10 Magnificent Movie Masks

Ah yes, the mask: a symbol of the Dramatic Arts, a valuable tool for the actor, a disguise to shield your identity from your victims/loved ones/law enforcement/Sally Field. In modern culture it feels most strongly associated to superheroes and weapon-wielding maniacs -- I got some of those here, but in choosing my absolute favorites masks it's made clear that everybody's got something to hide (up to and including who's really The Walrus). 

- Paul

Eyes Wide Shut

Just gonna go ahead and get this one right outta the way. I could do a book on these (I'm sure there are already several) and all the different styles and names they're given (The Picasso, The Jolly, The Plague Doctor, even The "Ryan O'Neal") but the one that stands out contextually is The Bauta, who nods at Bill and then later it's implied that he tattles on him. I have to go over there and show my face. 

3 Ninjas

We bring this movie up a lot on this site, usually to dump on it - even as a kid I found it embarrassing and rarely had a desire to revisit it. But what did stay with me, and still does, are these Oni masks worn by the 3 Ninjas. Like Eyes Wide Shut I think I was most attracted to the variety and how they all looked different. (I'd point out how each mask is best suited to each character's personality but you know I’d be making that up.) 

Dick Tracy

I'll always own up to my folly that I originally thought that The Blank's face was just his(?) face and not a mask; the movie is populated by gangsters with cartoonish facial deformities, so why not a character without any features at all? It was admittedly a letdown when it was revealed it was a mask, but then my life just became about wanting that damn mask (or at least the damn action figure). 

Nightbreed

Out of all the masked killers in Horror Cinema, leave it to Clive Barker to create the creepiest one, and leave it to David Cronenberg to wear it. It's funny that 80% of this movie is over the top far out fantasy, but the 20% Slasher portion with Dr. Decker is unsettlingly realistic. Dream Halloween costume (after The Blank)!

Demons

Clearly just for decorative purposes, and rightly so; this mask (which implicitly belonged to Nostradamus) causes a severe allergic reaction when it comes in contact with the bloodstream. So be careful because that shit is pointy!

Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Another choice that's as plain as the nose on your face, but today I'm here to pick a favorite of the three Silver Shamrock Halloween Masks. Honestly, each one is only as good as the costume that goes with it -- I've been a longtime fan of Dr. Challis's Skull/plaid/Members Only Jacket ensemble, but as my tastes have matured, the skateboarding ballerina with the Pumpkin mask goes too hard to ignore. 

Magical Mystery Tour

There were obviously no limits as to how many goofy costumes Paul could talk his bandmates into wearing. However, as weird as this choice was, they managed to make it weirder with various morbid and literary subtexts. (The Walrus is, in fact, not a symbol of death in any culture's folklore.) 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

If we're gonna say Shredder wears a "helmet" (I would) then the "coolest mask" falls on Casey Jones. Looking nothing at all like the most famous Cinematic Hockey Mask of that moment, and only vaguely resembling its depiction in the comics, it sorta looks like The Punisher logo (which was once intimidating before it became misappropriated by a decidedly unintimidating demographic).

Point Break

Every once in a while I'm reminded that they remade this movie in the past 10 years or so. I'll never see it, but learning that the Ex Presidents masks don't make an appearance is probably what helps me disregard its existence entirely. There was nothing that wasn't cool about the 1991 original, but these masks made the whole thing next level. 

Mrs. Doubtfire

Never mind that Robin Williams was probably my favorite actor/comedian/person in 1993, the most exciting thing in this movie for me (and for every other kid who was obsessed with makeup effects) was the whole latex mask business. The fact that they took the time to share the step by step makeup chair process with the audience made this otherwise not-believable movie that much more believable. 

13 BIG HEADS!

Yes, we've heard your cries and pleas for a brief but comprehensive list of oversized noggins found in popular culture. Today those pleas shall be silenced as I present to you exactly that. You're welcome. 

- Paul

The Metalunans

This Island Earth

Don't mention his head... The Mutant gets all the glory, but it's hard to ignore the obvious malformations of Exeter, Brack, and the rest. It's meant to indicate their superior intellect, but in the end, 1950s science stuff isn't enough to save their species. 

"The Foot Soldiers Are Revolting"

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

In this Season 4 episode, Shredder uses a brain-enhancing machine on one of his robot foot soldiers, thus creating a Skynet/HAL 9000 situation wherein the super smart robot leads a rebellion against its creators. How that results in a bigger head is unclear, but it definitely looks cool. 

