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8 Scary Plane Crashes

I've been meaning to share this list for a long time, but there keeps being "incidents" that make it insensitive. The truth is that there'll never be an entirely appropriate and unblemished stretch of time to celebrate aviation disasters, but that's sorta the point: I've never been in a plane crash, and Film and Television have all but guaranteed that I'll never allow myself to be in the position where I could be. It certainly looks like one of the least fun ways to die, or even live, and when that's conveyed through the screen in various ways over the years, I think it's worth itemizing. 

- Paul

LOST

In describing the show, "plane crash" appears in the first sentence (and then probably never mentioned again). At the time, it boasted the most expensive TV pilot of all time (largely due to its airliner wreckage) though throughout the series we get several different accounts of this crash, and each one is intense and harrowing. 

Alive

If these were ranked as Scariest or Most Graphic, this is always number one. I experienced this in a movie theater when I was 9 years old and it definitely made me uneasy about air travel. Eventually it became an HBO Flavor of the Month and I can certainly attest that repetition never dulled my fears. 

Fight Club

This midair collision made an appearance in the movie's very short (and very brilliant) Theatrical Teaser (which was just a dizzying assemblage of the more surreal moments from the film). I love that trailer, probably more than the movie. In fact they shoulda rolled credits right after this scene, and it'd probably crack my Top 10 Films list. 

Catch-22

McWatt kamikazes his plane directly into Hungry Joe, chopping him in half and leaving only a weary pair of legs. This is before he slams the plane into the side of a cliff. It's all very dark and gruesome and effective partly because, like all the wizardry in this movie, it's all practical effects/trick photography. Still - poor Hungry Joe. 

STAR WARS Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

You could argue that it's not a literal "plane" crash but I don't have time for your bitching -- it's an aircraft collision, which is technically the basis of most Outer Space Science Fiction Action (i.e. STAR WARS). I've seen enough nameless pilots crash kooky spaceships into miniaturized plastic surfaces to fully minimize the spectacle, but this movie answered the question that was always in the back of my mind - "What would it look like to travel at light speed into something?"

Cast Away

For the most part it feels a little tacky and cartoonish -- Zemeckis's lust for digital effects would be his undoing, but his talents as an old fashioned Film Director are the saving graces of this scene. Moments before the jarring malfunction, Tom tends to a bandaid on his finger, drawing our attention into something small and quiet, and by the time it seems obviously ominous, it's too late. 

World War Z

Dude, fuck "snakes on plane", try fending off modern day maniac zombies in mid air with nowhere to go - it's not like you can board up the windows between Business and Economy. It's truly great suspense when tossing a live grenade down the aisle of a commercial airliner is actually the safest course of action. 

The Right Stuff

We don't actually see the moment of impact for the totally rad looking Lockheed NF-104A, but its high altitude engine failure and frenetic tailspin back down to Earth is gut wrenching enough. Still not the scariest part though: Chuck Yeager ejects from the plane still amidst the clouds and plummets to the ground, unable to pull his chute because his head's on fire. Is that a man? You damn right it is.

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20 Fake Boobs

Tits. Jugs. Knockers. Hooters. Magumbos. Snack Trays. And about 50 million more. As much as I'd like to compile a list of favorite Topless Scenes in Cinema, this felt more challenging (and also less vulgar): miscellaneous moments when some breasts were used for laughs, for shock, or for set design - and they've all been augmented to be not quite what they seem. (No Big Naturals here, folks!) It's not difficult to understand but those who skipped this intro are gonna be confused. They deserve what they get. 

9 scenes. 20 breasts. Do the math. 

- Paul

Being John Malkovich

The script only describes her as "the woman across the table" but the slow tilt up to the seductive Malkovich smile is only further punctuated by his amazing rack. 

F/X 2

In order to catch a serial killer, Officer Mike Brandon must stand in for a potential next victim by posing as a vulnerable-but-busty shower babe. Bonus: you can use the nipples to call for backup. 

Bachelor Party

Tom Hanks battles various voices of reason while trying to not be overwhelmed by Monique Gabrielle's most noticeable assets.

