HALLOWEEN SNACKS! The Autumn Edition

Welcome to our first official exploration of Halloween Snacks! Why have we largely ignored the famously titular "treats" of this holiday (at least in literary form)? Several reasons - honestly there's only so much we could say about Snickers, and it seems like most of the Web has it pretty well covered on a yearly basis. But more than that, comically small candy bars are so far away from the things I like about this time of year. Even as a kid, trick-or-treating was never about the candy for me, it was about tying nylon capes around my neck and putting smelly makeup on my face while a heavily-edited version of The Exorcist played on TV. As a grownup, those elements still reign supreme, but that doesn't mean I can't still go out and get the shit. And so that's what I've done - so much so that I bring to you Part One of my adventures, entirely focused on the "sweater weather" and "Fall vibes" approach to the season, free of all that pesky Satanic influence. That comes later. 

- Paul 

Frosted Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts

I stopped experimenting with novelty Pop Tarts back in the 90s when it became painfully apparent that every single iteration was destined to be frosted. When I was little, we had the option of frosted or unfrosted - now, unfrosted has itself become a novelty. I hate the frosted ones. But for art and science today I try the Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts, and I gotta say they nearly nail it (in their own way). It's only as sickly sweet as a Pop Tart can be, but it's unmistakably pumpkiny. The sprinkles add nothing - I don't care what color they are sprinkles are for Christmas. If nothing else, they left me with a melancholy feeling, imaging how awesome they would be without a layer of chalky sugared glue. 

Pumpkin Spice Cheerios

There are at least a dozen different flavors of Cheerios on the shelves at any given time of year -- twice as many during a holiday season. So I went ahead and picked this low hanging gourd because I already got a good sense of the Cheerios approach to kooky flavors; they don't go hard by way of sugars and dyes, so whatever you're dealing with it's not going to be an aggressive assault. Instead, we get pleasantness, and that's just what I wanted - a mild pumpkin experience that allowed me to remember I was eating cereal, not candy corn. This is obviously not the first time this "Limited Edition" has been unveiled but the marriage is so natural and charming that it could definitely be a year round thing. 

Albanese Apple Harvest Gummies

Apple stuff is truly tricky business. "Apple Cinnamon" hits a home run nearly every time, but "Apple" on its own can be a minefield of sour and bitter. As my lust for gummies carries me through this year I was blindly excited for these - they're just so pretty, and I was impressed at the attempt to divide the traditional "apple" into three different flavors: McIntosh, Granny Smith, and Red Delicious. Opening the bag unleashes a sucker punch of cider-scented cough syrup, but eating them as individual gummies is a slightly more subtle experience. I really tried to convince myself that I could tell the difference between the three flavors, and if you look at each one before you eat it then maybe you can, but I wasn't about to break out the blindfold. Ultimately they taste like apple flavored gummies, which is apparently something I'm not too crazy about. 

Pepperidge Farm Pumpkin Cheesecake Cookies

Christmas and Halloween are when Pepperidge Farm go into attack mode. Naturally when it comes to Halloween they embrace the Fall side of it, and rightly so - I feel like if they were to ever attempt something on the "spooky" side it would come across as really lame - like when I try to say things like "yeet" or "no cap". And so amongst their pumpkin-flavored products are these "soft baked" cookies "made with white chocolate drops, brown sugar, real pumpkin, and spices". A facade of "fancy" as usual, these things taste like straight sugar, no cap fr. 

Caramel Apple Turtles

Ok, so other than "Apple Cinnamon" I would nominate "Caramel Apple" as the other idiot-proof apple flavor. So that begs the question: if they can make caramel taste like apples, why do we even need real apples? But that's just it - without the crisp, cold juiciness of one of God's forbidden fruits contrasted by warm melted caramel, we're just left with some arduous chews. But there was no element of surprise here - I'm familiar with Turtles, and even if I wasn't I've got a firm grasp on chocolate, nuts, and caramel working together to create an event. Additionally, with a splash of "natural(?)" green apple flavor, the experience feel very autumnal. 

