Showing posts with label Stephen King. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stephen King. Show all posts

9.05.2025

7 Cigarette Smoking Scenes

When there's no more room in Hell for "Eating Scenes" we will begin to address the "Smoking Scenes". For decades it was too commonplace to even take notice - not just in French noir and American Westerns, but in everything, from Looney Tunes shorts to gameshows. It started to be a bit more of a niche in the 70s, and even since then I was left with a zillion choices - but these were the first that came to mind. 

Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

- Paul


Ghostbusters

Cigarette as comedic prop. My father used to let me reenact this gag with an unlit True Blue, getting me that much closer to becoming a real life Ghostbuster. 


The Master

How to pick a single Joaquin smoking scene? Not to discredit either Joker movie but you really need to see the outtakes from this scene to appreciate the nicotine dedication. 


GoodFellas

A truly famous shot in a movie full of famous shots, it exemplifies the cigarette as a permissible prop for an actor to look busy. Add a good pop song and you've got Cinematic Gold. 


Die Hard

An excellent Smoking Movie all around, but nothing beats the peace pipe camaraderie between John McClane and Bill Clay. 


Cat's Eye

Smoking kills, but who cares? Like, seriously. Even if Alan King sends out goons to kidnap your wife and then electrocute her while playing a horrible cover of "96 Tears", it's still so satisfying to light up when you're stuck in traffic. 


War of the Roses

Doesn't matter how long it's been since you quit - if you have to deflect sexual advances from Kathleen Turner, you're gonna need to scratch that itch with something strong. 


True Romance

A last meal, a kiss before dying, a final request. Smoking (and hurling insults) are much more satisfying when there are no more longterm consequences. 

1.14.2023

1983 ...What A Feeling


An important year in pop culture, specifically because it was when I was born. I don't say that in a cutesy "god's gift to the world" way; were I not here, you wouldn't be reading this right now. Isn't that weird and cool? Point is, I was put on this earth to look at some shit (and probably a lotta other things I fucked up and/or missed out on) and it all started in February of this year of which I cannot remember.

I like to pretend I remember things from Year Zero. But maybe I was 1, or 2, who knows. Anyway that's not what this is about. I do know that this year was full of cultural significance that would eventually make an impact on me - either immediately, later on, or continually throughout my life. I'm always proud to note that the final episode of M*A*S*H aired the month I was born - as though it somehow linked me to a bygone era, dressing me in both wisdom and innocence. Truth is, Happy Days was still on the air. Dukes of Hazard had another 2 years. So did The Jeffersons. Fall Guy was still going strong. Richard Dawson was still hosting Family Feud. Turns out I'm as old as I actually am; stuff like Sesame Street and Scooby-Doo are not indicative of any era because they never went away, but more than that is that I come from the cusp of the "millennial" denomination - the scent of the 70s was still deep in the upholstery.


Top 40 music suggested otherwise; you can't get much more 1980s than "True" by Spandau Ballet or "The Politics of Dancing" by Re-Flex. The year introduced us to Madonna, Metallica, and Cyndi Lauper, while folks like Bowie, Elton, McCartney, and The Stones shifted their sound to mingle in the relevance of Music Television. It may've seemed like a vast variety at the time, but a 40 year distance will make Styx and Wang Chung that much more indistinguishable. And while I clearly wasn't conscious of it as an infant, I'm intellectually aware that it saturated my environment: my mother had albums by Men at Work and Culture Club, my father adored the lyrics to Nena's "99 Red Balloons," and my sister was into Air Supply and Journey. I'm certain there was a nonstop chaotic cliché of Greatest Hits of the 80s in the air.


I think it's fair to say I didn't see any new release movies this year, but like the music, HBO and VHS were full steam ahead at all times, so there was undoubtedly a healthy stream of Empire Strikes Back, Willy Wonka, Arthur, Pete's Dragon, Wizard of Oz, and whatever else videotape and pay TV expelled out into the space of our haunted apartment. Meanwhile, movies were being released into theaters that would find their way into my world - some later in life, some as soon as the following year. Some formative spectacles, a few big budget clunkers, and a lotta sordid cult items - some classics, some calamities, and not all to my liking, then or now. A bit of a tepid year in terms of qualitative quantity - especially compared to the monumental music output; Stephen King was thriving, Jaws was dying, and Barbara Streisand was the cutest Yeshiva Boy you ever saw. It was a bit of a flat soda as far as my taste goes, but per usual, holding them up against the content output of today, '83 was largely standout Motion Picture achievements with a few of the greatest films ever made thrown in. It's been exhausting maintaining some sort of "progressive" approach for however many years now, passively accepting whatever new "direction" movies seem to take. But This Is 40, and I resolve to be less shy and less polite about the recycled gunk of contemporary media vs. "the good old days"; there was a lotta broad expensive garbage and trivial lowbrow shame released in the Big 80s (and every other decade to varying degrees), but the ratio of innovation, experimentation, and risk was still much greater. Creative artists with original ideas were still getting studio pictures off the ground, largely unscathed, which in and of itself was progressing popular culture, rather than sucking the fumes of "the good old days." I'm old-fashioned like that; a conservative for a time when things moved forward, not scraping the guardrails alongside the highway to mediocrity. 

But I'm hard to please - the new century has taught me that. And so I had a tough time making love outta nothing at all (sorry) and was no way in hell gonna inflate this into a Top 40. So I did a traditional (and no doubt predictable) Top 20 of 40 year old movies - some have aged better than I, some have not, I adore them all.

The Best Will Be First.

- Paul



1. The Right Stuff
Not the first movie I saw or even the first movie I liked, but it's My First Movie. In the most obvious, superficial way, it sparked an obsession in me with the Space Program - not necessarily in terms of science, heroism, or interplanetary curiosity, but through the weird psychedelic moodiness the film falls into for nearly every set piece throughout. Combine that with inventive special effects and a bombastic Bill Conti score and it creates that kinda 2001 atmosphere that's mesmerizing to anyone of any age. Still though, to a toddler: Rocketship! 

2. Easy Money
This lowbrow premise coulda been a real disaster, but it wasn't. Like any comedian with a unique style, it works like butter when a script & story caters to them, and so we end up with a full-blown "Rodney Dangerfield vehicle" that matches both the content and delivery of his material. And you know what? Pesci & Dangerfield > Pesci & De Niro. 

3. The King of Comedy
But Bobby & Jerry? Fuhgeddaboudit. The chemistry between De Niro and Sandra Bernhard is really good too and I wish there were more of it. I remember what a huge deal it was when Analyze This came out and everyone was like "omg! De Niro is funny!" And I thought "well I'll let Midnight Run slide, but c'mon man." I wish Marty would make more movies like this, I wish anyone would make more movies like this - Joker notwithstanding. 

