Midnight, Baseball Bats, and Boogeymen

Freddy Krueger has haunted me my whole life. Well, not my whole life - maybe till I was about 20, at which point we became good friends and have stayed that way ever since. But as a child of the 80s, oh man, it was a very different relationship. But not entirely different...

I'll try not to belabor the fact that, yes, Freddy Krueger appeared on all kindsa merchandise during his tenure as a Box Office draw, and just about all of that merch was aimed at kids -- seriously, after the t-shirts, video game, school supplies, sticker albums, and bubblegum, I don't know how we didn't get a breakfast cereal. 

To me, this was both a blessing and a problem. A problem because, unlike some of my peers who were close in age, all of this candy colored crap that reached as far as the toy aisle was not my first exposure to The Springwood Slasher - it was the actual movies themselves. Before I'd reached the age of 3, my sister (who is 12½ years my elder) watched the original Nightmare on Elm Street around the time of its premiere on HBO and at some point actually taped it off of TV, so a lotta that blood & terror lurked in the periphery of my very early life. Then, shortly after the Home Video debut of Elm Street 2, my sister and a bunch of her friends rented the movie, and I must've been in her care that evening, because for some reason I watched it with them, right there in the living room. (There are a lotta cool and different ways to experience Cinema, but watching a Nightmare on Elm Street videotape with a room full of teenage girls in 1986 is an event that you nor I could ever relive.) 

While I was too young to grasp any sense of plot or conflict or resolution, I was certainly old enough to recognize scary images and what made them so scary. So yes, not being able to walk through Kmart without seeing Freddy's face on ten different products was, in its own way, a problem. As I got older, the character apparently began to get softer and "funnier" in the films, and that afforded his likeness to grace more and more goods and services - but I'd only left off at Part 2, so I wasn't aware of any change in tone; all I knew was that all of a sudden Freddy's introducing Beastie Boys videos on MTV at 2 o'clock in the afternoon and now my day is ruined. 

And yet, I preserve the idea that the Freddy omnipresence in the culture of my childhood was just as equally a blessing, because as human nature dictates, this monster that scared me so severely was always just as fascinating, and the more frightened I got vs. the more movies they made that I was missing only continued to compound the mystique. That mystique would amplify with every trip down the Horror aisle at the video store and I'd see those colorful tapes with that goddamn son of a hundred maniacs leering out at me through his various artistic interpretations. On my braver days I'd physically touch these cursed objects and look at the back covers, hoping for clues to the plots and backstories and origins and motivations and all of the things that kept me up at night wondering and worrying. 

But really, it was Freddy himself who wouldn't let me sleep, because apart from my faded memories from when I was 3 years old, his powers and malevolence and what he was capable of was mostly a product of my own imagination. And my imagination was fucking dark - I'd envisioned these films as having a flavor that I would nowadays equate to stuff like Audition or Human Centipede: a completely humorless endurance test. By the time I faithfully began reading Fangoria Magazine, they began promoting the buzz around Elm Street 7, with a supposed real life Freddy Krueger terrorizing the real world! I was dead. 

The curiosity never left me, and at some point in my mid teens I revisited Part One on video. It was amazing how much I'd actually remembered from an age when I was barely old enough to remember, while at the same time realizing that it wasn't nearly as terrifying (or informative) as I'd thought (and hoped) it was; I cautiously approached it to quench my thirst for the exposition I'd always been so curious about, only to get a flat line reading from Ronee Blakley.

Cut to that Summer of 2003 when I was steadily accumulating all the headlining Horror franchises on DVD, simply so that I could see most of them for the first time. But with elm street I went all in and bought the New Line Platinum Nightmare on Elm Street Collection: an 8-disc box set that was just as beautiful as it was a cumbersome clunky mess of plastic and cardboard. I devoured it from the inside out, first watching them in the order of the ones I was most curious about (I started with Freddy's Dead) and then tirelessly revisiting the ones I liked the most. I watched and rewatched all the special features: every interview, every photo gallery, every production note - nothing was uninteresting. While not much of the franchise managed to be as scary or even as engrossing as I thought it was, it captured my spirit with its barrage of humor and color and music and inventiveness and nostalgia. The obsession was always there, and finally being able to explore these films as freely and frequently as I wanted both satisfied and magnified my devotion. Obviously (as you damn well know) I found some of the movies in the series to be more to my liking than the others, while observing that they all stand on very different merits. Here are my intellectual musings about a movie franchise where a guy can turn into a hall monitor or a motorcycle at the drop of a fedora. Bon appétit, bitch. 