The NeverEnding Story

This is when Family Films had balls (and boobs). Nevermind the bloodthirsty wolf or dead horse or the total annihilation of Fantasia - the most confrontational element of this movie are the big firm breasts of the Southern Oracle. We were all taken with them, though we never said it out loud. 

Fight Club

"Guys with boobs" as a gag is pretty flat (no pun), but Meat Loaf as a supporting character in a Gen X cautionary tale of consumerism and nihilism sporting giant fake bosoms is frankly the kinda Cinema we don't do much of anymore. 

Night of the Demons

Speaking of Groundbreaking Film -- a possessed Linnea Quigley applies a lipstick heart over her entire face and then inserts the lipstick tube into her left breast via the nipple. Audiences today couldn't comprehend this level of brilliance.  

Dumb and Dumber

While moments away from a head-on traffic collision, Lloyd becomes a deer in Mary Swanson's headlights. There are several puns happening at once, but it's also possible Lloyd has never seen real breasts outside of Rhode Island Slut. 

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask

Kaiju mammaries! Actually juts one singular massive natural courtesy of mad scientist John Carradine satirizing the genre he helped build -- with boobs. 

Total Recall

I'll admit it: I've only ever had trouble getting past the phoniness of it, and the idea of the deformity itself was slightly too odd to be sexy. But I'm an ass man so what do I know? 

STATIC SHOTS

MY AWESOME MIX TAPE #11

'95 With A Vengeance

Well it's 1995... again(?). That's right, I'm revisiting the revisit, rollin' with the homies, to infinity and beyond, etc. etc. Five years ago I explored Hollywood's bleak apocalyptic premonitions of what the future would be and how that outlook dominated 1995; no kidding, more than a dozen mainstream movies predicted disease, war, crime, totalitarianism, artificial intelligence, and the resurrection of a murderous cult leader. 25 years later - as in 2020 - it all seemed painfully pertinent. And now we find ourselves in the Fifth Anniversary of that tumultuously pivotal year and suddenly the concept of chronology appears less relative and more urgent; I began 2025 in the throes of Covid-19 as The United States approaches the threshold of an overproduced reboot. Time is a flat circle. 

Last time I took a look at '95 I proclaimed that there weren't enough good movies that year to compile a list. I didn't actually research that thoroughly, that's just a general reflection of that year that I always carry with me; the truth is that 1995, for me, was mired in shortcomings and disappointments, and some of that was rooted in the movies. There were a lotta good films, great films even, but for some reason the extra serving of clunky schlock persistently stands out to me. For the otherwise edgy 1990s it felt like there was a lotta safe, overblown camp that seemed more in line with the worst shades of the 1980s; adding to my aforementioned list of Science Fiction Films, stuff like Congo, Species, Bad Boys, and Showgirls really provide a general sense of '95 Cinema. But more than anything, the movie that mostly threw off my equilibrium was Batman Forever. 

At 12 years old, a more cynical and less intelligent person would suggest that I was simply too old for Batman, that I'd outgrown it, but what actually happened was that the franchise had regressed, severely; Joel Schumacher's goofy Action Comedy was a grave disappointment in my Tim Burton brain, and it's quite possible that this early bruise is when I began to lose touch with the "Blockbuster". I've seen it since, old as I am now, and it comes with a strong fragrance of nostalgia for sure, but after 30 years of many more movies in my mind, many more Batmen on the roster, and much more personal wisdom, it still remains laughably inept in my eyes. Though I still maintain the opinion that Jim did as much for The Riddler as Jack did for The Joker - and appropriately so, Jim Carrey seemed to be the most powerful person in the universe at that exact moment, but in hindsight I find him to be the only reason to ever revisit this particular movie. 

