STATIC SHOTS

Nintendo Pocket Power - THE WIZARD

Nintendo Power Magazine is a testament to the perfect storm that was brought on by the cool front of the 80s colliding with the hot front of the 90s, generating a lotta red skies, blue lightning, rockin' guitar shreds, and heavy dance beats. Word! I've explored that pixelated landscape several times before on this site, but today I'm here to talk about its spinoff mini-magazine, Nintendo Pocket Power.

Roughly the size of a TV Guide or Reader's Digest (if any of you can even remember those dimensions) but only about 40 pages long, making it a little bit closer to a pamphlet. Impractically puny and ergonomically cumbersome, this decidedly smaller version of Nintendo Power had a total of one issue: This One. Apparently, this was a movie theater promo that you could've picked up for free when you went to see The Wizard in December of '89 - which is a good explanation as to its scarcity and current dollar value (I was able to get mine from St. Nick a few years back). The bulk of its contents plays out like a regular issue of Nintendo Power, featuring tips and strategy guides for the latest games like Fester's Quest, Marble Madness, Double Dragon II, and of course a big ass to-do about the upcoming Super Mario Bros. 3.

But like I always point out, the best parts of these Nintendo magazines are the portions that have less to do with boring video games and focus more on stuff like comics, interviews, statistics, and advertisements -- usually (actually exclusively) ads for the magazine itself, along with other Nintendo products. For too many obvious reasons, this one included a two-page push for The Power Glove.

Pepsi products can be found throughout The Wizard, and so why not a prominent plug for The Choice of a New Generation, in an ad that embraces every artistic hallmark of a New Kids on the Block music video (who can also be heard throughout The Wizard).

Lastly, a full page ad for Jell-O Pudding Pops, which truly didn't need any extra fanfare in 1989 -- even without the aid of wholesome spokesman Bill Cosby, I can't even remember these being unpopular (until the 90s, when they sadly vanished). I miss the days when childhood obesity was just something we casually took for granted. 

Jell-O gets to be part of this scene because, as noted, they were a sponsor of the Nintendo World Championships. As I mentioned a while back, I've only ever assumed that these real life video game contests that began in 1990 were directly inspired by (or at least in cahoots with) The Wizard and its Video Armageddon plot thread. This magazine also takes a page to tell us all about that, and if the atmosphere of these championships was anything like the movie, I'm sure every kid in the country was anxious to prove their prowess in a public forum (except for me, who didn't really care for people, crowds, yelling, competing, or traveling). 

Every Nintendo Power managed to snag a small interview with a young celebrity to ask them about their video game habits and preferences, but here in this abridged issue is the crown jewel -- not just because he's the star of the Nintendo Movie, but as I once confidently declared so many years ago, 1989 belongs to Fred Savage!

All you need to know from this is that Fred can't wait till Super Mario 3 hits stores so he can buy it. (Really? After selling it this hard you'd think the folks at Nintendo would've hooked him up.) But believe it or not, I didn't come here to show off pictures of chocolate ice cream and Power Gloves - that shit's child's play compared to THIS: 

Merchandising! Sexy and delicious treasures featuring licensed Wizard branding that I have never ever seen in existence outside of this full page ad in this singular tie-in magazine. T-shirts! Stickers! Fanny packs! All donning the title of the movie in its official typeface, along with some weird insignia which, if you look closely, appears to be Jimmy posing like da Vinci's Vitruvian Man. And speaking of, if I had to vote for a most desirable prize in this lineup, it'd probably be the lunchbox - because hey, an official Jimmy Woods lunchbox! It's even listed as "The Wizard's Lunchbox" -- though I'd wager 50,000 Double Dragon points that it doesn't contain photos of his dead sister. 

- Paul

5 Offbeat Video Game Commercials

Video game advertising in the late 80s and early 90s was an artistic movement unto itself -- especially the TV commercials, and especially from Nintendo. They sold a world of grandeur and peril and adrenaline that was always closer to the artwork on the boxes than the actual games. They were melodramatic and spooky and playful all at once - like all the best set pieces from Highlander, Total Recall, and Aliens combined into some ambitious music video environment (which we lovingly pay tribute to here). 

All that being said, the following 5 commercials have nothing to do with any of that. These are examples of the way video games made their way into other avenues of Pop Culture, along with some other properties that managed to capitalize on the craze.

After these messages, we'll be riiiight back.

- Paul

Eagle Tortilla Chips (1991)

Throughout 1991, Tony Randall and Jack Klugman tried to convince us that Eagle Tortilla Chips were better than Doritos. Can't say their attempts had any real impact, I barely remember Eagle, but I do remember Oscar shooting Felix with a Nintendo Zapper which sends him directly into a game of Duck Hunt. I'd fantasized about finding myself inside all kinds of video games around that time, but I'm sure everyone would've appreciated an opportunity to strangle that goddamn dog. 