4. Twilight Zone: The Movie
Spent my whole life struggling to warm up to the Spielberg segment. Not really there yet, which is a shame because it's otherwise one of the greatest big budget Horror flicks of the 80s, ahead of The Fly and, ironically, Poltergeist. No matter - controversy aside, it's my favorite thing Landis and Miller (and God help me, maybe even Joe Dante) have ever done.

5. A Christmas Story
Roger Ebert noted, "...people don't often go to movies with specific holiday themes." Too true in the decades before the Cult of Hallmark, and so 1983 gifted us the ultimate sleeper hit, left wrapped in the corner, only to be discovered after the hoopla had died down. 

6. STAR WARS - Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
I've published big, contemplative prose regarding the weights and measures of this monumental resolution to the most lucrative and culturally significant film franchise that had ever been (at the time). But really, it's just about Bib Fortuna, Leia's bikini, Luke's green lightsaber, The Emperor's Royal Guards, and Vader's unmasking, because that's how STAR WARS works, kid. 

7. Bloodbeat
I don't like labeling a movie as "weird," but when I do it's something special. One of my favorite home video discoveries of the past ten years, this slasher/ghost/possession/samurai fable is evidently beyond definition and just beyond comprehension. And it's a Christmas movie!

8. Trading Places
The second entry in the Mount Rushmore of "1980s Eddie" and probably his best Straight Comedy. Not to ignore the other performances in the film, but it's such a quotable movie and any time I reach for a line it's one of his. And that kinda thing happens to me every week!

9. National Lampoon's Vacation
Always dwarfed by the graceful subtleties of its Christmas sequel, it's still strong enough as a Summertime counterpart. Having said that, Clark's final act profanity-laden meltdown in the car is the finest writing to come out of this year. 

10. A Blade in the Dark
Even a weak Giallo picture is likely to have some striking visuals and good music, both of which this movie has enough to spare. But few others manage to be this thrilling or weird or aware of itself - and that's saying something I think.

11. Scarface
It was never entirely what I needed it to be - but that was just a byproduct of the hype I think. I wanted more broad, more garish, more violent - every element for which it was demonized. Instead I settled into the subtleties (and soundtrack) which is where the vibe truly lies. 

12. Videodrome
One of the most fun scripts of the year fer sure; if anything, David's sense of Science Fiction is the closest to what I'd like it to be. And for all its big ideas and effects wizardry, I still struggle to find any kind of vibe.

13. Bill Cosby: Himself
Well this is awkward. I never watched his sitcom or kids' shows; after Mother, Jugs, and Speed I knew him from this (and probably Jell-O) and thought it was just hysterical - his bit about the dentist always thwarts the tension of all my office visits. I've not seen this since the unpleasantness, and so I continue to let my memories live in a separate room. 

14. Christine
Carpenter gets ghosts, and he spins a good yarn - even if it's not his own original yarn; he takes it upon himself to disregard an origin story, and in true Michael Myers style, the car is simply evil - which works for me so much more as ghost in the machine than a masked man. 

15. The Hunger
Tony Scott is at his best in the Action/Crime genre and he clearly knew that. But he knew Thriller, he knew Erotic, he knew mood, and those best elements of his later blockbusters are basically the only elements that make up this contemporary gothic tale, with heavy emphasis on both "contemporary" and "gothic."

16. The Dead Zone
As far as the movie versions go, there's some superficial parallels to The Shining: eccentric actor plays eccentric character who's confronted with grim scenarios from a different time. And while there's so much more to consider, that formula seems to be really effective for me. 

17. Nightmares
As uneven as any Anthology Horror, but just as competent as some of the best - mostly. If it ever feels cheap or low-key, that's because it was supposedly a two hour pilot that was deemed too scary for TV. Had it been as such it would've blown Tales From the Darkside outta the woods.

18. Sledgehammer
"Shot-on-Video" comes with a lotta baggage, and it takes legitimate talent to make these in a competent way and hopefully add a little extra. Low budget auteur David A. Prior does exactly that and manages to make a mind-bender of a movie that's more effective and efficient than most other Slasher flicks - of this time or any.

19. D.C. Cab
Something I'm noticing here: this year is a very stream-of-consciousness lineup; movies that have an abstract approach to traditional structure. This movie has a "plot" but it's boring af - you watch it for Busey, for Mr. T, For Charlie Barnett, for Irene Cara. The "hangout" movie of '83.

20. Zelig
Not the first Mockumentary, but perhaps the first feature length attempt at the refined silliness with which we've become accustomed to associate it. I've mentioned "High Concept Woody" in the past - it's tricky business, and always wears extremely thin by the final act. It's excusable here, as long as it's true to the life of Leonard Zelig. 
 

10.03.2022

Babes's TOP 20 HORROR MOVIE CRUSHES

   Everyone is attractive. And horror movie actors(tresses) are no exception to this rule. Sometimes they can even elevate or distract me from a horrible feature. I'll even forget, and remember the movie fondly only to revisit it later, and be reminded that it was only those perfect breasts that kept me engaged. At heart, I'm still just a horny teenager. And my lizard brain is overactive with big eyes for all of those Hollywood cutouts. Same as you. 

- Babes

Kenny
Ernest Scared Stupid

I have always loved the Ernest movies because Jim Varney is a funny motherfucker. It should come as no surprise that his spooky-themed one is the nearest and dearest to my heart. And this little boy, with his very early nineties haircut, blue flannel shirt, and super pouty lips stole my heart. He was one of my earliest pretend boyfriends. And I deeply fantasized. 


Brian Stevenson
Little Monsters

I was always a Winnie Cooper kid. But then I saw this underrated masterpiece and Fred was my new prince. What tips the scales is definitely when he dons the leather vest at the end. Super hunk.


Richie Tozier
IT

Everyone was adorable in this. But little nerdy, glasses-adorning Seth Green was the very best. And a fetish was born. 


Lucy Westenra
Bram Stoker's Dracula

Watching Lucy writhe around, groping and touching her half naked self in the rain, did things to me on a chemical and physical level that I cannot even describe. 


Tatum Riley
Scream

I pretended I liked this movie so that I could see it three more times in the theater, and buy a VHS copy, just so I could ogle this goddess some more. 


