STATIC SHOTS

ATTACK OF THE 90s MOMS!

They were strong. They were independent. They were bad, they were bold, they were wiser. Bitch, lover, child, mother. More specifically, not really very good mothers at all. With their dated fashions and cute haircuts and powder blue minivans, the snooty matriarchs of 90s Cinema were often the secret antagonists - against their dopey husbands, sure, but also their precocious kids. Time and time again I remember thinking, "I'm glad my mom's not like that", but of course I was too young to realize that my mother wasn't merely a plot function of my story. In a lotta cases these women mean well and they're not all failures, but we can still giggle at their high-waisted jeans and naive sensibilities. Sadly, not every mom could be Morticia Addams. 

- Paul

Miranda Hillard

Mrs. Doubtfire

When I was a kid, she just came across as the horrible woman who tore apart her family and made Robin Williams cry. As a rational adult, that's still how I view it. Apparently a little House of Pain was just too invasive to carry on any longer and now her despondency is everyone's problem. 

Helen Knable

Stay Tuned

Underwritten character, or accurate portrayal of self-absorbed career gal? Her husband was grossly inattentive to her in every way, but she could've recognized his addiction as the escapism and suffering that it truly was. 

Irene Madigan

Last Action Hero

She does her damnedest trying to hold the reigns on a kid who can't even stay in his own dimension let alone navigate the perils of New York City. But c'mon Mom, are you so detached from your child's interests (and that unhip to Film) that you don't recognize Jack Slater? 

Jessica Tanaka-Douglas

3 Ninjas

Everyone wants a mom who encourages us to learn ninjutsu from our wily grampa and run off and get in adventures, but what is this mom's real motivation? There isn't much to be said of either parental figure in this franchise because they're never the fuck around! 

Kate McCallister

Home Alone/Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

It was never about forgetfulness, it was about negligence and apathy. The Mother and Child reunion in both movies is heartwarming, but every other exchange they have over the course of the two films is full of resentment and hostility and empty of love. 

Alice Mitchell

Dennis the Menace

Thus is the lore of the Menace that is Dennis - no grownup alive can tame him. Though this iteration ups the ante, depicting both parents as young urban professionals. Very progressive, though it does allow young Dennis to get kidnapped by a greasy derelict. John Hughes, you've struck again!

Mrs. Crandell

Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

It's one thing to sorta accidentally leave your kid home alone, but this is just structured, intellectualized abandonment. Separating from your immediate family for an entire season would typically be something mandated by a court of law, but no, Mom just needs alone time - at the cost of leaving her children with an abusive stranger in poor health. To her credit, she's raised five likable, mostly intelligent kids. 

Susan Evans/Laura Miller

The Good Son/The Santa Clause

Wendy Crewson playing two women who have absolutely no idea what's going on with her children (though still maintaining a fire fashion sense). Or maybe it's denial. In all fairness, between a murderous Macauley and the magic of Christmas, she's got some very tough pills to swallow, and she fully redeems her misjudgments in both cases. (I'm sure an elaborate fan theory connecting these two movies would be good for a chuckle.)

Five Fun Foods From Forty Year Old Films

Did I come up with this post just as an excuse to use that deliciously alliterative title? No, not entirely (though I won't admit to what percentage). I celebrated 1985 in full on its 35th Anniversary, and unless Biff still has the Sports Almanac, 1985 probably remains unchanged. Me, I've probably changed some in the last 5 years - I've certainly tweaked my Top 20 of '85 Films but I'm not carrying that baggage up these stairs every time my mind changes slightly (that's what Letterboxd is for I guess). One thing that certainly hasn't changed is my weird fascination with movie foods - as in foods that appear on screen in mainstream movies. I'm quickly becoming the Mr. Skin of cinematic snacks (and I'm extremely ok with this). But really it was an excuse to revisit such a monumental movie year -- it's still early in 2025 so I'm sure I'll find more ways to do it again. In the meantime here are 5 completely-obvious-but-fun-nonetheless moments when Reagan-era sustenance took center stage. 