There was a lotta Jonathan Taylor Thomas in the air too. And suddenly Antonio Banderas was in like a million things. Jane Austen had replaced John Grisham as bankable source material. NBC dominated the dial with Friends, ER, Seinfeld, Caroline in the City, and Frasier. Meanwhile most of my TV time went to Absolutely Fabulous, Mystery Science Theater, and Flying Circus reruns on Comedy Central. Top 40 radio was aggressively soulful, with all the biggest hits coming from All-4-One, Vanessa Williams, Simply Red, and, of course, Seal. Even bands like Soul Asylum and Smashing Pumpkins got noticeably softer for a second. I've professed in the past that I find the 1990s to be my least favorite decade of pop music, and it all sorta circles around the scummy drain of this midpoint of the decade. But like I said the last time I roamed these dark halls, I was a depressed, overweight 12-year-old and my only friend was a dog that I had to put to sleep that April; this wasn't the year for me to go out chasing waterfalls, and I feel like a stronger lineup at the box office would've been therapeutic. But by the end of the year I had a new dog. I'd discovered The Beatles and Quentin Tarantino. If I were to be sentenced into an awkward, lonesome puberty then I was going to fashion it into a tolerable (or maybe even enjoyable) experience. A band from the 1960s and a movie from 1994 ended up defining my best experiences of 1995, because in all honesty that's the reward for being alive during any specific period of time: I'm not fully defined by whatever the headlines or Nielsen Ratings or weekend grosses of some calendar year turn out to be - if anything I use popular culture to better orient my own memories to determine when and where and how I was. There are entire social media accounts built exclusively on the attitude of "only 90s kids know" and then show a picture of a Power Ranger; we can read about what the public was into, but to have lived it, breathed it, smelled it, is an open invitation - an assignment - for all living witnesses to tell us what it was like. 

Having said that, I probably spent most of it watching TV.

So yeah, there were actually a lotta good movies in 1995 - and truth be told I probably saw many of them on Home Video in 1996, which is another good excuse as to why this year felt so dry. But quality aside, there was one heckuva quantity - as in, I personally saw a lot of what they were putting out, at least in the mainstream, so at the end of the day, I have some pretty positive things to say about a shit ton of movies -- like, enough to celebrate the 30th Anniversary properly with a complete Top 30. It almost feels unfair to my many omissions from stronger years, but diving this deep into a cursed year may just be a cathartic experience for me. And for you hopefully it'll stir some nostalgia that's less polluted than my own. Too much television watchin' got me chasin' dreams. 

- Paul

1. Se7en

Or Seven as it was called then. I (probably like a lotta viewers) was surprised by its skillfulness; Cop and Killer Movies felt pretty dry and derivative by this time and so to be gifted something with such patience and panache (and savagery) felt particularly exciting. But now we know it was no fluke - it spawned a million imitators (and a title sequence that's still the standard 30 years later) but clearly this film (and its filmmakers) remains in a class on its own. I was already in full Kevin Spacey mode when I first saw it, so his appearance at the start of the final act was a bigger surprise to me then anything they'd written into the movie. 

2. Casino

I went into it in the headspace of "Diet Goodfellas". After a couple viewings it was easy to shake that mistake and digest it as the violent Rock Opera that it is. I still find this era to be Scorsese's peak as a visual artist, and so this epic of cards and dice and slot machines and neon lights and blueberry muffins and beatings proved to be fertile ground for gorgeous photography, transcendent editing, and a tremendous soundtrack.

3. Toy Story

This wasn't much of a surprise; it was the first Disney (or Disney adjacent) feature that I didn't see by accident - though my expectations of a pioneering, candy-colored kids' adventure ended up being surpassed by its pace, originality, and humor. I've loved the entire series but this one still remains my favorite.

4. Heat

A shortage of the glitzy energy found in other Michael Mann movies always prevented this from climbing too high for me, but the mood that prevails in even the more stagnant moments is constantly working on levels we're not even aware of. But clearly my standards are still high - currently the Crime genre (or any kinda movie) doesn't approach this caliber anymore (not even from Mann). 

5. Die Hard With A Vengeance

It was different for a Die Hard movie, it was different for an Action movie; apart from its traditional "realtime" structure, its nonstop pace in a sunny daytime city is an elaborate and expensive standard set by Speed the year before. And by that standard it outdoes the first two installments (in some ways, let's not get crazy).

