2.22.2013

Stupid, stupid, stupid

   This is a compiled list of movies that if given the chance to go back in time, I would have spent my theater or rental money on porn or hamburgers. It would have been a much more memorable experience. I'd also kill to have the wasted brain cells back as I am convinced at this point that all the bad TV and movies over the years has made me dumber. I'm also tremendously guilty of my own financial encouragement to a spiraling Hollywood. The more money that Roland Emmerich makes, the more accessible film is going to get. I predict that film will eventually be just an interactive videogame much like the sex scene between Sandra Bullock and Sly Stallone in Demolition Man. I challenge you as a viewer to stop going to the movies. Do not see the movies on my list. Rise above the average and stop settling for mediocrity.

-Jess

Alien Resurrection (1997)
Nothing But Trouble (1991)
Matrix Revolutions (2003)
Southland Tales (2007)
Empire Records (1995)
The Relic (1996)
Girl, Interrupted (1999)
The Postman (1997)
Identity (2003)
K-Pax (2001)
Bio-Dome (1995)
Down to You (2000)
Mimic (1997)
Secret Window (2004)
The Happening (2008)
Beaches (1988)
Harry and Tonto (1974)
The Neverending Story 2 (1991)
Brown Bunny (2003)
Terror Firmer (1999)
Elizabethtown (2005)
Cursed (2005)
The Stupids (1996)
Planet of the Apes (2001)
Deadly Friend (1986)
Pearl Harbor (2001)
Practical Magic (1998)
Stepmom (1998)
The Rocketeer (1991)
Wrong Turn (2003)
Sweet November (2001)
Strange Days (1995)
Alone in the Dark (2005)
Jack (1996)
Virtuosity (1995)
Halloween Resurrection (2002)
1941 (1979)
Moulin Rouge (2001)
Tree of Life (2011)
Amittyville Dollhouse (1996)
Ghosts of Mars (2001)
Pay it Forward (2000)
Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones (2002)
Miss Congeniality (2000)
Milk Money (1994)
Mr. Wrong (1996)
Road Trip (2000)
Patch Adams (1998)
Mission to Mars (2000)

3 comments:

Mr Fist said...

Okey dokey, let's see what the damage is.

Of all the movies listed here, only three are ones I've actually seen in theatres. Matrix 3, The Happening and Attack of the Clones. Although I can't stop rattling around in my brain if I actually saw Jack in theatres. I remember watching it on VHS and TV.

I've seen a few of the others. Mimic just recently since I had a Del Toro - a thon.

What I find interesting is that some of the films listed here are my all-time favourites. Southland Tales gets a lot of flac, sure, but it leaves such an glorious mess I can't help but relish in it. Identity and Secret Window are part of the typical thriller cliche but they're both made so well with great craftmanship. Strange Days I've started warming up to, and I'm so, so sad to see you have no love for Tree of Life. Then again it was one of THOSE movies...

Though films like Bio-Dome, Miss Congeniality and Milk Money I wouldn't touch of a pole of undscernable length.

Anonymous said...

Tree of Life? Really???

Anonymous said...

What did you guys think of Django?

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