The CGI of 1996

Or, The CGI Shitshow of 1996 - though that would definitely hurt its chances of going wildly viral.

Today I'm here to complain. Actually, poke fun at, which is somehow both more lighthearted but also meaner at the same time. And hey, guess what, my target is not modern movies, but instead I've chosen to pick on my beloved 90s Cinema: particularly 1996, and particularly the special effects, and particularly the computer-generated special effects. 

We were treated to some lovely makeup effects that year (Thinner, Bad Moon, The Island of Dr. Moreau) as well as what I consider to be some really good digital effects (Independence Day, Dragonheart, Multiplicity), but for the most part it was a clunky mess and a definite low point in an otherwise solid decade in the advancement of computer artistry. I can't know exactly why everyone got so overzealous at exactly the same time - maybe the triumphs throughout the first half of the 1990s (Terminator 2, Jurassic Park, Forrest Gump, Toy Story) created a wave of overconfidence in the industry. In hindsight, I applaud the experimentation, but when you bite off more than you can chew it can lead to choking (which is actually the literal plot of a lotta these movies). Here are 8 films from 30 years ago that probably coulda used another 20 minutes in the oven before they were ready for public consumption. 

- Paul 

Twister

I was so pumped for this - I was already really into tornadoes at that time, mostly because I'd suddenly become phobic for some reason. In the theater, I thought it was pretty effective, but apart from the overall bigness of it, I think the sound design is what made it work. Now it spends its life on a TV, and we're left only with its dumb story and horrible dialogue and digital dust clouds. Never for a moment do I believe I'm witnessing a weather event; Wizard of Oz was a thousand percent more believable. 

The Frighteners

This was a really neat Mystery that threw in enough comedy and action to get it that much closer to Ghostbusters. Except that Slimer, Stay Puft, The Library Ghost, et al. were considerably more believable than most of the disorienting cartoons that populate this film. FX shots used to demand so much more attention; you could feel the finesse in every storyboarded frame, and every gesture felt intentional. The big baddie in this is like a cloaked ghost that resembles The Grim Reaper, but some vague swirling graphics place it more in the ballpark of Casper rather than Bergman. 

Mission: Impossible

Look, I don't even know what the hell's going on in this movie at any given moment, and yet there's still some compelling suspense - especially the Tom-on-a-rope sequence. One part that isn't suspenseful at all is the entire climax. DePalma once said that he has no interest in car chases, and if he feels the same about animated helicopters chasing animated trains, his apathy is palpable here. I definitely never feel any sense of peril - not even when the really fake looking propeller blade almost stabs Tom in the neck. 

Escape From L.A.

The trend gains momentum here as the veterans start to dabble in software -- and by "dabble" I mean "gamble with their entire reputation". I was never a fan of Escape From New York, but by comparison... holy shit. A lotta money and effort clearly went into some major set decoration here - except for the parts where it didn't because it's so clearly a poorly generated environment. Carpenter never bounced back from this. 

Mars Attacks!

John Carpenter only made three more features after Escape from L.A. -- Tim Burton has made thirteen since this plunge into pixels, and he's never looked back. Fans of this film will promote the excuse that the effects are "intentionally bad" to further perpetuate the ironic campiness of it. What a crock of shit. I'm sure the guy who just wrapped an Ed Wood biopic had a unique understanding of the difference between "bad special effects" and "intentionally bad special effects", and there was certainly nothing "retro" or "nostalgic" about cheap computer animation. (It saddens me to say, but there still isn't.) Alex Cox and effects wizard Phil Tippett had long wanted to make a stop motion version of this material, and in the weird bizarro reality of 1996, Tim Burton managed to make something less cool. 

The Nutty Professor

Rick Baker got the Oscar for his outstanding makeup effects in this movie. You know Rick Baker, the guy who nabbed his first Oscar for the memorable transformation scene in An American Werewolf in London. In fact, I can't speak for everyone, but I feel like the "turning into a wolf" sequence was more effective than the actual wolf. In this film, Eddie Murphy undergoes several transformations between fat and thin, and those are depicted like some commercial for sour candy, with a lotta cartoony bulging effects and fake exaggerated jiggling. So much for the painstaking attention to canine hair growth and fang lengthening. 

From Dusk Till Dawn

Once again! Here we are in the middle of a Makeup FX Extravaganza - an almost homage to the art form, literally featuring superstars of the industry both behind and in front of the camera. KNB created some truly ghastly and inventive stuff, and we still get entirely tripped up on the tough act of "transformation". It'd been 5 years since the Michael Jackson "Black or White" video wowed us all with its use of "morphing technology" and apparently vampires South of the Border employ that very same technology repetitively and excessively, and it all but undermines all that really cool makeup. 

The Arrival

I feel bad picking on the smaller Alien Invasion Movie of that year, but really it's its own fault. I feel like this was on HBO every few minutes, but I seriously remember nothing from it. Well almost nothing. Spoiler (kinda): there's a twist at the end where we learn that one of the supporting characters is actually an alien disguised as a human. We learn this when the "human" suddenly inverts his knees before our eyes and awkwardly saunters off into the horizon. On paper it's sorta creepy, but my reaction even then was more of a wince at its really crude "reveal" - which, who knows, maybe made it creepier. Either way, it leaves an impression.