ROGER CORMAN and CHEESE, part XII: "Dinoshark" and Totino's Combination Pizza Rolls

In the early 2000s, the SciFi Channel publicly disclosed that they'd intended on producing "Roger Corman-esque" feature films for their station. Upon hearing this, Roger Corman contacted SciFi and suggested that they start making real Roger Corman movies. And so, the partnership was born. 

In 2010, after several years of various Creature Features for the channel, Roger and Julie Corman added Dinoshark to the roster. It follows a prehistoric killer fish that gets birthed after some stock footage glaciers crumble into the ocean, freeing the ancient eggs out into the world - all the way to the beaches of Mexico where it interrupts the lives of some attractive people who'd rather be doing fun, sexy things but now they gotta deal with this bullshit. It features Eric Balfour cruising around in a speedboat halfheartedly warning some select acquaintances about the Dinoshark, and also Iva Hasperger taking care of the science stuff and going as far to seek out the wisdom of a dino expert played by Roger Corman. We're in Made-For-TV territory so the sex is relegated to a few gratuitous bikini shots and the violence is mostly ocean water turning red (though some bitten-in-half remains wash ashore and it's pretty gnarly). The Dinoshark itself is sadly too sparse and abstract to be scary or funny - though they do use a physical sculpted head for some closeups which is a little more effective. But mostly it's just a goofy carton fish that they wisely show very little of. 

You know what they say about pizza rolls: "Betcha can't eat just 50!" Because of the dynamics of this classic pizza dish we were able to utilize our Full Moon French Fry Air Fryer, which resulted in minimal to no pizza goo spillage from the "rolls". Otherwise they came out as consistent and reliable as they're known to be, but that observation comes with decades of pizza roll wisdom. If you're not familiar with them, their taste and texture resembles no elements found in your everyday 'za, so the barometer is in a whole other ballpark -- perhaps not unlike our motion picture today; a Made-For-TV Roger Corman SciFi Original Movie comes with specific expectations that may not match those of a movie of a different genre, budget, etc. And while Corman's Drive-In days offered more exciting content than cable, Totino's Pizza Rolls were better when they were Jeno's Pizza Rolls (before the rebrand back in 1993). Point is, we're forced to redirect standards all the time. 

The Movie: C-

The Pizza: A-