NO PARTICULAR ORDER : Stephen King Adaptations

PAUL

The Shining (1980)

Misery

Tales From the Darkside: The Movie

It (2017)

Needful Things

Christine

The Dead Zone

Cat's Eye

The Green Mile

It (1990)

BABES

Dolores Claiborne

Needful Things

Misery

Pet Sematary (1989)

The Dead Zone

The Shining (1980)

Carrie (1976)

It (1990)

The Stand (1994)

Maximum Overdrive

(honorable mention) Gerald's Game

Wendy's MEAL OF MISFORTUNE

In the absence of an inspiration river, I have turned to food. Not just to eat my creative sorrows, but maybe to get the mental meat juices flowing. And let me just say that a fast-food pop culture meal tie-in is just the thing to unclog my genius.

I couldn't give two shits about the new Wednesday show. I've seen enough from trailers and memes to know that it's not for me. Besides, Christina Ricci is the only Wednesday in my heart. 

But none of that matters when we're talking about Frosties and chicken nuggets. Wendy's limited time Meal of Misfortune hooked me from the get go. For starters, the color scheme of the associating paper products is purple and black. They could have been advertising a new elephant meat product and I would have tried it simply for the very pretty colors. It's spooky. Yep I'm a Halloweenie through and through. Just add some stupid horror font and I come lapping like a big dumb dog.

How can they creepy up their Frosty? Add BLOOD! Or, cherry to make it look nasty, and taste friggin' delicious. And prizes! You get a PURPLE collectable spoon, with a damn skull and raven to boot. 

The fare is ordinary Wendy's cuisine. You get some fries and nuggies, however, if you dare, you can dip them into your Dips of Dread. There are four different special dips and you get 2 with your meal: "You Can't Hyde", "This Will Sting", "Grave Mistake", and "Nowhere to Woe". The fun part comes in the surprise of it. It's a total mystery as to which sauce you're given. While I don't like spicy, I tried them in the spirit of experimentation. Too hot. 

It was fun eating in the restaurant with the fam and sharing food. I guess when Bennett Media is foggy on ideas we can eat. We got all these snacks.

- Babes

The Boo Berry Experiment

"Learn from me, if not by my precepts, at least by my example, how dangerous is the acquirement of knowledge and how much happier that man is who believes his native town to be the world, then he who aspires to become greater that his nature will allow."

- Dr. Frankenstein

I'll spare you my usual five paragraph sob story about how I don't like cereal marshmallows and how that's prevented me from participating in a great many novelty treat and tie-in jubilee. Ghostbusters and Ninja Turtles aside, the thought of these stale, milk soaked gummy bears integrated into my whole grain oats has forever barred me from one of the best and brightest Halloween hallmarks since I've been alive: The General Mills Monster Cereals. 

 

As a child who loved monsters (especially the Universal kind) I was only ever fascinated by their cartoon counterparts that graced the boxes of these yucky cereals. At least, I was sure they were yucky; just for context here, I tried Lucky Charms as a kid and I was gravely disappointed by the taste and texture of the colorful little treasures that, while pretty, ruined an otherwise delicious product. So, the likes of Count Chocula, Frankenberry, and Boo Berry (and from 1988 to 1993, Fruity Yummy Mummy) were simply not for me. Whatever, I could enjoy them from afar without having to actually buy the box and eat the cereal - being alive at the same time as them was satisfactory. And then Internet Culture started and everyone began flaunting and bragging and gushing every time the boxes got an upgrade and I was left feeling like Charlie Bucket with no ticket. And then, in 2010, the cereals became exclusively seasonal, making them a bigger deal as the allure and mystique began to grow, and still those stupid ass marshmallows were like garlic and holy water to me. Then a few years ago I had the wild idea to buy a box of the stuff and simply pick out the poison by hand. An idea so wild that I dare not try it till several years later. CUT TO: Present Day. 

