1.29.2024

Magnificent Home Video Artwork Through The Years!

As I've bitched before, the journey from theatrical (and now streaming) release to physical media leaves a few casualties in its wake. In the olden days those victims would include sound quality, picture clarity, and aspect ratio. Understandable losses, the technology lived and died in my lifetime and now I can see the edge of the frame from my couch. But something that rarely made it into my living room was the theatrical poster: those glossy pieces of art that sometimes found their way onto billboards, into magazines and comic books, and maybe the wall art selection at your local Kmart. But mostly you saw them when you went out to the movies and they became tied to their respective features as an identifiable logo. Then they'd come out on videocassette wrapped in some alien image of shapes and text (usually an uncomfortably extreme closeup of the lead actor) and you'd think "what the fuck is this shit?" You know it, you share my gripe. It got even dumber with DVD, worse with Blu-ray, I don't know what the hell is going on with the 4Ks, and I'm not even gonna mention the stupid ass Netflix thumbnails. Content personified by celebrity mugs, surgically enhanced and digitally smoothed. Garbage in, garbage out. 

Apparently the canvas of a video cover is too small to convey panache or mood, so at some point somebody's gotta rethink the approach and redesign their art. And wouldn't you know it, sometimes it worked out okay, or even better than okay. Short of when the original poster art actually made it to the cover (though sometimes both sucked) there have been several standouts in my mind of 'alternate art': old videocassettes that became personally (or even culturally) iconic, all the way up to more recent 'special edition' digital video discs that either improved upon or utilized the original graphics. These are several that immediately come to mind.

- Paul


A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (VHS)

It's unfortunate, though understandable, that Matthew Peak's original (but convoluted) Freddy's Revenge artwork didn't make it to video stores. No matter. As jumbled together as this cover is, it is perhaps the best interpretation of what this or any Elm Street movie is about: a horrifying melted face engulfed in flames clawing at a shadowy suburban home. I always thought his Part 2 makeup was the scariest, and when you consider that all other depictions of him - whether on video covers or posters or physically in the movies - are dimly lit or entirely abstract, so for me (and maybe for most) this became the most explicit and pronounced image of Freddy Krueger. It haunted my nightmares. 


Rock 'n' Roll High School (VHS)

Was never a fan of the clamshell cases for videocassettes (or as I just called them "big puffy covers"). It was probably on my short list of why I hated Disney movies. But, I absolutely loved the Warner Home Video covers - they often employed original poster art on their boxes, overlaid on their immediately recognizable color-appropriate gradient backdrop. But when they didn't use the posters, they'd assign some obscure publicity still as the centerpiece, creating the vibe only ever utilized by The Criterion Collection. I adore the original Rock 'n' Roll High School poster by William Stout (I have it in my home) but the perfection on this VHS is so esoterically spot-on that it feels like skilled fan art. 


Enemy (Blu-ray)

One of the deciding factors for me to make the jump from DVD to Blu-ray was to have a shot at putting this piece of art on my shelf. I was sorta prepared to buy the movie anyway but I held off when I became aware of this aesthetic upgrade; nothing against a stylized glamour shot of Jake Gyllenhaal, that has its own elegant beauty, but this grim Magritte style against a solid mustard yellow is a much better indication as to what the movie is really like. 


The Blob (VHS)

The theatrical poster wasn't too dissimilar: a silhouetted figure ensconced in pink slime. But the slime looked like raspberry ginger ale and "The Blob" font was better suited to a computer hacking movie; it definitely nailed down the Science Fiction side of the story. But video store shelves were reserved for the Horror Show and so instead we got this ghoulish emaciated victim that incidentally gives a face to the monster, complete with outreaching arms. That and the typeface in fatter, Blobby letters made for a memorable and exciting design. 


Heat (Blu-ray)

This is the most refreshing upgrade and it only took a quarter of a century. I hate floating heads - either that or they never seemed to perfect a composition that made it pleasing, and the Heat heads were some of the most agitating. (Also, I like Val Kilmer but he ruined that Godfather Mt. Rushmore.) This sparse, moody L.A. scenescape best defines the movie while also being more visually captivating than anything in the movie. 


