Flesh Without Flesh

   We take colors for granted. You can put certain ones together, create a fingerprint, and move someone. You can make someone feel that has never felt. You may draw, for them, a direct line to a secret special memory that they hold close to their heart, churning their nostalgia in the cauldron of their spirit. You might turn them on; making them wet in their panties or hard in their jeans, and creating new energy in the universe. Truly gifted people out there will send you to different dimensions or even the seventh circle of hell. 

   Filmmakers only wish they could be painters. How much easier our lives would be if we could create our vision with one singular image - conveying all emotion. We require a more visceral experience to deliver our messages. At least the great auteurs do. And then we can send you to that special otherworldly place too.

  To see painting the way it's intended you create a moving image in your head. That is if you're doing it right. You are connecting, deeper, deeply, with the artist. Together you're going on a real trip. To see God. To know why a star is born much the way a living being is. To attempt to understand love the way we seem to grasp hate. To touch someone else without feeling them. I feel these on a deep spiritual level. And they make me wanna make.

- Jess

1. "The False Mirror" Rene Magritte (1928)

  Eyes are very important to me. As a spiritual empath, I search for hidden layers with you. You can't hide from me like you can most everyone else. I know you deeply before you even speak a word.

2. "Painting" Francis Bacon (1946)

  The well-dressed creature shields its eyes from me as it presents its crucification of the wild and free. Littered with red and damnation, and adorned with with the bones of the pure, the three-shaded room of Hitler beacons you.

3. "Witches' Sabbath" Francisco Goya (1798)

   A pastiche of disfigured women, a very desperate skeletal child, and a fresh pink newborn offering all kneeling before The Beast. He looks at us in the eyes and assures his power over you. He fills your head and whispers, "All things come to an end."

4. "Dreams Caused by the Flight of a Bee Around a Pomegranate a Second Before Awakening" Salvador Dali (1944)

  The forbidden fruit is taking you over. You saw it sitting there for so long, so pretty, so unattainable for so long. It could longer remain contained. But just a single bite has dire consequences. They're coming to eat you alive. And the greater-enlightened around you will look on in horror. 

5. "Garden of Earthly Delights" Hieronymus Bosch (1515)

   This is a different land occurring simultaneously as our own. There are some similarities to our existence, but this fairy tale has heavenly cherubs and alien crustaceans. Every being is existing together harmoniously, for a time, until it turns on itself, destroying the enchantment. Is it impossible for things to be purely good forever? Can we not stand together and remain bathed in beauty and light? It hurts me that things have to be so cruel and there's no hiding from it.

6. "Syzygy" Leonora Carrington (1957)

   Transactions occur between apparitions stranded in the afterlife. How else are there multiple hauntings? And while they once bore a human suit, what remains is an eerie unnatural shape with the illusion of features. Things exchanged among them will be equally ominous and misunderstood. Maybe now that I've seen it, I can be less afraid. 

7. "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" Dorothea Tanning (1943)

   The monster in this story is womanhood. It attacks abruptly and transforms you into a higher being. It's at first a shock, like plunging into the frigid ocean on a frozen January morning. You're naked and cold and there's no one there to comfort you, except your skimpy towel. Then you clumsily navigate your adolescence trying to fathom it. Things feel differently inside. You're deep. And touch is overwhelming. You crave it more than words can say. And once it happens you can never go back.

8. "Kiss of the Sea" Octavio Ocampo (?)

  Everything can become something else. Just open your eyes wide and remember that you once had a wild imagination. Forgetting to hold onto this is humanity's downfall. As children we saw everything differently. Magic was real, and when people were bad, you could pretend to send them to faraway galaxies. You can say I'm naive, but I think peace lies within the ability to return to that very special place, and see a person in the clouds. 

9. "New York Movie" Edward Hopper (1939)

   Will she sit alone again to watch the feature? She contemplates sitting beside a lovely stranger to share the experience. Maybe they'll like her. Even take her hand. She wants to be touched tonight. It's a growing fire within her. The warm tones surround her and they will engulf her blue hues, leaving her ashes behind. 

10. "The Two Friends" Francis Picabia (1941)

  This is that single moment just before the eruption of ravage begins. The woman on the bottom pulls her near with fiery lust, her body giving permission. Begging. And while we may not be invited to see the entire dance, the artist kisses us with enough steam that we can paint another picture. Save it for later.

OH MAMA!

 Mamas are goddesses of life and love. We take a single cell and make something new. It will become its very own thing, with feelings, dreams, and desires. It will love fiercely. Or it will be an empty vessel and be complacent, living forever on the couch in fear. Mothers are also far from perfect. We're emotional, twisted, and even broken human beings. We try our best to put those sick feelings away and be our children's heroes. In very rare cases, we're successful, but more often than not, we will fuck you up. Think about how often Mom comes up with your therapist. It's always the mother's fault. 

  Film has been an excellent creative outlet for expressing both dark and warm maternal love. It can be quite moving, relatable, terrifying, and educating. As someone without a strong mother figure, I learned mostly what not to do and how to do this from the Cinema sphere. And I have no guilt in admitting this. I was raised in front of the tv. These are my very strange feelings I have while watching these Mommy movies. 