Terri
Hellraiser 3: Hell on Earth

These movies are not scary, but more so completely disgusting. They for real churn my stomach, and I have to be in the right mood to allow that queasiness. As for this sequel, it takes this very special kind of hottie to distract me from my upchuck feeling, and turn me on. 


Donnie Darko
Donnie Darko 

This was a new release blind rental. Apart from being blown away by its originality and amazing soundtrack/score, I was getting all the feels from the handsome doe-eyed lead actor. And I knew that he was going places. Boy was I right. 


Seth Brundle
The Fly

Jeff just oozes sexuality as much as he does literal goo. 


Carole
Repulsion 

To those of you who need to know this, it's not the crazy ones that you need to be wary of, they're bound to be the most adventurous in the ways you want them to be, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. And she is so goddamn pretty that it hurts. 


Herman Salvadore
The Lords of Salem

Honestly, in certain light, this guy looks like my sexy husband. So that helps. And he's cool as fuck. I should know, I've met him.


Jay Height
It Follows

This film photographs her unusual beauty well, highlighting her gigantic eyes, and making her skin look delicious. 


Hedy Carlson
Single White Female

How do you make her look hotter? Try making her try to look like Bridget Fonda? Winner winner chicken dinner.


Allie Jones
Single White Female

She has always been list-worthy, but this look reigns with that adorable red pixie cut.


Slack
Land of the Dead

Her dark and brooding look caught my attention in this otherwise bag of shit that I had to sit through in the theater. And upon further investigation, she's weird, which makes her even better.


Shaun
Shaun of the Dead

Fewer films have made me laugh harder than this one. And humor is seductive as hell. 


Sarah Roberts
The Hunger

She never makes any scream queen lists, but why not? She's was more alluring than anyone else on them! Especially with blood dripping down her face and body.


Kate Beringer
Gremlins

While I agree with Paul - while this is the worst wardrobe in the history of film, it doesn't take away from all that is her. 


Crawford Tillinghast
From Beyond

Skittish, bookish nerd, in librarian-esque sweater is provocative to me the way naked is to others.


Ginger and Brigitte Fitzgerald
Ginger Snaps

This film was described to me as a "lesbian werewolf movie". While it's not, I can still pretend, and I very much like to...


Sukie Ridgemont 
The Witches of Eastwick

It's worth noting that her character is extremely fertile, and has many children, which means she really likes fucking. And sluts rock.    

6.27.2022

And now you find yourself in '82


Well I've gone & done it: I've immersed myself in a year "before my time." But really, isn't that the fun of the journey - to time travel to a moment before your own clouded awareness? Most fools dismiss an exercise like this as too difficult or pointless. But you'll appreciate it.

I was born in '83, and while my consciousness wasn't yet entirely about me, I'm confident the mood in the room was probably not too dissimilar from the year before; Duran Duran and Culture Club dominated the charts, Dallas and Magnum were the popular shows, and MTV and VCRs were still fresh novelties. The U.S. was in the throes of a major recession. Letterman debuted. Thriller was released. The Reagan years. It all sounds like a campy cliché, but we have these totally awesome multimedia artifacts as enduring proof of its awesomeness. I suppose that's the point of pop culture and art; I could talk about the unemployment rate and the Falkland Islands, but things like that don't define an era with the gravitas of some dance music and monster movies. If this truly is a time machine to my own personal prologue, I wouldn't waste the trip on old episodes of 60 Minutes -- I'd be ploughing through bowls of Smurf-Berry Crunch and meeting Rosanna all the way.


Fortunately there are the films - which are the reason you're here, but they're also the biggest, splashiest spectacles of fashion, music, social mores, and every other hallmark I've mentioned that act as an interactive interconnection to the way it was. And the way it was, apparently, was Horror Cinema; the decade earned it spine-tingling stature in just this year alone. I may be biased as I'm typically more drawn to Jason Voorhees than Mahatma Gandhi, but even objectively this Age of Fangoria would bleed into the mainstream in a way that couldn't be ignored.


Science Fiction and Action/Adventure dominated the box office, but ghosts and gore were all the fixings - and the timing was right for most of them to be good or even great. I'm not sure there's an explanation for it and I think I'd be bored if there was one, so enough of these flaccid attempts at validating nostalgia -- let's draw some blood and find out who's The Thing.

- Paul



1. The Thing
Some mediocre movies are rescued by great special effects. Some excellent movies lose some of their excellence due to bad special effects. Neither of these scenarios are the case in Carpenter's masterpiece of self-preservation and paranoia. It's high on the list of Horror, Science Fiction, and Action, respectively, but its distinction is rooted in its tense whodunit Thriller category; it's too uneasy to be a "slow burn," but it's paced in a way that still stings no matter how prepared we think we are. Wait here for a little while and see what happens...

2. Deathtrap
Speaking of whodunits... Actually it's more of a "Who did what?" This plot has so many twists that I forget half of them between viewings - and they're all notably organic to the way the story unfolds. (Heck, they are the story.) Leave it to Lumet in his prime to take advantage of a film adaptation of a stage play to create tension with some scrupulous camerawork and dynamic editing. The whole thing is on a level of satire that I've rarely seen since. 

3. Halloween III: Season of the Witch
God what a great premise. In high contrast to the bland story of the 1978 original, this is like the comic book version of The Twilight Zone; a pulp novel, a midnight movie, a true and credible homage to the spirit of the holiday that looks & feels like the kid-friendly Horror of this moment in which I grew up. Stonehenge, robots, a mystery, a mad scientist, a road trip, a Halloween novelty factory tour -- we never deserved a Halloween movie this good. 

4. Poltergeist
I look at it now, and I feel like it sums up childhood - mine or maybe anyone's: domestic bliss mixed with sharp thrusts of dread and terror. It's an abstract observation and I don't know if I'm explaining it well, but subjectively, that early 80s Spielberg glossy coating on top of closet monsters and skeletons feels like a home movie to me, and watching it feels like a personal experience. 

5. Swamp Thing
Wes may not've had a sense of Horror, but he had a sense of humor, and this darkly comic Action picture always felt like it was put together by a more competent craftsman. I love the story, I love the characters, I love the locations, I even love the often-ridiculed makeup effects and the final mutant showdown. Not to put too fine a point on it, but this is a comic book adaptation that is way more my speed than most others.

6. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial
I think I was nearly an adult the first time I saw this in its entirety; I mention that because there may have been a mild disconnect between the movie's prominent sentimentality and the inevitable cynicism of my older self. But that doesn't mean I'm able to ignore the film's palpable magic generated by the cutthroat Spielberg/Williams collaboration that all but defined this year (and to some extent their careers). That ending is strong stuff. 