- Paul

Bacon, eggs, pancakes, toast, strawberries, Mr. T Cereal

Pee-wee's Big Adventure

The pain of this punchline has haunted me since I was a child; Pee-wee used what I'm guessing is a month's worth of gas & electricity to construct a complete breakfast garnished with a corn-based novelty cereal, and he takes one bite. I know that's the bit but man I hate when food goes to waste in the movies as much as I do in real life (I can't even watch when Kevin McCallister abandons his entire Macaroni & Cheese without a single forkful).

Three sandwiches, potato chips, an apple, a banana, chocolate chip cookies, milk, Coke

The Breakfast Club

Surprised as you may be, no, I have zero interest in Ally Sheedy's Cap'n Crunch/Pixie Stix sandwich - the consistency alone puts me off. I'm certainly not vying for Claire's sushi and I'm not a fan of soup or apple juice so we'll let Brian keep his four food groups. Technically I would be having Bender's lunch of absolutely nothing at all, but for the purposes of this list we'll say Andrew's massive caloric intake of mostly traditional items is the most appealing; I could certainly polish off three sandwiches as long as I'm not expected to eat a whole bag of Matt's Chocolate Chip Cookies. 

Burger - medium rare, coffee

After Hours

Another example of perfectly good grub going to waste -- perfectly great grub most likely; some hearty beef and black coffee in a Soho diner in the middle of a rainy night could set you straight. Misfortune and happenstance no doubt prevented Paul from having an otherwise incredible evening - he coulda got with Rosanna Arquette, Teri Garr, and Catherine O'Hara almost consecutively had fate not dealt him such a shitty hand. 

Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry milkshakes

Back to the Future

Forget George's wimpy chocolate milk or Marty's crazy futuristic beverages like Tab and Pepsi Free - I'd bet you a hundred gigawatts that Lou's Diner would have kickass milkshakes. If for no better reason (and there may not even be one), this is good ol' 1955 - there's nothing "healthy" or "vegan" or "lactose-free" going on here; hell they're probably packed with animal fat and egg yolks. Baby Boomers may've aged faster but that's because they actually lived goddammit. 

Baby Ruth

The Goonies

Nothing involving Sloth seemed particularly appetizing - his damp platter of floor food seemed grosser than the Castle Freak cuisine. What does seem exceptionally appetizing is a fresh Baby Ruth -- though not just any Baby Ruth, but one in that solid white 1985 wrapper with the bold red letters. Nabisco paid $100,000 for that shot you're looking at above (which ironically was compromised in the pan & scan versions) and it works on me to the point that I will seek out a Baby Ruth... only to be disappointed by the bland modern packaging of right now. Nostalgia is a deceptive bitch.

The Pride Before The Fall: Some Seasonal Cinema

Did you have a Very Heavy Metal All Hallows' Evening, or did you curate your own flavor? I mean no need to follow our lead - if you listen to that Top 40 shit that's your business, as long as all your Wicker Men got burnt. 

We've reached that time of year again: the second stretch of Autumn that has no thematic relation to the first; it's like the Full Metal Jacket of seasons. And frankly I'm low-key comfortable with it this year; I'm burnt out on blood & headbangin' for the time being and I'm ready for the real Fall Vibes - the Glengarry Vibes, the moody limbo that lingers between the cheap loudness of the mandated festivities. I love the Hallmark Holidays, but sometimes I just wanna be alone for a minute and admire the passage of time without the rigidness of a calendar, and every November bestows this impregnable period that sometimes allows a chance for reflection or relaxation, or like in the case of this November, presents an opportunity to plunge my hands into the muck and take care of some business. In the Northeastern United States (and throughout much of the country) it's a cold, brown month with early nights and unpredictable weather; the candy corn sweetness of October still lingers on my tongue and the rainbow glow of December looms large, so the atmosphere isn't really ripe for napping but there is a pronounced urgency to take it easy. At the very least we can kick back and watch some old favorites. 

I brought a list - mostly to justify my sinister urge to talk a bit about the month we're in, but the list itself actually isn't without its value. Two years ago I posted a holiday-heavy inventory of mostly Thanksgiving essentials that I habitually view under some level of obligation. This supplemental list, though not quite as immutable, consists largely of stuff I don't have to watch right now, but I unquestionably ain't gonna watch 'em any other time of year. So I have options - and not without reason, and as sure as eggs is eggs, I'm gonna share those reasons, however brief or esoteric they may be. 

