KLAVIERSTÜCK CHRISTMAS

kla·​vier·​stück | \ kläˈvēr-shtik

German, from klavier (piano) + stück (piece)

- Merriam-Webster

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas music. Though over the decades, the entire catalogue has earned a bum rap due to its repetitious disposition. In other words, "this fucking song again?! Jesus!" I get that - maybe without the same amount of melodrama or blasphemy, but the inventory does feel increasingly narrow with each passing year. I mean, I've been very particular to include only my five favorite versions of "White Christmas" in my own personal roster, but at some point I had to stop and declare: there's got to be a better way!

Obviously there is and I'm sure it's no surprise to you. My Halloween seasonal playlist isn't made up of 700 versions of "Monster Mash" - because I'm more creative and open-minded than that, as I'd hope you are. It's the same as Cinema, shows, and snacks: you choose your own standards, your own traditions. Hell, we have the freedom to celebrate what we want, so it's important to take advantage of our freedom to celebrate how we want. 

Enough excuses. From my inclusive (but nonexclusive) holiday hoard of tracks, I've assembled these 8 piano-centric songs that, when played together, feel like one uninterrupted merry fever dream brought on by a warm spiced something. There are no rockers here - just colored lights and afghans and white snow on black branches. This is a vibe you're gonna wanna snuggle up to. 

- Paul

"Skating" Vince Guaraldi Trio

Here's a kinky unbosoming: I'm not really a Charlie Brown guy. I don't particularly remember "growing up on them" - and if I did it left an imperceptible impression. No matter; what is distinct is Vince Guaraldi's sparse piano score that not only sets the tone for this entire list, but for the season itself. While all these instrumentals on this album assert say I'm iconic without saying I'm iconic, this particular piece out of the whole soundtrack is the one that belongs on this particular setlist. Use as directed. 

"For the Hungry Boy" Jonny Greenwood

The movie has Christmassy elements. And like most Oscar bait, it was released around Christmas -- and first viewings play a huge part in seasonal appropriation. But the thing that perpetuates it as a holiday standard is Jonny's Schroeder-esque piano arrangements that, in any setting, sound like grey skies.

"Whatever Was Arranged" David Shire

Here's the obvious one. Note-for-note, I've already made the Peanuts comparison in my Sounds of the Season Autumn list. Take it or leave it as an honest-to-goodness Christmas album, but try this number mixed with the others and you'll find out just how dangerous those tapes really are.

"If I Had You" Roy Gerson

In between the sexy suspense and spooky erotica, this soundtrack is largely bouncy jazz, which is a sound that helps solidify this as yuletide merriment to the nonbelievers. If you're on board, this track by Nick Nightingale and a pickup band (aka Roy Gerson) is the one that belongs here. 

"Forgetting You (Love Theme)" Robert Smith Jr., Russ Huddleston

Full disclosure: Manos: The Hands of Fate is one of my Christmas movies - has been for roughly 25 years, ever since I witnessed it on Comedy Central on a dark winter night in the mid 1990s. I won't make a broad case for it and you needn't follow me down this dark road... But I'll say this: I enjoy this movie (even in its purest, uncut form) and a big reason for that is its ghostly jazz/beat/I-don't-know-what kinda soundtrack that lends this eerily perfect addition to this lineup.

"River" Joni Mitchell

Warm weather, a bad breakup, some self-loathing -- it's a Joni Mitchell tune. But there's nothing too far out in calling it a Christmas song - that's been firmly established. And in that, it further legitimizes my little piano recital here.

"Walking In the Air" Howard Blake

The centerpiece from the 1982 animated short The Snowman; a mostly silent film in which the piano dictates the action and/or vice versa. And then this bit creeps in and suddenly there are vocals, and it's such a woosh of intense emotion that I nearly burst into tears every time. On its own, it's a perfect climax to what's been assembled here, but in the context of the movie, it's a marriage of music and visuals that nearly makes me lust for winter. 

"Welcome to the Suburbs" David A. Stewart ft. Shara Nelson

Here's your epilogue. This is the heaviest selection here, but it's still an early 90s R&B candlelit bubblebath that's peripherally holiday-related (at least to the masses). Unlike Charlie Brown, I did grow up on this movie and I've watched it nearly every December since its initial theater run in '94. I suppose this song is my "Linus and Lucy."