7. 48 Hrs.
I'm a much bigger fan of the sequel so this one always feels lesser-than. But the biggest difference between this movie and most of the Buddy Cop adventures that came before & after is how mean & tough it is even despite Eddie's presence; it's more French Connection than Freebie and The Bean, but still never takes itself too seriously - and it's that unique genre-bending that makes me love it.

8. Tenebrae
This is still the era of peak Argento, but this one's a little off-center: it's sunnier and snappier and sexier and even a little stabbier. I'd even argue that between the beaches, the broads, and the blood that this is the Summer Dario movie. Watch accordingly. 

9. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
Burt & Dom Comedies are kinda their own brand, and if you're unprepared, you might get a little disoriented. No matter - there's plenty in this lavish, way over-the-top musical to keep you situated; if you're a fan of Dolly Parton or Charles Durning (or both!) then this should be on your radar. Warning: these tunes will get stuck in your head. 

10. Creepshow
Romero was tolerable when he was trying to be cute, and this movie is entirely an intentional (and successful) cuteness overload. Ironically, its greatest strength is that, unlike some anthology films, it's got one director with one consistent (and competent) spirit. 

11. The New York Ripper
Fulci was on a pretty depraved streak around this time, and the fact that there are no zombies or demons in this makes it that much more dangerous. Had this movie not been so excessively grimy, people may've taken it too seriously; it shouldn't even exist in the mainstream, but it's wonderful that it does.

12. Friday the 13th Part III
They coulda started the franchise here and it would've been a strong opening: the comedy started to bleed through, the Manfredini score got a funky facelift, and it was the only time that goddamn hockey mask was interesting. All these movies were at their dullest when they were trying to be suspenseful, but Jason's particularly spry in this entry which gives it an edge that was always absent. 

13. Airplane II: The Sequel
It's entirely the same gags but with less panache or pertinence; it could've been a complete wash, but then, like a bonanza of comedy gold, the third act gives us Bill Shatner in the performance of a long career in the entertainment industry. It's a bit of a trek to get there (sorry) but I'll still sit through the whole thing in anticipation.

14. First Blood
Not the first of its kind, but definitely the biggest & baddest it had ever been (as least for American films). The socially conscious subtext really feeds into that justifiable violence we all crave and single-handedly brought Action Movies (and maybe even society) to a new brutal level. It's shamefully satisfying.

15. The Slumber Party Massacre
Amazing to think that even this early in the timeline they were already parodying this kinda flick. It works as satire because it still works as a straightforward Slasher - even if this Driller Killer is particularly lame.

16. Cat People
The trend for this year was "too gross to be sexy." This one managed to sneak by softly enough to tip the scales the other way. I might even say it's a little bit scary... but cats kinda scare me anyway - regardless of their ability to potentially transform into Nastassja Kinski.

17. Basket Case
It feels like the sleaziest pick of the list, but it's actually clever and well-rounded and bittersweet in a lotta ways -- all coated in a slimy, oppressive veneer of orange gore and fleabag intercourse. There's such a visceral connection to movies of the Grindhouse Era that are actually set in the heart of its geographical provenience. You'd might as well approach it as a documentary. I do.

18. Class of 1984
I don't know how it is nowadays, but for anyone who endured an institution of education at some point in the 20th century will experience this as the Horror flick that it is. But that's the strength of this period of scary movies - they weren't any dumber than the rest of the dreck, they only appeared that way. Critics interpreted them as "pointless violence," and this movie depicts how valid and realistic that is.

19. Koyaanisqatsi
This is it: this is basically what I want from a motion picture. That doesn't mean every attempt is an A+, but there should be a broader spectrum of choices in this genre -- whatever the hell it is. I suppose the aim of this movie (and its sequels) is to create a sense of wonderment and appreciation for the equal-parts bigness and insignificance of existence. What I take from it is a sorta satisfying melancholy in regards to how dumb traditional narrative filmmaking really is. 

20. Liquid Sky
There are Cult Films - that cute little niche of quirk and camp. And then there's Liquid Sky, which makes Rocky Horror feel that much more like Dumb and Dumber (which, incidentally, is referred to as a "Cult Movie" now). There are movies like this that deal with the same kinda themes and subject matter, but are never as brave or clever in their ideas or execution. It makes me wanna make movies. 

7.19.2020

I need your help to get back to the year 1985


No, really. I'm not just being lazy or obvious with the title -- I was 2 years old, so my memories are sorta constricted by the shelter of childhood. Not sheltered from art or culture, but from the weight of the world, from the word on the street, from the mood in the room. I'm talking about flavor, here. At that age, you make your own ambience - although, incidentally, my vibes came from video rentals, HBO, MTV, Imperial Stormtroopers, the coming of Gozer, "We Are the World," and reruns of M*A*S*H. So, come to think of it, I suppose I was pretty up-to-speed in '85. Actually, that was probably the last time I was legitimately hip; no cult status or indie niches or nostalgia traps - just groovin' on whatever came next.

But I guess that's how that works, yeah? Everyone's got their moment - those early days when you'll just eat whatever's put in front of you, and it tastes damn fine. And I could take the "objective approach" again, but I won't because I'm exhausted with it - I'll just say flat-out that 1985 was a mondo radical year to spend your terrible twos; I could excusably saturate myself in Inspector Gadget and "Careless Whisper" without the care or concerns of terrorist hijackings or Voodoo Economics.
My God, how I've not grown.


35 years. That's a bigger distance than Marty travelled back in time (originally), and it's the furthest we've reached with one of these anniversary essays - the reason for the latter being that I've already done 1990 and 1995, and I'd have no interest in reading a Y2K retrospective, let alone writing one. So instead I've reversed the polarity & decided to catch the wave on this totally tubular year. It's the numerical midpoint of the decade, but does that necessarily make it the cultural pinnacle? In other words, was this the most "80s" year because it was in the middle? How does one measure such a thing? More than that, how do you even define it? Is "Like a Virgin" more indicative of this fixed period of time than "Papa Don't Preach?" I ask mostly because I like thinking about that kinda stuff - so much so that my brain is almost exclusively occupied with such things. So, while I try to maintain a reasonable sense of humility, I shamelessly admit that this kind of analysis falls into my circle of expertise (if I have such a circle), and I can say with certainty that there is no definitive zenith for these short little "eras" we've carved out for ourselves.