- Paul

Silent Fall (1994)

It's right there in its punny title, and it follows through in a literal way: it opens on Halloween Day and picks up from there with plenty of legitimate Fall foliage to assure it's the real deal.  

Uncle Buck (1989)

With no mention of holidays, it could be late winter (like a lotta these). But just having the Candy/Culkin/Hughes presence is enough to feel like midway merriment. 

The Master (2012)

This is just one of those situations where the movie was released in the Fall and I bought the soundtrack in the Fall so it's just linked to the Fall. Also, Happy 10th Anniversary(!). 

Desperate Hours (1990)

Some mild set dress presents a few dead leaves on the dirty ground, but really it's more about the cabin fever coziness of captivity. Maybe that's just me.

A Civil Action (1998)

This is another one of those indeterminate seasons - but that's the joke here: this is what Massachusetts looks like from November to April, which is the perfect setting for kids dying of leukemia.  

Far From Heaven (2003)

This one's a bit of a cheat as it aggressively pays homage to the aggressively Autumnal All That Heaven Allows. Both are pretty on-the-nose, so don't lemme catch you watching them any other time of year.

Big (1988)

This movie has the most intellectual approach to the true meaning of seasonal and annual finality; young children playing in dead vegetation, the futility of time, the contrast of responsibility, the symbolism of the harvest. Or, Josh just wants to be a kid again. 

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

I watched it obsessively for an entire Fall when I was 14, and now it just belongs there. If you have an argument for some other time of year, I'd love to hear it. 

American Beauty (1999)

I usually don't watch this movie. Actually I haven't watched it in nearly 20 years. And I probably don't plan to watch it any time soon. But boy howdy, if I were to watch it, you'd better believe I'd have a ton of reasons for doing it exclusively in this month. 

The Stepfather (1987)

After watching it 20 times per every Halloween Season, it occurs to me, "This really is kind of a Thanksgiving movie and I'm tired of pretending it's not." Either that or I need an excuse for Jill Schoelen to spill over into the next month. 

STATIC SHOTS

Sit, 1987, sit. Good dog.

What do you remember about 1987?

Ok, that's not a very fair question. How about from when you were 4 years old - any milestones or trauma that stand tall in your memory? What about the small stuff - how many times did you scrape your knee or paint a picture? How many Happy Meals did you consume? These years - the first few years - may be "formative" or "psychologically impressionable" or whatever, but they're so dark & fuzzy that it makes it difficult to reminisce. And you know we gots to reminisce. Fortunately, there are photographs. 

January 1987 - 35 years ago. Several feet of snow smother the landscape, throwing divine light through my window into my little boy bedroom accented by primary colors and some weird 70s wooden plaques from Woolworth's. What was to be expected of me that day, or any other day? School was a year and a half away, my own Nintendo was 2 years away, and I never felt any sense of accomplishment in the construction of a snow angel. Through math & science, I've concluded that there was, as there'd always been, television. In between whatever toys & picture books there were, the TV - hooked up to a cable box and a VCR - was the thing. 

Married... With Children, DuckTales, and Ninja Turtles debuted that year, but I didn't settle into those grooves immediately. I was deep in the sultry glebe of Cheers, Night Court, and Moonlighting, and their respective theme songs of anthemic companionship and after-hours Soul Rock became my soundtrack of domestic wellbeing. I also shared a home with a teenage girl, and MTV and its audio/visual parade of "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now," "(I've Had) The Time of My Life," and "Wanna Dance With Somebody" created an ever-present ambience of almost-clichéd timeliness - as though there were a constant reminder that "Hey! It's the 1980s!" 

I can comb textbooks to find out what was new & what the rest of the world was into in any given year -- but at that age I really didn't care how much a gallon of gas cost. I indulged in my fair share of Double Dare and roller rinks that year, but the decade didn't necessarily dictate or define every activity I did... Having said that, birthday and holiday photos are very telling when it comes to calculating where my interests laid (or lied?). 

It's not that I was specifically into the armed forces - not in any real world sense anyway. But as I turned 4, my movie of the moment was Stripes - and predictably so: Venkman and Egon turned me on to hand grenades, army fatigues, and topless mud wrestling. Because of this, '87 had an incidental theme; much like 1989 was my Tim Burton Christmas (almost as much as 1990 was) this year was, somehow, my Ivan Reitman year.