Kellogg's Corn Pops (1993)

This was during the "Gotta Have My Pops" campaign that depicted young people spending the entire duration of a 30 second spot on the verge of a violent meltdown if they didn't get some Corn Pops cereal. (There were some crazy poisons in 90s junk food.) In addition to this Kellogg's crack, specially marked boxes came with Nintendo ID stickers, so now you and your shitty little sister didn't have to fight over whose copy of Fester's Quest is the one with the Dunkaroo frosting stain on it. 

Hot Hints Hotline (1990)

This has bounced around the internet for years so it's hard to nail down its origins. Nintendo obviously had their own licensed game tip hotline, and my 10 seconds of research mostly confirmed that this "local" commercial was off the books and possibly a scam, or scam-ola. Even still, I'd like to think some underage Nintendo wizards got together and decided to charge a fee for dispensing their wisdom over the phone, and somehow managed to produce this kickass commercial (featuring one half of The Ambiguously Gay Duo) and get it on the air. 

Nabisco Cookies (1990)

Speaking of Nintendo wizards - Nabisco held a sorta scratch-n-win promotion in which the grand prize was a trip to watch the Nintendo World Championships. They don't mention it in the commercial but the Championships (emphasis on plural) took place in 29 different U.S. cities so there was a good chance you didn't have to travel too far. They also don't mention that this was the very first nationwide Nintendo competition, which took place in the year following the theatrical release of The Wizard, and since I've never heard otherwise I like to think the movie inspired the real life contest. 

T.I.G.E.R. Paperboy (1990)

This one actually falls in line with the 90s Extreme Core Vaporwave video game vibe; it's a very lively commercial that's advertising something that's just slightly less exciting than an Etch A Sketch. T.I.G.E.R. handheld games were like Gameboys but only a fraction of the commitment and the cost; each device only played one game, so you had to make it count. Paperboy was famously monotonous and uneventful even on a home gaming system, so I'd imagine this barebones version as being something a lot less dazzling than a game of old-fashioned Pong. 

I SAW IT ON TAPE - The Wizard

Everything seems to move a lot faster nowadays. I don't just mean the accelerated passage of time that comes with old age (2025 is half over??) but the way contemporary media finds its way into our homes. A new TV show could premiere tomorrow morning and you can watch it through to the series finale before bed. I can go see a matinee at the theater and then come home and fast forward to see if I missed anything after the credits. "Reserve" became "preorder" and then "preorder" became "pre buy". We're always trying to recreate the past because the future is fleeting. Getting what we want right when we want it is such a tepid thrill (mostly because the choices are crap) but the nuanced joys of anticipation and yearning seem to be outmoded. Believe it or not, this isn't me lamenting the loss of my childhood and the days when we had to wait 6 whole months for a movie to journey from the cinema to the video store. Instead I'm here to point out that that's exactly when things started to speed up, and like everyone else who hit the ground running I learned to adapt. 

The Wizard opened in theaters in December of 1989 to bad reviews and poor box office. Whatever, that's not what this is about -- this is about that span of time between its theatrical run and its video release in June of 1990. I (like many people apparently) did not see the movie in theaters, but I remember the incessant TV spots that wisely aired during all my afternoon TV programs, and these commercials had two things to sell: the kid from The Wonder Years, and Super Mario Bros. 3. Sure I liked Kevin Arnold, but the more exciting part was getting a glimpse of the new Mario game - which, of course, is the big climactic reveal of the last act and so they ruined that surprise 10 times a day during commercial breaks between Hey Dude and Captain N. What that did was got me all excited for the new video game, not this new movie, and I'm guessing that was the national consensus. Super Mario 3 was released in the U.S. in February of '90, so by the time The Wizard was on videotape in June, me and the rest of the country (and the world) were already entirely familiar with all the ins and outs of Nintendo's crown jewel. But for me, that created a new kinda buzz: now I wanted to see the movie about the kid that gets to play Mario 3 on a giant TV screen, because now there was a context I could relate to, but also fantasize about. At any rate, a Kids' Movie about video games wasn't some manipulative ploy, it was an attractive and believable premise and so I certainly had interest. 

