STATIC SHOTS

It Came From FANGORIA ep. 6

WEIRD STUFF :: Rasputin and My Mom

When I was like 8 or 9, I got real big into paranormal literature. I don't mean like Goosebumps - I'd go to the library and check out all kindsa textbooks and glossaries and collected essays dealing with real life weird stuff: ghosts, aliens, monsters, folklore, et al. The ratio of probability from leprechauns to Loch Ness, the difference between trolls and goblins, the myths and facts of Vlad the Impaler - this was all more intellectually stimulating than whatever school was feeding me at the time, and has proven to be entirely more useful in my adult life. 

It was rare that I could actually find one of these books for purchase. And of the few I acquired, I thankfully (and purposefully) managed to hang onto this one: Mysterious Powers, a first edition from 1975.

Dealing largely with ESP, telekinesis, and mind powers in general, it's really an area in which I've never had a ton of interest. But I've hung onto it for however many decades, specifically for the short passage concerning Rasputin. 

In a chapter titled "Three Modern Magicians" we get brief summary of the life (and totally awesome death) of Grigori Rasputin and his powers as a fortuneteller and healer, which made him extremely popular with Russian royalty. But more than that, the author is most excited to drive home the details of Rasputin's debaucherous lifestyle - deliberately incorporating this photo of the holy man surrounded by some female comrades. 

Seated immediately to his right is his daughter, Maria, but it's seriously implied that Rasputin probably nailed all these broads at some point. And under normal circumstances I'd say good for him and his 13 inches of mysticism, except there's something specifically and thoroughly off-putting about this picture, and it stood out to me immediately. 

This photo was taken at my grandmother's apartment in 1981. My mother is seated second from the left. I chose this picture because of the angle and the lighting and her age at the time to help better illustrate what I think is an arresting and mysterious physical similarity...

This example cannot truly do justice to this weirdness. You sorta had to've known her and been aware of her facial expressions to appreciate the full impact of the plain truth that the woman in the Rasputin photograph looks exactly like my mom. I showed the book to family members, neighborhood kids, even to her, just to get the same reaction of shock & awe and to confirm what was obvious to me.

I've seen things like this before: old black & white photos of people that vaguely resemble current celebrities and it's good for a giggle. Except 1. this is hardly a vague resemblance - this is doppelgänger shit, and so 2. it wouldn't be as alarming were it not tied into some sinister soothsayer from a century ago. 

I can't really assign any kinda meaning to it. Rasputin could predict the future with great accuracy and he was able to heal the infirm simply through the power of suggestion - but I'm not sure how any of that amalgamates with the theory of reincarnation or whatever it is that's going on here. Astral projection? Time travel? Mom didn't have any answers; no past life recognition or any incarnation awareness. Though she herself seemed to have a second sight in certain situations, and she certainly could act as a healer as any competent mother could. But if we're acting under the assumption that this isn't some incidental graphic illusion and that there actually is some sorta metaphysical wizardry going on here, I've certainly never been able to decipher the sings - particularly the happenstance that this weird ass book published in the U.K. found its way to me over 30 years ago and doesn't seem to wanna die. There's been adequate balance in my life, thus I can discredit any potential blessing or curse, and if it were ever any kinda omen or message, I can't hear it. So for now, its sole purpose is that which befalls all things that exist or have ever existed throughout the history of the entire universe: it's on the internet.

- Paul

Black Sundae

STATIC SHOTS

A Blade in the Dark (1983)

BENNETT INVENTORY : That Moment (Heavy Metal Horror Movie Edition!)

Heavy metal and horror go hand in hand. Their lyrics are very often about Satan worship, death, and evil. The guitar riffs alone send your heart pounding to the edge of oblivion. And if used to accentuate a particularly brutal scene, you can be sent straight to hell. Is there anywhere else that you'd rather be this Halloween season? I think not.

- Babes

7.  The Boys in the Trees - "The Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson

   This is a quiet little movie that takes place in Halloween in the late 90s in Australia. Music for the film was very important to the auteur who made it. And who was the maestro of metal during that time? None other than "The God of Fuck". Director Nicolas Verso wrote to Manson swooning over his love of his music embodiment and begged him to use this song. What we get is one of the greatest "getting ready for Halloween night" sequences ever.

6. Gremlins 2: The New Batch - "Angel of Death" by Slayer

   The Spider Gremlin is one of the best special effects of all time and Joe Dante knew it. He showcased his creature using this slamming head banger. 

5. Phenomena - "Flash of the Blade" by Iron Maiden

   This film is rock and roll beginning to end, but nothing can trump it's iconic usage of the Maiden. It brings you right to your feet and running for your life right with the character.

4. Night of the Demons - "Stigmata Martyr" by Bauhaus

   I find it appropriate that a demon would become sexual and turned on during a metal song; writhing around, dancing erotically and showing her body. It's hot, dirty, and pure evil. 

3. Demons - "Night Danger" by Pretty Maids

   The only two reason to watch the Demons movies are for the superior gross out effects and killer score/soundtracks. They really have no plot or stories to be told. But you will pump your fist in the air, and watch in horror during a particularly gruesome crowd/mayhem/slaughter scene, as the soundtrack kicks into high gear.  

2. Rocktober Blood - "Im Back" by Sorcery

  Every time we turn on Shudder, since mid September, this movie is playing on the Slashics channel, at the exact rockin' scene. And thus, this has become the song of the season.

1. The Devil's Candy - "By Demons Be Driven" by Pantera

   A movie about a metal obsessed family whose artist father becomes possessed. The demon takes hold of him, and out pours a monstrous creation, all set to this sinister hymn. 

SKY BAR :: Return of the Living Dead Candy Bar

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, set it on fire."

