BENNETT PLACE : SECTION NINETY SEVEN

The Darkside is always there

waiting for us to enter,

waiting to enter us.

Until next time,

try to enjoy the daylight.

MY FAVORITE EPISODES part two

 I'm having another one of my... episodes!

   Watching shows in this house means we're eating dinner. And that also means we're winding down and creating a mood for our evening. This is always way more fun during holiday seasons. Mealtimes become an event, dwarfing the feature/sex combo that follows. We'll turn a cold shoulder to our standard sandwich or pasta night and fill our bodies with delicious oil dripping delivery. We'll message each other all day to try to pair the right meal with the right show, hopefully nailing that perfect episode. A longstanding tradition that we will pass on to our son.

   If I had to choose a Horror genre, after giving it an unreasonable amount of thought, I would I have to say it would be 'Anthology.' Horror is best when presented like little nightmares. After all, it's the tiniest cuts that are the most painful. And so I thank the universe for giving me The Horror Series. The bad dreams can weave in and out and change a hundred times, depending on the writers' imagination. A neverending compilation. These are this year's Top 5 meal-enhancing, nostalgia-inducing, monsters in my closet. Viewer discretion is advised.

- Babes 

 

 

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

"The Tale of the Dollmaker" (season 3)

  The night that I decided that I was much too old and sophisticated for this show, this episode aired, and I was sucked back in. I'd always been afraid of porcelain dolls, but this introduced the idea of an otherworldly dimension, where you actually become the creepy toy. I find the concept way scarier than the show's low-budget execution, but I always get right in the October spirit every year when we revisit.

 

The Twilight Zone

"Eye of the Beholder" (season 2)

  Though it may be hard to believe, I have not watched very much of The Twilight Zone. The series, which many believe paved the way and heavily influenced modern Horror Cinema, has eluded me for years. Though there were times throughout my life where I have caught some episodes during holiday related marathons, and due to extreme popularity, every time I would catch this one. 

  To say that I have a low self-image is a dramatic understatement. There were portions of my teen years especially that were very unkind. I would agonize in front of a mirror and long for a more socially accepted physique. What I always loved most about this particular installment was how body positive it was. The grotesque looked down upon great beauty with disgust, leaving the viewer not only creeped-out by their horrific reveal, but also to maybe think about the choices they make. Maybe they won't pick on little Dick or Jane tomorrow.

Beetlejuice

"Spooky Boo-tique" (season 2)

  Beetlejuice was a way of life for about three years. I watched the movie day-in and -out and wouldn't miss an episode of the equally-adorable tie-in cartoon. I had one small action figure toy, that I coveted above all other things. I would buckle tiny Michael Keaton into the seat next to me in the car for safe measure. And the Ghost With the Most was my imaginary friend. You could often catch me in quiet corners singing "Day-O" to him. 

  Growing up I wanted to be a million different things, all influenced by a million things that I loved. And added to the jar was to own and operate my very own Spooky Boutique. A goth store, or store of mysticism. I would sells gemstones, good quality black clothes, stinky herbs, and spider jewelry. I came close during my Hot Topic management years, but working for a huge corporation, where we don't choose what we sell, is very different. I do have to say, that every morning, when lifting that gate to open, I would hear Lydia's jingle for her store commercial. 

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

"Band Candy" (season 3)

  I unabashedly love Buffy and I make no apologies for it. It is my favorite soap opera. The first season laid the groundwork for Horror Drama fans alike, and with that established audience, we could start to character arc and strip personality layers. This would go on to be the show's greatest strength. 

  Bookish nerdy men with glasses are hot. I will probably think about getting in your pants. But if you add to that a repressed demon worshiper with a punk rock edge, and you hold my genitals in your hands. Any Halloween episode of any show is exciting, but watching a belligerent chain-smoking Giles trying to nail Buffy's Mom, and I'm wet. 

Tales From the Crypt

"Four-sided Triangle" (season 2)

   I like most Tales from the Crypt. In fact, I picked an entirely different segment for an earlier episodic entry. This year I am being more selective. I am making my choices based on how things make me feel. And this short film, with some of the best Horror acting out there, makes me feel genuinely unnerved. There's no monster, no evil doer, no bump in the night. A writer took a somewhat plausible and disturbing home-life scenario, and gave it a gory and heroic ending we were all hoping for, but weren't expecting.