Shortly before its VHS release, my sister (who's 12 years my elder) moved out of our house and into her first apartment. Whithin a few weeks of moving in, getting settled, buying groceries, and acquiring a pet cat named Felix, she invited her little brother over for a sleepover. She was excited to play host and show off her new place, and I was excited because I was 7 years old and so any small activity out of the norm was fun and interesting - particularly if that activity involved Domino's and a tape rental. The tape was, of course, The Wizard because everything just lined up that way. So, pizza, summertime, sleepover, new movie, it should've been an otherwise unblemished memory in the rolodex of my protected little childhood, but physically I felt like garbage. I remember sitting on the floor in front of the TV watching Beau Bridges and Christian Slater bicker their way to California and noticing that it was literally hurting my eyes to look at the screen. And then noticing it was painful to look at anything. And my throat and neck and skin were all burny/itchy - so much so that I couldn't hide it, causing my sister to freak out and call my mother crying, "He's all itchy and wheezy and I don't know what's wrong and I don't know what to do!" This is where it becomes notable to point out that I never had a pet cat growing up because my father was allergic to them, and this is the part of the plot when everyone discovered at the same time that I too was allergic to cats. Felix had me all fucked up, to the point that had I stayed overnight my face would've melted off like the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. 

You know I love any opportunity to write or talk about The Wizard, and it often ends up as a defense; always defending the quality of the movie, my subjective adoration for the movie, and dismantling and discrediting all the flimsy criticisms against it. It (along with everything else in the universe) lies at the mercy of The Internet now, and so whenever it's mentioned in that ring of fire we're treated to the endlessly "fresh" observations regarding product placement and "California" and the Power Glove being "so bad". Of course, the most common comments continue to be the conviction that the only way to enjoy it is through the lens of personal nostalgia; that's it's a bad film and the only reason to watch it is to indulge in some sorta sentimental irony. Well I'm here to say (yet again) that I have very different feelings about The Wizard, and if I truly wanted to simply feel as though I were a child watching it for the first time I could just pour beach sand into my eyeballs and do a shot of Clorox. How's that for nostalgia? 

- Paul

STATIC SHOTS

The Wizard (1989)

Let's Look At Some Shit : Episode 8

Let's Look At Some Shit : Episode 4, part 2

1989 belongs to all of us

The truth is, I didn't actually see The Wizard or Little Monsters until they hit the video store in '90.
I was very much a rookie theater-goer at the time - having only slept through Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home in '86, but being quite conscious and receptive to Who Framed Roger Rabbit in '88.

But I digress...

More than my earliest theater memories, I'm very pleased and proud to remember most vividly going to Batman opening weekend - unaware of its global popularity and deeply focused on my own fascination with this historic piece of cinema. Though while history lets me know there were plenty of flagship films that year -- never mind such monumental world events like the protests in Tiananmen Square or the fall of the Soviet Union (both of which I remember well) -- but there was very little competition against the 'winged freak' and, even more so, his Jack Palance-shooting, Francis Bacon-loving, scene-stealing Clown Prince of Crime nemesis.
In terms of popular culture, for the first time in my life, I was in on the joke (as it were) - Batman was the #1 movie/soundtrack/everything in the world for the rest of the year, and I got to be part of it.
So, after Pee-Wee and Beetlejuice, it was clear Tim Burton was pulling the strings in my life, all culminating to one memorable Christmas morning. But let's put aside the film world for a minute & see if there were some other important world-dominating details that I might've unknowingly-at-the-time got myself into...

The Ninja Turtles' ambush on my life came in four distinct stages: the cartoon in '87, the action figures in '88, and before the coup de gras of the big screen in '90, we were given Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for NES in 1989. And even for its 8-bit funk soundtrack and comic book-style graphics, the gameplay was (and is) some kinda vehicle for torture. I still haven't beaten it without the help of a Game Genie.

In the world of television, TV guide made good on their promise & gave us Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire on December 17th, and their wit and charm captivated audiences old & young alike - myself included. Everyone instantly knew each family member by name, and for months were citing the best scenes and quoting the best lines, and this generation's Dennis the Menace was immortalized in 30 short minutes as one of the pop icons of the 20th century (and beyond).

And while I'd yet to develop any kinda passion for music or bands at that age, the sounds of Top 40 were always in the air, embedding their beats in my brain for some later shades of nostalgia. Songs (and music videos) like "She Drives Me Crazy," "If I Could Turn Back Time," and, of course, "Batdance" feel less like established media now and more like familiar smells from my childhood.

But that's part of the deal here, isn't it? This is coming from a guy who spent half of 1989 in Kindergarten, and while I take pride in my strength in the accuracy and extent of the corners of my mind, it's hard to paint an entire sociological overview of the year I turned 6, and my strongest memories of that time don't hold any weight in a thread like this. So, we'll stick to what's relatable & get back to where we once belonged: the movies.