Giant novelty head

Pee-wee's Big Adventure

I use any opportunity I get to revisit Mario's Magic Shop. The scene barely runs 2 minutes but they pack a lot in, including the limited variety of fake heads for sale: shrunken, "regular size", and this massive monstrosity that manages to overwhelm Pee-wee. 

The Easter Island Kid

The Critic

Jay's son Marty goes to school with a kid from Easter Island and he has a big stone head that resembles the statues for which the island is best known. He struggles to maintain balance under the weight of it, often falling over. That's this character's entire plot function, which fits nicely into the tone of this series. 

The Wizard of Oz

The Wizard of Oz

In reality, a mere "humbug" from Nebraska, but to his groveling subjects, a giant translucent green face surrounded by smoke and flames. In the book, only Dorothy can see him in this form, but obviously this was the biggest, loudest, most theatrical choice for his big screen depiction. 

Myron Stackpoole

Head of the Family

What list of deformities is complete without a little Full Moon madness? Myron isn't just a head (he has arms so presumably some kinda torso) but his body is mostly head (because he has super psychic powers), and through some split screen and forced perspective stuff, it's made clear that it's comically oversized. 

Littleface

Dick Tracy

Speaking of forced perspective... So here's the thing: Littleface doesn't have a big head, he has a little face. Not a knock against the movie's award winning makeup effects, but no one ever saw this and didn't describe him as "the guy with the big head." Frankly, it makes him that much more sinister and imposing than the intended "guy with a little face."

Vigo

Ghostbusters II

There's a stack of stuff I don't like about this movie, but it had an outstanding main baddie. In the film's climax, the already imposing Carpathian is sorta inexplicably reduced down to his huge melon, left only to growl and roar. My son has experienced The Shining, The Thing, Halloween, An American Werewolf in London, and It with nothing but gusto and joy, but he can't handle Big Head Vigo. 

The Beast

Poltergeist

My son also enjoyed this (though no one's immune to that face tearing bit). This movie has a lot of Final Bosses, but a lot of the threats manifest as flashing lights and possessed objects -- this is the first real Monster we see and it comes as a big surprise. Really big. 

Score All Star Baseball Cards

In 1991, Score created a "subset" of 20 special insert cards that could be found in random packs, each depicting illustrated caricatures of the best players of that season. The "exaggerated head" caricature style wasn't anything new, but it seemed awfully popular around this time, especially with Sports for some reason - which is why I can't hear "big heads" without remembering these. 

"And Maggie Makes Three"

The Simpsons

In an overly dramatized flashback described by Homer, he recalls the moment he learned Marge was pregnant with Maggie, which apparently embiggens his head like a balloon, then bursts. The popping is the punchline, but in the second before that we get this hilarious frame. 

"The Andrea Doria"

Seinfeld

Upon breaking up with him, Elaine's boyfriend's parting words are that her head is too big for her body. An otherwise harmless and baseless observation said out of spite, but the comment gnaws at her until she becomes fully convinced of this supposed deformity, believing herself to be a "walkin' candy apple". It's ridiculous, but there's mounting physical evidence throughout the episode to support her fears. 

William

So I Married an Axe Murderer

Better known as "Heed!", which is just "head" in an exaggerated Scottish accent. Actually, this character's entire purpose is to be a catalyst for Mike Myers's creative insults regarding his gargantuan cranium: "That boy's head's like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts!" 

17 MORE Unsung Sidekicks

Several years ago I compiled a list of 17 supporting players in the circus that is Pop Culture - exclusively the ones that remained in the shadow of the hero or villain they supported. They rarely appeared on a t-shirt or poster of their own and if they were lucky enough to get an action figure it was destined to collect the most dust. Today I bring you the oddly-numbered 17 more - not because I can, but because I should. 

- Paul

Hollywood

Mannequin

If this list were 100 names long and ranked, Hollywood Montrose would be Number One. On its own it's a sweet, funny, and ridiculous movie, and Hollywood is the sweetest, funniest, and more ridiculous part of it. But more than that, his undying loyalty to our lead heroes is nearly unmatched in any other work of fiction. 

Steve Gomez

Breaking Bad

You can count the entirely uncorrupted characters on this show on one hand, and Gomie is pretty close to the top. He may not have been as merciless or vigilant as his partner in crimefighting, but when his help was needed he gave absolutely everything.

Guy LeDouche

MXC

I can't say entirely "unsung" - there isn't a fan of this show that wouldn't sing his praises. And like everything else in MXC: I don't wanna know his real name or the name of whoever dubs his voice, I just want this world to be real and exist as is. 