But when you look at the movies... well, there is a lot going on here: from Marty McFly to Mama Fratelli, from John Hughes to Jason Voorhees, I think it's safe to say that a lotta 1985 ended up on t-shirts. But that's the brutal beauty of that time period: not a single year of that decade is exempt from the piles of popcorn we celebrate (or condemn) to this day. And I, for one, was and still am a glutton for that butter & salt, because while some of the following subject matter may seem confrontationally dated, the entertainment value still holds up in an almost superior way. Better put, the various big-budget hallmarks of these big-budget movies are still the model today. Better put still: this readout tells you where you're going, where you are, and where you were.

- Paul


1. Back to the Future
Just like Star Wars or Raiders, it didn't necessarily need a franchise - this first and best movie does just fine on its own. Everyone seems to know it and love it and quote it and talk about it, so I'm not really sure what I can add - except just that. On the surface, it's an Action/Adventure SciFi Comedy with a clever-but-simple premise, and beneath that thin veneer is a sea of seedy and cerebral subplots and references. And so there's the description, but there's a chemistry in the cast and the music and the dialogue and the structure that can't (or shouldn't) be analyzed or summarized into a blurb or soundbite.
But I suppose if you could point to one characteristic that makes it so engrossing, consider the notion that this one cohesive story manages to branch out into five consecutive crescendos in the span of 30 minutes (not to mention two logical, feature-length continuations). This is storytelling at its heaviest.

2. After Hours
Marty doing Comedy - except the punchline is that all Scorsese flicks are fuckin' funny. I mean, not like a clown, but still.
I think what it is (and I don't think I'm alone) is that this kinda premise and this kinda character are most appealing to me - historically or in fiction: the conscientious objector who must become a warrior against a hostile world. From Joan of Arc to Hamlet to Falling Down, it's timeless, universal, and its relatable absurdity is the best kind of comedy.

3. A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge
I've been singing this song for years, and haters gonna hate. Without an ounce of irony, camp, or nostalgia, it's genuinely one of the most colorfully creepy Horror films of the decade (and this is a big decade, folks) - within the same brackets as The Shining and Hellraiser. And because I've exhaustively and enthusiastically spoken and written these praises so many times now (once in the most definitive way), regardless of your own views on the film, if you're reading this, you're part of this club. So even if your opinions still contradict my own, I remain comforted knowing I've given at least some of you pause to reconsider.
You are all my children etc.

4. Pee-wee's Big Adventure
A movie like this is hard to define. (Tim Burton made a handful of such movies.) Even to say "a movie like this" really has no meaning. It's gothic, it's biblical, it's a Greek epic poem about love & loss, it's a lighthearted escapade and a waking nightmare. And it's for kids - and I don't say that to be sensationalistic, but to assert that it's quite possibly the greatest kids' movie of my generation. If I take nothing else from it, it's that in the face of danger, injustice, scary clowns, and phantom truck drivers, one can overcome any obstacle without growing or maturing in any way whatsoever.

5. Demons
I would go so far as to say that most movies in the Horror genre hang their hat on their general mood and a handful of scary set pieces. Demons, on the other hand, is wall-to-wall gore and terror with nary a break in the action, all set to Euro-disco and Top 40 Rock. As a true makeup FX spectacular of green pus and torn appendages, it doesn't afford one that old adage of "close-your-eyes-at-the-scary-parts" -- this movie is the scary part.

6. Santa Claus: The Movie
I feel like I mention this movie here at least once a year, but I've seen a lotta Christmas movies and a lotta Santa Claus movies, and this is still the one that has everything on my list. Yes, the entire story and tone changes halfway through, but the first half is so damn engrossing that I'll follow these characters through whatever silly plot devices they throw at me.
Also, because the main function of the shift in pace is to establish "present day" (1985), it rivals Back to the Future as the most "1985" movie on this list.

7. The Breakfast Club
Where were we? The most "1985" movie? Within the parameters of "film culture," maybe so.
Most people had a character they identified with, or at least knew someone who was like them. I was young enough that the five stereotypes were a bit foreign to me, so it more or less informed me how (and how not) to behave once I was fully foisted into forced quarters with my peers.
John Hughes movies were always intimate, but typically very busy. That, plus taking all the other marquee extravaganzas of this decade into account, it's just so refreshing (even more so today) to digest such an accessible, dialogue-driven character study.

8. Real Genius
This movie succeeds on so many different planes that I don't have enough space to talk about all of it here. But I think the most important thing to note is that they managed to do a sorta Ferris Bueller before there was a Ferris Bueller. There are so many great scenes and characters, but if we're just gonna focus on one thing today, I wanna point out what tricky business it is to create and depict an arrogant, handsome, sarcastic know-it-all that an audience can relate to, and even root for. And I know some folks don't agree (to hell with them), but Val Kilmer's Chris Knight is certainly my spirit animal.

9. Just One of the Guys
Was this the era of the "Teen Movie?" Hardly - but this is probably when increased self-awareness helped coin the phrase.
Given this movie's time and premise, it's a lot less poppy and abrasive as it could've (though sometimes should've) been. There isn't any kinda 'transformation' montage cut to an uppity New Wave tune (sadly?), but the sitcom-ish structure is firmly grounded in character development and some light social commentary that keeps it moving just as fast as the gimmickry of most gender-swapping fables -- and Teen Movies.

10. Lost in America
Albert Brooks (like any auteur, and certainly like any Comedy auteur) can pass as his own genre. And one could debate (I would) that this is his Gold Rush or Annie Hall; it could certainly serve as the best example to introduce his pace and tone to a layman. The movie is a treasure chest of scenes and lines, but Albert's at his best when he's frantic and frustrated. So without getting into the entire story arc, I'll disclose that I always look forward to the first and fiercest confrontation between Albert and Julie Hagerty after her disastrous moment of weakness.

11. The Goonies
The movie is a delight: it's a joy to watch, it's funny and exciting, and every cast member nails it. But I've never been part of the cult. I enjoy watching it for the Cyndi Lauper song, the old Baby Ruth wrapper, the pirate treasure, and the immense pleasure of listening to Joe Pantoliano and Robert Davi exchange dialogue. But most of all, it inspired me (perhaps somewhat still) to seek out and fulfill my own adventures - real or made-up.

12. Teen Wolf
Horror Comedy is like the Colonel's secret recipe: try as they may to replicate it time & again, it's usually way off. Not that there's any model to refer to, but my list is short & savory -- and this is on it. This flick's got so much charm and subtle (note the italics) humor that it may be quite possible that its broader attributes are what put people off. In other words: Teen Wolf is highbrow material, and I could explain it to you but you probably wouldn't understand.