It was a big year for big sequels - which isn't a bad thing; it's okay when the sequels are okay. Also, it was a spectacular year for Comedies - at a glance, a good handful made it onto my 50 Funniest list (as well as several that didn't, but could've).
As far as Horror goes... let's just say the 80s were coming to a close, and the oft-proclaimed "Golden Age" of slashers and gore had little left to offer. Conversely (in more ways than one) the Family genre was churning out some instant classics (as well as some future cult epics). And if it seems biased for a first-grader to take extra notice of family fare & still embrace it with fondness as an adult, then you can't find the entertainment value in puppies, kittens, giant ants, flying reindeer, talking babies, and Double Dragon.
So take your femur bone and get outta my yard, lame-o!

- Paul

1. Glory
One of the few on the list we haven't covered a dozen times before - and yet, here we are, at the top of the food chain with my favorite film of 1989, the best of the Civil War subgenre (of which there're not nearly enough choices), and one of the best of the whole decade.
War pictures can be as complicated & frustrating as the conflicts they depict; getting them right usually results in getting them wrong. Like a biopic (which this sorta is), combining historical accuracy with a strong emotional curve is generally something movies can't comprehend.
This is not so with Glory.
There's a lot to talk about (all good things), but in this short-form framework, I'd use this space to call attention to what I feel is a major lost art form nowadays: movie music. James Horner's efforts lands somewhere in my Top 3 film scores, and while he maintains a consistent vibe of wartime anxiety and a kind of somber grandeur throughout the movie, his very large, climactic piece titled "Charging Fort Wagner" that plays over the film's already-emotional final onslaught is probably the best example of Cinema, and all that it's capable of. Truly one of the greatest few minutes in movie history.

2. Uncle Buck
No one understood how to take advantage of John Candy's talent the way John Hughes understood - probably because what Candy had to offer and what he was capable of was never easy to define. So, clearly, he always crafted very specific vehicles for this very specific performer - and they weren't always easy to define. Words like "touching" and "sentimental" undermine the laughs, while critical soundbites like "Hilarious" or "A Riot!" undermine the heart. Any movie that manages to transcend any one genre label is always gonna be my favorite kinda anything - because when you can't define it, it's just its own original thing.
No one ever seems to assert this kind of semi-pretentious analysis to this movie (probably because it is "hilarious" and "a riot"), but with hindsight we can stand back from it and appreciate it as the cinematic tribute to its star (and director) that it truly is.

3. The 'Burbs
For all our love for Joe Dante, it's fair to say he's had an uneven career - which is perhaps why The 'Burbs may be the jewel in that tipped crown. For a guy who'd been getting bigger audiences that coincided with bigger budgets, he abruptly turned it way down and made this smaller (and possibly more personal) movie - which is typically when directors do their best stuff.
The mild epiphany that placed it onto my Top 100 was the realization that I'm never not in the mood to watch it. It was a consistent video rental while I was growing up, and it was always an event when it was on cable. I've had my own videocassette, DVD, and - now that the cult has clearly broadened - special edition blu-ray - because we're the lunatics.

4. The Wizard
Here we go again: it's 1989, we got the magic key, we got the cross, and we're closing in on the barbarian!
I'm always curious whenever I'm forced to test my feelings for this film yet again to see if my infatuation has waned. And what I always find is that I love it more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.
Any time I write about it (and if I had my way, it would be all the time), I always try to think of a new angle -- a new defense (since I still feel like I'm fighting for my right to party). I can skip over the plot and the performances and the Nintendo and the adventure and all the other strong suits that draw me to it, and instead call attention to the dry, sunny Southwestern U.S. shooting locations, and the arresting 80s pop soundtrack. At some point after Boogie Nights, Paul Thomas Anderson said something like he only wanted to make movies about karate and pornography for the rest of his life... I just want movies about driving around the desert cut to uninterrupted classic rock. It may be the only reason why I love Easy Rider. It's definitely one of the reasons I love The Wizard.

5. Batman
How do you reinvent live action Batman into the spooky, violent mood it was always meant to be - without veering into self-seriousness? Enlisting the creative talents behind Beetlejuice wouldn't have been the obvious choice... Or was it? A bit of German Expressionism, a preoccupation with freaks and outcasts, a generally morbid outlook, and all the other baggage Tim carries with him was the lethal combination of chemicals to unleash on 'the comic book adaptation.'
And it's sorta true: Chris Nolan gets all the credit for what Burton had already kinda done - take away the costumes & you're left with an old-fashioned gangster melodrama.
For better or worse, a movie that changes all other movies is worth paying extra close attention to. This was for the better.

6. Born On the Fourth of July
I say it all the time: Biopics stink -- for many reasons - the main one probably being that filmmakers are too frightened to apply any creativity into paint-by-numbers storytelling...
Enter one fearless director who blatantly satirizes this watered-down style of storytelling by pitting some over-the-top Norman Rockwell Americana against the most horrific side of reality. This kinda change in tone is the same kind of subversive moviemaking you'd see in something like Blue Velvet.
More than anything else, this is still the movie I point to when I need to make a case for how fucking great Tom Cruise is, and why I wish to God he was still working.*

*I don't count any of this garbage from the past 10 years or so.