- George Carlin

Not everything goes away - just the stuff we love. How often have you nailed down a favorite brand of corned beef or personal lubricant only to find the grocery store stops carrying it without warning? More often than not, it's the snacks & sweets that come into our lives, seduce us, and then never call again. Sometimes they'll caution us with a disclaimer of "Limited Edition" so we know it's nothing serious. But sometimes even the longest-term relationship can blindside us through no fault of our own - much like in 2018 when Necco stopped manufacturing one of the greatest candy bars of all time: the Sky Bar. 

The New England Candy Company (Necco) was formed in 1901 and in the century that followed they became best known for Clark Bars, Sweethearts, Necco Wafers, Peach Blossoms, Candy Buttons, Squirrel Nut Zippers, and the cleverly complex Sky Bar. When the company was sold (and immediately dismantled) in 2018, some of the brands were sold off to other companies who continued to manufacture them -- sometimes keeping the "Necco" as part of the name.

The Sky Bar recipe went unclaimed and appeared to be a casualty of this collapse, until an online auction was held in September '18 wherein a local shop owner (local to me but also to the original home of the candy) bid on and won the rights. And bless her for doing so because she took her newly acquired privilege and power and proceeded to do everything right: she opened a candy store/factory(!) in Sudbury, Massachusetts, next door to her current whatnot shop in the same strip mall - and simply called it "Sky Bar."

She preserved the name, the logo, the wrapper, the flavors, and made it all entirely accessible to locals as well as online. And while the draw of the store is the resurrected candy itself, it's also full of a wide variety of standards and oddities, as well as a large window that allows shoppers to peep the "factory." 

If you've never had one: my stock description is "a box of chocolates in a candy bar." It's four pieces, held together like a Kit Kat, and each piece has a different cream filling: caramel, vanilla, peanut, and fudge. So it's always a mild surprise if you don't know from which end you're starting, but most importantly, there're really no losers in this lineup. 

This is a situation where the scarcity isn't really a turn on; I was perfectly pleased when they were more readily available at more locations. But I'm not so unsophisticated or faultfinding to not appreciate my geographical advantage in this otherwise burdensome turn of events. For as long as this store stays open (which has already survived waaayyy longer than I'd anticipated), it's an adequately pleasant 45 minute drive through upscale New England neighborhoods to get to a Sky Bar. But believe me, I wouldn't do that shit for a Snickers. 

- Paul

I'll have what they're having

Not all meals require a movie, but some movies require a meal, because once you reach that moment you're gonna find yourself getting jealous of the characters on the screen. But it's always been more than that - it's about experiencing the movie on an additional sensory level. Not unlike the movie theater gimmicks used between the 1950s and 1970s (vibrating seats, Smell-O-Vision, Sensurround, barf bags, 3D), a screen-accurate food or beverage can bring you that much closer to the action. If that sounds pretentious and/or juvenile, you can go straight to hell.

This practice is a year round, lifelong thing for me, and this year and this season is certainly no exception. Obviously the centerpiece is always the Little Monsters sandwich, but as Horror Cinema dominates my viewing time, there are a handful of features that whet my appetite in an unironic way; it's never satirical like pea soup or fava beans, but there are a few that require some compromise and imagination.

Are you ready for your soup?

- Paul

Psycho - Sandwiches

More like some kinda sandwich platter with sliced bread and various spreads and condiments and toppings. Not really hearty enough for a rainy night, but the buffet-style approach is perfect for a last supper.

The Monster Squad - Burgers & fries

It looks like Burger King packaging from that time, but I can't spot the logo. It's for the best - you can choose your combo from any takeout place and still play along. 

The Witches - Soup

Soup is like the food of Children's Lit; ever since I was little I was like "soup and porridge is where it's at apparently." As a grownup, it's consistently a tepid disappointment. But I'll be cursed if this movie doesn't make it look appetizing. 

Wolf - Peanut butter & jelly

So when I think of this movie, I think of this scene first. The joke is that these are two wealthy people (played by two wealthy people) slumming it on peasant food. But despite the presence of grape jelly, they make it look so fucking good. 

Death Proof - Nachos

Quentin's gonna make any food list...

I had zero interest in nachos until Stuntman Mike made them look so disgustingly decadent. And I can attest to their sloppy goodness: I've been to the Texas Chili Parlor in Austin and had this very Grande Platter. That's commitment to a bit.

Hannibal - Paul Krendler's brain

I don't know what to tell you. Maybe not fresh outta Ray Liotta's head, but leave it to the Dr. to make it look presentable. At the very least you can join in at home with the crackers and dried fruit stuff. 

Young Frankenstein - Unspecified supper

Prior to the "yummy" Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte, there are plates of muddled black & white food that are even tougher to decipher once it's been touched. My whole life I've just assumed it's some kinda meat & potato thing with peas or other vegetables, so this movie requires a little prep work to do it right. (Or a Swanson's).

The Shining - Bacon & eggs

The kitchen is full of food and a lot of it's talked about, but the most explicit depiction of a prepared meal is also the only mildly sweet moment in this tide of terror. And it's stuff like this that always makes me wonder: is that how Jack Nicholson takes his eggs, or is it how Jack Torrance takes his eggs? I'm sure there was a discussion. 

Prince of Darkness - King of Snacks

Pizza and Chinese food?! I know this is supposed to be a phantasmagorical allegory, but Jesus. And it goes beyond that; this sorta office party/stakeout storyline demands that they also have Oreos and Kool-Aid and soda and just a whole galaxy of garbage to ease the stress of dealing with the Dark Lord. 

The Slumber Party Massacre Trilogy - Pizza

Let's face it: 'za goes with pretty much every movie ever. And then there's a long list of legit "pizza movies." And then there's the Slumber Party Massacre movies: the official year round go-to pizza-pie threesome that enhances your pepperoni proportionately to the other way around.