9.28.2024

ROGER CORMAN and CHEESE, part I: "School Spirit" and Freschetta Naturally Rising Crust Pepperoni


Welcome to the inaugural entry in our new series in which we get a frozen pizza from the grocery store and watch a Roger Corman movie while we eat it. In his 70-year career, Corman worked on approximately 500 films - as a director, a producer, a distributor, an actor, and sometimes in some secret uncredited capacity, and it is that lengthy library from which we choose, and hopefully we find just the right pie to perfectly pair with the picture. 


For this first installment we started soft: a College Sex Comedy from 1985 called School Spirit. Tom Nolan plays Billy, a college jock who gets killed in a car accident during a late night condom run. Once his soul leaves the operating table he meets up with the ghost of his dead uncle, and through a long stretch of exposition that we didn't really pay close attention to, Billy is granted some extra time on Earth - long enough to engage in the "Hog Day" party that closes out the film. So as a ghost, Billy can still walk around and interact verbally and physically as though he's alive, but he retains the power to make himself invisible, granting him access to girls' dorms and locker rooms and even harassing his pompous nerdy nemesis by dumping his lunch and tying his shoes together. These hijinks are the marrow of the movie, but they don't become monotonous (sadly) because there's a whole lotta plot forced in about Billy finding true love and the college receiving money and how that's being jeopardized - all leading up to the big party climax that features a topless slip 'n' slide and some dazzling optical effects that add an extra thirty bucks to the production value. It gets real dull in the middle, but it starts and finishes with a lotta energy. The cast is mostly likable even when the characters aren't: the standouts are Marta Kober (from Friday the 13th Part 2) as the dean's daughter, and Brian Frishman whose pleasantly chill disposition places him amongst the ranks of Jeff Spicoli, Bill S. Preston, and Michelangelo. Roughly 20 minutes into the movie we forget entirely that Billy is a ghost, largely because he's just another character in the cast and it's rarely addressed. Still, it's a more compelling story about the afterlife than Beetlejuice 2.


We've fallen for "rising crust" before and just took whatever they gave us - but this shit was risen; we can usually put away one pizza each but these were bulky enough to make it a struggle. The consistency was airy and a little like school lunch pizza but not in the best way: slightly too dry and coagulated. Also the edges burned while the center remained underdone. Nevertheless, nostalgia wields its sorcery and magically moistens our mozzarella just enough to put a smile of reminiscence on our face, and suddenly we're in the 1980s eating reheated pepperoni and watching a movie with, like, a hundred boobs in it. 

The Movie: C+
The Pizza: B

9.22.2024

TOYS ARE US : Mega Gross Minis


I'll never not be ambivalent to brag about how cool a lotta the stuff was when I was growing up - movies, television, and, of course, toys. (This is not a millennial thing, this is a characteristic of every post-Depression generation.) And I'd say (and you'd say, and pretty much everyone does say) that there was a noticeable spike in gross out playthings in the 1990s and they were all a direct footprint left by Madballs, Garbage Pail Kids, Fangoria, Ghostbusting culture, and all the other putrid pioneers of the previous decade; slime sells, and the corporate realization of that fact was perfectly aligned with my youth. 


I was never a fan of the messy stuff - I was too lazy to participate in the "cleanup" portion. What I did find attractive during this trend were the blatantly morbid moods that they infused into mainstream make-believe; snot and bugs aside, there was a lotta death and decay as a general theme and everyone was cool with it (us kids especially). Not that we had a preoccupation with dying, but like Heavy Metal and Halloween these kindsa toys were my age group's tangible connection to the Horror genre. And so we ended up with a lotta skulls and corpses and body parts, and I know I personally didn't care about the context: it all just looked so cool to me. That's why, for me, the most attractive thing to come out of this craze was Topps Wacky Packages


Predating Garbage Pail Kids by nearly 20 years, Wacky Packs reared their ugly, smelly, slimy head again for a minute in the mid 80s and again in 1991 (as I fondly recalled in detail here) and they awoke in me a lustful appreciation for the beauty of commercial art - and green barf and brown stink clouds. And it's because of this adoration that I had an immediate attraction to Zuru's Mega Gross Minis.



Distributed in plastic spheres at $10 a shot, Mega Gross Minis contains "5 barf worthy surprises that will have you feeling green." Though within the one I purchased there were 3 "parody minis" accompanied by a tiny magnifying glass and a condiment packet full of green slime (presumably to drizzle directly onto your prizes), so I'm feeling like the tool and the topping come standard and we really only get the 3 toys.






Wacky Packs have done similar things -- releasing little three-dimensional rubber reproductions of their two-dimensional artwork -- and they're just delightful. These Gross Minis are sorta the real deal though: articulate but durable sculptures that seamlessly resemble the products they're parodying. My very subjective complaint is that the modern products (and their respective labels) are often as accurately boring as they are in real life - though a few accents of vomit make them much more alive and colorful.


I don't know that I'd keep up with these, mostly because I don't have the space or the stamina to amass even more tiny plastic pieces of shit. I do really want that "Snotverse" sneaker that seems to be the leader of the pack, and of course there are chase variants like glow-in-the-dark versions and "stinky scented" surprises that stimulate my collecting gland a bit, but a $10 addiction seems risky right now. Though Zuru has already announced a "Series 2" that seems to double down on the yuck, which gleefully leads me to believe that current generations are just as down with the sickness as I was and continue to be.

- Paul

9.18.2024

Bennett Media's TOTALLY DISGUSTING HALLOWEEN PUKE PARTY!

Hey sickos! Who's ready to barf?! Do you like eyeballs and guts and bloody veins and pus? How about cannibalism, sexual perversions, and unnecessary surgeries? Whatever grosses you out is our bread & better this season as we celebrate Bennett Media's TOTALLY DISGUSTING HALLOWEEN PUKE PARTY! We might be revisiting some of the sick flicks we never really wanted to see again, and we might even look at some of the stuff we never really wanted to witness in the first place. And to add chaos to the carnage, there will be snacks - lots o' funky food and beverage intake because what's the fun of nausea on an empty stomach? So look forward to throw up. And entrails and boogers and toxic waste and frothy yellow discharge and ectoplasmic residue. It's gonna get wet.


9.12.2024

NAME THAT MOVIE!

Okay one more of these before the big show starts, so don't take too long with this because we're about to switch gears in ways that will demand the entirety of your brains and your guts. The last round was left incomplete so no pressure - feel free to join in before it starts to smell nasty in here. See you on the other side, Ray.



EASY





FAIR





DIFFICULT