6. Tommy Boy

This was a casual Saturday matinee for me but I incidentally witnessed a certified classic (as was the 1990s). Though one of the more troubling subcategories that gained momentum this decade was the SNL adaptation - so it usually felt fresh when cast members could pull off a picture that wasn't chained to some 7-minute live sketch; following the John Hughes footprints this movie pulls it off wonderfully. 

7. Forget Paris

My RomCom experience is mostly confined to a narrow period of time - mostly 80s and 90s - but like any genre from any era there are some that rise above the rest. Labeling aside this is a tremendous Comedy with a great cast and a unique narrative structure that makes it more compelling than it needs to be. 

8. Tales From the Hood

90s Horror still keepin' it weird with this entry that probably belongs on the Mt. Rushmore of that very specific brand -- certainly Top 4 Anthology Horror Movies. Around this age I found that "scary movies" always ended up being sillier or duller than I had been led to believe; this movie was advertised as being a bit of a lark, and ended up being darker and better crafted than most other movies that year - obviously, it made the Top 10. 

9. The Usual Suspects

For a lotta folks this movie is: a surprise ending, and not much else. Not for me, I taped it off of Pay-Per-View and watched it every day for months. Throughout the 90s there were a ton of these pulpy Crime Thrillers, and for as many as I consumed this one ranks pretty high. Also makes a good case as to why the roles of Editor and Music Composer should be filled by the same person.

10. 12 Monkeys

Of all the dystopian downers from this year (or actually any year) this one towers above them as the saddest, the scariest, the best-made, and the most original. When Gilliam actually took something seriously, that's when the absurdity played best. At the credit roll I'm still left with the same dazed feeling I had when I left the theater the first time. 

11. Crimson Tide

The last great Tony Scott flick - where the style and the substance reached crazy heights without hitting the ceiling; a supposed rewrite by Quentin, kaleidoscopic cinematography by Dariusz Wolski, and two of the greatest actors of all time (leading an equally dynamic supporting cast) make this my favorite in the submarine subgenre. 

12. Home For the Holidays

Speaking of stellar ensemble casts... More nuanced and less structured than the advertising had us believe (though the final act limps along) it's a casual character study that's never too heavy but never obnoxiously lite - which is an accurate depiction of the Holiday Season. 

13. Apollo 13

I went into it with The Right Stuff as the standard (which is probably unfair - to any movie) but at the end of the day (or three decades) it's too fun and bubbly and exciting to place it in any kinda low regard. (Though this is one of the first times I truly felt a disgust for computer animation.) 

14. Nixon

Biopics gonna Biopic - but an Oliver Stone Biopic has the potential to be batshit crazy, and it is (just like its subject matter) but its brilliance is in how well it balances its paranoid schizophrenia with the button-down formalities (again, like the subject matter).

15. Under Siege 2: Dark Territory

I'm what you would call a Steven Seagal connoisseur (at least from his Warner Bros. days) and so while many of his vehicles may appear indiscernible to a less refined palette, I can assure those philistines that this is an absolutely worthy sequel in tone and structure and is nearly on par with the original. 

16. Castle Freak

Director Stuart Gordon was mostly knows for Horror Comedy -- that is very much not the vibe of this Full Moon Feature that pretty much plays it straight. So when it inevitably veers into terror and gore it's no laughing matter. One of the few movies that makes my skin crawl a bit. 

17. Lord of Illusions

For the entirety of its troubled production schedule, Fangoria was there reporting and I followed that story for over a year. Honestly that's what I remember most about it and what I think about when I watch it now. On its own it's gothic Clive Barker goodness, but it also very much has that personal edge for me. 

18. Tales From the Crypt: Demon Knight

Billy Zane has attracted most of the attention this movie has earned over the years but I wanna use this space to call attention to the crazy ensemble cast of character actors who're clearly having equally as much fun with the material. 

