9.27.2023

NAME THAT MOVIE!

Sorta ran outta time with the last round but if you didn't get 'em yet you ain't gonna. Doesn't matter, we're moving on to placid lakes and wooden stakes as we present our semiannual NAME THAT (HORROR) MOVIE! challenge. And if you've been following the theme then you've figured out that each frame below is from the 1990s, so you've already got one bloody foot in the door.

Welcome to hell, motherfuckers. 




EASY





FAIR





DIFFICULT







9.24.2023

MY FAVORITE EPISODES part eight


Throughout the 90s, the "Halloween Episode" was left largely (though not entirely) to Children's Programming. And rightly so; apart from being a kids' holiday, this was the decade when television predictably (and maybe shrewdly) shifted the focus group that much more toward the youth, evidenced by MTV, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, TGIF, and everything else that was more popular than everything else. Gone were the dry "costume balls" of Adult Dramas - now we could focus on legit Halloween parties and ghost stories and trick or treating as a narrative thread. (For the most part anyway.)

- Paul


Fraiser
"Halloween" (season 5)

Sure there were still grownup shows depicting their pompous polite versions of Halloween often utilizing the "silly costume" or "mistaken identity" or "anonymous romance" banalities, but that's almost kinda why Frasier works in general as it satirizes the stuffiness - as exemplified in the over-the-top hijinks you find in this episode or any other well-crafted sitcom. There's clearly nothing spooky going on here, but a more seasoned intellect has the capacity to recognize and appreciate ancillary modes of observance in any given season. (I hope you read that in a Frasier Crane voice.) 


Clarissa Explains It All
"Haunted House" (season 1)

Clarissa's overbearing Aunt Mafada comes to stay with the Darlings for a period of time, and Clarissa tries to scare her off with a fake haunting and a staged seance to contact Mafada's late husband Owen. Not directly related to Halloween, but the communicating with the dead prank is a hallmark of sitcom shenanigans and allows the lighting department and foley artist to break out of their respective routines and get creative. 


Blossom
"All Hallow's Eve" (season 3)

Another Halloween TV trope is the guy in drag sight gag mostly to set up the punchline of watching them get hit on by some aggressive slob who's "never seen a woman as beautiful" as them. Delightful! Blossom's brother, father, and grandfather dress as Wilson Phillips and go off on their own subplot to endure said cliché while Blossom and Six stay home to watch Halloween, Friday the 13th, and Night of the Living Dead during a conspicuously-timed thunderstorm. Meanwhile Joey is locked out of the house and trying to get back in, inadvertently scaring the girls into thinking he's some typical slasher. This thread is what a Halloween episode should be. 


Mr. Show with Bob and David
"Eat Rotten Fruit From a Shitty Tree" (season 4)

It's a sketch show so it's more of a Halloween segment, and even that's a stretch. The bit is presented as a 90s infotainment exposé exploring the origins of midcentury novelty songs about "Monster Parties" like "Halloween Shindig" and "Dracula's Pajama Party" during which there was plasma pizza, a blood balloon race, bobbing for brains, etc. The joke is that all the songs were penned by a burnt out singer/songwriter/necrophiliac claiming all the lyrics were based on personal experience. Not their strongest concept but it fits in with this list. 


Beavis and Butt-head
"Bungholio: Lord of the Harvest" (season 6)

They're always tryna get chicks which is crudely endearing, but they're also always tryna get food which is woefully troubling and raises that rare question: What's their deal? Where are their guardians? Anyway once they learn the mechanics of trick or treating they venture off in search of free candy, consistently turned away because of their age. That is until gullible old Anderson inattentively allows Beavis to gorge on his handouts, thus unleashing The Great Cornholio into the night to reign terror on children and parents, culminating into the best Halloween Episode ending of all time. 

9.20.2023

BENNETT INVENTORY : That Moment (Scariest Horror Movie Moments of the 90s Edition!)


Horror in the 1980s felt grounded in something: themes, style, plot, mood, predictability. But in the 1990s there were a lot of new, creative, weird, occasionally satirical, sometimes dumb ideas, making the decade substantially unpredictable; and that unpredictability caused an uneasiness that could sometimes be scary. In fact, that's a major difference for me between these two clearly defined decades of Horror Cinema: the 90s had more legitimate scares on average than perhaps any other period of time. I'm serious! We may not've gotten the parade of Halloween costumes and magazine pinups that poured out of the 80s, but we did get a whole lotta fright, and that feels like the greater accomplishment. 

Not many movie things scare me - more likely to bum me out, gross me out, or cause me to jump with some cheap auditory sting - but the better part of the monsters and madmen that infected my thoughts and haunted my dreams came from the final decade of the 20th century, particularly these 5 moments. 

- Paul


From Dusk Till Dawn
A mean motherfuckin' servant of God

Upon its release, no one didn't point out the dramatic shift from Crime Thriller to Gorefest halfway through the picture, often noting the first half was more engrossing and punctilious than the mindless mayhem following the pace change. I disagree. The second half maintains the sharp dialogue, and the plot twists and developments are even more elaborate than the humdrum hostage smokescreen in the setup. But the biggest and best surprise comes when the background dread of angry bats all come flooding into the Titty Twister at once and we know we're fucked. And in one of the greatest reveal shots in Horror Movie History, we find out just how fucked we are. 


