Paul's TOP 20 HORROR MOVIE CRUSHES

Scream Queens. Final Girls. Whether they're a casualty or a crusader doesn't really play a part in what piques my interest; I look at this list of women and I find I'm unable to compartmentalize what they bring to this otherwise rudimentary genre. In other words, most of them are too complex (or their situation is such) to assign them one of these antiquated story functions; these are characters that managed to exist beyond the "plot" in one way or another - enough to believe that maybe, I dunno, we could hang out maybe(?). If you survive, I mean... 

- Paul

Lisa Webber

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

It's one thing to accept the terms of being "just friends," but to embrace that to the point of braving the depths of hell and fighting the devil himself to preserve that friendship is a relationship goal everyone should strive for. 

Kimberly

Brainscan

Sometimes you need to ease off the Fangos and serial killing and simply notice the literal girl next door who's clearly showing interest and concern for your whole deal. Fucking gamers. 

Harley David

Halloween II

Never mind the white horse and psychic powers and the unkillable giant - the least believable thing in the movie is that anyone could ever be as ridiculously cool (and hot) as she. 

Mary

Cannibal Apocalypse 

Whenever you're overwhelmed with suppressing the cannibalistic urges you contracted as a POW in Vietnam, try to find someone who looks at you the way Cinzia De Carolis looks at John Saxon.  

The Demon

The Unholy

I'm not saying she makes the entire movie, but were it not bookended by this sinister seductress of Satan I don't think I'd revisit it quite as much. 

Jezzie

Jacob's Ladder

I'm gonna have a crush on Elizabeth Peña in anything, but Jezzie works so hard at maintaining compassion in the face of madness that anyone with that kind of staying power must be a figment of your drug-fueled imagination. 

Gretel

Gretel & Hansel 

The thing with this is that Hansel reminds me of my son, so anytime I watch it there's this anxiety regarding his safety, and because his big sister is his hero, she intuitively becomes my hero.

Mary Shelley

The Bride of Frankenstein

As "The Bride" she has a dedicated following, and I get that - I'm big on the whole goth thing too. But she clearly never needed the whole getup; some chicks are prettier pre-reanimation. 

Helen Foley

Twilight Zone: The Movie

The most intriguing thing about this version of the story is her character; she seemingly kills the monster with kindness, but then it's strongly implied through dialogue and performance that there's some weird naughtiness to her that suggests an even more interesting continuation. 

Sarah Bailey

The Craft

It's kinda like picking a favorite Beatle - and your choice could potentially reveal something about who you are; because yeah, when I was younger I could've been more of a Fairuza man, but with maturity you tend to gravitate more towards sanity and security. 

Jaime

Little Witches

Of course, there are some days when we want a little slutty madness in our naughty necromancers.

Heather Donahue

The Blair Witch Project

The "High School me" still echoes that passion for the potty-mouthed extroverted film student who's clearly down for whatever life (or death) throws at her.

Jean

American Psycho

Despite her passiveness, gullibility, and ignorance of famous serial killers, she has a sweet innocence that could easily be nurtured by someone who isn't quite so misogynistic.

Yara

It Follows

I always tend to pay more attention to "the friend" than the lead, but that's not really any surprise here - in a very short amount of screen time the movie begs us to notice her, and I'm very happy to oblige.

Allison

Vamp

It's hard to find a ray of sunshine anywhere in this genre, and so few characters are as brave and optimistic in the face of vampires and albino street toughs as Dedee Pfeiffer. 

Meg Penny

The Blob

A cheerleader-turned-urban commando setup could easily be played for laughs, but Shawnee sells it hard enough to be totally convincing as an (under appreciated) Action Hero.

Catherine Martin

The Silence of the Lambs

Maybe it's my hero complex kicking in, but even though she's clearly smart enough and strong enough to turn the tables, that initial lotion scene sends me fantasies of jumping in there and bringing her home to her mom.

Lisa Snipes

Curse II: The Bite

How to pick a single Jill Schoelen role? Hot, sweaty desert locale, literal animalistic urges, lotsa biting and phallic snake imagery, an actual mud wrestling climax. This'll do.

Tina

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

Sorry to be so pre-diddly-ictable but she belongs nowhere else if not here. Jason's dead, and this lady just wants to fuck her boyfriend for days without any fear of reprisal (or gardening shears). That makes her the most relatable character in all of Cinema.

The Women of Tenebrae

It's just the Italian Seasoning version of the Spice Girls - I defy you to pick just one. But why bother - I didn't. Apparently Rome is tougher than Twin Peaks when it comes to singling out your favorite Signora.