19. Clueless

How did someone go about making such an accurate Period Piece about the current period? Usually hindsight is the most advantageous tool in recreating an era on film but it was as if Amy Heckerling & co. merely held up a mirror. 

20. Braveheart

14th Century Euro history as a Popcorn Movie; it feels reminiscent of the 1950s in that sense, but you update it for the 90s with some action violence and suddenly we have a new standard for the "Epic".

21. Casper

Like The Flintstones, a $50 million budget that has the aesthetics of a grade school diorama. Unlike The Flintstones, genuine laughs and heart and characters we care about. (Sorry, Flintstones.) 

22. Get Shorty

The new John Travolta Crime Comedy was a big deal to me and just about everyone else at that moment. Unfortunately it was no Pulp but it did have its own mood, as well as scintillating performances from Gene Hackman and Dennis Farina. 

23. Four Rooms

With the space I'm given here I'll say: the first sequence (or "room") is one of the worst movies I've ever seen, the second room is passable slapstick with a few laughs, and while the fourth room is still Quentin's best work as a director to me, the third room is the best thing that Robert Rodriguez has ever done. So, it's uneven to say the least. 

24. Waterworld

I knew going in that there was controversy surrounding its production, but I found the finished product to be captivating. My generation didn't receive a ton of nautical adventures but this one certainly worked for me - particularly Dennis Hopper's usual mix of comedy and menace. 

25. The Crossing Guard

For its black & white simplicity, Melodrama is tricky business. The movie smothers us in a world of grief and guilt and never lets us up for air (not even at the end) but there is a definite joy in watching the most talented actors in the world convey that misery. 

26. The Mangler

It gets the edge over Dolores Claiborne as my favorite King adaptation of that year because of its archaic storyline and shameless depravity; an evil laundry machine that eats people up is gonna be one of the more exciting things in any year in film. 

27. Desperado

In an era of violent gunplay this didn't completely stand out to me - I responded to the humor and the clever set pieces but it got lost in the shuffle a bit. In retrospect it's so obviously Robert Rodriguez and his distinctive style (which has all but dissolved these days). 

28. Tank Girl

I initially found it obnoxious, probably because (as I said) I wanted my comic book stuff to be Burtonesque -- it turns out that I just wanted Batman stuff to be more serious. Nowadays I'd be overjoyed if Comic Book Movies were presented as being this ridiculous. 

29. Assassins

Sly and his particular brand of Action may've been on the downslope a bit, but thankfully we have the man of the hour, El Mariachi himself, to add some tension as a colorful bad guy. That & Julianne Moore as an Action Star is always unironically entertaining to me. 

30. Cruel Jaws

a.k.a Jaws 5 (though I wouldn't go spreadin' that around) this Italian Monster Movie is a Frankenstein unto itself, pulling together pieces of other movies and music scores to create one nearly-cohesive collage of terror in the water. I'd say it's two whole letter grades better than Jaws 3-D. 

When Food Goes Bad

Movies glamorize everything - even when they're condemning or satirizing, all that Lights, Camera, Action can throw a glitzy sheen on the most troubling circumstances, no matter how cautionary the tale. So even when they try to depict something gross (like, say, some unappetizing food) it can still look somewhat attractive to me. Except in the following instances...

You know I love movie food and sexy depictions of food and eating while watching and just generally and openly fetishistic about food porn, so when they manage to make eating look disgusting you know they're doing it well. Here's 5 particularly unsavory moments. 

- Paul

Spaghetti

Se7en

This is an easy one - no one's in the mood for pasta because they just watched Se7en, but it stands out to me personally because there actually was an occasion when I had just casually rewatched the movie and then had spaghetti shortly thereafter - like same day - and it really hit me at the wrong angle. 

Greta's guts

A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

On paper (and on the VHS cover) this scene plays a whole lot scarier and grosser. I used to look at the back of the video box when I was little and see Greta's giant cheeks and thought it was just depressingly horrifying. In the movie it's played for laughs (bitch) but the sequence is forever linked to that queasiness I felt as a kid. 