Geoff Peterson

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

I only watched a bit of it when it initially aired, but I've sacrificed many hours of sleep to the YouTube reruns of who I consider to possibly be the best late night talk show host and his gay robot skeleton crony. Thankfully that dynamic was not the one-note joke it could've been - the rapport between the two (and the guests) was always so casual and spontaneous that the gimmick almost became unnoticeable. 

Trigger

Like Father, Like Son

You could probably guess someone's age by what they know Sean Astin best from, and that's because he has a resume of iconic roles. Even as a sidekick this probably wouldn't make anyone's list, but it's Trigger's innocent meddling that sets the entire plot in motion (which, in the end, brings our two leads closer together). 

Nicky

Easy Money

Within the scope of the story, Nicky is the devil on the shoulder, presenting Monty (Rodney Dangerfield) with more obstacles than he would've otherwise endured. However, while his intentions were always selfish he was fundamentally right, and he's eventually validated for his help (or lack thereof). 

Tony

Cobra

Lieutenant Cobretti may be the cure for crime but Sgt. Tony Gonzalez is the only one who's willing to help administer that medicine - a job that requires him to go to the same extremes as his partner, but also keeping him grounded by calling him "Marion" in front of his would-be girlfriend. 

Mumbles

Dick Tracy

The fact that he folds under the heat so easily may not place him high on a scale of allegiance, but to the good guys he's a pretty reliable source for incredibly quick and concise exposition. 

Jet Girl

Tank Girl

I didn't know Naomi Watts before this 1995 movie, which was probably the same for a lotta people. And like a lotta people I definitely remembered her afterwards; while Lori Petty's lead was the stuff of teenage fantasy, the shy and bespectacled Jet Girl was the hidden gem in this desert dystopia. 

Dr. Wright

SimCity

I'm making up my own rules here: in this 1991 Super Nintendo version of the game that allows you to build your own cities, the only real characters are you the player (or "Mayor"), and Dr. Wright your financial advisor and sorta moral support cheerleader. So, he's your sidekick; there's probably only like 3 people who know what I'm talking about here but I'm sure they'd back me up. 

Sam

Clarissa Explains it All

All the girls wanted him and all the boys wanted to be him. I certainly know I did - I would've loved to have any kinda friend at that age, but one as smart and cool as Clarissa? That's clearly the stuff of fiction - courtesy of Nickelodeon Studios. 

Porky Pig

Duck Dodgers in the 24 1/2th Century

He's only ever referred to as the "Eager Young Space Cadet" but I think we all know it's Porky. And such is the case as when anyone is paired with Daffy that they come out ahead as the smarter one, but also the calmer one; despite retaining his trademark stutter, Porky glides through this 1953 short with more coolness than even Bugs could. 

Itzhak Stern

Schindler's List

I suppose we could also credit the actual historical figure -- in either case, there's no subtlety in the fact that Oskar was about the "presentation" but it was Stern who really did a lot of "the work", and Ben Kingsley plays him with a sort of meek humility that makes us feel like he's the real hero of the story.

Renfield

Dracula

He's clearly gotten a lot more press in recent years, but separate from spinoffs and origins I've always found him to be one of the most tragic characters of Fiction - a sane man fighting for his soul. Though as much as I hated Dead and Loving It I'll still defend Peter MacNicol as one of the best to do it. 

Pagoda

The Royal Tenenbaums

Sometimes a sidekick doesn't really have much to offer other than the basic company of another human being - especially when no one else can stand you. Also we all need someone to give us a good stabbing now and then as a wakeup call. 

Jay

Bachelor Party

His intentions were always noble. Or maybe they weren't, who cares - he only ever told groom-to-be Rick (Tom Hanks) what he wanted to hear, and who doesn't want that? More than anything he was this architect of this social gathering that, for the most part, ended up being a success.

Cora

Cookie's Fortune

There aren't too many great things about this lite Robert Altman comedy, but the best thing in it (and maybe her career) is Julianne Moore as the dimwitted, bumbling Cora (yes, Julianne bumbles). Technically a sister to Glenn Close's Camille, she's given the nearly-impossible task of going along with a fabricated story involving the supposed murder of her aunt. She clearly doesn't have the mental capacity to keep big secrets but her efforts are commendable - and hilarious. 

9 Magazine Covers From 1990

They say you can't judge a book by its cover -- but you can definitely judge a year by its magazine covers, because those are the rules I've just made up. But you don't have to take my word for it; come with me on this journey as I throw nine 35-year-old magazine covers on the scanner to create a nostalgic pastiche of yesteryear. And no, I didn't go the extra mile and scan the contents of any of these - partly because, as you may remember, I hate fuckin' scanning, but more than that I found that these covers on their own are striking and informative enough to fuel this time machine to get us back to good ol' 1990. Let's kick it!