February

October

December

If there's one great thing that came outta The Real Ghostbusters cartoon, it was that we finally got some licensed toys (as I detailed thoroughly when I covered the entire '87 Christmas haul). And much like some of the more recent installments in this ever-growing franchise, despite the quality of the continual output, it's an excuse for them to sell us more merch. And so, regardless of our collective '80s nostalgia' fatigue, bustin' continues to make us feel good. 

But outside my world of animated series and HBO, new movies were populating the theaters - big, commercial, 80s nostalgia movies. More than enough to define the year and maybe the decade. Take a look at this lineup:

Major Motion Pictures all of them. Not one of these made my Top 20. This isn't me being crass or obstinate - my choices are all mainstream, popular flagship flicks just the same. That is to say, there's a lotta great stuff from which to choose. That is also to say that these pinnacle pictures are of such great import to me that I've spent years polluting this site with in-depth love letters to most of them. So, official ranking aside, a lot of these will be brief with the bouquets. After all, when it comes to Kubrick, Carpenter, and the Coens, what more is there for me to say? (Though when it comes to Elm Street, there's still that same desire to feel the fire.)

- Paul

1. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

The best movie by the master of the '80s Teen Comedy' is a timeless, grownup Dramedy. It's also the best movie of the year - which, as I've pointed out, is no easy accomplishment. Apart from packing the biggest emotional punch, it's truly a marvel of moviemaking; how Hughes manages to deliver raw sentiment without slipping into schmaltz is a trick I'll never figure out. 

2. Beverly Hills Cop II

A 100-minute Tony Scott music video is the only way to approach it (as redundant as that sounds). Actually, to keep the theme going, it's my favorite Tony movie. It's probably my favorite Eddie movie. And what the hell, I'll finally officiate it: it's my favorite soundtrack. Take a moment to appreciate the weight of that...

3. Three O'Clock High

I've sung enough praises for this picture that I'm just about outta lyrics. Though I could add that, in this context, this Action/Drama/Horror/Teen Comedy is a compact potpourri of every genre on this list. If you've seen it I'm sure you'll agree. And if you haven't, hopefully my waning credibility in amateur film criticism has enough gas left to get you on board finally.  

4. Throw Momma From the Train

Murder. Blackmail. Motives and alibis. It taught me about Hitchcock before I knew Hitchcock. There's a lot to be said about the slapstick and sight gags and one-liners, but the actual premise is so inexplicably outrageous that the descriptive title almost doesn't do it justice. Although, Momma, Owen, and Owen's Friend Larry wouldn't be a very sultry improvement. 

5. Raising Arizona

Hillbilly humor from two of the most talented troubadours of the Western World - it was an unexpected departure because of their talents, and as a followup to much darker material. And so, an indefinable style began to emerge: one that would always be moody, funny, provocative, and wildly original. It's hard to imagine something of this caliber being released nowadays by anyone. 

6. Like Father, Like Son

Big year for Comedy here. In between Freaky Friday and Vice Versa, this was received as the 'lowbrow' body-swapping fable. I'm not sure I see it that way, but if that's the case, it's certainly the one with the best script, the best vibe, and by god the best soundtrack (Autograph, Crüe, Ramones). I dunno, I think if you try to intellectualize this kinda story, you're doing it wrong. 

7. The Monster Squad

While we're talking 'best-ofs,' here's the best Horror of the year (which, as this list proceeds, may seem like an audacious choice). It's a vampire movie, it's a werewolf movie, it's a goddamn mummy movie for chrissake -- what a refreshing departure at this point in the decade. It's a film about kids for kids, but in mood, plot, and sprawling parade of antagonists, it's a pitch perfect (though unlicensed) homage to the old Universal movies. Just accept it & don't be chickenshit. 

8. Lethal Weapon

It will forever be thought of as the explosive, buddy-cop Action Comedy that it is. Upon each viewing, one experiences the bleak, violent Melodrama that it is. The fact that it is indisputably all of these things at all times is a miracle of hardboiled fiction. 

