STRANGER THINGS Insta-Dri Crackle Nail Color

If there's one thing Stranger Things gets right about 1980s nostalgia it's the product tie-ins. This is not revelatory, we as a culture recognized their efforts early on, but once they revived New Coke as a Season 3 promotion it became clear that they were committed to this bit beyond just slapping Eleven's face onto a box of Kleenex. Much like the decade it attempts to recreate, this show sells itself in the grocery store and drive-thru with an aggressive vigilance that I've not seen since George Lucas was making STAR WARS movies - and most of it's connected to junk food. And while the world of t-shirts, trading cards, and posters still exists (to varying degrees), they're nowhere near as readily available as the products you can find in, say, the cosmetics section of CVS.

Stranger Things The Flamethrower! Actually this is cooler - this is like Halloween makeup, a magic trick, and an art project rolled into one. But what initially drew me in was the big cardboard display featuring the "80s" model in the jean jacket and her pet Demogorgon. On it were some eye and lip stuff from Covergirl, and those are entirely too much of a commitment for me, but I did spot an array of Sally Hansen "Crackle" nail colors in four different shades: Rift, Between Worlds, Nether, and Missing. 

I went with "Missing" purely based on its closeness to purple -- but the purple's only gonna show up if I use a base coat first. Frankly this already goes above and beyond the effort I'd typically put into painting my nails, but apparently I need to follow each step kinda closely for this polish to have the desired effect. The idea is that, once applied, the black color is supposed to develop a "cracked" style that's meant to somehow mirror the aesthetics of the show. Do I the have presence to pull off the metaphorical makeup? Fortunately, it came with instructions (and a $2 coupon!). 

Ok so the directions were a little too verbose for something as simple as "apply first layer, let dry, apply second layer". But again, everything about this was so reminiscent of the makeup kits from my trick-or-treating years - particularly the makeup models who've applied these products with a mastery that us civilians rarely achieve. Though I should probably speak for myself, I splash this stuff on with the casual abandon of a discount streetwalker. Or I just don't have steady hands. At any rate, I got most of it on the nails. 

There are lotsa ways to analyze how they came out - my initial reaction was that it looked like I'd simply colored my fingernails with a crayon. But I wasn't playing this game for beautification purposes, I was here solely for the Sally Hansen sorcery that unfolded before my very eyes. And sure enough it did the thing - the black polish shriveled and separated to reveal some slightly lavender highlights, which didn't specifically remind me of Vecna or Winona Ryder or Kate Bush, but the activity itself definitely put me in a seasonal state of mind. Plus I get to rock a set of nails that look like a scuffed up gymnasium floor. Bitchin'. 

- Paul