13. Friday the 13th: A New Beginning
Another movie on here that deserves its own dissertation (and so I have), it's relevant to this list not just because I adore it so, but also in its own objective way: Friday the 13th is "important" to the 1980s (I guess), but this mid-decade entry felt like the major shift from "timeless campfire tale" to "modern slasher touchstone." Nevermind that it doesn't truly fall in line with the continuity of the series (none of them do), but the story is so zen that its own continuity has no structure or point. It's just that good.

14. Cat's Eye
In recent years, critics and bloggers have pointed out that Anthology Horror was, and is, a unique novelty that was tough to come by in the mainstream. Truth is, that's a buncha bullshit: the real challenge is finding the best ones in this actually-sprawling sub-genre. This one certainly comes highly recommended by me: per usual, there's a famous standout segment and some B-sides that you'll eventually (or immediately) come to love equally. But the punkest thing about this assortment is that, despite the film's title, there's no thematic connection at all between the tales. I like that.

15. Clue
People continually knock the idea of 'board game adaptations' any time the industry threatens the possibility of one on the horizon -- as though everyone forgot how goddamn good this one was. But that's the simple brilliance of this whole concept; title and character names aside, a good whodunnit (and where and how) is easy to mess up, but when it's done right (casting, setting, legitimate surprises), man does it pay off.

16. Invasion U.S.A.
The second (but not the last) Christmas movie on the list - but that's kinda irrelevant. What is relevant is that rarely before or since have I seen such daring stunts or brutal Action-violence on celluloid.
Now, if you're not completely familiar with the very specific brand of Action that is 'Chuck Norris Cinema,' this is the movie you're most likely picturing in your mind - but more.

17. Witness
I'm sure I've said this before, but any time Harrison Ford isn't one of his franchise heroes is truly satisfying. Not that he isn't always good, but the blaster and the whip never left a lotta room for surprise (Force Awakens included). But the reason he made those other roles so much his own is that, in addition to 'rugged and courageous,' he knows how to do 'flawed and vulnerable' - which are all on full display here.

18. Return of the Living Dead
Speaking of Horror Comedy... I didn't see this until much later in life, and it was (and still is) the perfect antidote to all of the self-serious and sardonic zombie pics that I'd been seeing. Much less a "Comedy" with typical punchlines, but a considerably much less serious take on a subject that was (and still is) completely dumb. Of course, one of the ironies is that a lot of that "less serious" tone comes from how defiantly mean-spirited it is. Bad taste is rarely this tangy.

19. Spies Like Us
This is pretty close to the bottom of the list because, at the end of the day, 'it has its moments.' The thing was that, throughout the 80s, the expectations of "SNL Alumni Comedy" was so high that anything less than great was a bit of a disappointment. But 35 years later, the playing field is a bit more level, and I can consume it as the amiable, lite romp that it is.

20. Trancers
The third and final Christmas movie on the list - which is relevant, because the plot sure as shit isn't. Trancers is a Full Moon Feature, which is a very specific kind of film-- er, video (who're we kidding). But if you know them and know this movie, you know that this was an achievement of a higher caliber; it may be a stale and convoluted Science Fiction campsite, but it's glazed in clever action, likable characters, and genuinely funny dialogue and delivery. And it's a Christmas movie!


2.12.2020

1990: That was when the best things in life were free


Well, here it is - the inevitable anniversary entry (probably the first of several for the year). I had intended on backing away from this series for the entirety of 2020, but the more I thought about that hybrid of a year that crossed the boxy warmth of the 80s with the soft edge of the 90s, the more I found reasons to celebrate - which is all we really do here.

My original reservations for paying homage to yet another bygone era were that the windchill of subjectivity had possibly become too abrasive and/or obnoxious for you fine folks. But for 1990 in particular, I couldn't ignore the mountain of monumental movies that were released. (I knew there were some big ones, but scientific research alerted me to all the fixin's).

Of course, per usual, whenever we step into the Wayback Machine, some of the memories are compromised by age (especially the way way back). I was 7 years old in '90, and beneath the superficial schedule of 'being at school' and 'not being at school,' I was otherwise absorbed in 7-year-old-in-1990 stuff: Super Mario 3, Saved by the Bell, and various actual outdoor activities like riding a bicycle or throwing a baseball. Most of my movie viewing came from catching up on HBO and video rentals of all of the previous year's releases, as I'd yet to become a steady theater attendee. (That would change dramatically before the year was out.)

Between the movie, the cartoon, the action figures, and a much more user-friendly sequel to the video game, it was the year of Ninja Turtles -- for about three months.


Popular culture wasted no time in pummeling me with commercials, toys, print ads, posters, trading cards, and even foods and apparel carrying the Dick Tracy brand, and without having any prior knowledge of the comic strip or the characters or the entire enterprise itself, I'd become a huge fan - due entirely to marketing and merchandise. Needles to say, the movie itself buckled under the hype for me & couldn't live up to my own excitement -- though it all balanced out in the end.


The obsession was so deep & vast that it probably deserves its own post - separate from this brief synopsis of an entire year. Which is perhaps why I did exactly that with Edward Scissorhands some time ago. Unlike Dick Tracy, there were no action figures, no t-shirts, no Happy Meals. The only hoopla I got caught up in was the movie itself, which incidentally changed my interests, my expectations, my demeanor as a child, and the way I process films; this wasn't a movie I could bring home & play with on the parlor floor, or wear it proudly to school, or get a piece of it at the drive-thru. This was something I had to carry with me in my mind - I could explore and fantasize only with my own memory & imagination, as well as driving me into a spiral of repeat viewings that would force me to watch it even more closely with each subsequent viewing (as well as familiarize me with establishing theater-going habits/rituals). Fair to say that what started & played out as a typical, almost generic year in the life of a boy, ended with a huge turning point regarding how I chose to ingest an artform for the rest of my days: a fitting introduction to the decade in which I would be most consumed with Cinema.

- Paul


1. Goodfellas
What can I say in such a small space? Roughly two decades into his career - consisting of not only good, original work, but all of it so distinctly Marty - and without changing much of the formula he had so perfected, he incidentally made one of the greatest films of all time. He'd never done much that was traditionally plot-driven, but this was a hard & fast character study that was so hard & fast that it could fool an audience into thinking of it as an Action picture. Even when there's space for the movie to breathe, tension and violence still hang heavy in the air, and never was such brutality so startlingly casual, visceral, or comical.
But this is all a general observation. What I took away from it initially (and still do) was: the precision and experimentation of a collaboration between Director and Editor, how to perfect the art of voiceover, and how pop music is to be used effectively (and correctly), all on a bed of confrontational humor. It was a glorious time.

