McDonald's, As Featured In...

In their newest promotional campaign not aimed at children, The House That Ronald Built is harnessing their most superficial grasp of nostalgia to date by paying it forward to a few of the films, TV shows, and songs that indulged in the contract of product placement with ol' McDonald's. Some were casual references, some were seamless plugs, all required clearance. 

This is the foundation for unveiling The 'As Featured In' Meals consisting of what they're calling "new menu items" which is entirely misleading as they're just combos consisting of their old menu items. Example: The "As Featured In Seinfeld" meal will consist of a Big Mac and fries because the Big Mac is mentioned in a season 3 episode of the show. 

If this feels arbitrary or laughably deficient it's because this is all a thinly veiled smokescreen to beef up their halfhearted tie-in to the new season of Disney's Loki. Gone are the days of expertly crafted drinking glasses or (gasp!) candy colored Happy Meal toys because all that jazz is too childish. No, these are just regular grownup meals because grown ass people watch this stuff and Mickey D's is for McAdults, fool. 

This is a powerful gimmick they've unleashed here -- as McDonald's Global Chief Marketing Officer Morgan Flatley put it, "The As Featured In meal is our biggest Famous Order yet..." whatever the hell that means. But on a personal note, it provokes my frustrations with McDonald's as well as Marvel, but also titillates my kink of fast food and media. If you've ever spent 10 seconds on this site you know how fanatical we are about food on the screen and how we like to dine with the characters with the most similar menu possible. And now our biggest corporate adversary has purloined our lifestyle for financial gain so that we may enjoy our 10 pc. McNugget that much more when we peep the brief glance of a McDonald's sign in The Fifth Element. What I'm saying is: they're doing it wrong. 

Their pop culture list is spotty at best - Blankman and Richie Rich are inspired choices but that's about it; most of the others are too abstract or peripheral to "count" as McDonald's Movies in my book (and you know I got a book). The social media response was loud and unanimous (and I've of course mentioned it here): Why not Pulp Fiction? I would've nominated Santa Claus: The Movie, that's certainly on my list (though we're outta season here). They've also excluded Mac and Me. Did you read that? Because I'm gonna write it again. They goddamn excluded Mac and Me from their bullshit promotional farce because they have no sense of: fun, irony, business, and the zeitgeist of any given moment. There are certainly strong references in Fargo and Big Daddy, but instead they've chosen I'm Not Rappaport and Tokyo Drift(?). 

Obviously yes, they've struck a deal with a handful of other conglomerates and can't really move outside of those, but it's fun to sit here and debate; this is, after all, aimed at me in a lotta ways, and if it wasn't for their approach, execution, advertising, and content, they'd really have something here. I say consult The Expert - put me in charge of this song and dance, and you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee. 

- Paul

Super Size Breakfast

Super Size Me

6 Hotcakes

Double Quarter Pounder Egg McMuffin

1 Hash Brown

Orange Juice (any size)

ketchup packets

Kevin Franklin Extra Value Mega Meal w. Cheese

Houseguest

Bic Mac

Quarter Pounder w. Cheese

Double Quarter Pounder w. Cheese

McLean Deluxe w. Cheese

Cheeseburger w. Cheese

Large Fry

Large Drink

-- Only $10.87! --

McDonald's At Home

Raw

Green Pepper Onion Egg Paprika Hamburger w. Ketchup on Wonder Bread

Divorced Dad Depression Meal

Bye Bye Love

Garden Salad

Medium Fry

Coffee (any size) 

4 pc. McNugget Happy Meal

Warlord Sampler

Saturday Night Live

Filet-O-Fish

McChicken Sandwich

Double Cheeseburger w. extra pickles

Sausage Patties

McDLT

McRib

Chocolate Shake

Hot Apple Pie

choice of dipping sauce

The Fuckin' Good Hamburger

Hit!

2 Hamburgers

2 Medium Fries

2 Drinks (any size)

-- all presented in retro 1975 packaging --