Mitchell (VHS)

I unironically love video art that misrepresents the content of the movie. This doesn't promise any monsters or nudity that isn't actually in the film, and these actors and a helicopter are all part of the plot, but never together and not in this capacity. Also Mitchell came out in 1975, and this particular video release came out in 1989 - note the updated clothing and hairstyles on Joe Don and Linda Evans, probably to capitalize on the peripheral popularity of Hunter or Spencer: For Hire or some other bubbly detective show from that particular moment. Mostly I just like the cartoon bad guy falling to his death like Wile E. Coyote. 


Godzilla: The Showa-Era Films (Blu-ray)

Of all the Criterion covers, which would you choose? Me, I picked one I don't even own or intend on ever buying - but goddammit this artwork will always give me pause in regards to "Hmm, maybe I can learn to like Godzilla." I mean the movies are fine I guess but they certainly don't warrant the eye-catching vibrancy of this Pop Art box set - I'll just get a poster and be done with it.


The Burning (VHS)

It is what it says it is. It certainly takes the mystique out of its stupid ass title, but what it doesn't do is make use of the best and most stylish scene of the movie when Cropsy massacres a boatful of campers with some gardening shears - that's a great image and does look good on a poster but it's such a damn giveaway. This one hour photo print of a stuntman on fire feels a whole lot scarier and more mysterious than anything the movie has to offer. 


A Fish Called Wanda (Blu-ray)

Typically I don't like these busy modern-day Drew Struzan-ripoff murals that have graced the covers of every special edition release of everyone from Shout! to Vinegar to Arrow. But the symmetry of this lineup against the clean white background pops brighter than any of the dreary, muddled Horror stuff. And the details of every prop they've included to even the facial expression are direct, recognizable references that would cause even a casual fan to laugh. 

1.26.2024

1.21.2024

1984: It's The Golden Country -- almost


1984 did not turn out the way George Orwell had predicted... Or did it? 

There's your tagline. Or how about simply Truth is stranger than fiction.

The world had its share of plight: war, famine, assassination. Foreign debts, homeless vets. AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz. The inaugural Police Academy movie. It was bad but it wasn't a full-blown dystopia, and not nearly as Orwellian as it's become with each passing decade. So if you were lucky enough to not be hungry or dying or taken hostage during this year, there was plenty around to entertain and enlighten. 


I was a year old so I didn't know what the hell was going on, and if I did I can't remember; probably watching Hill Street Blues and filling my diaper. But if you've kept up with this series you know that I or you or anyone can make approximations based on time and place; I'm sure that outside of working imaginary retail on a Fisher-Price cash register I maintained my steady diet of HBO, MTV, and VCR. So what does that spell: lotsa Tina Turner and Thompson Twins, Meryl Streep and Matt Dillon, Who's The Boss? and Cheers


Parents (and by "parents" I mean me) will scrutinize and compare the conditions of the environment surrounding their own kids vs. how it was way back when; not in any malicious or resentful way (though some parents do) but just as a highly invested observer - on a large sociological scope but also on the more intimate domestic level. At a glance, when my child was one year old he was surrounded by telescreens spewing misinformation and couldn't breathe the air in a public setting. He didn't know or care beyond the song & dance of his sheltered reality, and I was blessed to have that same outlook and maintain that innocent ignorance for my own first few years. And it's that very outlook that grownups still crave: we attach it to cartoons and pop songs and call it "nostalgia" and we'll sit and watch a new Ghostbusters or Beverly Hills Cop movie not for quality entertainment but to role-play the singular time in our lives when nothing was expected of us and the only evils of the world came in the form of a 100 ft. marshmallow man. 


So no, it was not like Orwell's novel; the year capped off with a buncha rich celebrities chanting "feed the world" so society as a whole wasn't physically or psychologically repressed, and I think the movies reflected that: a lotta fantasy mixed in with supernatural threats. Movies about dancing and mermaids; lots of fluffy escapism but it all had substance, and that substance was rooted more in raw originality and expert storytelling than in any political or sanctimonious subtext. Unfettered, intelligent Entertainment. For the most part. 