7. Little Monsters
The sets, the score, the cinematography, even the performances - all workin' overtime for me. And it took me years to recognize that there's less of an E.T. vibe in the foreground than there is a Beetlejuice wannabe - which isn't a bad thing; few movies (if any) had the balls (or the comprehension) to follow in those offbeat footsteps.
This was the other Fred Savage movie that everyone seems to have a problem with - but unlike The Wizard, I never bother to refute the hate (mostly because I'm unsure as to where it comes from). I can tell you what I keep from it is all the aforementioned attributes (along with the pop song choices, Howie's wardrobe, and peanut butter and onion sandwiches), but even more than that is the overall tone of the picture. The whole setup of moving to a new location and a dissatisfaction with your environment - all with the subtext of emotionally distant parents - leaves a moody, melancholy aftertaste that lingers in between each viewing -- and there have been many.
I'm pleased to've had it as part of my life for nearly 30 years.

8. Lethal Weapon 2
I've always protested that it was better than the first one; it certainly has a higher rewatchability count in its genetic makeup. Part 1 has some action and some laughs, wrapped in a heavy psychodrama. Part 2 is just action and laughs. And the best way to elevate a sequel (sometimes higher than its predecessor) is to skyrocket the threat level against our protagonists - and this particular sequel skyrockets in ways that are so eloquently 1980s.

9. Tango & Cash
Speaking of...
The score is godawful (sorry, Harold), the practical FX are generally impractical, and some of the humor feels better suited to someone like... no one. But the fact that it's completely self-aware of what it is gives it its appeal - kinda. In the 80s, the broad spectrum of Action/Comedies ranged from Beverly Hills Cop to Police Academy, with not much in between -- except for this, which portions out a healthy balance of action and comedy, and resulting in a dizzying crossbreed of a genre that doesn't exist.
The movie features every favorite character actor from A to Z'Dar, but its two main macho leads - and the chemistry they generate - make it what it is: FUBAR, big time.

10. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
John Hughes + Christmas seems to be pretty good - and this is arguably the best it ever was.
This was the videotape everyone seemed to have, and during the holidays, its soundtrack of chainsaws and sleds and shitters and squirrels and explosions was as omnipresent as Christmas carols. Take it, Russ!

11. Major League
The funniest baseball comedy of the 80s: prison jokes, crotch humor, fried chicken, foul balls, voodoo curses - it even has a sterile romantic subplot for all you Bull Durham losers.
But I'm selling it way short; it's really light on the buffoonery you'd expect from sports comedies, and relies pretty heavily on dialogue and performances for laughs - which is impressive for the subject matter (or any other kinda comedy, really).

12. Back to the Future Part II
This was the other event movie I saw in the theater that year: forced to sit in the very front row due to the most packed theater I've ever been in.
All the 2015 stuff was fun the first time around, but it got old fast (thematically, and now, literally). But the real cream of this sequel is how dense and dark it is while still remaining somewhat comprehensible. The first one was fun through & through, but it only hinted at the perils of time travel -- Part II demonstrates the consequences to its fullest effect, giving what could've been just a retread of the same story an exciting curve.

13. Look Who's Talking
This is how I learned about sex - the science part anyway.
In the 80s, kids movies dealt with murderers, monsters, Marshmallow Men, and Michael Jackson, and now here was this one about divorce, infidelity, single parenting, and Vinnie Barbarino... Strong stuff for young minds -- but isn't that the formula that every story tries to perfect: a broad appeal across all ages and sexes? For a plotless character study with no third act, it manages to pull off exactly that.
Great cast, killer soundtrack. And am I the only one who thinks back to all the scenes with James and Mikey every time I watch the showdown between Bruce and Travolta in Pulp Fiction?

14. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
Between McDonald's campaign, video rentals, HBO, birthday parties, sleepovers, (I think they even showed it in school once) - this movie was everywhere for a little while.
I dug it enough, though it always felt boring in parts. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized that the kids' storyline is where it sags most, and that the grownups' scenes are really what keep the flow going: they get all the best lines, they're more competent actors, and the nerd in me was more interested in the laser/miniaturization stuff than the waterslide/cookie cream stuff.
Though I still get nervous that a loved one might be in my Cheerios.

15. Ghostbusters II
I was unaware of whether or not it was well-received upon its release, but I am aware that it took me many years to come around and accept it as the adequate sequel that it is.
And to reiterate and/or expand on what I've written before: for all the movie's major (and minor) flaws, there are enough horror/comedy elements (the same talented cast, a strong villain with a neat backstory) to keep it reminiscent of the first film.
Still though, the change in ectoplasm from mucus-colored to pink was a real indication of the (Real Ghostbusters) cartoonish direction they never should've gone toward, but did.