8 GREAT HORROR MAGS!

 Newspapers, magazines; periodicals in general are the closest thing we have to time travel. Journalism is the only art form (because yes, we should call it that) that is traditionally and ideally objective -- a true account of a time & place without all those pesky abstractions you get with TV, books, music, etc.

You buy that? I sure-as-shit hope so because that was 100% more psychobabble than I wanted to include in a post about published pigs' blood from the past. (I'm just tryna make you part of my world.)

"Horror Magazines" have been around since before Christ - largely in the 'pulp fiction' kinda sense. But the kind I wanna talk about - the kind I like - are their own subgenre of infotainment: the Horror Movie magazine. Because of various fanzines and underground stuff, it's hard to be positive when such a thing was actually invented - but I think it's more-than-fair to place all the blame on Famous Monsters of Filmland. It started in 1958 and, more or less, is still kinda going today (look it up). If you've never perused, it's pretty much what you're used to: articles and interviews dealing with current and classic Horror films, complete with neat pictures and striking cover artwork -- and it was all for kids.

 

 

Suffice to say it was a 'pioneer' in this very, very specific little area of interest, as it spawned enough fans and imitators until the interest was not-so-little. Which (finally) brings me to me, and if you're anything like me (I know I am), you've spent your life "sampling" all these different versions of what has ultimately been the same thing.

I think we've pushed the big "F" enough that we can take a break for this round (but a short break, dammit) and focus on some of this other literature that's been trembling under the weight of obscurity for too long. Not that there's anything too unconventional here, but I'll definitely let you know which ones are worth eBaying the back issues and which you can stick next to the toilet so your guests can learn all about Maniac Cop III while they shit.

- Paul

GOREZONE

 

This was 'the other red meat.' A "sister" magazine to Fangoria, it basically was Fangoria with very little variance between the two; it was "I Can't Believe It's Not Fango."

But still, the point of the magazine was - you guessed it - more gore -- or rather, specifically gore, as in it focused exclusively on the FX side of Cinema. All Cinema.

Issue no. 26 illustrates the far reaches of bloody films around this time with a refreshingly prophetic article/interview with talented new director Quentin Tarantino - discussing Dogs and his then-yet-to-be-produced vampire movie. 

It ran only 27 issues, but that was the timeframe (88-93) that it should've existed - that was peak carnage-in-movies time, and it was presented in these pages with the same confrontational color and gnarly eloquence as its big sister. Plus, that kickass logo is worthy of a tattoo! (or at least a t-shirt.)

Grade: A

RUE MORGUE

 

You might already know this one, as it's the most popular on this list. It's also still in publication and distributed globally, so I'd hope you've at least seen it.

I discovered it in the mid 2000s, right around the time Fangoria was (I felt) circling the drain - so there was a bit of a rebound infatuation that came with it. Still though, it's incredibly dense and informative - even if it is a little drab. But I suppose the drabness goes along with the dark/gothic angle that the title implies.

If it specializes in anything specific, it's their exhaustive articles celebrating obscure and forgotten avenues of the macabre - so obscure that I'm guaranteed to walk away with some new knowledge from each issue.

If I had one mild complaint, it's that it's Canadian: and all that means is that various release dates and availabilities don't always line up with my geographical condition. 

Grade: A-

FEMME FATALES

 

It's like Woman's Day, but for genre fans.

Not really, but as you've deduced, this magazine focuses on women in the industry - and by "focus," I mean, like, 100X magnification.

I suppose people classify it as a "Men's Magazine" (which is fair - it is pretty sexy to the heterosexual male), but it's especially sexy to a film fan. Granted, there are full-page publicity shots and pinup-style spreads of pretty girls, but these girls generally have extensive film & TV resumes, and the mag goes to meticulous lengths to discuss them all. And so, naughty pictures aside, I'd say this book isn't for lightweights. But if you're really ready to expand your knowledge of everything from Summer Blockbusters to Direct-to-Video features, dive head first into these babies - and there's plenty to look at along the way.