9. Innerspace

Audrey Hepburn said, "Everything I learned I learned from the movies." We shop at the same store; and amongst all that Cinema has taught me is human anatomy - thanks to Joe Dante's SciFi Comedy with the mindless plot and the magnificent chemistry. (Not to mention the strongest visual effects that are as gorgeous as they are gruesome.)

10. Overboard

Critics weren't particularly kind to this twisted RomCom upon its release. Personally I could never get past my unconditional love for Kurt & Goldie, and this movie is a Greatest Hits Box Set of their charm and talents. And despite its far-fetched (and sometimes mean-spirited) premise, it's the second best kids' movie of the year. 

11. Predator

Action SciFi Horror - I don't know if it started in the 80s, and it certainly didn't end with the 80s, but this platter had the most pu pu in the era of Aliens and Critters. It's amazing: it's got virtuoso suspense, lurid gore, and one of the best monsters ever put on film, but what will always stay with us are the characters and the dialogue. (And that Alan Silvestri theme is a sexual tyrannosaurus.)

12. Full Metal Jacket

In the Kubrick rank, it's probably in my lower third (which is still enough to be one of the best of any given year). I completely love the structure of it and how the movie has two separate pant legs -- it's just that the second half couldn't live up to the pace and performances and the compositions of the basic training sequence. But for that first act as a standalone achievement, it's the darkest corner of Stanley's sense of humor. 

13. Hellraiser

It was to be "the future of Horror." And then it wasn't - it couldn't, it was that unprecedented; there was no way to follow in its footsteps. It introduced new fears, new mythologies, new sights to show us. You couldn't even say it was indicative of the time - some hair & wardrobe aside, it's unnervingly timeless and still packs a punch as the gothic vision of terror that it is. 

14. Stakeout

I recently watched this alongside its 1993 sequel, and no lie, it was one of the greatest movie experiences I've had in recent memory. I don't know if I was just in the right mood or what, but I felt a level of comfort and joy that had been absent from movie viewing for some time. All Double Features aside, I'll yet again advocate this movie largely for its soundtrack. 

15. The Stepfather

A Thriller though the eyes of the killer - that's hard to pull off; hard for the screenwriter, and hard for the actor. Combine Crime novelist Donald E. Westlake and greatest-actor-ever Terry O'Quinn and they make it look pretty easy. I'm always impressed when movies trick me into sympathizing with savages. 

16. Opera

Remarkable - a decade of slashers scurrying around trying to pull off the most elaborate kills, the most sickening slaughters, the most memorable mutilations. Along comes The Master to show us how it's done. There are effects and stunts and twists and camera moves and locations throughout that elevate the whole show to 'Action Giallo!' (which is exactly what I always needed it to be). 

17. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

I've poured my heart out over each entry in this franchise... except for this one. Statistically it's the "fan favorite" I guess, and I think that's because it's got a lotta plot; it's very linear and satisfying and populated with lotsa fun characters and free from a lotta the usual abstractions. And that's why it's the one I return to the least: it's so fucking button-down that I tend to get bored by its lack of "weirdness." Still though, the introduction to "MTV Freddy" and his very first theme song holds a great deal of importance to me. 

18. The Untouchables

I'm never able to say I'm a DePalma fan but I know when he makes a fun movie. I also can't credit him for making a flawless period piece - this movie is so aggressively 1987 that Boy George shoulda cameoed as Pretty Boy Floyd. But the cast as is - from Jack Kehoe to Billy Drago - is a smarmy, pulpy pastiche of violent Americana. (And Ennio's score is practically its own movie.) 

19. Harry and the Hendersons

The Bigfoot subgenre almost entirely sucks - save for this one sweet Family film that had enough heart (and money) to redeem the very idea of the entire folklore. The movie is basically a feature-length ALF episode (which is absolutely fine with me) but with slightly better makeup/animatronic effects; any time I take a look at it I'm awed by Rick Baker's now-iconic Sasquatch and I give in to that tired lament: "Man, I miss practical effects."

20. Prince of Darkness

It's hard for me to talk about this movie, because it's a hard movie to talk about. The film is a pristine John Carpenter mood and not much else. In fact, the movie wastes a lotta time insisting that it has a plot, which you would think intrudes on the bizarre atmosphere, but this obtuse, convoluted "story" only adds to the bizarre atmosphere. So to reiterate, it's a hard movie to talk about. 

STATIC SHOTS