5 Gift Ideas from PLAYBOY Magazine, December 1993

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back to the site Miss July 1989!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute! No, no, no, that's not Miss July...

That's famed Movie and TV star Erika Eleniak, fresh off her successful turns in Under Siege and The Beverly Hillbillies, and currently (as of then) working on the Dennis Hopper film Chasers (which will prove to be decidedly less successful). Surprisingly, she's not the reason we're here today, because today we've set our sights on last minute Christmas shopping and we mustn't get distracted by other earthly delights and sins of the flesh and all that. So to guide us I've scoured the pages of this 32 year old magazine that's just as well known for shining a light on the hip trends in fashion and electronics as it is for nakedity. They've even set aside a few features and columns solely dedicated to shopping and gift giving, but I've gone beyond that and took notice of the dozens of ads throughout this issue that are desperately trying to sell us anything and everything. And since I'm sure you're already familiar with cigarettes and whiskey, that made it easier to narrow it down to these 5 unique treasures from the year that brought us Sleepless in Seattle and NAFTA. Just go ahead now! 

- Paul 

The RCA 35" Home Theatre

This is actually the back cover, which, to a magazine connoisseur like myself, is just as exciting as the front (even when it's Erika). 35 inches - that's your big boy. Am I the only one who not only misses but prefers the old CRT televisions? And it's not a nostalgia thing; "standard definition" or not, the brightness and contrast seemed to really pop when it played through that thick glass. This was the last decade to be dominated by this kind of TV so this was nearing the height of its technology. 

Picasso Watch

This is the first (and best) item in the otherwise uninspired "Playboy Christmas Gift Collection" ($1500 Dom Pérignon? A Yamaha Motorcycle? A Fender Stratocaster with an airbrushed picture of Marilyn Monroe on it? Maybe those could get you laid in '93 but I found them to be pretty gaudy). This watch, on the other hand, is much more my speed; you'd think a Swiss-quartz wristwatch from the 1990s with a Pablo Picasso artwork on the face might come off as bold or loud, but I find it elegantly understated (and more within my budget). 

Playboy Centerfold Collector Cards

When I was a kid I was only ever under the impression that pornography was classy, tasteful, clean. Nylons and high heels. Champagne glasses and fireplaces. That's because my gateway to smut was trading cards much like the ones advertised here, and you can see what a fancy spectacle they've made out of collecting pictures of naked boobs -- I mean it comes with a sleek binder adorned with an embossed Playboy logo accented in gold. I don't remember what I got for Christmas in 1993 but I'm sure I would've traded all of it for this extravagant tome of T&A. 

Beatles CDs

First a quick shoutout to that Bose radio on the top right - you couldn't get through a single episode of Beavis and Butt-head without witnessing ten commercials for this ugly ass electronic. But more exciting are those bulky CD releases of 62-66 and 67-70, which I eventually owned - possibly even got them for Christmas four or five years later. Though I'm sure at the time of this particular release it ended up being a popular gift with the Boomer crowd because, as I have attested, 90s kids wanted absolutely nothing to do with Oldies music. 

Joop! For Men

Of all the fragrance ads throughout this issue, this one is easily the most boring - frankly the Kate Moss Obsession page would've been more provocative (and indicative of 1993). But this one isn't about looks - I chose it because it's one of those "sample" ads that allows you to peel away a portion of the page and smell what they're selling. My nose is otherwise unfamiliar with Joop!, but based on this free ride it seems to smell like 32 year old magazine paper with notes of mold and just a hint of must. Delicious. To be sure, I went ahead and bought myself a bottle, unencumbered by the added scents of aged ephemera. 

Does it smell like an early 90s Playboy? Maybe not literally, but intellectually yes. More importantly is the probability that I myself now smell like an old men's magazine, which will no doubt be the gift that keeps on giving the whole year. 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Bennett Media. Here's Kate.