 

After roughly four decades of sour grapes, it no longer became about the monsters or the boxes or even the holiday participation of it -- really, I just wanted to try the cereal, specifically Boo Berry. I mean, yes, he is by far my favorite character in the lineup (the color, the hat, the fact that he's a Peter Lorre ghost hanging out with 19th Century Euro Lit characters) but in my old age I'm mostly just in it for the sugary sensation (absent of its chalky gelatin garnish). And so this year - the year I try Monster Cereal - the incidental theme of the artwork is the characters reimagined as Jim Henson puppets. This had no influence on my decision to finally pull the trigger, I'm not exactly a Muppet Adult, but I will say they came out great; the sparseness with the white background is a well known favorite aesthetic of mine, and the actual likenesses of the puppets are incredibly (and I'm sure intentionally) nostalgic. I'm certain this glow-up would be just as effective with any food mascot. 

 

There they are. I see you in there you chewy motherfuckers. You know, just so we're clear once again, I actually do like real marshmallows, but the thing with cereal marshmallows is that they're "formulated without water or whipping aids" in an attempt to keep their composure in milk - which has only ever seemed counterproductive to me because who wants styrofoam for breakfast? Not I. And so here I am, doing this chore like a goddamn picky eater (which I don't think I am but, desperate times...), and they're not easy to catch; despite being brightly colored these little misshapen ghosts and cats and whatevers don't wanna be found. I will not tolerate contamination, so what I thought would take 10 seconds actually took 30. Son of a bitching Boo Berry. 

 

I'll admit, I was expecting bluer. Like rich, royal blue velvet blue (it's not like they're shy with the dye, man, where are my sodium salts and aluminum lake?). But a big part of this journey is looking past looks and focusing on flavor. And so here is the essence of my discovery and conclusion: the cereal component of this particular General Mills Monster Cereal carries an incredibly subtle flavor that resembles nothing and walks the line between pleasant and bland. It shares the texture of its corn-based brethren like Trix and Cocoa Puffs, but I am in the position to only assume that its sugary fun (and in this case, its blueberriness) is probably largely located in the marshmallows. I'd already come to terms with the fact that my path would be a boring one because I had compromised the entirety of the experience, but now I know firsthand the perils of meddling with the primal forces of nature. Without its crappy marshmallows, it's like one of the dull, healthy cereals - without the healthy. Still, the box is nice.

- Paul

Bennett Media's FRIGHT TV

Lock the doors. Check the kids. Call the pizza dude. For the duration of the 2025 Scary Season we're hunkering down and digging in as we make the couch our home for Bennett Media's FRIGHT TV -- six weeks of the made-for-television terrors and creepy cable series that have long made this holiday period what it is. We'll obviously be binging all kindsa Tales and Limits and Files etc. as well as a buncha small screen features that carried their measly budgets to the summit of our imagination. Surely this will inspire us to discuss and critique as we do, and we implore you to join us in this theme and share your own pumpkin-spiced escapades - either here or on the socials. Now let's tear open some Twinkies and pull up Season 3 of Unsolved Mysteries, and if you hit "Skip Intro" then we'll make sure Robert Stack will be investigating the whereabouts of your dumb ass. 

 

NAME THAT MOVIE!

Seasons change. People change. I'll sacrifice tomorrow just to have you here today.

The Summer of 2025 is nearing its end here in the Northern Hemisphere, and the consolation prize of Autumn is upon us. Not to get all deep and melancholy on the movie game intro but these feelings gotta go somewhere; it's sad when things are over and that sadness always casts a shadow in the light of new life (or, in the case of Fall, death). Dry your eyes though - up next is the Halloween stuff and we're all sure to have a scary good time!

And now this thing. Can't believe no one touched our famous Tic Tac Pie! Salutes to Sara for swooping in fast and crossing a bunch off the list and also to Jacob for filling in some gaps. This set free of any themes, just the same old weird closeups and indistinct locations. You may fire when ready. 

EASY

FAIR

DIFFICULT

GROOVE APPROVED