Innocent Blood
Italian food

Shortly before From Dusk Till Dawn's flesh eating demon versions of "vampires" I'd always been used to the suave, gentle, "you're gonna feel a slight pinch" vampire. This was the first time I'd seen an animalistic, carnivorous attack complete with generic wildcat roars and sloppy consumption the likes of which I'd not witnessed since Landis's own Werewolf in London. Out of the dozens of vampire flicks released just in the 90s alone, this one felt the most real. 


Lord of Illusions
Homecoming Time

When former cult followers learn of their leader's resurrection, they immediately and gruesomely cut ties with their current lives, casually murdering their respective families, coworkers, etc. It's the darkest and most depressing thing Clive's ever put on screen, but it was only ever scary to me as a kid - not as such that a loved one would kill me, but that they're secretly this other person whose allegiance lies elsewhere.


Jacob's Ladder
Tail from the Darkside

If this film feels kinda ambiguous by the end, just try and remember how it feels at the beginning! The movie's mood (though the movie itself is a mood) is put in place pretty quickly and this introductory scene salts the wound immediately; in a very subtle and simple practical makeup effect, Jacob possibly glimpses a reptilian tail hanging out of the tattered clothes of a homeless subway dweller. Dimly lit, no music cue, just a horrible omen foreshadowing the gross, dark world of unpredictable foreboding that we're stuck in right along with him. 


The Blair Witch Project
Ghost kids

The movie has one speed, and that speed is white knuckle panic, so whenever there was any kinda bite, however big or small, it bit like a bitch. The "creepy kids" chestnut typically does nothing for me, but laughter in the dark approaching unseen, leading up to some formless violent chaos conveyed a paralyzing vulnerability that makes me feel unsafe even after the movie's over. It's The Greatest Horror Movie Moment of the 1990s. 

9.17.2023

I always had a thing for you, Sid


The 90s is famous for horror, but not with me. It is the absolute worst decade for the genre, and is filled with the worst writing, crustiest acting, and the shittiest everything. I remember when Scream came out. It was the event of 7th grade. You were lucky if you had a cool parent that would take you, or a friend's Mom that would do the ticket swap once you crossed the ticket-take threshold. I couldn't wait. Being an enormous A Nightmare on Elm Street fan, I was pumped. This was said to be Wes Craven's ultimate return to horror - a gore fest teen murder mystery, with a comedic edge. I was sold. 

   The opening scene sucked me right in. Being a lifelong lover of E.T., I loved seeing Drew Barrymore get gutted and hung from a tree. She had the right scream. The entire scene is tense and promised a frightening and wild ride. You even feel sadness for the parents that discover her. It's traumatizing.


   Sadly, the movie comes to a screeching halt there. Powered by a boring script by none other than Dawson's Creek helmer, Kevin Williamson, we are left with just over an hour of running around and obvious jump scares. The shocking plot twist at the end is obvious, cheesy, and gives fright a bad name. 
In fact, the only thing going for the remaining runtime were Rose McGowan's amazing melons. It's actually what got me to manipulate my way back to see it in the theater an additional two more times. Those hard nips behind that neon green top were worth sitting through that tripe. At that tender age, you takes what you can gets. 


   Fast forward to the present, and in the spirit of our special theme, and revisiting the garbage released back then, we kicked off our season with watching this bore. I very much felt like I was watching it with fresh eyes, especially since I didn't have to wait for Rose's breasts, as there have been other features subsequently containing the duo, and having grown up with hardcore pornography. 
 
   Drew's opening sequence held up, and I still felt tense when she almost gets away, as her parents arrive home. While the screenplay was more dreadful than ever, there were performances that made me smile. Henry Winkler, in his small role as the Woodsboro High School Principal, was perfect. He was very effective in attempting to mislead the audience into thinking he was the killer; taunting his students with a pair of scissors after they pranked their school in garish costumes. And while Billy, played by Skeet Ulrich, is supposed to be the handsome ultimate bad boy lead that we are supposed love, I was taken with Stu, played by Matthew Lillard. So few movies actually make me laugh out loud, and his whole performance at the final showdown had me in stitches. Playing insane sounds easy, but it can be overdone, and he does it perfectly: frothing, drooling, and nearly sexually assaulting the heroine in his final moments. 


   Overall, I liked it better. Still not list-worthy as one of the best ever, but it's a little fun. A perfect popcorn movie, where you can be on your phone and you're not missing anything. 

- Jess

9.14.2023

Bennett Media's ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE 90s?

Do you like scary movies? If so, please take a moment to review our engagement survey regarding which ads you've seen on this site. 

We kid. You'd think after 3 months of eating, sleeping, and having sex with the year that was 1993, we'd run screaming into the woods of Burkittsville at the thought of spending even one more minute in the halls of the post-Cold War decade. But this isn't in spite of it, it's because of it: '93 was a noticeably feeble year for frights, so this season we're exploring the entire ten year period of mimics and relics, species and subspecies, candymen and ice cream men, as Bennett Media presents ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE 90s?. We've always been vocal about our love of this uneven era of all things Horror and so we're asking you to disregard what we did last summer and join us for a frightfully fresh journey back into the 1990s.

I feel like saying more but I don't wanna ruin the surprise. 


9.10.2023