Pepsi Cracker Jack

We've officially crashed through the guardrails of the Holiday Road to bring you this very special moment (which is bigger than an occurrence but smaller than an event). Were this Summertime, this would be a headliner that would rock our entire season. But for now, it's a soft surprise (+ it was a gift, so it's kinda Christmas-ish). 

To celebrate the end of the baseball season (which has quite ended) Pepsi cooked up a Cracker Jack flavor - combining their mainstream soft drink with the flavors of an old-timey ballpark snack: caramel, popcorn, and peanuts. I've never actually known exactly what the ingredients are that give these sodas their flavor, so I'm always blindly optimistic about whatever they put in my mouth. But before any of that, my main concern was the prize. I'll take the candy, I'll take the soda, I'll take 'em mixed together -- Just Gimme The Prize. 

Affixed to the side of the can, I knew it would be some ephemeral piece of paper. Not like in my day, kids, when you were guaranteed a goddamn treasure. 

Intellectually I knew it'd be a sticker or a tattoo - which both fit into my interests. And I also knew it'd be a very special sticker or tattoo - a commemorative prize. (They only gave out 2,000 of these cans, folks.) I'm not sure if it was a conscious decision, but I think I was anticipating a piece of art so striking that I would, in fact, get it permanently tattooed. But this is what I ended up with...

A blue baseball diamond featuring the most contemporary Pepsi logo. I don't know how I was disappointed - you can't really say it's abstract in any way. But I suppose that's why it sucks: it's just cold and just symmetrical and just corporate enough to completely take the piss out of the childish insanity of mixing snacks and soda together in a 12 oz. can. 

So there'll be no Pepsi ink in my immediate future. But in the meantime I've got 3 boxes of Cracker Jack and a can of novelty soda... Which brings us to exactly that. Just as a frame of reference: Cracker Jack is caramel coated popcorn mixed with peanuts. It's sweet and satisfying and crunchy as all hell and tough to imagine drinking it. And I'll thwart the surprise and say it is tough drinking it.

The smell test revealed a generic sugary candy that I probably wouldn't buy. That assessment carried over into the flavor, which I immediately identified as vaguely smoked. I have to assume (and there's no mature way to put this) that they went hard on the "nut flavor" - presumably to proclaim that this simply wasn't just a "caramel cola." Personally I always thought most mainstream sodas were intended to be caramel-flavored - though upon some fascinating research, I found that people typically equate Coca-Cola to the flavor of vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, and/or raisins (?), while the noticeable difference in Pepsi is some sorta citrus variation. And I suppose that makes sense - any time they've teamed up with a fruit has been more of a home run than this supposed baseball homage. 

I sat on this stuff for a month as the needle on my expectations held steady in the lower third. It took me 2 hours to get through this can - that time mostly spent trying to figure out what the hell they were going for. Oddly, its "fakeness" made it taste sugar-free -- as in, "so sweet it can't be real." It didn't have the typical bite of most sodas, but instead a sourness that I can still smell. It enlightened me to three things:

- They need to bring back last year's Pepsi Apple Pie that I totally would buy by the 12-pack.

- I'm glad I didn't get it tattooed.

- If I were to ever become a Jazz musician, my handle would be Pepsi Cracker Jack.

- Paul