A year of icons! We were introduced to Axel Foley, Gizmo, Freddy Krueger, the T-800, Mr. Miyagi, Buckaroo Banzai, Boogaloo Shrimp, Booger, and Slimer. Indiana Jones took a brief Nazi break, Prince and Mozart became cinematic rock stars, and everybody cut footloose. 80s gonna 80s I guess. Even my Top 20 list of mainstream blockbusting excitement can't hold all the colorful classics of contemporary cinema. That's obviously because they're not all winners in my book, but the ones that are had the tools and had the talent to make 1984 one helluva standout year. 

- Paul



1. Ghostbusters
A pinnacle of 1980s American Cinema as well as global popular culture, and my favorite Comedy of all time. No surprises there, but I never tire of stressing its effectiveness as a Horror Movie; the 80s is forever linked to its low budget Slasher fare, but when the scary movies went big, they went hard. When this film decides to be serious it doesn't hold back and has enough shit to turn you white - it approaches the level of Poltergeist or Aliens, and unlike something like Beetlejuice only sometimes does the comedy spill over into the terror. It's that tonal imbalance that cranks the contrast in this "Dark Comedy." 

2. Starman
On the short list of movies that cause me to shed a tear - largely due to Jack Nitzsche's gut wrenching music score. But there's a lotta things that come to mind with this film. Firstly it's one of the best Food Movies of all time (sandwiches, pies, milkshakes). It's also endlessly quotable and I've been pulling lines from it since I could talk. But now in hindsight (or maybe even upon its release) it's a terrific reminder that Carpenter never had to fall back on shocks and scares to tell a story or even create a mood; even with the Science Fiction stuff aside, it's still his style and it works effectively across the board. 

3. The Bounty
You can compare it to the other film versions of this story but I don't think it matters - everything about this interpretation is exactly my speed: the music, the pace, the set design and costumes, and particularly the acting. I'll easily nominate this as Mel Gibson's best performance, but I'll take a deep breath and shut my eyes and say it's also Anthony Hopkins's best performance - both of them outacting Liam Neeson and Daniel Day-Lewis, no less. 

4. Romancing the Stone
Zemeckis's first blockbuster - and all without Spielberg's help(!) which is most surprising as it's mostly a lighter, cuter Indiana Jones. And funnier! And I think that's the biggest draw in this movie for me; I'm not impervious to the solid action sequences or the chemistry between Michael and Kathleen, but this easily works as the second best Comedy of the year. 

5. Blood Simple
As it's happened with several astounding films: after seeing Fargo I ventured back to discover (and rediscover) the rest of their filmography. Regardless (or because) of the two films' similarities I was even more taken with this extremely competent and confident freshman effort that could've appeared anywhere in their career and it would've still felt just as strong. Actual screen time be damned, I consider M. Emmett Walsh to be the lead, and we should treasure this movie just for that alone. 

6. Stop Making Sense
A Concert "Film" you say? Of which there are so few, at least many of any pertinence. It's one thing to capture a music concert with a handful of video cameras - that's an approach and it gets the job done - but to harness the energy of witnessing Rock Gods in the flesh and translate it into a tangible medium takes the finesse and enthusiasm of a band's mega fan -- i.e. Jonathan Demme + Talking Heads. It's not a Rock Opera or even a Documentary, but it feels like it has a story.

7. The NeverEnding Story
Whether it's sinking in The Swamps of Sadness or hiding in the attic of a public school, no other piece of art has ever so accurately captured the abstract wonder and terror of childhood (particularly growing up in the 1980s -- or maybe any time). That may be rooted in my own nostalgia and perhaps not everyone's kindertrauma was accompanied by a majestic Giorgio Moroder soundtrack, but every creature and event and emotion in this movie felt symbolic of trying to survive in a hostile and beautiful world. I could relate. 

8. Breakin'
All of the Dance Movies of the 1980s, even the breakdancing ones, took themselves way too seriously. Big surprise: this one does not. And that's not to minimize it in any way: it has romance, domestic strife, conflict, a villain, intentional comedy, ridiculously engrossing dance sequences, and a soundtrack that goes head-to-head with the best of the rest in this genre. It knows what's important and doesn't pretend to be anything more. 