16. The Abyss
By today's standards (or by any era of movies, really) it's original and refreshing to see an underwater adventure flick that's devoid of bloody shark attacks or Soviet torpedo explosions. And for the scifi genre, it was, again, original and refreshing to encounter aliens without the whole narrative erupting into an orgy of futuristic violence (especially from the Aliens guy).
This was a time when lighting effects were done with lights, and special effects were exactly that: special. And while both categories are aces, the real spectacle is that this is a talky, character-driven ensemble picture full of intense performances - that's why it rocks.

17. The War of the Roses
One of the more underrated comedies of this or any other year - so much so that it didn't even chart on my own list (for reasons I cannot recall).
This was my introduction to what 'dark comedy' was supposed to be: it's a bum out for sure, but each sequence contains at least one catch-your-breath laugh.

18. The Adventures of Milo and Otis
Most pictures that feature solely animals usually means talking animals - which I loathe. Such is not the case in this ray-of-sunshine Adventure. Recut and reworked from a 1986 Japanese movie, the 1989 version is eloquently narrated (by Dudley Moore in the English-language version) like a Little Golden Book come to life.
And as an on & off Pug owner for the past 30 years, the movie will always have a comfortable, familiar place in my heart.

19. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
Apart from having a cute/clever premise and having legitimate laughs throughout, its biggest (and boldest) achievement is that it's a movie about two post-Fast Times/Porky's teens who are never depicted as drinking alcohol, doing drugs, hounding women for sex, or even cursing. It's unique and actually kinda sweet, but more than that, these semi-traditional elements simply wouldn't've fit in with the tone. It also raises it high above 'teen comedy' and knights it as just 'comedy.'

20. New York Stories
"Uneven" is putting it a bit lightly - though name another multi-director anthology film that isn't...
Coppola's segment is so forgettable that I've forgotten it. Woody's part has a few laughs, but it's 'high-concept' Woody, which I've never been into.
However - and it's a big however - this movie was right on the brackets of what I consider to be peak-Scorsese; his segment, titled Life Lessons, feels like his early 70s stuff but with more confidence and finesse. Jess thinks it's the best thing he's ever done. In this moment, I'm not inclined to argue.

21. Turner & Hooch
A tired premise wrapped in a convoluted plot. Who cares, right?
It's on the Mt. Rushmore of 80s Tom Hanks (which is always open for discussion), and it was certainly the best cop/dog buddy movie of the year. And I could also argue that no other action/comedies ever had such a moving ending (this is not open for discussion).

22. Prancer
Kids movies can be loud, flashy, and dumb. Inject some Christmas into it and it gets louder, flashier, and dumber. Then along comes Prancer with the quiet, moody magic of an early 20th century paperback they'd have you read in school. I was taken to the theater to see it with no prior knowledge of its existence, but ever since then it's been an integral part of my holiday rotation.

23. Dead Calm
Thrillers are kinda extinct nowadays - especially old-fashioned, connect-the-dots, edge-of-your-seaters like this.
Back when it came out, I feel like it got jumbled into the slew of slightly similar stuff being released around that time. Hold it up against the animated car chases and creaky-door ghost stories of today, and it feels like a breath of fresh sea air. Very effective for folks with a fear of drowning, home invasion, and Billy Zane.

24. K-9
A tired premise wrapped in a convoluted plot... And without the presence of Mr. Tom Hanks, it does get a bit gummed up in these major details.
No matter - it still functions in all the right places, and while I have no strong feelings re. Jim Belushi, he actually feels pretty suited to this role.
It's a movie I think I'll always hold onto because of one brief LOL moment that still gets me every time.

25. Stepfather 2: Make Room For Daddy
Part one was approaching brilliance, and because part two is such a faithful rehash of the first, it can't help but be (nearly) as good. Just the fact that Terry O'Quinn returns in the title role gives the whole show a big boost - because Terry O'Quinn in anything is absolutely worthy of your attention, and you should see both of these movies right away.

26. Society
What begins as a straightforward teen horror/comedy slowly and shockingly coagulates into a perverted mystery of sorts, which then eventually climaxes into what I would describe as an upsettingly wet fever dream that compares with nothing else ever put on film before (and maybe since). It's an effective way to structure any kinda movie - especially Horror. (see: Fire in the Sky, From Dusk Till Dawn, Bone Tomahawk)

27. Night Visitor
Part Rear Window remake, part Are You Afraid of the Dark? episode, all character actor nirvana.
There's an aggressive and frustrating promise of danger throughout this whole thing - so much so that how much or how well it actually pays off is of no consequence. After all, that's how suspense/paranoia works.