- Paul

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

I can say I've been extra hard on this movie over the years, but it's often been a defense mechanism against the criticisms of the sequels that I prefer. But really, its atmosphere is undeniable - much of which comes from the vivid cinematography from Jacques Haitkin (who also shot Part 2) and the enduring Charles Berstien music score. And not to call too much attention to the obvious, but a Horror Movie Monster with an identifiable image and personality is still as fresh and exciting today as it was in '84.

Grade: B

After more than four decades of borderline Freddy Krueger fatigue, when I think of this movie, I think of Heather Langenkamp; I don't know if it's the general consensus, but she 100% carries this whole film, and she does it with more character and grace than most other "Final Girls" in the genre. 

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2 - Freddy's Revenge (1985)

For the full review you can read this. For the short, short version, I'll reiterate this point: Elm Street movies' most exciting moments are when they're in "nightmare mode", and because Freddy's Revenge is largely a Possession Movie, we're in that mode for the duration. Every dreadful scene abides by the rules of dream logic, and so we're never not in danger. That's the tone, and it makes for An Exceptional Horror Film.

Grade: A+

For whatever atmosphere the first movie established, this was the only sequel that managed to improve upon it in the least cartoonish way. Despite its fashions and pop songs and other dated elements, this film could fit right into the Psychological Thrillers of the 1960s, sharing company with Carnival of Souls and Repulsion. 

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 - Dream Warriors (1987)

Here's the thing: whenever I decide to rank the Elm Street movies to my liking, I'l run down the list from best to worst, and nearly every time I'll realize that I totally forget to include Dream Warriors. Obviously that means I don't completely love it, but it also means that I don't necessarily hate it either. I think the problem (if you can call it that) is that this is the only really plot-heavy installment, featuring the most speaking parts and the strongest attempt at continuity. I'm assuming it's these aspects that make it the fan favorite, but apparently I'm in the market for something different. 

Grade: B-

Yes, this is where the humor and the hokeyness started, but it's also where the money started, and I think we lost some grit and grime with the bigger budgets. Still, at the end of the day, the whole premise of this movie and all its set pieces are really fun and clever, and they're executed awesomely. 

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4 - The Dream Master (1988)

I still hold onto the idea that this is what I'd show to someone who wanted to know what a Nightmare on Elm Street movie was like. That's because it has no real plot of its own - instead, it pulls components from the first three movies to make one noisy, colorful, stylistically erratic Mega Nightmare. It's Freddy's Force Awakens. That kinda patchwork performs just fine for me, but it's overall lack of surprise and originality will always kinda hinder it. (And I just hate when characters are played by a different actor in a sequel.)

Grade: B+

And yet I actually prefer Tuesday Knight. (And I mean that in general.) Fat Boys notwithstanding, this has the best soundtrack in the series, and also just one of my favorite movie soundtracks of all time. After all, this is the one that features Freddy on the beach wearing sunglasses. You either dig that or you don't. 

A Nightmare on Elm Street 5 - The Dream Child (1989)

Take the hodgepodge of Part 4, try to sequelize it in a consistent way, and we get one wild mess of a Monster Movie. Actually, its stretched premise and silly inconsistencies are the strengths of this film; again, like a STAR WARS sequel, the rushed production manages to make a very tired scenario into an almost abstract stream-of-consciousness experiment. Sadly they forgot to include any interesting characters or even slightly scary moments. 

Grade : C

Lisa Wilcox easily sheds the label of Final Girl and is just a straightforward Heroine by this point, and I very much would've liked to see her in more and better installments. And I don't mean to minimize her screen presence by pointing out that this is Freddy Krueger's most boring rendition. My least favorite movie of the original franchise. 

Freddy's Dead - The Final Nightmare (1991)

This is the first one I remember seeing a lotta trailers and TV spots for, which jangled my nerves as much as it piqued my interests; compared to my ideas of an Elm Street movie, it looked weird and different and twisted and modern by comparison. And for the most part, that's all true - I just wasn't counting on all the buffoonery. At this point in the culture, Freddy hadn't been scary for a long time, and turning him more into a meddlesome prankster put him more in line with The Joker. I'm not mad! 

