of you. It somehow had evaded me my entire life. But I'm glad I'm on the ball now. And I won't ever tire from it the way most of you will. Everyone takes from it what they will. For me? I get hungry. And any year on Christmas Day, whether it's for the worst reason in the world or not, that we get to eat Chinese food, I'm a happy girl. 

5. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

  Fuck Charlie Brown's tiny-ass Christmas shrub. If you're going to go out of your way to bring a goddamn tree into your house, likely for the entirety of a month, then go big or go fuck off. I sympathize with Clark. This should be a tradition followed, and it very damn well should involve your children. Do it yourself. Make it a magical experience. Just parent the shit out of their dressing habits that day, and try not to let their bodies become frozen fish sticks. 

4. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

  This has been burned into my skull since I've been alive and I am certain I've done the same for my own child. It just feels like Christmas Eve. Makes you wish the day was here. And now when the elves sing "We are Santa's Elves," I will forever think of my sweet little boy parading it to me with his arms full of the plush stuffed animals. This is family.

3. The Snowman

   I saw this long ago by happenstance, but I'm forever grateful that I did. It shares with you the magic of Santa, and enchants you with its music. You're left in awe, and need a full year to process until the next Christmas, before you can feel again their great journey through the sky.

2. Eyes Wide Shut

   Unless you're a completely vapid person, with no inner feelings, cares, or worries, there is the likelihood that you are experiencing a tremendous amount of things right now in addition to your holiday spirit. Stanley, Nicole, and Tom take you out of the Hallmark holiday dream, and throw you into the nightmare of stripping away the layers. And while the perversions at the mansion may seem farfetched, it's that little bit of possibility that makes you wish that all holiday parties were like that. 

1. It's a Wonderful Life

  You may have a plan for your life, but chaos has other things for you. You can make some choices, which can create lines, but the meteors of existence, turn that more into a squiggle. You can either:

Choose to be pissed about it, live your life in misery, and make things hard for other people.

Be complacent - think only of your next meal, and when the last time you had a bowel movement was.

Or you can accept things just the way they are. Be happy with the imperfectly balanced and subtle differences that the universe threw at you. George Bailey knows the right answer. The secret to all life. And belting it out at the end is a message for all of you too. Perk up your damn ears. 

A Very Special Joe Don Baker Christmas

STATIC SHOTS

Pepsi Cracker Jack

We've officially crashed through the guardrails of the Holiday Road to bring you this very special moment (which is bigger than an occurrence but smaller than an event). Were this Summertime, this would be a headliner that would rock our entire season. But for now, it's a soft surprise (+ it was a gift, so it's kinda Christmas-ish). 

To celebrate the end of the baseball season (which has quite ended) Pepsi cooked up a Cracker Jack flavor - combining their mainstream soft drink with the flavors of an old-timey ballpark snack: caramel, popcorn, and peanuts. I've never actually known exactly what the ingredients are that give these sodas their flavor, so I'm always blindly optimistic about whatever they put in my mouth. But before any of that, my main concern was the prize. I'll take the candy, I'll take the soda, I'll take 'em mixed together -- Just Gimme The Prize. 

Affixed to the side of the can, I knew it would be some ephemeral piece of paper. Not like in my day, kids, when you were guaranteed a goddamn treasure. 

Intellectually I knew it'd be a sticker or a tattoo - which both fit into my interests. And I also knew it'd be a very special sticker or tattoo - a commemorative prize. (They only gave out 2,000 of these cans, folks.) I'm not sure if it was a conscious decision, but I think I was anticipating a piece of art so striking that I would, in fact, get it permanently tattooed. But this is what I ended up with...

A blue baseball diamond featuring the most contemporary Pepsi logo. I don't know how I was disappointed - you can't really say it's abstract in any way. But I suppose that's why it sucks: it's just cold and just symmetrical and just corporate enough to completely take the piss out of the childish insanity of mixing snacks and soda together in a 12 oz. can. 

So there'll be no Pepsi ink in my immediate future. But in the meantime I've got 3 boxes of Cracker Jack and a can of novelty soda... Which brings us to exactly that. Just as a frame of reference: Cracker Jack is caramel coated popcorn mixed with peanuts. It's sweet and satisfying and crunchy as all hell and tough to imagine drinking it. And I'll thwart the surprise and say it is tough drinking it.

The smell test revealed a generic sugary candy that I probably wouldn't buy. That assessment carried over into the flavor, which I immediately identified as vaguely smoked. I have to assume (and there's no mature way to put this) that they went hard on the "nut flavor" - presumably to proclaim that this simply wasn't just a "caramel cola." Personally I always thought most mainstream sodas were intended to be caramel-flavored - though upon some fascinating research, I found that people typically equate Coca-Cola to the flavor of vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, and/or raisins (?), while the noticeable difference in Pepsi is some sorta citrus variation. And I suppose that makes sense - any time they've teamed up with a fruit has been more of a home run than this supposed baseball homage. 

I sat on this stuff for a month as the needle on my expectations held steady in the lower third. It took me 2 hours to get through this can - that time mostly spent trying to figure out what the hell they were going for. Oddly, its "fakeness" made it taste sugar-free -- as in, "so sweet it can't be real." It didn't have the typical bite of most sodas, but instead a sourness that I can still smell. It enlightened me to three things:

- They need to bring back last year's Pepsi Apple Pie that I totally would buy by the 12-pack.

- I'm glad I didn't get it tattooed.

- If I were to ever become a Jazz musician, my handle would be Pepsi Cracker Jack.

