2.13.2022

I Seek The Grail(s)!


I got a lotta shit. We've looked at a lot of it together, you & I, and we'll continue to do so whether you like it or not. In the meantime, we need to take a look at the shit I don't got; these are the big ones I wish I could whip out to impress you all, but I've yet to be endowed as such. These are things -- real, tangible things that are out there, out of my reach, yet they define me in an almost mathematically correct way. I'm not so enlightened that I'm beyond the value of material possessions - on the contrary, I find them to be one of the most fun and fascinating facets of existence. So I have no shame in admitting that, without these treasures in my arsenal, I am but merely an abstraction of my full potential. Join me in yearning.

- Paul


Zelda II store display

Store displays of any kind are topnotch riches - because of their scarcity, but mostly because of their beauty. So this gorgeous cardboard monument to one of my favorite video games will never not be on my radar. Also, for all its popularity upon its release, folks don't have a lotta love for this installment in the Zelda franchise anymore - which only intensifies my belief that this piece of art should only belong to me.
Estimated Value: $10,000.00


Freddy Krueger vending machine sticker

Vending machine stickers are still a thing - kinda. You can usually still grab some at the supermarket outta machines that now resemble the charred Chrysler LeBaron at the end of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. But back in the late 80s, they seemed to be everywhere - up to & including my local roller rink, which is where I actually acquired and once owned this now-lost Elm Street sticker. It clung to my dresser drawer, illuminated in my blood-red nightlight, making sure I never slept again. I had a handful of these Horror-themed stickers, but this one is still my dream master. 
Estimated Value: $40.00


Thing t-shirt

The '91 Addams Family movie was merchandised exquisitely, and I ate its cereal and hung its posters and wore its clothes. I had an Uncle Fester t-shirt featuring Christopher Lloyd's big bald head (that I believe glowed in the dark) and I felt like magic every time I wore it. But my favorite character was (and is) Thing, and I kept a sharp eye for anything adorning the disembodied paw (hopefully a shirt). It was not to be... at least not in the US of A. Apparently, this glorious piece of fashion was reserved for Australia only.
Estimated Value: $270.00


A Clockwork Orange theater programme

Alongside the iconic movie poster, Philip Castle designed tons of tantalizing images directly related to the movie, and a lotta them were compiled into this British brochure that was sold in theaters during the film's first run. 'Kubrick collectibles' is hardly an existing niche, but it's one I'd like to be a part of.
Estimated Value: $200.00


Fangoria #1

Tough to swallow that I don't already own this. The reason for that is that I'm hardly every actively chasing it - when I seek out whatever handful of Fangos I'm missing, I typically gravitate towards the articles or covers that seem most attractive. I keep stepping over this one because of its elusiveness, its price, and its crude (though I'm sure charming) content.
Someday. 
Estimated Value: $100.00


Dick Tracy McDonald's display

This is The One.
I diligently described the gravity of this grail some time ago, but ultimately its importance lies within the fact that this monument to mugshots (and McDonald's) is what sparked my lifelong obsession with this movie. And rightly so! I mean look at it: it includes nearly every gorgeous gangster that appears in the film, highlighted by a contrasting rainbow of solid hues and 3D fonts, culminating into the superlative summit of Big Boy and Big Macs. I never saw it again.
Estimated Value: n/a


"Black Album" poster

If you've kept up, you're aware of my continual declarations of squishy lust for the poster that came with The Beatles' 1968 "White Album." Well here's another clue for you all: a bootleg compilation known as "The Black Album" began circulating in the early 1980s, which consisted solely of outtakes from the Let It Be (or as we now refer to them, the Get Back) sessions. Additionally, it came with a compositionally similar (though entirely different) poster. The only way I can analogize it is: Van Gogh made roughly 20 versions of The Starry Night, and if you're a fan, each one carries as much weight as the next. Context aside, this poster knows just what I like. 
Estimated Value: $200.00


Malibu Spice poster

Adult movie posters in the 1970s were such arresting works of art that they made mainstream movie posters look like... well, like as bad as they look today. They weren't as great in the 80s - mostly swapping out elaborate illustrations and boudoir photography for straightforward 'pinups,' which has its own appeal -- particularly when the pinup is Jeanna Fine. I'm actually an enormous fan of this film, and when you pair that with the shortage of original "video posters," you've got one desirable piece of Pop to pursue.
Estimated Value: $250.00


Russ Meyer movie collection

In a way, this box of bliss doesn't actually exist - not in a regionally-compatible sense of the word. Over in Europe, they be watchin' beautifully packaged Russ Meyer discs for days, while I'm in the land of the free greasing up my DVD-Rs like some Dickensian street urchin. Arrow Video needs to figure this the fuck out and bring these bra-busting blu rays to my house some time this century.
Estimated Value: n/a


Nintendo World Championship competition cartridge

The list of sealed, mint NES games that I crave is endless, but the novelty and the context of this thing is attractive in its own way. 26 of these gold cartridges exist in the world, and they were awarded as part of the promotions for the Video Armageddon-esque Nintendo World Championship in 1990. The game consists of portions of Mario 3, Rad Racer, and Tetris, and was predictably used to gauge a player's skills. No one's impervious to the perceptible power of a golden game, but it'd also be like owning a real-life plot point of The Wizard.
Estimated Value: $2,000,000.00

2 comments:

Luke said...

I own the BOSOMANIA DVD of Faster Pussycat and remember paying a healthy sum. As are all of the rest of them. From what I hear, the estate of Russ Meyer is quite difficult with releasing their rights to the movies.

Have you ever considered getting a Region Free Player? I broke down and finally got one a couple years ago.

nick funk said...

I actually own the Russ Meyer collection. I can confirm that they're region free, or region 0. See DVDbeavers reviews of the titles for further confirmation. That doesn't change the fact that they're out of print and expense, but, just something to keep in mind if you find a deal.