- Paul

Nintendo Power 

At this point (Spring 1990) the Ninja Turtles had the #1 movie and the #1 Nintendo game. Neither would last, as evidenced here by the fanfare surrounding the very recent release of what would go on to be their best-selling video game and what is often hailed as simply the best video game of all time: Super Mario Bros. 3. To us youngsters this was like our North Star in the 90s - after the big tease from The Wizard at the end of '89, the star of the biggest toy of the 1980s had flown right into the next decade with the waggle of a raccoon tail. Like most of the things on this list, it defined a generation, and that generation has carried it with them to this day and is desperately trying to recreate it. 

Action Films '90

It's amazing how quickly the Turtles phenomenon got lost in the shuffle; with an immensely popular cartoon, toy line, video game, and now blockbuster movie, 1990 just had too much to offer. But through this particular lens their real competition was apparently Steven Seagal and Rutger Hauer and their respectively awesome new releases, Hard to Kill and Blind Fury (apparently Blind Fury didn't make it to the US until 7 months after its August '89 release in Germany). But the real food for thought here is the article titled "Jean Claude Van Damme, A Hero for the 90s" - I wouldn't say that exactly panned out, but it got me to thinking as to who exactly was the leading 90s Action Star. Obviously this led me down a mental rabbit hole comparing 80s and 90s Cinema, so I'll just leave you to ponder that answer for yourself. If you come up with any ideas lemme know! 

DuckTales Magazine

Scrooge and his grandnephews have been around since the 1950s but the TV show from which this magazine derives began in '87 and would eventually become a part of "The Disney Afternoon" which launched in September of 1990. Honestly that's probably around the time I started watching it - DuckTales was specifically an after-school show and always bookended some other cartoons I had no interest in. For the longest time this was the only Disney property that I truly adored, and even that was largely due to its connection to the Dickens character (and also my love of cartoon treasure). I will go on record and say Chip 'n Dale maybe possibly had the slightly better theme song. Don't put that on my tombstone. 

GoreZone

Get in the Zone! Surprisingly (or maybe predictably, I'm not sure) 1990 was a spectacular year for Horror: Jacob's Ladder, Misery, Troll 2, Texas Chainsaw 3, Demon Wind, and also the two headliners in this magazine, Tales From the Darkside: The Movie and Night of the Living Dead. Like a lotta the years that end in "0" the fashions of two decades blend into a collision of all flavors, and scary movies were always a great barometer for that. Here we were rebooting older properties and had they been in the 80s, I feel like they would've been gorier, dumber, and duller. Instead, Tales From the Darkside is perhaps the most flawless Horror Anthology film ever made, while it's no secret that I find Savini's Living Dead remake to be better than any Zombie movie Romero ever made. You don't have be on board with any of that, but what is irrefutable is that 90s Horror certainly began on time. 

Playboy

Here's another solid bridge between the two eras, featuring Miss July herself, Erika Eleniak, costar of 90s hallmark Baywatch. This magazine is always a reliable source when you're trying to revisit a specific time period - especially if you wanna know about trends in technology (Sanyo had a record player/CD changer combo for $349) or men's fashion (they tried to convince us the fedora/trench coat ensemble was coming back à la Dick Tracy). But the biggest peek into the decade ahead is an interview with Jerry Seinfeld, whose gradual rise in standup comedy fame has gotten the attention of NBC who're hoping to expand their pilot The Seinfeld Chronicles into a sitcom. Good luck, Jerry. 

Starlog

Really this is just my way at giving a standing ovation to Starlog for making the Vegetable Gremlin a star - even if it was only for a brief cycle through the newsstands. As noted here there were a handful of Science Fiction properties in 1990: Back to the Future III, Robocop 2, Quantam Leap, Star Trek Next Generation. But also mentions of Batman, Dick Tracy, and The Little Mermaid, which indicates two things: Starlog slowly but surely made it their mission to pander to the entire pantheon of geekdom regardless of genre labels, and there were some properties of pop culture that were too big to even pretend to ignore; no nerd magazine is gonna do a 1990 "Yearbook" without mentioning Tracy. 

TV Guide

Even the world's leading Television magazine had Dick Tracy front & center, along with Batman (which was 18 months old at this point) and John Wesley Shipp as The Flash from the new big budget CBS show based on the comic (it was cancelled 5 months later). To be fair this was also to push the Home Video market which even at this point was still growing in popularity. So between this stuff alongside the Ninja Turtles video release it was obvious that comic books were finally ready for the screen. The imminent Rocketeer couldn't miss! 