2. I Love You to Death
Speaking of Dark Comedy...
This is a story (based on true events) that, had it fallen into the wrong hands, could've been disastrous. Depicting the raw pain of heartbreak, humiliation, and betrayal with remarkable realism is an uncompromising accomplishment unto itself. To mix that with witty banter, fart and sex jokes, and some incredibly violent slapstick is to make a genre-bending masterpiece of marriage, melancholy, murder, marinara, and Monopoly. 

3. Edward Scissorhands
We've just about cut all the branches off this hedge at this point, so to recap & reiterate: some of the movie's more poignant and symbolic shades didn't immediately resonate with me when I was 7 - which may actually be its biggest strength. As an adult, all the blatant themes of alienation and prejudice and the fear of love or being loved are all front & center, but, Melodrama that it is, the broad strokes of mood & abstractions through set design, performance, and Music with a capital "M" were the things that lit up my life as a young lad. That was and is its brilliance: the already-moving story is nearly secondary to how beautifully and emotionally crafted it is.

4. Dick Tracy
My initial approach to this was a little less cerebral than the one I took with Edward; the movie couldn't compete with my fascination and affection for the toys & trading cards. The merchandise promised a slew of colorful thugs with descriptive names, roughly all of whom ended up only having mere seconds of screen time in the actual film. It was over time that I began to see slightly past that to find a jazzy Action Comedy/Family Film, designed by and populated with the people who pretty much invented 1970s Cinema. What we got were outlandish, borderline-experimental performances that nearly upstaged the similarly-charged cinematography, score, songtrack, set decoration, and makeup fx.

5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Mostly unaware of the comic book, I went into this amidst the hysteria of the cartoon, video game, and toys, and I was immediately comfortable with the slightly darker tone.
I've sliced this pizza from every direction now, I know, but for the sake of this list, I will only further drive home my reverence for the characters and the actors (human and Turtle alike), and the precision and respect that was given to turn a cartoon Bad Guy into a Horror Movie Villain.

6. Gremlins 2: The New Batch
You can compare it to the first film, or you can treat it as its own thing. Either way, it's its own thing.
I often hear of movies being described as a "mess," and The New Batch is nothing if not that: a mess of talent, a mess of ideas, a mess of passion and ambition. To say "they don't make movies like this anymore" would suggest that anyone ever made movies like this -- Joe Dante included. But with the sucker punch of caustic references and cameos and playfulness knockin' you on your ass, there's still an admirable amount of restraint and power steering to keep it fun - but in no way civilized.

7. Jacob's Ladder
I was susceptible to Horror movie trailers at that age, but this one felt genuinely creepy and upsetting. Cut to however many years later that I see it, and I find myself against the rare occasion where the previews were artfully accurate. Genuine frights surrounding morbid nightmares and the existential dread of mortality are apparently a couple motifs I find to be satisfyingly confrontational - and when it's wrapped in a gloomy tension that leads nowhere but down, you're left with a lust for life and a paralyzing fear of everything else.

8. Narrow Margin
'Train Thrillers' are their own thing, and I love that thing. This is a Peter Hyams remake of the 1952 movie of the same name, except this one has Gene Hackman, Anne Archer, cameos by J.T. Walsh and Harris Yulin, and a screenplay by Hyams. This movie's not only an adequate example of the kinda movies I loved at this age, but it also partially helped in setting a bar in what I look for/expect across this (and probably all) genres of storytelling.

9. Another 48 Hrs.
When I saw it, I thought it was an original, standalone movie - I didn't know "Another" implicated it as a sequel... Didn't matter: this is a dark, scary, violent slapstick comedy with an open & shut storyline from Walter Hill that don't need no prequel. And while I'd eventually see the first one, this installment belongs to crazed biker Andrew Divoff, while Eddie and Nick are the mild comic relief. That's the movie I wanted, and that's the movie I got.
Let's face it: I had cinematic expectations, and 1990 was meeting them.

10. Home Alone
It's no secret: it took me a long time to settle into this silver tuna -- and even when I'm there, I'm only visiting. The movie does, on its own, celebrate Christmas in a fun and colorful way, mixing old fashioned and contemporary (1990s) sensibilities, and the premise, the setup, and the payoff all play out in a sometimes-charming, sometimes-infuriating ballet of lowbrow microwave macaroni & cheese that I'm actually in the mood for about once a year.

11. Back to the Future Part III
This seems to be people's least favorite entry of the franchise. My gripe is that I love it, but not as a final act; this woulda been a beyond-brilliant Third Chapter in a potential Quadrilogy - not because I "need more explanations" or I wanna see what other crazy times they travel to... I just wanted to hang out with the characters a little longer (which was sparse in this one).

12. Ernest Goes to Jail
Ernest features peaked right here with the most engrossing, near-subversive plotline in the filmography (which, to be realistic, is still pretty darn silly). We get to see a very dark side of Jim Varney, but also some of the funniest Ernest antics ever put on film. (I don't need to remind you yet again about the broken pen scene... but click on it anyway!)

13. Quick Change
More often than not, you get the sense that Bill Murray feels a bit embarrassed to be in any given movie. Quick Change is on the short list of films that showcase his relaxed approach and indefinable charm in a way that he visibly enjoys. Also, the premise deals with a downward spiral of catastrophic hijinks, and if anyone's seen Ghostbusters, that's like food & drink to Bill.

14. Misery
Really, really good King adaptations are few & far between - like, really few and really far - and I don't have the formula as to why it works when it does, or doesn't when it doesn't. If I had to guess, I'd say that really good movies are few & far between, so it's a gamble for the two to meet. They met here. One of the things that makes this better - great, even - is how restrained the movie is, allowing its actors (Kathy especially) to set the tone and create tension. For a "Horror Novel Adaptation," that takes some admirable discipline.

15. Ghost
As a pitch, it sounds like one long, tedious gimmick. As a movie, it's a layered, textural collage of tension, comedy, engaging exposition, and raw human emotion. It has every ingredient, and you can taste each one and each one compliments the next. Very notable acting performances, but the Academy Award winning screenplay by Bruce Joel Rubin (Jacob's Ladder) is one of the best.

16. Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III
A delightful blend of the dark humidity of Part One and the punchy action of Part Two, adding up to just a solid Slasher Flick - and if you look around, there weren't too many of those going around anymore. But this formula - the TCM formula - has always worked in a different but consistently effective way: they're all different from the stalk-and-kill beats of the genre, and what this one does as effectively as the first one is to introduce the horrors of a conspiracy, where there's not just one threat, but a whole dang mess of 'em.

