I always had a thing for you, Sid

The 90s is famous for horror, but not with me. It is the absolute worst decade for the genre, and is filled with the worst writing, crustiest acting, and the shittiest everything. I remember when Scream came out. It was the event of 7th grade. You were lucky if you had a cool parent that would take you, or a friend's Mom that would do the ticket swap once you crossed the ticket-take threshold. I couldn't wait. Being an enormous A Nightmare on Elm Street fan, I was pumped. This was said to be Wes Craven's ultimate return to horror - a gore fest teen murder mystery, with a comedic edge. I was sold. 

   The opening scene sucked me right in. Being a lifelong lover of E.T., I loved seeing Drew Barrymore get gutted and hung from a tree. She had the right scream. The entire scene is tense and promised a frightening and wild ride. You even feel sadness for the parents that discover her. It's traumatizing.

   Sadly, the movie comes to a screeching halt there. Powered by a boring script by none other than Dawson's Creek helmer, Kevin Williamson, we are left with just over an hour of running around and obvious jump scares. The shocking plot twist at the end is obvious, cheesy, and gives fright a bad name. 

In fact, the only thing going for the remaining runtime were Rose McGowan's amazing melons. It's actually what got me to manipulate my way back to see it in the theater an additional two more times. Those hard nips behind that neon green top were worth sitting through that tripe. At that tender age, you takes what you can gets. 

   Fast forward to the present, and in the spirit of our special theme, and revisiting the garbage released back then, we kicked off our season with watching this bore. I very much felt like I was watching it with fresh eyes, especially since I didn't have to wait for Rose's breasts, as there have been other features subsequently containing the duo, and having grown up with hardcore pornography. 

 

   Drew's opening sequence held up, and I still felt tense when she almost gets away, as her parents arrive home. While the screenplay was more dreadful than ever, there were performances that made me smile. Henry Winkler, in his small role as the Woodsboro High School Principal, was perfect. He was very effective in attempting to mislead the audience into thinking he was the killer; taunting his students with a pair of scissors after they pranked their school in garish costumes. And while Billy, played by Skeet Ulrich, is supposed to be the handsome ultimate bad boy lead that we are supposed love, I was taken with Stu, played by Matthew Lillard. So few movies actually make me laugh out loud, and his whole performance at the final showdown had me in stitches. Playing insane sounds easy, but it can be overdone, and he does it perfectly: frothing, drooling, and nearly sexually assaulting the heroine in his final moments. 

   Overall, I liked it better. Still not list-worthy as one of the best ever, but it's a little fun. A perfect popcorn movie, where you can be on your phone and you're not missing anything. 

- Jess