Dinner of Doom

Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom

This whole movie is gross to me, and not in a fun way which is why I rank it so low in the franchise and for Spielberg, and this scene is one of the big reasons. The eyeball soup is cartoonish enough to be like whatever, but the snakes and bugs and brains bum me out more than the actual animal scenes in any Italian Cannibal movie. 

Hotdogs

Nothing But Trouble

Here's another movie I don't like - not because it's gross (even though it is) but because I think it sucks. One thing it does get kinda right is its disgusting absurdity - it's like the slimier parts of Eraserhead stretched into a feature (though these hotdogs are way more detestable than any little chickens). 

Sardines over pretzels

The 'Burbs

I'll be honest, I always thought this combination looked kinda good -- so much so that, yes, I went ahead and bought a tin of sardines and attempted the Klopek Stacker. I think what it comes down to is you gotta be at least somewhat partial to tiny fish steeped in oil to really get any enjoyment out of this hors d'oeuvre beyond its cultural reference. In other words, it's no Peanut Butter & Onion Sandwich. Zero stars. 

6 Animated Intros That Complimented The Live Action Film Of Which They Preceded (as opposed to trivializing it in some way)

"You know what this movie needs? A cartoon!"

- lotsa people I guess

Hey, that's no way to start a film. Well, tell that to Saul Bass because however separate these informative little vignettes are, the true trick is to not make them feel disjointed from the entire tone of the picture. But to go out of your way to include an entirely different flavor at the beginning of your movie is a bold choice and its own art form. A movie like Grease or Catch Me If You Can don't necessarily require some expository graphics to explain their otherwise simple synopses, but they're so fucking good because they actually set the tone rather than merely trying to match it. Cartoons often indicate whimsy - perhaps you're about to see a Comedy. In the case of movies like Christmas Vacation or City Slickers the intros are so ridiculously lowbrow and irrelevant that they nearly derail the entire operation. This is risky business folks, so you'd better know a little bit about your movie before you go ahead and tack an animated short onto your story. 

Here are 6 that hit the mark for me in various ways that I'm gonna explain to you. 

- Paul

Weekend at Bernie's II

The Bernie movies are live action cartoons anyway (especially the sequel) so this is one of the easiest examples. Heck I'd go so far as to say that there should've been a Saturday Morning spinoff series, right in between Tales From the Cryptkeeper and Marsupilami. I want this to be a reality for two reasons: I want more adventures with Larry, Rich, and Bern, but I also wanna see how this initial premise would work in children's programming (because it absolutely would).

Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

The only reason this works is because of how abstract it is; it's a sparse, disorienting doodle that lasts about 30 seconds - giving the cartoon babysitter nearly as much screentime as the on-camera one. But I'm discovering a trend: corpse-handling stories are best prefaced with animation. 

Night of the Demons

It all depends on the film: these intros are capable of dumbing a movie down, or giving them some class. Night of the Demons is easily the most glossy, professional looking movie of Kevin Tenney's filmography, and that's partly due to the fact that they pulled off an animated credit sequence - not to mention one so stylistically on-point that it could intro a Tim Burton movie. 

Four Rooms

I have incredibly strong feelings about this movie (both positive and negative) that I won't get into here. One thing I will point out is how jumbled and jagged it is (as anyone who's seen it knows) but if one thing unifies it into the nostalgic Screwball Comedy they were going for, it's the pitch perfect opening credits (which were originally twice as long). 

Nashville

One could argue that this doesn't count as an animated intro. That don't worry me - illustrated depictions of the entire cast presented as a legitimate trailer to introduce the film is more than suitable for this list (and one of the most exhilarating parts of the whole movie).

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Fincher takes his titles seriously - and they're seriously hit or miss. He'd done the grotesque graphic treatment on Fight Club and it looked dumb. That was meant to be more of a stylized transition - this one feels like a standalone surrealistic deconstruction of the tone of the film while resembling nothing aesthetically in the film. Typically I would hate a big slab of CGI dropped in for no reason, but somehow I find it refreshingly bold. 

STATIC SHOTS

MY AWESOME MIX TAPE #9