Grade: B+

HORROR FAN

 

This one is a bit of a question mark to me; I don't really know how long it ran or even what their 'gimmick' really was. But what I can tell you from its pages is that they were legitimately interested in 'monster news' more than 'slaughter porn.'

Not to say it was the toddlers' version of Fangoria (though this issue does hold the most in-depth article about Little Monsters that I've come across), because they do still cover all the big, gory headliners of the era - they just weren't keen on shots of eyeball paste and entrail art. So in hindsight it's easy to see why it didn't last while the competition was so dirty - but now, speaking for the old man that is myself, I'm quite capable of getting arousal outta this subject matter (even without the freaky stuff).

Grade: B+

GIRLS AND CORPSES

 

I'll be honest: I bought this for the provocative Scout Taylor-Compton cover, but my expectations as far as content and character were already at the morgue; the comedy of "look how tasteless we are" holds no water with me.

So it was quite the pleasant surprise when it managed to stay in its seat and behave like the good piece of pulp that it is. The cheapness bleeds through (and not in a fun punk rock way, but more like a "we don't really understand graphic design" kinda way), but it made sense once I realized that the main job of the mag is to highlight and showcase otherwise-unknown artists in the Horror community; calling attention to all kindsa painting, photography, fiction, film, et al. There are some sporadic 'goth girl cheesecake' treats that are pretty tame and by-the-numbers, but the attractive stuff really is the generosity it extends to folks trying to make a name for themselves - in turn, entertaining us with an eclectic gallery showing.

Grade: B

TOXIC HORROR

This is the toughest one to describe - mostly because I think they didn't really know what they had -- and by "they," I mean the plucky publishers at Starlog. That's right: this is another one of Fango's "sisters" that popped in there at a peak pop culture era - literally sitting on the racks next to its siblings. I mean, it could totally hold its own in terms of style, but not substance; still with the big, splashy, colorful pages, but often the content of the articles (and even how they're placed within the structure of the book) manages to be disorienting (which is a notable failure for a teen trash rag with arrestingly simple subject matter).

When it covered movies, it was the same old pieces with the same old interviewees, but in between those were stuff like true crime accounts, tales of bizarre incidents, and dopey comic strips and short stories. I love the 'mixed bag' approach, but the execution was aimless and sloppy, and the focus was weak.

Grade: B-

SCREAM QUEENS ILLUSTRATED

 

This magazine, on the other hand, is very direct in its approach - even if the title is a little misleading.

Like Femme Fatales, it is scrupulous in detailing the careers of the featured actresses - but it quite often veers away from the agreed-upon definition of "Scream Queen." Granted, they make the most out of an interview/photoshoot with the likes of Michelle Bauer, Julie Strain, or Linnea, but the cream of each issue is the extensive career retrospectives of then-current stars of all low-budget cable and DTV entertainment - not just Horror.

So if any of you other elderly perverts are into full frontal photos of Lisa Boyle, Becky LeBeau, or Lorissa McComas, and you're as excited to learn more about them as I, then you're probably already reading it.

Grade: A-

HORRORHOUND

 

I've saved the best for last. Like, the really really best.

When I discovered it back around '06, it single-handedly revived my waning interest in the genre -- and the way it did that was with up-to-the-minute news re. various areas of merchandise: specifically physical media and toys; basically the kinda information one could find on the internet if they actively searched for it - whereas this was all in its own concise mode of delivery. 

And so while it helped to further my quest for new/old Cinema, as well as amass material possessions that enflamed this 'reawakening,' it simultaneously celebrated all things Horror in a shamelessly nostalgic way: detailed retrospectives, lists, contests, quizes, and general esoteric musings that solidified the fact that this magazine was made by the people, for the people. 

All of this amounted to the book's only real blemish: they don't really dislike anything; there's no discretion or discrimination for them when it comes to "Horror" with a capital 'H.' They are shameless in their adoration of any & everything that exists under that very broad headline, so that even if something may not live up to any kind of standard, it's still solid, because if this were 1988, you'd slap that little green "HORROR" sticker on it. 

But that's ok. This is a brand of subjective objectivity that is in no way dangerous or harmful to others; to put it bluntly, this is the most happy & upbeat glorification of blood & guts that you're ever gonna find. And I think that is just aces. 

Grade: A+

Morality sucks