The Barnes & Noble Criterion Sale

As a kid, a "sale" was something that Moms supposedly got excited about. I don't particularly ever remember My Mom ever giving a shit -- but growing up sorta lower-middle class taught me all kindsa frugality and it's carried me all the way into my menacing middle age. So when they decide to throw us poor slobs a bone, I'll roll over and play consumer, sure. 

I cannot for the life of me remember exactly when or where I was first enlightened to The Criterion Collection - y'know, that "continuing series of important classic and contemporary films" that seemed to really take off once DVDs became a commodity - an era that coincided with my film school days. So, between possible word-of-mouth and just actually physically shopping for home video on a consistent basis, I very quickly became wise to these significant pinnacles of Cinema, beautifully packaged in (sometimes) aesthetically appropriate artwork accompanied by (sometimes) an equally appropriate font. One thing was obvious: these boxes (and movies) looked way sexier than the New Line snap cases they were feeding us since the inception of the format; that + an extensive library of what were then obscure titles were very attractive to young Film people. And in a very short time I amassed all the mainstream Godard, Truffaut, Fellini, Kurosawa, and whatever else my textbooks guilted me into seeing, and I built a beautiful library of the best of the best. And boy was I bored.

I think there were two things going on: I wasn't at the right age for most of it - more specifically, my mood was far away from French New Wave, Italian Neorealism, and/or Japanese Jidaigeki; I was seeking something they weren't offering, and 2. the whole "homework" vibe of obligated viewing can all but ruin your movie night - whether you legitimately like the picture or not. But over the years as my interest in modern movies waned and I sought out older, potentially better stuff, I slowly got back in the pool. And then the sale began.

I'm not sure what year it started or if I was even aware when it did, but once I caught on, I was and still am so bemused and delighted that a major retail outlet offers a sale on a specific and esoteric video distribution company's entire catalog. It's hard to define it, but there's a whole feeling of "we know you want these & we know how goddamn overpriced they are, so we're gonna cut you a break... today..."

Even after all this time, it's still a struggle and a gamble to blind buy the wealth of fine art they offer -- like a lot of you, I'm still in the state of mind where I'm like, "I hope this movie that I already know and love and own gets the Criterion upgrade." That virginal lust and wonderment that ignited my fascination with this label has petered out into a lame contest to see if my favorite movies get inducted into this flawed Hall of Fame. And why not - the past few years they've put out a lotta mainstream clunkers and modern mediocrity, and so I've entirely ignored the last several sales. 

Even with this month's sale, I upgraded two movies (Last Temptation, The Player) and bought one I'd already seen a dozen times (I Wanna Hold Your Hand). Added to that, it's been so long since I've indulged in this swindle that the B&N nearest to me has since closed - and so I had to travel to another state to physically shop in a physical store for physical goods... Because that's really the point of this thing; the sale exists online (and they're consistently cheaper on Amazon year round), but it's never been about that. Going out and nonverbally mingling with the other chumps seeking a cheap thrill presents that sense of community that social media does in an artificial way. But way more than that - going out and seeing these treasures with my own eyes, displayed before me in their beautiful packaging of (sometimes) aesthetically appropriate artwork with their (sometimes) equally appropriate fonts is like being a kid in some kind of a store.

The truly dorky can fantasize that they're being featured on the Criterion Closet series and pontificate upon all their pretentious picks -- personally I'm most interested in seeing what other people pick out; you ever peek at other folks' carts at the grocery store and think, "Ew, that's gross, I'd never eat that," or, "Huh, that looks good, I should try that." In a time when personality traits are based on just about everything except the content of our character, "Criterion" is a studiously-named handle for how I choose to judge you.

- Paul