- Paul

MONDAY MEDITATIONS : 12/13/21

 The spirit of Christmas is different for everyone. For me, it is the joy of giving to others. I have never cared about what I was getting. Not even when I was a child. Being able to choose that special treasure for the person you love, and giving it on that magical morning, raises my serotonin levels enough to last nearly the entirety of the following year. 

   In a time when my love of new cinema is at its all time lowest, one of our most treasured filmmakers has also decided to open his arms, and bestow us with a special gift. On Christmas Day, we will be handed a new PT Anderson film. And I'm very excited to open my present. My hopes are very high and I shan't be let down. I'm tired of lumps of coal.

- Babes

1. "Ave Maria" by Perry Como

2. "Winter Wonderland" By Darlene Love

3. "The First Noel" by Andy Williams

4. "My Favorite Things" by Tony Bennett

5. "Back Door Santa" by Clarence Carter

6. "Santa Claus is Back in Town" by Elvis Presley

7.  "Suzy Snowflake" by Rosemary Clooney

8. "Gee Whiz, It's Christmas" by Carla Thomas

9. "Mistletoe and Holly" by Frank Sinatra

10. "The Tree" by Peggy Lee

KLAVIERSTÜCK CHRISTMAS

kla·​vier·​stück | \ kläˈvēr-shtik

German, from klavier (piano) + stück (piece)

- Merriam-Webster

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas music. Though over the decades, the entire catalogue has earned a bum rap due to its repetitious disposition. In other words, "this fucking song again?! Jesus!" I get that - maybe without the same amount of melodrama or blasphemy, but the inventory does feel increasingly narrow with each passing year. I mean, I've been very particular to include only my five favorite versions of "White Christmas" in my own personal roster, but at some point I had to stop and declare: there's got to be a better way!

Obviously there is and I'm sure it's no surprise to you. My Halloween seasonal playlist isn't made up of 700 versions of "Monster Mash" - because I'm more creative and open-minded than that, as I'd hope you are. It's the same as Cinema, shows, and snacks: you choose your own standards, your own traditions. Hell, we have the freedom to celebrate what we want, so it's important to take advantage of our freedom to celebrate how we want. 

Enough excuses. From my inclusive (but nonexclusive) holiday hoard of tracks, I've assembled these 8 piano-centric songs that, when played together, feel like one uninterrupted merry fever dream brought on by a warm spiced something. There are no rockers here - just colored lights and afghans and white snow on black branches. This is a vibe you're gonna wanna snuggle up to. 

- Paul

"Skating" Vince Guaraldi Trio

Here's a kinky unbosoming: I'm not really a Charlie Brown guy. I don't particularly remember "growing up on them" - and if I did it left an imperceptible impression. No matter; what is distinct is Vince Guaraldi's sparse piano score that not only sets the tone for this entire list, but for the season itself. While all these instrumentals on this album assert say I'm iconic without saying I'm iconic, this particular piece out of the whole soundtrack is the one that belongs on this particular setlist. Use as directed. 

"For the Hungry Boy" Jonny Greenwood

The movie has Christmassy elements. And like most Oscar bait, it was released around Christmas -- and first viewings play a huge part in seasonal appropriation. But the thing that perpetuates it as a holiday standard is Jonny's Schroeder-esque piano arrangements that, in any setting, sound like grey skies.

"Whatever Was Arranged" David Shire

Here's the obvious one. Note-for-note, I've already made the Peanuts comparison in my Sounds of the Season Autumn list. Take it or leave it as an honest-to-goodness Christmas album, but try this number mixed with the others and you'll find out just how dangerous those tapes really are.

"If I Had You" Roy Gerson

In between the sexy suspense and spooky erotica, this soundtrack is largely bouncy jazz, which is a sound that helps solidify this as yuletide merriment to the nonbelievers. If you're on board, this track by Nick Nightingale and a pickup band (aka Roy Gerson) is the one that belongs here. 

"Forgetting You (Love Theme)" Robert Smith Jr., Russ Huddleston

Full disclosure: Manos: The Hands of Fate is one of my Christmas movies - has been for roughly 25 years, ever since I witnessed it on Comedy Central on a dark winter night in the mid 1990s. I won't make a broad case for it and you needn't follow me down this dark road... But I'll say this: I enjoy this movie (even in its purest, uncut form) and a big reason for that is its ghostly jazz/beat/I-don't-know-what kinda soundtrack that lends this eerily perfect addition to this lineup.

"River" Joni Mitchell

Warm weather, a bad breakup, some self-loathing -- it's a Joni Mitchell tune. But there's nothing too far out in calling it a Christmas song - that's been firmly established. And in that, it further legitimizes my little piano recital here.

"Walking In the Air" Howard Blake

The centerpiece from the 1982 animated short The Snowman; a mostly silent film in which the piano dictates the action and/or vice versa. And then this bit creeps in and suddenly there are vocals, and it's such a woosh of intense emotion that I nearly burst into tears every time. On its own, it's a perfect climax to what's been assembled here, but in the context of the movie, it's a marriage of music and visuals that nearly makes me lust for winter. 

"Welcome to the Suburbs" David A. Stewart ft. Shara Nelson

Here's your epilogue. This is the heaviest selection here, but it's still an early 90s R&B candlelit bubblebath that's peripherally holiday-related (at least to the masses). Unlike Charlie Brown, I did grow up on this movie and I've watched it nearly every December since its initial theater run in '94. I suppose this song is my "Linus and Lucy."