Modern Screen

Here's where all the TV news is hiding -- 1990 summed up in one little collage. Will the snarky Simpsons reach more viewers than the clean Cosbys? Is Arsenio bigger than Carson? Will we find out who killed Laura Palmer? Also odd to think that Uncle Buck and Ferris Bueller both had their own TV shows at this time (as well as Parenthood, followed by the Look Who's Talking spinoff Baby Talk). Tiny Toons premiered this year, along with 90210, Fresh Prince, In Living Color, and the detestable America's Funniest People which was just an even more irritating and self aware version of Funniest Videos. It lasted all the way to '94 but eventually just turned into YouTube. 

Entertainment Weekly

It's safe to say we saw a lot of Madonna that year. Even before every curve of the planet was saturated in Dick Tracy symbolism, the song (and video) of the Spring was "Vogue". Then there was this grainy black & white aesthetic that became synonymous with her Blonde Ambition tour and was also used to great effect in the "Justify My Love" video (as well as in most fashion and fragrance advertising). But really the most notable thing about this cover (and the actual contents) is the deep dive into Edward Scissorhands which only occupied the last two weeks of the year but for me it was the cultural event of 1990 -- more than Dick Tracy or Turtles or Mario; everything else faded into the background for the foreseeable future and suddenly the movie with no stickers or t-shirts or acton figures to offer became my biggest intellectual hobby. I came into this year as a child and left as a man (which surprisingly had nothing to do with Madonna). 

TOYS ARE US : Dick Tracy Clip-On Magnets

Magnets were such a huge deal to me as a kid - they were like stickers but better. Way better. I don't know if that's a generational thing but I'm not aware of them being as much of a novelty now as they were in the 1980s - because it wasn't just me and the consumers who were paying attention, but the manufacturers especially; it wasn't uncommon for your fridge decor to be a collection of intricate little works of art. 

It also was not uncommon (actually it was damn-near guaranteed) that the magnets that you or grandma or anybody had on their fridge were some sorta depiction of foods & beverages: generic fruits and vegetables, name brand candy & soda, various homemade meals, if it's something you kept in or near the refrigerator then you needed a brightly-colored magnetized sculpture indicating as much. And if you've spent any amount of time on this site you know how important artistic representations of foodstuffs are to me -- heck, fridge magnets may even be the cause of my infatuation. But believe me, I'm not overstating their relevance in the pantheon of pop culture - go look up "80s fridge magnets" on eBay to get an idea as to why sentimental suckers like me are always broke as fuck. 

There are so many old magnets burned into my mind, not just because they became part of the architecture of my childhood home, but because I loved and appreciated them long before any kinda nostalgia was attached. They were like toys, but they were my kinda toys - the kind that I could just admire with my eyes, without the expectations of some hollow interactive experience; I didn't need to play with them to enjoy their beauty. And then, along comes the Dick Tracy movie and suddenly everything becomes a toy - including magnets. 

Batman's merchandising the year before seemed subtle and demure by Dick Tracy's standards (and I've been over that with you, probably more than once), and amongst its catalog of colorful crap that I just had to buy were Dick Tracy Clip-On Magnets from Playmates.

More accurately they were bought for me, as evidenced here by what I'm assuming is my 8th birthday - which would've made the movie 8 months old at that point (but still fresh on Home Video). Either way, for better or worse, when a big movie came out, it didn't just change the culture, it created its own culture, and you could choose to immerse yourself in it or simply frequent it in a more casual way. Circa February of 1991 Dick Tracy had to share real estate in my head with Ninja Turtles, Edward Scissorhands, and Super Mario 3, but for as long as it resided there, one could still find the paraphernalia all around. It actually wasn't until it was on video that I learned to really love this movie as an entity separate from its marketing and products, so I was more than happy to add items to my already immense booty of Tracy treasure. 

Apparently there were seven from which to choose and I ended up with three - miraculously, it was the three I would've chosen had I gone to the store and personally chosen them (ongoing apologies to Seymour Cassel). While I've never sought out the remaining four, these ones I got for my birthday back in '91 stayed with me, traveled with me, gracing many fridge doors, taking on soda sprays and wily dairy products, and falling off and hitting various linoleums probably hundreds of times. They feel as fragile as peanut brittle but these are some truly tough gangsters - even the glue holding on the magnetic discs on the back has held strong. My amazement for their ongoing durability has outweighed my sentimental connection to them for years now - I'm just tryna see how much more they can take. At this point we're probably like E.T. and the geraniums - when they finally go, so will I.

- Paul