CLEAN FIGHT : Burger King Kids Club/Wendy's Kids' Meal

 

 

Happy are those conscious of their spiritual need."

- Matthew 5:3

For my generation, the McDonald's Happy Meal of the 1990s has become gospel - not the food & drink but the culture: we worship it, we aspire to it, we await its return to punish those who lost faith and reward those who still believe. Film & Television tie-ins and the toys and promotions to promote those tie-ins created an inescapable kid-friendly McWorld that nurtured us with more attentiveness and authority than any parent or guardian. So what say you, Burger King and Wendy's? Your respective legacies will fade into obscurity, much as they already have. Some things need reminders, but some things I still remember - particularly The Burger King Kids Club gang: a cartoon "gang" of overtly diverse children who clearly seemed to really love Burger King.

 

A vague Mandela Effect would have us believing that this was actually some Saturday Morning Cartoon that we maybe caught an episode of, but they really had no life outside of the commercial breaks. That is unless you were actually one of the few and proud members of the real life Burger King Kids Club in which they'd mail you all kinds of promo stuff featuring the likenesses of Kid Vid and the rest. Comic Books and coupons aside, members would get a membership card, and for my taste nothing beats a graphic laminate indicating a larger sense of belonging. 

 

Wendy's offered no such unity - it was every kid for themselves. And that's fine - like McDonald's they had a cardboard box (that also became a bag) with a prize inside, except that for most of the 90s the toys were usually of more generic interests like race cars and dinosaurs and endangered animals. It wasn't until '98/'99 that they began to pick up more branded tie-ins like Animaniacs, Scooby-Doo, Muppets, and most bizarrely (though most triumphantly) Eerie, Indiana: bizarre because that was a single-season TV show that ended in 1993, triumphant because it was awesome and deserved more attention. 

 

In the 1990s I frequented Wendy's occasionally, and I went to Burger King neverly. So when you take McD's out of the equation it mostly comes down to the advertising. Honestly I found the BK Kids to be pretty irritating: goody-goody Captain Planet-type nerds who didn't fight crime, bust ghosts, drink blood, or even steal hamburgers. They just wanted to be friends. Get real. But if the toys were your thing there was no competition - they tried to keep up with McDonald's and it showed: Beetlejuice, Simpsons, Ninja Turtles, Rugrats, Men in Black, and every 90s Disney enterprise you can think of, from Aladdin to Toy Story. And so despite Wendy's having 100% better food, they remained the underdog in every respect - except for the commercials.

 

 

Playing off the very 90s concept of "adults suck, kids rule," each ad sold the mantra, "Wendy's Kids' Meals are JUST FOR KIDS!" as to discourage any confusion regarding the Jr. Cheeseburger and small fries within. But the commercials themselves were fabulous works of Pop Art that were so abstract and creative that they could've been selling anything from video games to bubblegum. 

MY CHOICE: Between the quality of the food and the innovative advertising (not to mention the general ambience of the interior of the restaurant and their packaging aesthetics) I choose Wendy's by a large margin. Of the two, Burger King had the better toys (I didn't even try their food until 2005 and that was only to get my hands on their Revenge of the Sith prizes) but as I sit here now the plastic collectibles and 30 oz. cups have all but disappeared from my tangible reality, while the more exceptional vibe remains prominent. And now that everything's changed, that's what I cling to most. 

 

- Paul