- Jess

1. Look Who's Talking

  A completely accurate portrayal of the perils and hilarity of pregnancy and birth. It's not a walk in the park. And the endless late-night newborn feedings are lonely. You forget who you are. You're a milk machine, much like a cow. You smell like bad cheese and you shave your head because it's easier. And all your 'tiny bundle of joy' does is scream and puke in your face. It's time for another diaper and it's only been five minutes. It's best to keep a sense of humor, otherwise you're gonna run screaming out of your house naked, like a crazy cat lady.

2. Mother

   Fewer films make me laugh harder. And Albert Brooks is king. But it's tender. It's that gorgeous moment that you realize that your mom is a person. She's a person that you like very much and you want to be her friend. And she wants to be your friend too. 

3. Rosemary's Baby

    

   I know the feeling all to well of deeply wanting a baby. It becomes a sickness when it doesn't happen right away. You become obsessed with planning and testing. And every month that passes, and it hasn't happened, you feel less and less like the woman you were designed to be. Just a great big gigantic failure to your species. Then you get those two pink lines. And there's a creature growing inside you, not unlike the Xenomorph. You're sick as a dog, food smells like sewer, and you wanna punch everyone in the fucking face. You know what looks tasty? That brown dirt under the pile of rocks over there! It's all a beautiful rich tapestry. 

   And then he tries to murder you as he forces his way out of your tiny hole. It's a bloody, gory, painful mess. Poor Rosemary. She went through all of that for everything to be so anticlimactic. At least for me in the end, I got my Elvis.

4. The Kids Are Alright

  Children are always gonna want to know where they came from. It's a natural curiosity. And biologically, Mom and Mommy can't make a baby together. Same sex parents need to be prepared for the tough questions as their children age. It's super important to be as honest as possible. This truth will only strengthen your family's love and bond.

5. Antichrist

  Mommies have the capacity to be the most evil and selfish beings on the planet. We take, and break, and feel absolutely nothing. We castrate ourselves for our mistakes often to seek sympathy. We hurt everyone around us. Our children were for our partners and not for us. Don't forgive us. 

6. Dolores Claiborne

  This is a story of suffering and sacrifice. To protect our babies, sometimes we have to do the unthinkable. Sometimes being a bitch is all we have to hang onto. Ordinary people can't go to those places, and this is often why very bad things tend to go on for our precious dears. But the strongest women can do what's necessary to make sure that nothing will ever happen to them again. Even if it means they will hate us for the rest of our lives. That is the purest love, even if they can't hear it, know it, or feel it.

7. The Babadook

  Why can't our kids just be normal? We think that, but we must never dare say that out loud. Least of all to our child. A mother's blackest demon is the fear that we do not love our child. It's not a contract at birth. There are no guarantees. It's an awful feeling to look into the eyes of your doe and feel maggots on your skin. It does things to you. You can't trade them in. You're all stuck together. So do your best to deal. And please please, remember to do your breathing. 

8. Baby Boom

   For a very very long time, I did not want a baby. I wanted a simple life of making art when I wanted, reading books ad nauseam, blowing money at cons, and getting laid at all hours of the day. A child did not fit in there. But this was a selfish life for someone with as big a heart as mine. I needed to share that love. Give it away to something new. A new soul. A soul that I created, or brought down, depending on what you believe. Someone to show the beauty of the world, who will hold my hand back as we run down a hill together. And while this has turned my life completely upside down, it is the very best decision I have ever made. I look into his eyes and see hope.

9.  We Need To Talk About Kevin

   No Mother wants to admit that there's something wrong with their child, least of all severe mental instability. What does that say about us? What could we have done differently? Was he born this way? The problem is, if this problem is left overlooked too long, you're just a shitty parent. And this is how the most awful people are created. So do your fucking job, take care of your kid, and don't let your kid hurt others. 

10. mother!

  Don't you dare come into my home and fuck shit up. This is my heart you're messing with. And I will smite you, you piece of shit. And keep your filthy hands off of my baby. He is an angel of light that I am protecting. I don't want the world to corrupt and abuse him the way I was. I prophesize that he will change the world. Let him live and grow and perhaps he will save us all.

BENNETT PLACE : SECTION ONE HUNDRED

CINETEXT -- part thirty-five

 

Beyond The Infinite: JESS'S 101-200

    I've often wondered why I returned from the dead so many years ago. Life thus far, spare a few velvet star explosions of pure bliss, has been a treasure chest of abysmal atrocities. Existence has been cruel and unwavering. I often relive it, as people generally do, when the universe has completely raped them. And I'm tortured, and often sad, that I struggle to find those very happy times. And just when I'm on the brink, the kind you can't walk away from, I see a glowing light. It shines bright white, illuminating my face, and pierces my soul. I watch a film. Those are my memories. I've lived so many other lives. Way more than 100. And I can go there anytime I want to and pray at my motherfucking church. 

- Jess