28. A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child
It's one of the weakest of the series -- but outside of the ranks of the franchise, a Freddy movie is gonna overcome any year that one is released, because that is how I roll.
If you can conquer the dumb one-liners, the plot holes, and the pacing issues, it has a scene: Alice is confronted by her late boyfriend's parents who passively/aggressively urge her to get an abortion... Heavy stuff for an Elm Street entry, which makes it stand out a bit - but weightier than that is the simple fact that the scene is acted, written, and directed with the grace and maturity of a European stage play -- and less like the jubilee of 80s VFX, rock music, and bad puns that it is.
When I think of the movie, it's the scene I think of.

29. Weekend at Bernie's
Good or bad (mostly good), it's a representative of 1989 and we couldn't conduct class without it. Besides, I did the math: I ran down the list of all the movies released that year, and it still stayed inside the bubble. Because I do like it more than Driving Miss Daisy, The Little Mermaid, and even Last Crusade (which is mediocre at best). I mean, sure, it was badass when Indy came face-to-face with the Fuehrer, but that can't compete with that bikini chick with the big hair and the white high-tops... Sorry, Steven - you shoulda made Rain Man instead like the studio wanted -- then we'd have a real competition here.

30. Lock Up
Sly spent a lotta time behind bars this year - though this stretch wasn't played for laughs.
It's not exactly Papillon or even Cool Hand Luke -- quite the contrary: for a big studio/late 80s prison melodrama, it woulda had no problem fitting in with the Grindhouse circuit of decades past. Gratuitous brutality and clumsy sentimentality paint this picture with shades of Saw, The Longest Yard, and of course, Rocky, but still shapes up as its own twisted thing.
And I do mean twisted: the end credits of this tense, violent thriller roll over freeze-frames from the movie - set to a power ballad soundtrack - like the end of a Perfect Strangers episode. If one were to marathon all the movies on this list in this order, this truly would be the only suitable ending to that journey.

INTERIORS

We all knew we couldn't stay away from this subject for long - there're just too many to consider. Case in point: the combined filmographies of Kubrick, Woody Allen, and David Lynch alone are enough for its own series of sexy sets. But we'll try not to be so pre-diddly-ictable and continue to keep it inclusive.

Still though...

Bill's basement bar - Edward Scissorhands

Inside each of these pastel postwar suburban homes is a "man cave" like this - back when they were a bit cooler.

If I ever had a big enough house, I'd certainly set aside a spot to recreate this retro nook (and stay fully stocked in lemonade).


Hallorann's bedroom - The Shining

Never mind the black velvet smut and the big sexy bed - when Dick has to fly halfway across the country and drive up a mountain through a blizzard only to get chopped up into little bits, it makes the room he left behind seem that much cozier and safer.


The vault - The Addams Family

Every room of the house is altogether ooky, but nothing beats the seemingly-endless cathedral of gold coins and precious stones that Scrooge McDuck would sell his nephews for.
Added to that, one understandably needs to get past a secret bookcase and go down a sorta happy-fun slide and ferry across an underground canal to get to it... It all adds to its appeal.


The Flamingo Hotel suite - Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

The room itself isn't without its shag-carpet charm, but it isn't until the boys do some redecorating that it really comes to a fantastic note. Ignoring the solidified mustard and ankle-deep still water, the psychedelic array of Christmas lights, stuffed animals, and Debbie Reynolds shrine translate into a kinda Ralph Steadman art installation. I attempted to recreate this look for my bedroom as a teenager.


McDonald's - All the President's Men

I'ma just leave this here...


Harry's Apartment - The Conversation

It may be a model of simplicity, but it's still early 1970s simplicity. From the middle-of-the-road furniture and light fixtures to the Woolworth's knickknacks to any other home furnishings acquired by a man attempting to appear 'ordinary' all add up to a standard showroom of a comfortable bachelor lifestyle.


Nintendo Game Player's Hotline - The Wizard

Only a handful of workplaces come to mind, and none of them feature gray office cubicles and headset telephones - unless, of course, you can kick back with Nintendo Power magazine all day & answer questions about Double Dragon and Ninja Gaiden.


The Beatles' home - Help!

You gotta hand it to the set designers: if the fictional '65 Beatles lived in a house together, this is what it'd be - one sprawling living room vaguely divided into four separate cartoonish gimmicks.
Most who've seen the movie usually agree that John's setup with the swivel bookshelves and sunken bed is the sexiest.

