Quick Ones

• Fox keeps telling me I can "become a fan of The Simpsons." All this time I never knew I needed permission.
•  "The Number One Movie In The Country" is not a review.
• How come Chinese restaurants don't give out those rolls anymore? You know, those rolls?
• In theaters, films are presented in a "WIDESCREEN" format. The black bars at the top and bottom of the screen are the ceiling and the floor.
• The alternate title for The Sound of Music was, This is What Happens When You Find a Stranger in the Alps.
•  If Dum-Dums were Smarties, then Airheads would be Nerds. Refrain from Snickers and Chuckles.
• Was the Dukes of Hazzard movie any dumber than the show?
• Steven Spielberg will die in your lifetime.
• It's bad luck to watch Friday the 13th.
• I was told, "Don't eat the yellow snow." Personally, I find any color other than white to be troubling.
• Your thoughts are your own until you Tweet them.
• What's the deal with airplane peanuts?
• Morgan Spurlock turned McDonald's into Starbucks.
• The worst thing about Ghostbusters the movie is "Ghostbusters" the song.
• The Thompson Twins had three members and none of them were twins.
• Girls Meets World insinuates homosexual overtones.
• Where's that Nic Cage?
• A new toothbrush has ambiguous consequences. 
• Pleasantville has the worst poster, soundtrack album cover, VHS and DVD art of all said media.
• It's really tedious to listen to someone describe a TV show - even if it's one you like.