Grade: C+

Just because it was "funny" doesn't mean all the jokes landed - a lot of it was stupid. But I was always most curious to see this one because it supposedly dove into the Krueger backstory (in 3-D no less) and that's the angle that I've been most interested in forever. Did they adequately pull it off? Really, I base my letter grade almost exclusively on that segment. 

Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)

Never has there been a better or more clever device to revisit a tired (and supposedly concluded) franchise (especially in Horror). Somewhere between Fellini and Charlie Kaufman, this is as intellectual as Elm Street would ever get (after Part 2 of course); and like I said, the premise alone was enough to horrify anyone who was actually still afraid of Freddy (like 11-year-old me). 

Grade: B+

Apart from its neat setup, we get another Heather-driven vehicle, and she understood the assignment so good. Also "real life" Freddy is a super sleek upgrade - though I champion any attempts to give him a new look (more on that to come).

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

So this is like my fifth time publishing my opinions of this movie, so I'll try to give it a different context. It's incredibly notable (and fortunate) that this was released during the very same summer that I had familiarized myself (and became obsessed with) Freddy and Jason -- truly there has been no better example of "great timing" in my life. It might also be the best example of "Fan Service" and how there's a very graceful and correct way to do it, and through the lens of this mega fan at the height of his fandom, they did pretty well.

Grade: B

Ok, so it's ugly as fuck, and the VFX and the soundtrack are trash, but as I pointed out in my Friday the 13th list, this is probably our last Robert Englund Freddy movie, and his decades of experience as the character is totally exploited here to its fullest potential. It's like watching Heath in The Dark Knight: This is all we'll ever get, so enjoy it!

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Great cast, seasoned subject matter, and a heavy lean on the Origin Story crap that I'm so into. So, what happened? ...No, seriously, what happened? Nearly every detail of this remake escaped me immediately after its release (as well as immediately after two subsequent attempts since then). It makes it hard to identify the things that didn't work for me, but "boring and forgettable" never work for me. 

Grade: D

I do remember the flashback stuff being equal parts compelling (Jackie Earle's performance) and ridiculous (so Freddy only ever wore stripes?). Robert Englund's been pushing for a prequel for decades (with or without him) and this is actually (and unfortunately) the best they've given us (up to and including the Freddy's Nightmares TV Show episode, "No More Mr. Nice Guy").

Despite the incessant complaining, people seem to want remakes and reboots and sequels and crossovers and multiverses of everything they've ever seen, and they want it all to be the same as it ever was - including Freddy Krueger and A Nightmare on Elm Street. That 2010 remake has only ever been vastly unpopular, but people's complaints have only ever been along the lines of "it's not exactly like the Robert Englund movies." Heck, that was the one thing I gave it credit for; if you dare to call your movie a "reboot" because you're too pussy to say "remake" then you'd better bring in some new elements. I still stand by my position that I'm totally down with ditching the dumb hat & sweater ensemble in favor of anything else; every visual depiction of Dracula looked roughly the same for over 50 years until the Coppola movie changed it up, and now the old one is just that - old. 

As I'm writing this, Paramount has purchased the rights to Elm Street and The Internet is brazenly excited and optimistic (and they're never wrong). Thus begins the superficial speculations and AI renderings of which actor can do their best Robert Englund impersonation. What a buncha dumb shit. Obviously I have curiosity, but I do with nearly every movie, until I don't (usually around when the trailer drops). Seriously, I welcome any kinda continuation/reinvention of this franchise -- after 9 movies I can't really be precious about "ruining" some dumbass "legacy". Still, there will be the copy & paste protests of "no one can replace Robert!" More dumb shit; again, who's still hanging onto Lugosi (or Max Schreck) as the final word on a fictional icon? 

My son has grown up around Freddy Krueger because his image has graced much of the decor that covers the home he's gown up in, but I've only just recently started introducing him to the feature films (because clearly he has no limits when it comes to this stuff). His attention span is already questionable at best, but obviously he's most interested whenever Freddy is on the screen  - and really, who could blame him? And again, like every other thing from childhood, this material will supposedly soon bleed back into the culture with another installment, and the facsimile of the world I grew up in will just be my kid's current reality. It's kinda stupid, but it's also kinda ok -- as long as it means that we get more merchandise!