9. The Natural
This was a time when Sports (particularly Baseball) could believably be depicted as Fantasy and I was raised on it like milk and Jesus. Baseball was very much in the air for all of my youth, but this movie really gave it the weight and grandeur of its supposed mysticism, as it's a not-too-subtle fairytale with a literal Hollywood ending. That's not to say it's ineffective; Randy Newman's music score alone is enough to make you believe that it's more than just a game (or a movie). 

10. Gremlins
Weirdly released into theaters the same day as Ghostbusters as they both epitomized the brazen genre-bending trend of "Children's Horror" that became synonymous with the time. I remember thinking it was scary, and it turns out I was right; the suspense and violence is not an accident but an intelligent and generous choice that precisely hit the mark on what kids find exciting. For me it lives in the shadow of its sequel, but of the two it's definitely more frightening. 

11. The Terminator
Speaking of wholly original films dwarfed by their follow-ups: I, like many I think, am a much bigger fan of the second one, but any time I revisit this one I'm reminded of how some of the strengths of Judgement Day were very much the backbone of the original - in particular the legitimate edge-of-your-seat tension, as well as the use of creatively gross violence that puts all the slashers to shame. 

12. Bachelor Party
One of the earliest movies I can remember - partly because it was on all the time. But even taking myself and its familiarity out of it, it still ranks Number One in its subgenre: the now-defunct Sex Comedy. It's nearly a parody of every other movie like it because of how many gags they packed into it, up to and including that very satire. 

13. A Nightmare on Elm Street
There had been supernatural villains before, but the whole stabbing method of massacre tied the entire tang of the decade together. And finally, someone with style, with motivation, with personality; nearly halfway through the 1980s but it's hard to imagine the period without Freddy. Johnny Depp's liquidation remains to be the most outrageous kill in the series, the genre, and maybe all Film.

14. Amadeus
I'll say it every time: Biopics are trash - particularly ones about celebrities (from any era). They typically just connect the dots with all the clichés and allow some anecdotes to masquerade as filmmaking. And then there's a movie like this that builds from the ground up with its own mood and interpretations and abstractions to the point that the bibliography is buried under a beautiful piece of art. 

15. Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
But wait, there's more! Leave it to The Cannon Group to strike while the dance floor is hot. The first one was lighthearted, but this one is just ridiculous - that is, to say, dancing had a plot function the first time around whereas this movie is a full-blown Busby Berkeley musical that reads as a series of music videos strung together. Believe the hype. Believe in the beat. 

16. Body Double
Possibly the most DePalma that DePalma's ever been. No movie was safe from the fads and fashions of the moment, so this is easily the closest we'll ever get to 1980s Hitchcock. All derivative aspects aside, I always found Brian to be pretty silly, so this movie works extra for me as it weaponizes that silliness in a way that could only be intentional. 

17. Beverly Hills Cop
Once again, the power and potential of this eventual franchise was perfected in the second installment, making this one now feel sluggish and convoluted. Regardless, Eddie proved he could reel in the buffoonery just enough to be a Cool Action Star. And the chemistry between him and Judge Reinhold and John Ashton has become a screenwriting model at this point. 

18. Rhinestone
I will admit - assert even - that the personal appeal of this movie is its star power: I would watch Dolly Parton or Sylvester Stallone in just about anything. But put them together? Ohhh fuhgeddaboudit! On paper the story is very dumb (and so's the dialogue) but it does set them up, both of them, to sing throughout the movie. I enjoy it on levels I won't bother explaining because you won't understand. 

19. Paris, Texas
It's not a period piece, yet it's the least 1984 movie on this list. Partly because the emotions put forward are timeless, but more than that, the baffling richness of the cinematography feels like it's from some futuristic means of filmmaking. And similar to Blood Simple, it's a blessing to have someone like Harry Dean in a lead role. 

20. Rats: Night of Terror
Finally something post-apocalyptic to round out the year. I usually don't like these made-for-cheap, shot-in-abandoned-warehouses, band-of-survivors meanderings, but this one is so dark and dirty and gross that its setting is almost entirely believable. And its twist ending rivals nearly any Twilight Zone episode. 


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