We're Going On A Treasure Hunt!

Have you ever stumbled across a pile of gold coins - maybe with some jewelry and precious stones mixed in for color accents? How about genie lamps or crowns & scepters? Magic cups or fancy swords? I never see any of this stuff outside of fiction -- worse still, I've never even seen a map to find the stuff, which is a whole level of foreplay I'd totally be down to participate in. Alas, my lifelong quest of obtaining any of these riches for myself looks pretty grim - which will always make me want them more. Throughout my life (more accurately throughout my youth) images of sparkly valuables were one of my reasons for living, and while I've still yet to swim in a pool of U.S. currency like Scrooge McDuck, I can always revisit these prizes via whatever medium they live in - because unfortunately that's where they'll stay. 

- Paul

Romancing the Stone

I'd known diamonds, and I'd known rubies, but this flick gave me all kindsa new funny feelings about emeralds. For a title character, it doesn't get nearly enough screen time. 

Married... With Children

"Route 666"

The Bundys and the D'Arcys are duped into buying a fool's goldmine. I totally didn't care that it was fake - I just wanted the shiny rocks. 

Looney Tunes

"Golden Yeggs"

Cartoon eggs are a thing of beauty - the shape and shading and soft smooth texture is almost more appealing than real life. Add that perfect shade of yellow/orange and some sparkle animation and I'd hold a gun to Daffy's head too.

Help!

I'm something of a ring-wearer myself, but I couldn't pull this off as well as one Richard Starkey could. Which is too bad - I just want the opportunity to stare at it all day. 

The Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past

This whole goddamn franchise is about treasure chests full of polished trinkets, but the Moon Pearl - a pristine magical orb of immense power - is my choice for the most elusive, the most rewarding, and the most attractive. 

A Fish Called Wanda

When I was quite young, this movie was a Comedy second, but it was a heist movie first; all I wanted was a handgun with a silencer, a crossbow, and some tissue paper full of diamonds. 

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer 

A lotta great music in this TV special, but "Silver and Gold" was like my anthem. The lyrics reference Christmas decor, but the squirrels are playing with honest-to-god solid gold - so that's what the song's really about. 

The Three Stooges

"Cash and Carry"

The boys believe they've discovered a literal goldmine - which actually ends up being a U.S. Treasury. Even in black and white, the sleek gold bars were something I had to have.

DuckTales

Between the comic books and this Disney Afternoon series, wherever Uncle Scrooge was, there was sure to be a bounty of exotic cartoon booty. But my money goes to the "Lucky Dime" - largely because I could actually get my hands on physical dimes and pretend they were, in fact, lucky.

The Goonies

The whole point of the movie (for me) is the pirate treasure - and it's some of the best treasure put on film this side of the Sierra Madre. But the real money shot will always be that handful of glistening jewels that ultimately saves The Goon Docks. 

Fireball Island

This Milton Bradley board game launched in 1986 came with an exciting ad campaign featuring a big budget TV commercial that was better than most Cannon films. In it, they efficiently depict the simple objective of the game: dodging "fireballs" long enough to obtain the "treasure" - a plastic red jewel.

Upon seeing the commercial, I asked my mother to buy me the game. Her response was somewhere along the lines of "Absolutely not. I know why you want this thing, and I'm not spending a fortune on a tiny friggin' piece of plastic." She was never easily fooled.