17. Tales From the Darkside: The Movie
This is one of those movies that'd always appear on cable as the calendar got close to Halloween. As a kid, I was both intrigued and upset at how blissfully mean-spirited the movie could be at times, also while keeping an excellent sense of humor and fun. As a grownup, I still find the pace changes to be just as confrontational (and I wouldn't want it any other way).
Still the best 'Mummy' movie I've seen.

18. Miller's Crossing
The Coens are known to (sometimes) veer off into abstractions, metaphor, mind-benders, style over substance, etc. This movie tops my list of Joel & Ethan movies in which the mood overwhelms and nearly cancels out the vaguely inconsequential 'plot.' The costumes and set design, the muted cinematography, and Carter Burwell's score all have the beat turned up so loud that it drowns out the melody. It took me some time to accept it for what it is, but I've looked into my heart, and here we are.

19. Desperate Hours
The Home Invasion genre is particularly terrifying to a kid, and this version (remade from a 1955 Bogart movie) is as stylish and gruesome as it is believable. Micky Rourke's charm simultaneously alleviates and adds menace to the tension, but the intensity of the supporting cast - Anthony Hopkins, Mimi Rogers, Kelly Lynch, David Morse, and Elias Koteas - create a constantly dreadful urgency that, while the ending may seem by-the-numbers, the journey there is nervous and unforgiving.

20. Hard to Kill
Like Schwarzenegger, Eddie Murphy, or Tom Hanks, Steven Seagal had a 'golden age' -- and like the aforementioned stars, this winning streak lasted from the mid 80s to the mid 90s. In that time, Seagal starred in, produced, and sometimes directed some of the most satisfying Action films in an era when many of them were already quite satisfactory.
Hard to Kill takes the old-but-now-attributed-to-Kill Bill thread of "back from the dead to seek vengeance on those who put me there." If you're not a fan of him or the films, I can't help you, but it's hard to argue that he hasn't gone up against some (if not all) of the best character actors in the bad guy roles -- and Bill Sadler as corrupted politician Vernon Trent provides some laughs and thrills you won't soon forget.

21. Wild at Heart
This is tough for me. This time period felt like the aesthetic peak (no pun) for Lynch, though it had to contend with this somewhat silly and dull slice of pulp. I will continue to watch it semi-regularly for its expertly crafted visual components and twisted performances, but the reason a David Lynch movie isn't higher on this particular list is that this is his only film (other than... Dune) that feels as though all of the seemingly-disjointed dreams and ideas are forced into some standardized movie plot. I'm generally left frustrated and unsatisfied. Still though, I'm nitpicking because my Lynch standards are so high; it's still better than the hundreds of movies that came out that year.

22. Men at Work
There's a softer, more friendly phrase for "guilty pleasure movies," and I prefer it greatly: "comfort movies." Usually because they're too fatty or sugary to have any nutritional value, or the subject matter is mostly sunny with light & variable winds. Men at Work is a fast-paced punchline that requires no cerebral dedication and no excuses beyond "liking it" for the medicine that it is.
If that seems too vague, go back and read my equally superficial review.

23. Look Who's Talking Too
If you had any kinda response to the first one, your mood is pretty much gonna stay the same. In other words, if you thought Part One had enough laughs and chemistry to keep you full of smiles and romance despite its boneheaded concept, then there's no reason you couldn't enjoy a second round.
Also, Elias Koteas: 3 for 3

24. Predator 2
There's a LOT going on in this one - and not just plot-wise, but also in tone and pace. It's full of bizarre attempts at straight comedy, while still maintaining a bit of the gory tension of the first one. Also like Part One, there's a forgettable setup that's employed to get us closer to the Predator, except this one is so superfluous and convoluted that you forget about the monster half the time. But the entire third act is dedicated to "Predator in the city," and y'all know I love it when the creature - any creature - goes to town.

25. Night of the Living Dead
I like it more than Romero's -- but I don't really like Romero.
This was one of those video covers I remember well from the videostore shelves, and amongst that very long list of scary VHS boxes burned into my brain, this one ended up mostly (if not entirely) living up to its ghoulish aura. Credit to Romero, though, for a sturdy foundation upon which this suspenseful (but still grassroots) campfire tale is told. Probably shoulda been in black & white too.

26. Die Hard 2
I think I can say with a straight face that, had this been a standalone film, it still would be as popular as it is (which is to say "somewhat"). I went from really hating Dennis Franz's performance in this to championing it as one of the main reasons to watch. And of all the Die Hard sequels, this one feels like the closest relative to the first. But let's be honest: could Die Hard ever really be Die Hard without Alan Rickman? It's almost like not having Bruce.
Still, though, Bill Sadler: 2 for 2

27. I Come in Peace
Dolph Lundgren never really had enough screen presence to distract us from the shaky acting (Rocky IV, maybe), but fortunately for this movie, there's so much crazy shit going on that we didn't need some thespian hamming it up & diverting our attention away from aliens involved in a drug war, a Jan Hammer score, a script cowritten by David Koepp, an Al Leong cameo, Christmas cheer, and big fucking explosions. It's all bigger and faster and cooler than anyone would expect.

28. Tremors
I'm sure there are folks who remember this movie from its initial release - but not anyone I've ever talked to. This was a movie that was on one day, on TV, and you'd think "What is this wildly engrossing Comedy/Western/Monster Movie?" Engrossing, in part, because the film puts you in the mindframe of the characters, racking your brain, asking "How the hell are we gonna get outta this?" But just as much, Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward trading Southwestern honky-tonk banter is one of the most lovely things movies has given us.

29. The Witches
Mixing Nicolas Roeg with Roald Dahl ended up being like when you were shown what happened when you poured vinegar into the baking soda: childhood wonderment exemplified by a fizzy, exciting surprise. Dahl knew that "Horror" resonated best with children, and this movie pays full respect to that sentiment - never holding back on the constant threat of a fate worse than death at the hands of sadistic occultists, depicted graphically with expert visual fx. We all had to grow up a little faster with this one.

30. Blind Fury
Film snobs that they were, my parents turned me off of this one, stating it looked "too dumb." But if you'd seen the trailer that I saw, that just couldn't possibly be so. Cut to 2019 when it's finally available on Blu Ray, and the trailer makes good on its promises: Rutger Hauer is a blind samurai who can take down everyone in the room, all while delivering calmly-voiced one-liners. Are you sold? 'Cause I was.
Here's the analogy: sometimes, you just know what you're gonna order before you get to the restaurant. And you'll usually find that you made the right choice.