TEXTURES

1989 Belongs to Fred Savage

This year marks the 20th anniversary of two great American children's films, thus signposting a crucial look into what kids' movies have to offer today - or all contemporary cinema for that matter.
That being said... go & take that crucial look. Make your own judgement - I won't do it for you. That's not what this is about.
I've seen thousands of films - everything from How Green Was My Valley? to Dude, Where's My Car? There are roughly 100 movies that I consider to stand tall above the rest. And while I critique these movies in a purely subjective manner, there is a personal justification and criterion to my subjectivity that borders on objectivity.
On the merely subjective side, there's this: I must have a sustaining desire to watch the movie many times after the first viewing.
Of course, this barometer alone could never result in a definitive Top 100. However, it does conveniently encapsulate an otherwise exhausting & verbose critique that I could apply to every movie - but won't. I don't believe in 'guilty pleasures,' in that, no one should have shame for what they like. Anyone bashful of that "NKOTB phase I went through" is lying both to themselves & anyone who'll listen.
So, when justifying these "movies I could watch over & over," my summation is in no way rooted in popularity, critical or financial success, awards, irony, or nostalgia (more on that later). Nonetheless, it IS rooted in many obvious & predictable principles: craftsmanship & competence in the filmmaking process; writing, directing, blah
All of this adds up to why The Wizard is, in my opinion, one of the 100 greatest films of all time.

I posted a video of that Top 100 in summer of 2008. & when people weren't bitching about the omissions of their own favorites, some found themselves scratching their heads over the inclusion of the 1989 "90 minute Nintendo commercial."
Well, as far as kids movies go, it's structurally flawless. And because the genre dances around a fantasy/chase/coming of age/buddy/road movie, a straight line can be drawn to, say, The Wizard of Oz. But that's the thing - the structure isn't tired - it's timeless. It's something kids can way dig.
But enough about the kids - what about the rest of us...
Well... it's still timeless, & you can still way dig it, much like, say, The Wizard of Oz.
& I will absolutely point out that: thematically, the movie is not timeless - it's totally stuck in 1989. This, of course, presents the element of nostalgia for anyone of the right age, and may actually be that "head-scratcher" for anyone too old or too young. But the point of this is to remove those utterly intuitive nostalgic butterflies & examine it from a distance.
So, yes, the movie is framed around Double Dragon & Mario 3, and BoDeans & New Kids dominate the soundtrack.
But is this a bad thing? Is this even something to take into consideration? The movie is very much a time capsule of that time. But so are On the Waterfront, The Graduate, Saturday Night Fever, Philadelphia, American Beauty, and many more. Does this mean we should dismiss them entirely? Or shall we continue to ignore their generation-specific references while embracing their kick-assedness - all while employing them as historical reference points?
In other words, what we've already been doing.
& while I generally dislike cinema of the 1980s (or at least I thought I did), it was truly a golden age of two genres: comedies & kids movies. And again, I don't say this as a child of the 80s, but rather with genuine hindsight. Children's films back then offered conflict based on pain, loss, & terror (Ghostbusters, Flight of the Navigator, Poltergeist, Something Wicked This Way Comes, Beetlejuice, Pee Wee's Big Adventure), & often the threat of violence or even death (The Goonies, The Karate Kid, Stand By Me, The Monster Squad, The Neverending Story).
Why this is a good thing? Well, you'd better know the answer to that.
And on that page, Will Seltzer's "Putnam" provides ample & genuine menace. And Jackey Vinson as Lucas? ...He's so bad.

& while some of you may consider Poltergeist as simply a PG-rated movie for grown-ups, that really leaves only one movie in existence to fill the slot of the 'Children's Horror' genre: Little Monsters.
The shining flaw at the time of its release in the summer of 89 was that it was significantly too scary for kids, & too dumb for adults - honestly, a critique that in itself feels pretty tired (not to mention scary & dumb).
While we're on the topic & because of the subject matter, this part requires me to ignore quality & the possibility of longevity of the film, & recall my childhood reaction to the film.
At a time when Freddy Krueger was an MTV VJ and Friday the 13th was a TV series, somehow Howie Mandel & Rick Ducommun were not giving me nightmares.
Instead, I was filled with whimsy & wonder - quite literally. A real "what if..." kinda movie, which, while that notion is spooky & mischievous (much like David Newman's score), doesn't spark any kinda real terror.
BUT - lemme take this opportunity to say, flat out, that if it truly were scary - well, that'd be fine too. Actually, that'd be great! What would be wrong with that? The point is whether it's scary or not doesn't make it a good movie. Fred makes it good. Howie & Rick make it good. David Newman & Billie Hughes make it good. Daniel Stern & Margaret Whitton make it good. And Amber Barretto as Kiersten - man I had a crush. Still kinda do (?)(!)
More so than Jenny Lewis as Haley? Well, I don't think I'll ever straighten out the order of that list.

Did I mention he was also doing Wonder Years at the time?